Yannah
21st Nov '07 Wed, 15:33
The green-eyed monster attacks all of us at some point, often when we least expect it. Sometimes it's a momentary thing that goes as fast it came, but when jealousy gets intense and irrational it can destroy relationships. Whatever form it takes - and there are many - there's no hiding from it: our boyfriend, sister, or whoever it is we're jealous are guaranteed to be effected by the change in our behaviour, and vice versa. Worst of all, it is one of the most damaging and destructive of emotions.
Think about it; when your boyfriend talks about his ex or other girls he's slept with, the last thing you want to do is kiss and cuddle him - you're more likely to want to hit him! Later you might start worrying whether he wants to get back with her, and suddenly your relationship doesn't seem to strong. But no matter how (deliberately or otherwise) he provokes you, the first step to dealing with your jealousy is to see it for what it is - your problem.
See jealousy for what it is
Beneath jealousy often lies insecurity. Insecurity about your looks, about being dumped, about not being good enough. Rather than focus on those wobbly feelings, it's easier to attack your man, getting angry at him for making you feel bad. But blaming him for your feelings isn't fair. Talk to him about how you feel, and what he can do to help you feel more secure. If he's the one with the jealousy problem, get him to tell you how he's feeling. Reassure him that he can trust you; help build his confidence. Once the insecurity goes, so does the jealousy.
Admit it
Part of acknowledging the problem is yours is actually admitting it. 'People who cannot admit they are jealous are the ones who suffer its damaging effects the most. 'I am jealous' is an entirely different statement to 'You make me jealous'. Your jealousy is always within you; that's the only place you can heal it,'
Take a step back
Most types of jealousy are not based on any real bad behaviour by the partner. Take a good look at the things your man does that trigger your jealousy, and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What genuine reasons do you have that your relationship is in danger? And could your behaviour just maybe be causing things to be bad between you? If you can answer those honestly, you're half way to dealing with your jealousy.
But old green-eyes isn't all bad. When it happens only occasionally, it's simply a sign of love. Not to mention a trigger for some extra-passionate sex. Grrrr!
Think about it; when your boyfriend talks about his ex or other girls he's slept with, the last thing you want to do is kiss and cuddle him - you're more likely to want to hit him! Later you might start worrying whether he wants to get back with her, and suddenly your relationship doesn't seem to strong. But no matter how (deliberately or otherwise) he provokes you, the first step to dealing with your jealousy is to see it for what it is - your problem.
See jealousy for what it is
Beneath jealousy often lies insecurity. Insecurity about your looks, about being dumped, about not being good enough. Rather than focus on those wobbly feelings, it's easier to attack your man, getting angry at him for making you feel bad. But blaming him for your feelings isn't fair. Talk to him about how you feel, and what he can do to help you feel more secure. If he's the one with the jealousy problem, get him to tell you how he's feeling. Reassure him that he can trust you; help build his confidence. Once the insecurity goes, so does the jealousy.
Admit it
Part of acknowledging the problem is yours is actually admitting it. 'People who cannot admit they are jealous are the ones who suffer its damaging effects the most. 'I am jealous' is an entirely different statement to 'You make me jealous'. Your jealousy is always within you; that's the only place you can heal it,'
Take a step back
Most types of jealousy are not based on any real bad behaviour by the partner. Take a good look at the things your man does that trigger your jealousy, and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What genuine reasons do you have that your relationship is in danger? And could your behaviour just maybe be causing things to be bad between you? If you can answer those honestly, you're half way to dealing with your jealousy.
But old green-eyes isn't all bad. When it happens only occasionally, it's simply a sign of love. Not to mention a trigger for some extra-passionate sex. Grrrr!