laughing trip!!!

Top 10 All-Time Stupid Quotes

10. "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."
KENNETH OLSEN, PRESIDENT AND FOUNDER OF DIGITAL
EQUIPMENT CORPORATION

9. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
MARSHAL FERDINAND FOCH, FRENCH MILITARY STRATEGIST
AND FUTURE WORLD WAR 1 COMMANDER, IN 1911

8. "Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
DR LEE DE FOREST, INVENTOR OF THE AUDION TUBE AND FATHER OF RADIO, ON FEBRUARY 25, 1967

7. "Television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."
DARRYL F. ZANUCK, HEAD OF 20TH CENTURY-FOX IN 1946

6. "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
DECCA RECORDS REJECTING THE BEATLES IN 1962

5. "For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect."
DR. IAN G MACDONALD, LOS ANGELES SURGEON, AS QUOTED IN NEWSWEEK, NOVEMBER 18, 1969

4. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
WESTERN UNION INTERNAL MEMO, IN 1876

3. "The earth is the center of the universe."
PTOLEMY, THE GREAT EGYPTIAN ASTRONOMER, IN THE SECOND CENTURY

2. "Nothing of importance happened today."
WRITTEN BY KING GEORGE III OF ENGLAND ON JULY 4, 1776

1. "Everything that can be invented has been invented."
CHARLES H. DUELL, U.S. COMMISSIONER OF PATENTS, IN 1899

Parental Wisdom

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay:

"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC:

"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC:

"Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:

"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:

"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA:

"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:

"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:

"Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY:

"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION:

"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING:

"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:

"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE:

"Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak...tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an immediate family member (mom or dad) and 1 point if you know of someone who has the characteristic.

(NOTE: This quiz was taken from "The Philippine Review," August 1995 edition.)

MANNERISMS & PERSONALITY TRAITS:



You point with your lips.

You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!

Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.

You nod your head upwards to greet someone.

You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.

You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.

You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.

You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.

You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."

Your house has a distinctive aroma.

You smile for no reason.

You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.

You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.

You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.

You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.

You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.

You go bowling

You play pusoy & mah jong

You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.

You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.

You add an unwarranted "H" to your name (i.e., "Jhun," "Bhoy," or "Rhon.")

You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.

Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.

You like everything that's imported or "state-side."

You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.

You hang your clothes out to dry.

You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.

You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.

You always offer food to all your visitors. VOCABULARY:



You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."

You say "for take out" instead of "to go."

You "open" or "close" the lights.

You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."

You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of just a pen.

You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."

You say kodakan instead of "take a picture."

You order a "McDonald's" instead of a "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer).

You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"

You say "Hoy!" to get someone's attention.

You answer when someone yells "Hoy!"

You turn around when someone says "Psst!"

You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."

You say "for a while" instead of "please hold" on the telephone.

You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.

You say "aray!" instead of "ouch!"

Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."

You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "DOM" for dirty old man and "TNT" for, well, you know.

You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.

You pronounce the following words:"hippopo-TA-mus," "com-FOR-table," "bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."

You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."

You say "Uy!" instead of "Oops." HOME FURNISHINGS:



You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.

You have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in your living room wall.

You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room wall.

You own a karaoke system.

You own a piano no one ever plays.

You have a tabo in the bathroom.

Your house is cluttered with burloloys.

You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.

Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.

You have a rose garden.

You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.

You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.

You own a "Barrel Man" (shwing!)

You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.

You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.

Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.

You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.

You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."

You have a rice dispenser.

You own a turbo broiler.

You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.

You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.

You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.

You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.

You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats. AUTOMOBILES:



You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."

You own a huge van conversion.

Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's in reverse.

Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.

Your car has curb feelers on it.

You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.

You have those air fresheners in a bottle. FAMILY:




You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."


You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.


Your dad was in the navy.


Your mom or sister is a nurse.


You get smelling kisses from your grandma.


Your parents call each other "mommy" and "daddy."


You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., "Deng-Deng," "Ling-Ling," "Jong-Jong" or "Bing-Bing.")


You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.


You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.


You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.


You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.


You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.


You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."


You dip bread in your morning coffee.


You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto."


Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.


"Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.


You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.


You bring baon to work every day.


Your baon is usually something over rice.


Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.


You eat rice for breakfast.


You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.


You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.


You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.


You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.


Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale "toyo circles" on them.


You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.


You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.


You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.


You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.


You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with chocolate. 249-345 points: Welcome to America! Judging from your high score, you are an obvious transplant from the Philippines. There is no doubt what your ethnic identity is! You're Filipino, through & through.

173-258 points: Congratulations, you've retained most of the Filipino traits and tendencies your family has instilled in you.

170 and under: You have OFT (Obvious Filipino Tendencies). Go with the flow to reach full Filipino potential. Prepare for assimilation; resistance is futile.

hahahahaha!!! laughtrip nGa toL!!!hahaha!! aus un ah!! hahaha!! :rofl: :rofl:

yep, iba talaga ang pinoy.orig!:rofl:

anG poRma tLga nG noypi!., angat ang pinoy!

Filipino in Heaven

A Filipino man died and went to heaven. Before he could enter the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter had to ask him three questions.

The first one Saint Peter asked was, "How many days are there in a week?"

The Filipino man answered, "Three. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow."

The second question Peter asked was, "Can you use yellow, pink and green in one sentence?"

The man answered, "Of course... The phone greens, I pink it up and say Yellow!!"

The last question Peter asked the Filipino man what GOD's name was.

He replied, "Howard... as in 'our father howard be thy name...'"

Filipino in Heaven

A Filipino man died and went to heaven. Before he could enter the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter had to ask him three questions.

The first one Saint Peter asked was, "How many days are there in a week?"

The Filipino man answered, "Three. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow."

The second question Peter asked was, "Can you use yellow, pink and green in one sentence?"

The man answered, "Of course... The phone greens, I pink it up and say Yellow!!"

The last question Peter asked the Filipino man what GOD's name was.

He replied, "Howard... as in 'our father howard be thy name...'"

wahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: c HOWARD!!!!! ahahahahahahahaha!!!!! LintEk nA poSt 2 toL!!!!!! hahahhahahaha yellow??!!! wahahahaha!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :lol:

wahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: c HOWARD!!!!! ahahahahahahahaha!!!!! LintEk nA poSt 2 toL!!!!!! hahahhahahaha yellow??!!! wahahahaha!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :lol:

natawa nga rin ako dito eh, puro spoofs! :lol:

natawa nga rin ako dito eh, puro spoofs! :lol:


anG kuLet!haha!!., c howard pla un!., hehehe :lol:

Annoying Things in the Philippines

1. It’s annoying when there’s a Mexican tela novela on every channel and all of them are named Maria.
2. It’s annoying when the sales clerk staples your bag 20 times.

3. It’s annoying when you buy tapes and cd’s; everything is mixed up.

4. It’s annoying when girls dress like guys; jeans and a polo shirt.

5. It’s annoying when balikbayans (Filipinos from abroad) show off.

6. It’s annoying when there’s a tagolog version of a popular English song.

7. It’s annoying when all action stars wear leather jackets.

8. It’s annoying when there are too many sales ladies in a store. 1 sales lady for every fixture.

9. It’s annoying when the biggest shoe size for men is 10.

10. It’s annoying when you buy something for P50.25 and the sales lady asks if you have 25 cents.

11. It’s annoying when Polo wearing conios at raves acting cool with their glow sticks.

12. It’s annoying when TV stations don’t put parental guidance on the news when the show dead bodies.

13. It’s annoying when a taxi driver has a rosary on the rear view mirror, then tries to rip you off.

14. It’s annoying when people are always late.

15. It’s annoying when white guys are loud, obnoxious and show off their ugly prostitutes in the bars and clubs.

16. It’s annoying when newscasters try to copy Noli De Castro.

17. It’s annoying when an XL shirt fits like a L.

18. It’s annoying when you buy something for P100.05 and the clerk doesn't give you your 5 cents becuase they don't have 5 cents.

19. It’s annoying when people think that the states is like Beverly Hills 90210.

20. It’s annoying when your mail gets lost stolen fucked up.

21. It’s annoying when there’s no water.

22. It’s annoying when when you do get water, there’s rust in it.

23. It’s annoying when you spend 1 hour in traffic, then your teacher doesn’t show up to class.

24. It’s annoying when there are too many different sized coins. (Then the government makes them invalid)

25. It’s annoying when sales ladies follow you around the store.

26. It’s annoying when you need a sales lady; she’s busy making chismis (gossip) with her co-workers.

27. It’s annoying when dirty old men try to pick up on young ladies.

28. It’s annoying when people think that there are no problems in the states.

29. It’s annoying when you watch a movie and there are loud student jologs sitting behind you.

30. It’s annoying when people pick their nose in public.

31. It’s annoying when men lift up their shirts to scratch expose their big belly.

32. It’s annoying when there’s a clerk at the counter to stamps your receipt and checks it with a pen.

33. It’s annoying when everybody smokes.

34. It’s annoying when tricycles drive in the middle of the street.

35. It’s annoying when pedicabs bike in the middle of the street.

36. It’s annoying when people walk in the middle of the street.

37. It’s annoying when the sales lady gives you back P100 in P10 bills.

38. It’s annoying when it takes forever to fix the road.

39. It’s annoying when people worship everything white.

40. It’s annoying when no matter how beautiful or handsome a black person is; they say they are ugly.

41. It’s annoying when your maid thinks there are dinosaurs in the US because she saw Jurassic Park.

42. It’s annoying when a there is a big traffic jam and a policeman is taking another smoking break or chillin in the shade.

43. It’s annoying when there are pot holes in the street.

44. It’s annoying when garbage cans are too small.

45. It’s annoying when the garbage is in the street.

46. It’s annoying when you see a young beautiful girl with a rich, married, dirty, fat and ugly old man with gold chains around his neck.

47. It’s annoying when the Cardinal Sin sticks his nose into politics.

48. It’s annoying when your people talk slow and sing their words to you. Heeeelllloooo........yeeeeessssss...........hiiiii iiiiii

49. It’s annoying when the bus ticket guy asks you how many tickets you want when it's obvious that your alone.

50. It’s annoying when you own land in a prime spot and 300 squatter families live on it.
__________________________________________________ ____

Annoying Things in China

1. it's annoying when people speak to you in chinese because they think you're chinese. and when you try to explain that you're not, they'll yell all the more.

2. it's annoying when tv news get's cut off because the states think its bad new

3. it's annoying when people don't know how to follow traffic rules (it's worse here than in the philippines!)

4. it's annoying when people yell when they talk to each other

5. it's annoying when people just spit wherever they like to spit at

6. it's annoying when people just throw things wherever they want to throw it

7. it's annoying when sellers increase the price just because you're a foreigner

8.it's annoying when employers don't give you a chance at a job interview just because you are not white

9. it's annoying when all they think is how bad the other countries have been to them

10.it's annoying when they mixed all the food together in one plate (rice, vegetables,meat,etc!)

11.it's annoying when they serve the rice last

12.it's annoying when salegirls won't leave you alone

13.it's annoying when salegirls announce to the entire world that you are a foreigner

14.it's annoying when people always ask you if you have been to the great wall!!!

15. it's annoying when all apartment hallways everywhere are dirty and looks like a building hallway of the mob

16.it's annoying when their S fits like an L

17. it's annoying when you buy a VCD only to find Leonardo speaks chinese, or a DVD wherein tom cruise speaks russian!!!!

18. it's annoying when the shirts and blouses they have have sequins and/or laces and/or studs in flashy colors like luminous pink/orange/yellow/purple

19.it's annoying when you pay a high price for a fake product!

20. it's annoying when people always ask you for your english and chinese name
__________________________________________________ _

san ngayon mas maganda? :rofl:

Annoying Things in the Philippines

1. It’s annoying when there’s a Mexican tela novela on every channel and all of them are named Maria.
2. It’s annoying when the sales clerk staples your bag 20 times.

3. It’s annoying when you buy tapes and cd’s; everything is mixed up.

4. It’s annoying when girls dress like guys; jeans and a polo shirt.

5. It’s annoying when balikbayans (Filipinos from abroad) show off.

6. It’s annoying when there’s a tagolog version of a popular English song.

7. It’s annoying when all action stars wear leather jackets.

8. It’s annoying when there are too many sales ladies in a store. 1 sales lady for every fixture.

9. It’s annoying when the biggest shoe size for men is 10.

10. It’s annoying when you buy something for P50.25 and the sales lady asks if you have 25 cents.

11. It’s annoying when Polo wearing conios at raves acting cool with their glow sticks.

12. It’s annoying when TV stations don’t put parental guidance on the news when the show dead bodies.

13. It’s annoying when a taxi driver has a rosary on the rear view mirror, then tries to rip you off.

14. It’s annoying when people are always late.

15. It’s annoying when white guys are loud, obnoxious and show off their ugly prostitutes in the bars and clubs.

16. It’s annoying when newscasters try to copy Noli De Castro.

17. It’s annoying when an XL shirt fits like a L.

18. It’s annoying when you buy something for P100.05 and the clerk doesn't give you your 5 cents becuase they don't have 5 cents.

19. It’s annoying when people think that the states is like Beverly Hills 90210.

20. It’s annoying when your mail gets lost stolen fucked up.

21. It’s annoying when there’s no water.

22. It’s annoying when when you do get water, there’s rust in it.

23. It’s annoying when you spend 1 hour in traffic, then your teacher doesn’t show up to class.

24. It’s annoying when there are too many different sized coins. (Then the government makes them invalid)

25. It’s annoying when sales ladies follow you around the store.

26. It’s annoying when you need a sales lady; she’s busy making chismis (gossip) with her co-workers.

27. It’s annoying when dirty old men try to pick up on young ladies.

28. It’s annoying when people think that there are no problems in the states.

29. It’s annoying when you watch a movie and there are loud student jologs sitting behind you.

30. It’s annoying when people pick their nose in public.

31. It’s annoying when men lift up their shirts to scratch expose their big belly.

32. It’s annoying when there’s a clerk at the counter to stamps your receipt and checks it with a pen.

33. It’s annoying when everybody smokes.

34. It’s annoying when tricycles drive in the middle of the street.

35. It’s annoying when pedicabs bike in the middle of the street.

36. It’s annoying when people walk in the middle of the street.

37. It’s annoying when the sales lady gives you back P100 in P10 bills.

38. It’s annoying when it takes forever to fix the road.

39. It’s annoying when people worship everything white.

40. It’s annoying when no matter how beautiful or handsome a black person is; they say they are ugly.

41. It’s annoying when your maid thinks there are dinosaurs in the US because she saw Jurassic Park.

42. It’s annoying when a there is a big traffic jam and a policeman is taking another smoking break or chillin in the shade.

43. It’s annoying when there are pot holes in the street.

44. It’s annoying when garbage cans are too small.

45. It’s annoying when the garbage is in the street.

46. It’s annoying when you see a young beautiful girl with a rich, married, dirty, fat and ugly old man with gold chains around his neck.

47. It’s annoying when the Cardinal Sin sticks his nose into politics.

48. It’s annoying when your people talk slow and sing their words to you. Heeeelllloooo........yeeeeessssss...........hiiiii iiiiii

49. It’s annoying when the bus ticket guy asks you how many tickets you want when it's obvious that your alone.

50. It’s annoying when you own land in a prime spot and 300 squatter families live on it.
__________________________________________________ ____

Annoying Things in China

1. it's annoying when people speak to you in chinese because they think you're chinese. and when you try to explain that you're not, they'll yell all the more.

2. it's annoying when tv news get's cut off because the states think its bad new

3. it's annoying when people don't know how to follow traffic rules (it's worse here than in the philippines!)

4. it's annoying when people yell when they talk to each other

5. it's annoying when people just spit wherever they like to spit at

6. it's annoying when people just throw things wherever they want to throw it

7. it's annoying when sellers increase the price just because you're a foreigner

8.it's annoying when employers don't give you a chance at a job interview just because you are not white

9. it's annoying when all they think is how bad the other countries have been to them

10.it's annoying when they mixed all the food together in one plate (rice, vegetables,meat,etc!)

11.it's annoying when they serve the rice last

12.it's annoying when salegirls won't leave you alone

13.it's annoying when salegirls announce to the entire world that you are a foreigner

14.it's annoying when people always ask you if you have been to the great wall!!!

15. it's annoying when all apartment hallways everywhere are dirty and looks like a building hallway of the mob

16.it's annoying when their S fits like an L

17. it's annoying when you buy a VCD only to find Leonardo speaks chinese, or a DVD wherein tom cruise speaks russian!!!!

18. it's annoying when the shirts and blouses they have have sequins and/or laces and/or studs in flashy colors like luminous pink/orange/yellow/purple

19.it's annoying when you pay a high price for a fake product!

20. it's annoying when people always ask you for your english and chinese name
__________________________________________________ _

san ngayon mas maganda? :rofl:






hahaha!! skit na ng tyan ko pare!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:thumbsup:iba talaga ang pinoy...:D:lolcard:

daMe NUn AHh.... Nice 1`

up natin to wala bang bago? hehe

More more !!!!:thumbsup: