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t700_825
14th Feb 2011, 12:15
Jokes Collectibles: SMS Jokes, Funny Stories, Internet Jokes, Funny Pictures, Funny Pickup Lines and More

Updated, You can also post your jokes and other Funny Things..haha:lol:

You can see links before reply




UPDATES:
(In Descending Page Order)

PAGE 72
Post # 714 (By: agaxent), Post # 716 (By:

PAGE 71
Post # 703 (By:leftoutkid), Post # 704 (By: vlad_mage), Post # 705 (By: peterpedro08), Post # 706 (By:vlad_mage)

PAGE 70
Post # 691, Post # 692 (By:cfmuser), Post # 693, Post # 694 (By:tuligatory), Post # 695, Post # 698 (By:alcheon), Post # 699 (By:leftoutkid)

PAGE 69
Post # 681(By: Mcjoe), Post # 683, Post # 686 (By:cfmuser), Post # 687 (By:bob_uy), Post # 690 (By:leftoutkid)

PAGE 68
Post # 673 (By:carloking0), Post # 676, Post # 678 (By:sol30), Post # 679 (By:sol30)

PAGE 67
Post # 662 (By:bob_uy), Post # 663, Post # 665, Post # 670

PAGE 66
Post # 652 (By: cfmuser), Post # 655, Post # 656 (By: cfmuser), Post # 657, Post # 658 (By: cfmuser), Post # 660

PAGE 65
Post # 641 (By: chAYrIc), Post # 644, Post # 646 (By: casanova0202), Post # 647, Post # 649 (By: bob_uy), Post # 650

PAGE 64
Post # 632, Post # 633 (By: michaelborton), Post # 634, Post # 636 (By: michaelborton), Post # 638

PAGE 63
Post # 621, Post # 625, Post # 626, Post # 627

PAGE 62
Post # 611, Post # 617

PAGE 61
Post # 603, Post # 605, Post # 606 (By: vlad_mage)

PAGE 60
Post # 595, Post # 596

PAGE 59
Post # 587

PAGE 58
Post # 571 (By: cfmuser), Post # 575, Post # 577, Post # 579 (By: breaker004)

PAGE 57
Post # 563, Post # 565 (By: Pipingskie), Post # 570

PAGE 56
Post # 551 (By: breaker004), Post # 553 (By: Pipingskie)

PAGE 55
Post # 543, Post # 546 (By: jag siyan), Post # 546 (By: cooldric)

PAGE 54
Post # 531, Post # 534

PAGE 53
Post # 522 (By: cooldric), Post # 523 (By: cfmuser), Post # 524, Post # 527 (By: Miss.Anonymous), Post # 528 (By: Miss.Anonymous), Post # 529 (By: Miss.Anonymous), Post # 530 (By: Miss.Anonymous)

PAGE 52
Post # 515 (By: cfmuser), Post # 516, Post # 518 (By: killua24),

PAGE 51
Post # 502 (By: cfmuser), Post # 503, Post # 504, Post # 505 (By: cfmuser), Post # 508 (By: cfmuser), Post # 510 (By: cfmuser)

PAGE 50
Post # 491, Post # 493 (By: rhayanux84), Post # 494 (By: rhayanux84), Post # 495 (By: rhayanux84), Post # 498 (By: cfmuser)

PAGE 49
Post # 483 (By: SakataGintoki), Post # 484, Post # 486

PAGE 48
Post # 474 (By: joopss), Post # 475 (By: alkode16), Post # 476,
Post # 477 (By: Jayarceus29), Post # 478 (By: DoraTHEexplorer),
Post # 480 (By: bob_uy)

PAGE 47
Post # 462, Post # 464 (By: SakataGintoki), Post # 466 (By: bob_uy)

PAGE 46
Post # 452, Post # 453, Post # 455 (By: DeathStar88),
Post # 458 (By: Pipingskie),


PAGE 45
Post # 443 (By:joopss), Post # 444, Post # 447, Post # 449,
Post # 450

PAGE 44
Post # 433, Post # 434 (By: alcheon), Post # 437, Post # 438 (By: junrey1024),
Post # 440 (By: klef143)

PAGE 43
Post # 421, Post # 422 (By: redbloodcell14), Post # 423
Post # 425 (By: alcheon), Post # 428, Post # 429 (By: alcheon)

PAGE 42
Post # 416, Post # 419,

PAGE 41
Post # 403, Post # 405, Post # 410

PAGE 40
Post # 393, Post # 395

PAGE 39
Post # 382, Post # 388 (By: enzoy90)

PAGE 38
Post # 372, Post # 373, Post # 375, Post # 377 (By: ejmarquez_03),
Post # 378 (By: ejmarquez_03), Post # 380

PAGE 37
Post # 362, Post # 363, Post # 366, Post # 367, Post # 368

PAGE 36
Post # 352: Special Edition: Joke Bomb!!!, Post #360 (By: cooldric)

PAGE 35
Post # 341 (By: cooldric), Post # 342 (By: cooldric), Post # 343 (By: cooldric), Post # 344 (By: cooldric),
Post # 345, Post # 346 (By: cooldric), Post # 349

PAGE 34
Post # 331(By: cooldric), Post # 332(By: cooldric), Post # 333(By: ejmarquez_03), Post # 336
Post # 338 (By: cooldric), Post # 339 (By: cooldric), Post # 340

PAGE 33
Post # 322, Post # 323, Post # 326 (By: cooldric), Post # 327(By: cooldric),
Post # 328(By: cooldric), Post # 329(By: cooldric), Post # 330(By: cooldric)

PAGE 32
Post # 311 (By: ejmarquez_03), Post # 313 (By: ejmarquez_03),
Post # 315 (By: maidencruz ), Post # 317, Post # 320 (By: ejmarquez_03)

PAGE 31
Post # 302, Post # 304, Post # 309 (By: ejmarquez_03)

PAGE 30
Post # 291, Post # 295 (By: jaye11), Post # 298, Post # 299, Post # 300

PAGE 29
Post # 281 (By: DeathStar88), Post # 282, Post # 283,
Post # 284 (By: emmanuauel03), Post # 287

PAGE 28
Post # 271, Post # 273, Post # 274 (By: breaker004),
Post # 275 (By: niel16), Post # 276, Post # 278, Post # 279, Post # 280

PAGE 27
Post # 261, Post # 265, Post # 266

PAGE 26
Post # 251, Post # 253 (By: niel16), Post # 254, Post # 255,
Post # 257( By: zonvic05), Post # 260

PAGE 25
Post # 243, Post # 244, Post # 249

PAGE 24
Post # 234, Post # 235 (By: hiddenz), Post # 238(By: hiddenz), Post # 239

PAGE 23
Post # 221, Post # 224, Post # 226, Post # 228, Post # 230

PAGE 22
Post # 212, Post # 215, Post # 217, Post # 218, Post # 219

PAGE 21
Post # 201, Post # 203, Post # 204, Post # 206,
Post # 210 (By: bluedragon2790)

PAGE 20
Post # 191, Post # 194, Post # 199, Post # 200

PAGE 19
Post # 181, Post # 183, Post # 184 (By: bluedragon2790), Post # 188,
Post # 189, Post # 190

PAGE 18
Post # 171 (By: jm_20), Post # 172, Post # 173, Post # 175,
Post # 176 (By: dexter097), Post # 178, Post # 179

PAGE 17
Post # 165, Post # 167, Post # 168, Post # 170 (By: jm_20)

PAGE 16
Post # 151, Post # 153, Post # 154, Post # 156,
Post # 157, Post # 158

PAGE 15
Post # 142, Post # 143 (By: maurice27), Post # 147, Post #148, Post # 149, Post # 150 (By: magwayen02)

PAGE 14
Post # 131, Post #135, Post # 136, Post # 137, Post # 138

PAGE 13
Post #123, Post #124, Post #127 (By: bluedragon2790), Post # 128

PAGE 12:
Post #114, Post #115, Post #117, Post # 118

PAGE 11:
Post #101 (By: bluedragon2790), Post #106 (By: wagaca85), Post #107

PAGE 10
Post #91 (By: wagaca85), Post #92 (By: wagaca85), Post #97 (By: enzoy90), Post #98 (By: bluedragon2790), Post #100 (By: bluedragon2790)

PAGE 9:
Post #82, Post #84(By: theahaiku), Post # 86

PAGE 8:
Post # 75, Post # 80 (By: maurice27)

PAGE 7:
Post #62, Post #68

PAGE 6:
Post #53, Post #54, Post #59

PAGE 5:
Post #44

PAGE 4:
Post #31, Post #32, Post #35(By: maurice27), Post #37, Post #38, Post #39

PAGE 3:
Post #23, Post #28

PAGE 2:
Post #13, Post #16, Post #17, Post #20

PAGE 1:
Post #7, Post #9


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Joke #1
Lolo: Apo, magtago ka na, anjan na titser mo, alam niyang umabsent ka ngayon di ba?

Apo: Lo, magtago ka na rin kasi dinahilan kong patay ka na kaya ako umabsent

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Joke #2
GRADUATION SPEECH NI INDAY:

A fleasance afternoon to all, to me, to you, we, they and everyone.

Tonight, I am graduation, and i am froud of me.

I invitation you all to eat our house because i know someday that I will eat your house too.

I will die 10 chickens, 7 girls and 3 boys t eat you all and I will ask my father to cook my mother.

I'm suring you will come because i'm graduation. thank you

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Joke #3
Kung ang mga COUPLES

ay magcecelebrate ng VALENTINES this month,

and mga SINGLES

ay iaadvance ang INDEPENDENCE DAY,

Kalayaan!

Kalayaan!

Kalayaan!

Kalayaan!...

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Joke # 4
MAGHIHIGANTI

Anak: tay, andamot ng classmate ko

Tatay: bakit naman anak??

Anak: di kasi niya ako ininvite sa burol ng tatay niya eh. di ako nakakain ng tinapay.
Di ko din siya iiinvite sa burol mo tay ha? sana malapit na para makaganti ako!




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

gmendoza_0101
14th Feb 2011, 16:00
hehe natawa ako dun ah sna marami pa salamat

lynz888
14th Feb 2011, 17:36
hahaha nakakatawa... wala na bang iba jan.. Tnx anyway..

magwayen02
14th Feb 2011, 18:42
hahaha! M0re!

hypersomnia24
15th Feb 2011, 00:03
hahaha tenbits nmn to.. MORE MORE MORE..

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 06:25
Hehe.,salamat din,.yup.,i'll update this as soon as may bago, post ko na lang dito.,hehe

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 06:32
Joke # 5
Tatay: Anak, pag namatay ako, wag mong ibenta yung isang daang ektarya sa likod natin ha..

Anak: Eh tay, hindi naman satin yung lupa dun sa likod ha??

Tatay: Kaya nga sabi kong huwag mong ibenta eh!!.,tsk.,tsk,.

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Joke # 6
(Pakisagot naman please)

Sa isang kahon

may 10 baka

Sa ilalim ng baka,

may 5 manok.

Ang 5 manok

kumain ng 10 bigas

na may 214 na langgam

pero naapakan ng baka ang

ang 3 sa 5 manok

at lumabas ang 4512 na bulate.

Now, eto ang tanong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Gawa mo?.,hehe,.,.,

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Joke # 7

Question: What is similar to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel ?

Answer: They have only one man, it is Prince Charming

-kita mo kahit sa fairy tale, may babaero..haha

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Joke # 8
i know ol kinds of chocolates are sweet..

but nothing can compare 2 d sweetness of my..


L I P S

:)

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Joke # 9
GOODBYE is the most painful
word to hear
but for me....
it's the best word ever
LIKE THIS:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"GOODBYE class! you're dismissed"


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Joke # 10
TEACHER: imagine u r a millionaire
write your life history
(1 boy didn't write)

TEACHER: why r u not writing?

BOY: i'm waiting for my secretary!

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Joke # 11
Girl is the SubjEct,

Boy is the PredicatE,

When the Predicate
t0uches the SubjEct...

Baby is the Direct Object!

hahahaha


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Joke # 12
WEDDING STATUS: A newly married man saved his wife's # on his cellphone as 'MY LIFE.'

after 1yr of marriage he changed d name in the cellphone as to MY WIFE

after 2yrs, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HOME

after 5yrs of marriage, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HITLER

after 10yrs of marriage,he changed d name in the cellphone as to "WRONG NUMBER!":D

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Joke # 13
two students wer caught naked having sex in a classrum

JANITOR: aha! violating school rules!

BOY: wat rule??

JANITOR: (thinking) NOT WEARING UNFORM!!! HAHAHA

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Joke # 14
THEY SAY:
not all single
are available

HOW ABOUT:
not all taken
are inlove...

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Joke # 15
a very touching story

the boy touches d girl's
hand,


and the girl touches
the boy's hand....


what a
touching story - bwahahaha!!!

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Joke # 16
A fat lady asked her bf what she looked like..

d boy replied:
"you look like a GOD."

d fat lady smiled..

Giggled and blushed then asked"
sinung GOD? Aphrodite? Venus? who?

d boy looked deeply in her eyes..
touched her belly and said..


"buddah"..

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Joke #17
The best quote for students out there:



"I'd rather open my Facebook. Than to FACE my BOOK>"

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Joke # 18
If climbing the highest mountain on
earth is the only way for him to be mine..

then....





...i'd rather go shopping!

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Joke # 19
"If you don't want to see me smoking..

Then you should better find a ways to make my lips busy!"

hehe..


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Joke # 20
I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth


Den i realized shud i kill myslf?

Wat a big sin to do ds thing!

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Joke # 21
wat s similarity between panty & sky?

sky covers d whole population..

& Panty Covers d source of population!

haha..

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Joke # 22
a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman's mouth.

Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.

Lady says: Tel ur manager der's no toilet paper!

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Joke # 23
wat is "shock?"

shock is wen a guy is having sex 2 his
pregnant wife wen suddenly, little hands grab
his penis and said.."daddy! huyi ka!"

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Joke # 24
love can remove fears

love can remove doubts

love can remove worries


and love can remove underwears too.

so be careful..=)

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Joke # 25
DIFFICULT REALITY:

"Waiting 4 d right 1 is never that EASY...

specially when d wrong 1 is so..
YUMMY!.."

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Joke # 26
Kung dating nakilala si

President Arroyo ng GMA

that stands for:

G-Gloria
M-Macapagal
A-Arroyo

Ngayon, makikilala

si President Aquino

ng ABS-CBN

that stands for:

A-Aquino
B-Benigno
S-Simeon

C-Cojuanco
B-Better known as
N-Noynoy

-wow.,tumpak.,hehe,.destiny talaga,.

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Joke # 27
Sa Isang pagkakataon, nasiyahan ang Warden dahil sa mgandang ipinakita ng mga Preso sa kulungan.

Sabi ng Warden: Dahil walang gulo sa araw na ito dito sa loob ng pihitan, lahat kayo magkakaroon ng “BAGONG BRIEF”.

Reaksyon ng mga Preso: Yeeehay!! ang bait ninyo naman Warden. Salamat.

Wika ni Warden: Okay! kayong nasa Selda Uno at Selda Dos, EXCHANGE BRIEFS.

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Joke # 28
Isang araw, naglalakad ang dalawang mag Bestfriend sa isang masukal na gubat na biglang tumambad sa kanilang harapan ang isang mabangis na Oso. Napatakbo ang isa at dali-daling umakyat sa Puno upang hindi siya masakmal ng Oso, pero ang isa namay nagpaiwan at dahan-dahang dumapa at nagpanggap na patay. Lumapit ang Oso at inamoy nia ang Ulo ng nakadapa at unti-unti ring umalis. Nang nakalayo na ang Oso, bumaba mula sa Puno ang isa at tinanong niya ang kanyang Best friend. Ano ang sinabi sayo ng Oso?, sumagot ang kanyang best friend na nagpaiwan, ang sabi ng Oso sa akin “wag daw ako magtiwala sa kaibigang nang iiwan”.

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Joke # 29
Mahirap lunukin
ang Pride

Lalo na pag ito'y...







...BARETA.

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Joke # 30
Mr. and Misis
Misis: Hoy, Tumigil ka na sa pag inom ng Beer, masyado kang magastos.

Mister: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos!

Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para sa iyo.

Mister: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!





PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

DeathStar88
15th Feb 2011, 08:00
haha,kakatawa

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 12:12
Joke # 31
GURO: jUaN, kUnG aKo’Y mAy 5 aNaK sA uNaNg aSaWa aT 7 nAmAn sA pAnGaLaWa aT 3 sA pAnGaTLo, mEr0n ac0hNg ? . . .
JUAN: KALANDIAN p0h . . .iSa kAnG kErEnGkEnG mA’aM, mALaNdi kA, hALiPaRoT, kALaDkAriN, mAkAti, mAhiLiG, pAriWaRa, p0kPoK, iMoRaL . . .
GURO: uMuPo kA, tAnG iNa mOh, di kA mAkAkApAsA gAg0!

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Joke # 32
LUCKY ME
Pamilya sa harap ng hapag kainan
kumakain ng LUCKY ME

Berto: Ma, Pa, buntis…
(nanay at tatay napahinto)
buntis po ako…di po ako
makakagraduate…
Ma, mahirap po bang mgbuntis?

Mama: oo anak, pro mas mahirap
maging isang ina sa isang
ambisyosang bakla!!!
imumo taka anang yahong
Bayota ka! kaon diha!

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Joke # 33
Rabbit or Snail


If you are an animal, what would u be? a Rabbit or a Snail???

Rabbit’s are d most sexually active animals & can have sex as many as 40 - 50 x in a day…!!!

Snail’s live 80 yrs & will have a sex only once in their lyftym but it’s orgasm lasts for 18 years…!!!

wud u go 4 quantity or quality?




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 12:14
haha,kakatawa

Salamat.,hehe,.,.

alcheon
15th Feb 2011, 14:04
nyahaha ayos :lol: thanks

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 20:18
nyahaha ayos :lol: thanks

Thanks po mam.,hehe,.,.

t700_825
15th Feb 2011, 20:53
Joke # 34
Pageant
Question and answer portion!

Host: Miss Bulgaria!

Miss Bulgaria: Yes?

Host: How old are you?

Miss Bulgaria: Im 20 years old.

Host: What would you be expecting after 5 years?

Miss Bulgaria: I`d be 25.

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Joke # 35
in MATH it is never a question of who, what, where, when, why and how.

it is always a question of….

“HAA??????(Laging di naintindihan ng mga estudyante.,hehe,.)

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Joke # 36
di lahat ng Lasinggero ay gustong tikman ang lasa ng alak.

ung iba jan.

gustong tikman ang Lasa ng kainuman.

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Joke # 37
What is love?
Ang “love” kahit mskit nka22wa .
“kis d2″ ykap doon” i luv u d2″
i miz u doon” pro kng mkita ng iba
iiwnanka mgwa ng “empirador d2″
redhorse doon” mtador d2″ san mig doon”

happy nuH? pra kang CRAZY nga
“iyak d2 “suka doon..

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Joke # 38
Evrytym u miss me just put ur ryt hand
infront of u heart close ur eyes
and feel da beat..

ready, BAYANG MAGILIW ,HANDA AWIT!!

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Joke # 39
"Wag paglaruan ang puso ng babae dhil nagiisa lng ito
ok lng pglaruan ang dibdib, dlwa nman."

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Joke # 40
what is mention?

MENTION is actually the house of mayeyemen..

you know?
like.. and ganda nman ng mention mo.
pwd mkitira?

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Joke # 41
Teacher: give me the opposite of this sentence….

“CHILDREN IN THE DARK MAKES MISTAKES”



Juan: "mistakes in the dark can make children”

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Joke # 42
25. 2mke it stand,
u wet it,
2mke it wet,
u suck it,
2mke 8 stiff,
u lick it,
2 get n,
u push..

damn! threadng a needle when u get older
is NO JOKE! lolz.

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Joke # 43
ANAK: nay, may 50 pesos po akoh..

NANAY: san galing yan anak?..

ANAK: kay father po..umakyat po kc akoh sa hagdan ng walang panty, pambili ku raw po..

(KINABUKASAN)

NANAY: yan na c father..(SABAY ALIS NG SALAWAL AT PANTY)

FATHER: bumaba ka nga dyan..e2 5 piso..

NANAY: bakit 5 lang?..

FATHER: pambili mu nang blade..

…ahahahha…

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Joke # 44
Libring tuli ni Mayor Binay

NANAY: Anak, masakit ba ang libreng tuli?

ANAK: di nman po. huhuhu!

NANAY: eh bkit umiiyak kpa?

ANAK: kasi po nilagyan pa nila ng tatoo ung
pototoyko! ang haba ng nkasulat..

“A project of Mayor Binay. Ganito kami sa Makati.
Sana ganito sa buong bansa!" …hahah..

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Joke # 45
ICe Cream

kung ikaw ay isang ice cream..

wag mong hayaang matunaw ka ng hndi ka
mn lng nadidilaan..lolZ..

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Joke # 46
kung my tanong sau na..

“anu gawa mo?”

ang pinakamagandang sagot dyan ay.

“wala, gusto mo may gawin tau..?”

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Joke # 47
Sabi ng baklang naka miniskirt:

“Di baleng makita ang legs,

huwag lng ang eggs!”

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Joke # 48


“the hardest type of boy to love..

is the one who never learns to control

his sweetness..

to another boy..”
bang! haha..

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Joke # 49
Dora da explorer!

hndi lahat ng batang nka bag,
nag-aaral..

ung iba naglalakwatsa lng

tulad ni ” DORA THE EXPLORER”

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Joke # 50

ang “stars” gnawa pra mkapagwish
ang “angels” gnwa pra taga bantay,
aq? eh bat aq gnawa??

la lang, trip lng nla mama ug papa
enjoy nmn daw..





PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

mathed1925
15th Feb 2011, 22:58
ayos ah!
salamat!:salute:

iwasborntofak
16th Feb 2011, 07:31
NC NC.......... :clap:

t700_825
16th Feb 2011, 12:39
Joke # 51


NOKIA

PNKMAHAL 7610

PNKACUTE 8210

PNKACUTE 8210

PNAKAUSO 3310

PNKAMURA 5110

PNAKAMATIBAY 3210

PNAKAMATIGAS O 10

PNKAMASARAP EU10

PNAKMSKIT MABI10!

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Joke # 52


Advisory:

Don’t use real/magic
sarap seasoning.

dahil ang tunay na sarap
skin mo lang malalasap.=]

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Joke # 53
i know ol kinds of chocolates are sweet..

but nothing can compare 2 d sweetness of my..


L I P S

:)

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Joke # 54
kLaSe ng mga MANGINGINOM

“POINT GUARD”
-mahL¡G mgpaSS ng tagay..
“THE TRANSPORTER”
-palipaT-lipat ng pwest0..¡Was tagay..
“THE MARTYR:
-nagpa2nggap na kaya pa kahit sengLoT na..
“KID SENTI”
-dami naaala2 pag nakainUm na..
“THE HoLLOWMAN”
-nagLa2h0ng parang buLa…
“KUNG FU”
-kungFumuLuTan malupet,tirador ng puLutan,ginagawang p¡Cn¡C..
“THE CHOSEN ONE”
-oficial runner sa tindihan, biLi y0sì,yelo @ alak..
“SPIDERMAN”
-gumagapang na sa daAn pag umuwi dahil sa kalasingan”
aha !sapul!

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Joke # 55
St0ryang Kurip0t

Student: Ale,magkan0 kanin?

Tindera:5php

ST:Ung tut0ng?

TN:Libre..

ST:Un nalang..ung ulam?

TN:20php..

ST:Sabaw?

TN:Libre.,

ST:SabAw nalang..,(pagkatap0s kumain)ST:Magkan0 p0 c0ke?

TN:(cgur0 bi2li n2)hmMm..8php..

ST:isa nga po..(sbay bun0t s bulsa)e2 oh..tansan free c0ke daw!nyahaha!

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Joke # 56
when someone throws u a stone
go & find hollow blocks 2 hit em
back!!!8s not ol d tym u have 2
endure the PAIN sumtyms
u have 2 let d person LEARN
a lesson d HARD way...

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Joke # 57
Girlfriend Wrong Send

Girl: Gago ka! Walang hiya!Mangl02k0!break n tau.!!
Boy: Ha?!bakit?! Anu kasalanan ko?!
Girl: Ai..S0ryy honEy,wr0ng send p0h! Luv u…
Boy:haiyzt.,kala ko nAMan kung an0 na.,luv u 2.

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Joke # 58
(Green..hehe)

Friendship is Like a penis

friendship is not like a breasts that get’s licked.

nor like a vagina that get’s fucked.

friendship is like a penis

that stands whenever needed!

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Joke # 59
do you know how your day will become beautiful?

it is wen you start your day..

thinking of me first...lolz!

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Joke # 60
why are condoms transparent?

So dat d sperms cud at least enjoy d scenery
of their supposedly promised land..

poor little creatures!

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Joke # 61
i tried my best w8 4 u.

i've shouted too loud, stil, u didn't even rspond
2 my call,
now u want me 2 go back?


-magtataho ngdadrama

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Joke # 62
anong twag sa boyfrnd n a

mbait,
guapo,
mpagmhal,
mlmbing,
d seloso,
my mgandang trbaho
mcpag, wlang bsyo, at wlang babae?

anwr: GUNI GUNI!..HEHE

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Joke # 63
MO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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Joke # 64
A machine invented 2 catch thieves was being tested.

In UK, it caught 50 thieves in 30 mins,

In spain, it caught 110 thieves in 30 mins.

In Philippines, within 15 mins, the machine was stolen!
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Joke # 65
"I'm ready to give the heat that your body wants
and i'll make sure that you could not sleep
once you've tasted ME.."


Kape Flirt na kape...hehehe



PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
16th Feb 2011, 21:13
Joke # 66
just wanna be an angel..

flying around u

riskin all dat i have just
to kiss u..

even if it cost my life..

-lamok

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Joke # 67
if u reli luv me, i dare u 2 hug me
so tyt 2 mek me realize dat 8s true.


-cactus..

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Joke # 68
evrytym i feel dat nobody understands me,

it helps a lil to think of u..

cause i know.. nobody

understand u either..

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Joke # 69
dis msg is strictly 4 cute
& charming person only.. since u
accidntaly recivd dis msg
i deeply apologise 4 da disturbance

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Joke # 70
BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

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Joke # 71
Bed is just a material thing..
until someone you meet gives it the best meaning..
hahaha.......

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Joke # 72
"there are two perfect guys out there..

the only problem is,

they're dating each other..toinx...hahah.....

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Joke # 73
8s tough
2 stay single..
wer everybody xpcts u 2b w/ sumbdy.
but staying single s nt about hving no.1
rathr, its an opportunity 2 taste every1..hahaha

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Joke # 74
"nothn beats a HOT climate lyk hving a COLD drnk
wd a frnd..

bt dn agen..

hving a HOT frnd during COLD climates aftr a few drnks

dsnt sound bad either" ehehe..

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Joke # 75
son kills buttrfly.
dad says "no butter for 2 wiks!"
son kills honeybee.
dad says "no honey for 2 wiks!"
mom kills cockroach.
son says "dad c'mon tel her!" haha

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Joke # 76
Girl askd bf:
"if my right leg is ur lunch & my left leg
is ur dinner,w/c would you prefer?"
bf: "I prefer eating between meals..=p"

gf:..ahhhh.....hungry!..hehe

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Joke # 77
Juan: Nurse pls bring me a hot waterbag, my toes are cold
Nurse: Ur asking d wrong nurse, I'm d head nurse.
Juan: ok...tell to d foot nursei need it now, thanks

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Joke # 78
A girl started 2look @ her pussy,
dn she cud no longer control herself
n started touchn it, @ 1 point she
wnt mad n rubbd it so hard, dt d
pussy sed, MEOW!!! nd ran away...

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Joke # 79
Sabi ng baboy sa mag lilitson:
"Just gonna stand there &
watch me burn, but that's
alright becoz i like the way
it hurts." i like d way 8 hurts

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Joke # 80
15 minutes late policy:

wla pa c mam!

ung bag lng nya ang nsa table,

aftr 15 minutes umalis na ang mga s2dents.

d nxt day ngalit c mam.

sbi,

"f my bag is here! it mins im present!"

knabukasan,
ngalit n nman c mam, guess wat?

puro bag ang nsa upuan ng mga students..

(Gets???.,hehe.,mins they are present p rin)

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Joke # 81
"Kung ayaw mong ma in-love ng todong todo...


huwag na huwag kang lilingon ng bonggang bongga
pag dadaan ko!."

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Joke # 82
"Pano tayo makakabuo kung hndi ako papatong
sayo"

-HALLOWBLOCKS-

"dilaan mo muna at lawayan para tumigas
at mas madaling ipasok"

-SINULID-

"bkt mo ako binibitin kung kelan kainitan at basang-basa ako"

-SINAMPAY-

"painitin mo ako..kailangan kong pumutok pra akoy matikman at ika'y
masarapan"

-POPCORN-

gudluck sa mga GREEN MINDED! HAHAHA

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Joke # 83
When i die...

i want to change the 'RIP' initials on my tombstone....


instead of, "REST IN PEACE"


"REDHORSE IPADALA PLEASE"


hehehehe




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

xtn_311
16th Feb 2011, 22:05
Nice compilation! Keep em coming!

DeathStar88
17th Feb 2011, 07:45
More p kuya,hehe

t700_825
17th Feb 2011, 19:16
Joke # 84


“matapos akong mbuo at ilabas sa mundong ito..

ikw lng pla ang sisira at bbasag s knabuksan ko.

-itlog
nag inarte

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Joke # 85
Sabi nila ang disneyland daw ang happiest place on earth...

sabi ko nman...

try mo sa kwarto ko baka mgbgo isip mo..


nyahahaha...

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Joke # 86
" Ang taong d marunong LUMINGON sa kanyang LIKURAN, sya ay maraming UTANG "
-UntoldStory-

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Joke # 87
BF:tel me d truth, how many men hav u slept with? GF:babe, i swear i only slept wid u.. Ung iba kz,hnd tlg ako pinapa2log! Hehe!:p

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Joke # 88
the BEST part of the morning
is knowing that someone is
waiting for you to wake up
--ikaw pa ra kanino ka
bumabangon?--
NESCAFE


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Joke # 89
One boy took a girl to a motel. The girl was
so hot she was wearing a transparent dress
through which everything was visible.
The girl laid on d bed and spread her legs
The boy went near. To be continued...
Share a load P5 for d nxt episode
Limited edition Per DTI-NCR Permit
No. 1621 series of 2010

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Joke # 90


girl: hayop ka! pgktpos mo psubo at pblow
skin, ipputok mo pa mukha ko?

boy: d q n mpgilan e.

girl: Cge.bili k ulit ng plastic balloon!

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Joke # 91


may tatlong tanga nag siksikan sa isang maliit na kama….

tanga1: pare masikip na

tanga2: ou nga dapat mag bawas tau ng isa

tanga3: oh cge! ako na ma22log sa baba.

{pagkababa ni tanga3 may sinabi si tanga 2}

tanga2: pare ayan! maluwag na! pwede ka na tumaas :)

tanga1: oo nga

tanga3: tanga ba kau? edi babalik sa dati mga bobo.

tanga2: walang bobo

tanga1: oo nga walang bobo tanga!

tanga3:hayss bahala kau

hahahahahaha:D

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Joke # 92
PAMATAY NA BIRA:

B: pwd ba umakyat ng ligaw?
G: sory wla kaming stairs
B: may I hold ur hand?
G: no thanks, d naman siya mabigat
B: sabihin mong mahal mo ko
G: mahal mo ko
B: mahal, I want 2 dance like ds 4ever
G: don’t u want 2 mprove?
B: I would go 2 d end of d world 4 u
G: really? But cud u stay der?
B: I love u and I would die 4 u
G: how soon?
B: kaw lang nag-iisang babae sa buhay ko
G: wla ka bang nanay?
B: do u have boyfriend?
G: wla..eh ayaw ng asawa ko eh..


-bang!! Hahaha

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Joke # 93
Boy: Anong masasabi mo sa mukha ko?

Girl: Naaalala ko yung kantang Billionaire.

Boy: bakit? Pangmayaman ba?

Girl: Hindi! So Frickin' Bad..

Hahaha

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Joke # 94
BABALA:
ang pag in0m nang GENEBRA SAN MIGUEL ay s0brang nakakasama nang itchura!! Kitang kita ang ebidinxa sa bag0ng m0del0 na si...

ALING DI0NISIA.. Haha

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Joke # 95
"If y0u d0n't take g0od care of urself, we will take g0od care of y0u"..

-a reminder fr0m St. Peter's Funeral H0mes-


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

jay007900
17th Feb 2011, 20:51
haha katawa share din ako minsan hehehehehe

t700_825
18th Feb 2011, 12:44
haha katawa share din ako minsan hehehehehe

Salamat.,.,.

t700_825
19th Feb 2011, 09:44
Joke # 96
Wag kang maniwala na ang 2012 ay end of the world

May ebidensiya ako..






..kanina nakabili ako ng sardinas, 2013 pa ang expiration date

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Joke # 97
Best kn0ck kn0ck..
Nanay: Kn0ck kn0ck kn0ck
Pedr0: wh0's der??
Nanay: nanay m0!
Pedr0: nanay m0 wh0?!
Nanay: nanay mo to, gago ka Pedro!, buksan mo tong pinto!

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Joke # 98
Aside form chewing.

Kissing is also proven to be a good exercise for the tongue

So, whenever you need to exercise your tongue, just call me up and ill give u…

A chewing gum…


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Joke # 99
ARSOBISPO: Padre, pinasok ka raw ng babaeng hubad sa kwarto mo? Anong ginawa mo?
PADRE: Tumakbo ako! E kung sa inyo po nangyari yung, Arsobispo, anong gagawin nyo?
ARSOBISPO: MAGSISINUNGALING DIN!!!!...

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Joke # 100
Bakit natatakot bumaba ang mga babae sa jeep sa kanto ng TINIO st, sa San Pablo?Answer: Kasi ang sigaw ng driver “O yun bababa, KANTO TINIO NA”!!!!!

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Joke # 101
a sweet story

boy: alam u
girl: alam u 2
boy: alam u.,,alam u
girl"alam u 2'''alam u 2

ano daw???
translation!!
alam u: i love you
alam u 2: i love you 2
mgau bungi tlgah ang sweet

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Joke # 102
"kapag tinanong ka ng
magulang mo kung ano
npapala mo sa kakainom
tanong mo rin kung
ano napapala nila
katatanong"
bwahahaha

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Joke # 103
nranasan mo nba mgmahal
ng taong hndang tawirin
ang dagat at mga bundok
MAIWASAN KA LANG?

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Joke # 104
"a giRl wAs tALkin 2 hEr bF

...shE askD..

"hAve u evEr lieD 2 mE?"

"yA, dEr arE tyMs"

Den shE sEd..

"cgE nga, tEl me a lie!"

d bf lukD at hEr & seD

"I LOVE YOU, Ang Ganda2 mo tlga, Super!..!"

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Joke # 105
sa pnagnip k,nagla2ro tau s gubat..bigla k nlng kinuha ng gorilya..
umiyak ako smigaw!"KUNIN MO NA RIN AKO!
sumgot ang gorilya.."BKT anak b kta?

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Joke # 106
EX-bf: kaMusTa nA lovElife?

GIRL: eTo pRang yAng bAgoNg gf mO.. hNd mAgAndA..


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

mr._vin
19th Feb 2011, 10:35
Bossing nice one. . Salamat. .nawala sakit ng ulo ko. .hehe. .thanks. .

t700_825
19th Feb 2011, 11:42
Bossing nice one. . Salamat. .nawala sakit ng ulo ko. .hehe. .thanks. .

Hehe.,salamat din,.,.,

brokenkevin
19th Feb 2011, 19:36
hahaa :rofl: kakatawa mga joke

t700_825
19th Feb 2011, 19:58
haha katawa share din ako minsan hehehehehe

Yup sir, share2 n lang,.,hehe


hahaa :rofl: kakatawa mga joke

Salamat din.,hehe

t700_825
19th Feb 2011, 20:47
Joke # 107

nice poem

Thing none knew see in die
Who bought, who bad
The hill key none taught see in die
Last fog see in die

Fog must done knew see who one
Thin knee tea gas sun
Cash sea see in die
Who bought, who bad
Bull ball money peace.

In knee love bus knee who one
Dean act money in die
Key knee league see who one
The hill be not tea knee in die
Knee love as son see who one
Be thin see in die!

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Joke # 108


NANAY: Nak, kya kita pinalo kc mahal kita

ANAK: gnun po ba?
(cnampal ang nanay)

NANAY: trantado kang bata ka! bt mo q cnampal?

ANAK: I love u too nay! ahehe..

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Joke # 109
Sa panahon ngaun, bihira na ang may matalik na kaibigan.
mas mdalas ay may katalik na kaibigan.”

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Joke # 110
Pag niloko at sinaktan ka ng mahal mo..
Eto ang sbhin mO..”Never say die..tomorrow is another guy”..
hahaha,….

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Joke # 111
TEACHER: Mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa
dugo’t pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: EeeYou can see links before reply!

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Joke # 112
DORAY:Mare,kulang pa kami ng isang miyembro.Baka gusto mong sumali sa
paluwagan.
PINANG :Hindi pa ako pwede, mare.
DORAY:Bakit mare?
PINAY:Virgin pa kasi ako.

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Joke # 113
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale:Aba,sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi:Duh!Ate?!Bday ko kaya today?!? '

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JOke # 114
Bago daw mamatay si Pedro, kailangan nyang makaranas ng sex sa kahit sinong makita nya…kahit sa panaginip lang nya
Isang gabi nanaginip sya at may nakita syang Camel

Pedro: ui ok nato(kaya hinabol nya)
at habang hinahabol nya yung camel ay may nakita syang babaeng maganda na inaaway ng isang bandido…niligtas nya ang babae laban sa bandido..

Girl: dahil sa niligtas mo ako, kahit anong iutos mo gagawin ko!!
Pedro: talaga lahat? sige habulin mo yung camel!!!

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Joke # 115
The ERECTERUIS TROUSERUIS or the trouser Snake is the world’s most dangerous snake. Color varies from pink to black. It is fangless. It’s highly venomous spit can cause prolonged swelling lasting 9 months. Average lenght is 3 to 9 inches depending on subspecies. Usually appears in bedrooms but found in unusual places at times.Attacks women in the LOWER PART of adominal area. It has also been known to attack men from behind!;) wahahahah

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Joke # 116


an american saw a filipino
eating bread and dipping it
on coffee,..

american: whoa, filipino very clean..
washing bread ahhhh…

then after the filipino finished
eating the bread..he drank the
coffee..still, the american saw it..

american: god damn it!
filipinos very dirty..yuck
~”hahahahahahaha”~

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Joke # 117


a girl was inlav with an ugly man.

her friends asked her, why him?
den d girl replied imedi8ly.

“haler?! hndi b kayo nanuod ng beauty and d beast? po`pogi din xa!=)

d guy hear dis en he sed.
“tangek! d mo ba npanuod
ung shrek?! papanget ka din” hahaha

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Joke # 118
Bading: Papa, finger m0 namn aq sa pwet.
BF: ok
Bading: Dper, papa!
9ipinasok ang boung kmay, at my nkpa sa loob)
BF: ANo 2?! bakit my celpon?
Bading: Surprise!
Hapi monsary!

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Joke # 119
Pulis: Bakit ka pumarada dyan? Hindi mo ba nakita ang “no parking” sign dyan?
Lalake: Nakita ko po,kayo po ang hindi ko nakita!

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Joke # 120
Pulis: Eto bayad ko sa kape
Chinese: Aba,bakit ka bayad?
Pulis: Utos ni chief,wala nang kotong
Chinese: Aba sige, simula ngayon hindi na ako dura sa kape mo

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Joke # 121
Police Chief: Guards,may nakawalang hoodlum!
Bantayan ang mga exits!
Guard: Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum
Police Chief: Paano nangyari ‘yun?
Guard: Sir,sa entrance siya dumaan! Hahahaha

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Joke # 122
A lover?
Nursing: Can cure a heartbroken and care for you?
Masscom: Who can speak out the love?
Law: Who can justify the love?
PMA: who can manage to give the best taste of love?
Teacher: Who can teach love in their own simplest way?
Itong malupit!
IT: Who can easily open, shutdown and restart the love? Hehehe

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Joke # 123
Boy: May aaminin ako sayo
Girl: Ano?
Boy: Mahal kita!
Boy: Bakit di kana nagreply?
Boy: Papakamatay ako! Hawak ko na kutsilyo,isasaksak ko na (patay na si boy)
Girl: Nag-CR ako,sory po! Still there?
Lesson learned: Isama ang phone sa CR. Hahaha!

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Joke # 124
(Obsolete na..hehe..)

Totoo ba ang away ni Dong puno at Ronie
Zamora? Divided na raw and cabinet sa dalawang
grupo: Ang makapuno at makaronie! Hehehe

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Joke # 125
Bakit mas enjoy sumakay
sa tao kesa sa jeep???
xe sa jeep pag cnabi mong
malapit na, humihinto;
sa tao pg cnabi mong
malapit na lalong bumibilis...
nyahahaha!!!!!

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Joke # 126
NEWS UPDATE:
Binago na ang pagbati
sa mga tourist dito sa
Pilipinas.....
Ganito na....
Welcome to the Philippines
MABUHAY!!!!
Ka Pa Sana!!!!


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

enzoy90
20th Feb 2011, 02:46
nice nice :thumbsup: and :more:

t700_825
20th Feb 2011, 08:37
nice nice :thumbsup: and :more:

Ok ba?.,hehe.,salamat,.,.

t700_825
20th Feb 2011, 21:21
Joke # 127
A friend lifts up when your down….
But lover lifts you up…..
And down… up…. Ahhhhh… and down…. Ahhhh….
So ano mas masarap may lover?? Or friend??

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Joke # 128

BF: nood tayo ng sine
GF: hindi ka kiss??
BF: hindi
GF: hindi ka hipo???
BF: hindi ah!!!
GF: hawak boobs???
BF: hindi din…
GF: eh finger??
BF: lalong hindi!!!
GF: tangina mo… manood kang mag-isa!!!

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Joke # 129
Oi, watch ka CNN News!!! Manny Pacquio disqualified by Nevada Athletic Comission!!! Drugs found in his urine!!!


Puro ALAXAN, CIRCULAN & ROBITUSSIN!!! May DATU PUTI pa!!!

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Joke # 130
Driver: oh ung mga panget jan pwde ng magsi-babaan, my checkp0int sa hrapan!

Pasahero: eh kuya? Cnu npo magMamaneho?

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Joke # 131
ALONE?
i'm here for you.

iN LOVE?
i'm happy for you.

HURT?
you may cry on my shoulders.

NEED HUG?
my arms are yours.

NEED MONEY?
wala si
"*** "
umalis!
may ginagawa!
lumayas!
naglilinis!
may trabaho!
tulog!
nag'abroad!
'di ko alam kung kailan babalik!
hindi n'ya number 'to!
hu u?haha

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Joke # 132
Teacher: ok class our lesson 4 today is about planet. earth
is the 3rd planed from the sun. now what is next to mercury?

Pedro: murang rose pharmacy mam! d ko lang sure

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Joke # 133
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know “Who’s the strongest in here?”
The toughest guy looks at him and says “I am the strongest around here!”
The other guy politely asks “Can you help me push my car to the gas station?”

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Joke # 134
Bkit d mu
subukang
ipa-bloOd test
ako



Ng mlaman






mOng..







ikw ang
Type kO..hahaha

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Joke # 135
i saT
undEr a treE
and t0ld d treE
wid tirS falin':

"y do i olweiz geT hurt? d0n't i dserVe 2 be hapi?"


d trEe answreD:

"d0n't cry my child.. .
evri'1 dsrves 2 b hapi and gettin hurt s parT of our lyf so cher up!"

my tirS st0pPd falin
and. . .

i ran fast
ScreamiN..




.waAAahH., Buhay na kah0y!..

haha ..


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Joke # 136
Juan:bkt my tali k s paa?
Pdr0:gs2 q ng m2tay,mgb2gti aq!
Juan:bkt s paa? dpt s leeg!
Pdr0:cnubukan q n s leEg knina.

hnd aq mkahinga eh,.
:))

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Joke # 137
Magmahal?
Oo,
ngwa
k na.

Magpakatanga?
Oo,
nsubkn
k na.

Umiyak?
Oo,
ilang
bses n.

Sumuko?
Hnd p.
Bkt aq
ssuko?


Mukha
b aqng
wanted? :)

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Joke # 138
i rili pik out d
BEST messge 2
send u..





Dis one cums
fr0m my heart...






T A K E













BALANG ka..



Hahahaha..:)

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Joke # 139
pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo ..


PASALUBONG
kamo ! haha :D

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Joke # 140
5 tips for a happy man's life


1 is to have a gurl to help you @ work,


2. have a gurl to take care & love u.


3. have a gurl who can make you laugh.


4. have a gurl who spoils u.

Lastly

5. make sure these FOUR gurls don't know each other.


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
21st Feb 2011, 21:10
Joke # 141
an Elephant ask the Camel! "why do u hev ur boobs on your back?" d camel laugh and replied,, " what a silly question from someone with a big penis on his Face!?!!

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Joke # 142
PLDT Operator
Isang Araw Habang Nag Papayabangan ang Tatlong Magkakaibigan

Tasyo: Pare alam nyo yung Pinsan ko sa sobrang ganda ng Boses Kinuha Siya sa ABS-CBN para gawing News Broadcaster.

Inggo: Wala yan sa Pinsan ko mga Amigo ko, Yung Pinsan ko sa Sobrang Ganda ng Boses ini Laban kay Regine Velasquez sa Singing Contest.

Teban: Aba ang Ganda naman pala ng boses ng mga pinsan nyo mga Igan ko! Pero wala parin yan dun sa pinsan ko mga Pare ko. Yung Pinsan ko NGO-NGO pero kinuha ng PLDT para gawing Telephone Operator!

Tasyo: Paano naman nangyari yon?

Inggo: Oo nga naman pare!

Teban: Oo mga pare ko, Siya yung sumasagot pag Busy yung Telepono. NGO...... NGO...... NGO.......

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Joke #143
BACK ISSUES
NAGLALAKAD SI OMPONG SA RECTO. NILAPITAN SIYA NG ISANG LALAKE.
LALAKE: PARE, BILI KA NG HUSTLER
MAGAZINE. P10 LANG.
OMPONG: P10 LANG?
LALAKE: OO. KAYA LANG MGA BACK
ISSUES.
OMPONG: OK LANG `YON. PAGBILAN NG
LIMA.
MAYAMAYA AY BUMABALIK SI OMPONG. GALIT NA GALIT.
OMPONG: ANONG KLASE ANG MAGAZINE
MO? NAKATALIKOD ANG KUHA
NG MGA BABAE. PURO LIKOD
LANG ANG NAKIKITA.
LALAKE: O, DI BA SABI KO SA `YO...
BACK ISSUES?!

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Joke #144
Famous Lines
"pinapaikot mo lang ako

Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang

patayin mo nalang ako"

-electric fan









"hindi lahat ng walang salawal

ay bastos"

-winnie d' pooh









"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad

kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.

pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"

-ipis









"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!

Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."

-hipon









"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang

maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong

karapatang magmahal?!?"

-gasolina









"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."

-plema









"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sau

ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao

ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."

-utot









"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong

pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."

-Bola







"you never know what you have

till you lose it.

and once you lose it, you can never get it back"

-snatcher









"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"

-majinboo







"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka

mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?

bakit palipat-lipat ka?

-TV









"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"

-kili kili









Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

-omelette









pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!

-libag







Anung kasalanan ko sayo, iniwan m nalang akong duguan...

-Napkin









"wag mo na akong bilugin.."

-kulangot





Hindi lahat ng hinog, matamis...

-pigsa









Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?

-Lego









Punyetang Buhay to! Itlog itlog! Araw2 na lang itlog!

-Brief







Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya! Hindi na nga ako gumalaw dito.

Ako n nga yun ntapakan, sya pa un galit.. bakit ganun?

-Tae







Cge kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!

-deodorant

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Joke # 145
Nag pagupit
Nagpagupit si Pedro sa isang Barber Shop. Pag-upo, nagtanong agad ang Barbero kung anong haircut ang gusto.

Pedro: Bawasan mo ng malalim sa bandang nuo, doon sa itaas hayaan mo lang. Sa left side, putulan mo na parang hagdanan. Sa right side naman, gawain mong bako-bako. Pag tapos na, sundutin mo ang tainga ko para tumulo ng konting dugo.

Barbero: Boss, bakit naman gustong niyong pangit ang gupit. Walang Barbero dito sa buong bayan na mag gupit tulad ng sinabi mo.

Pedro: Bakit, nakalimutan mo na ba, ganitong-ganito ang haircut na ginawa mo sa akin nuong isang buwan!

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Joke # 146
Crowded ang Heaven
May Magnanakaw, Guro at Abogado ang namatay. Napunta sila sa langit pero sabi ni St. Peter dahil sa masyadong puno na ang langit, may tanong na dapat sagutin. Kung mali, bagsak sila sa Impyerno.

Tanong sa Titser: Ano ang pangalan ng malaking Barko na lumubog dahil sa nabangga ang Iceberg.

Titser: Titanic Po. Lusot ang Titser, akyat siya sa langit.

Tanong sa Magnanakaw: Ilang tao ang sakay ng Titanic?

Magnanakaw: Naku medyo mahirap 'yon pero napanood ko ang Movie at 1500 ang nalunod. Lusot din ang Magnanakaw.

Tanong sa Abogado: Sabihin mo nga ang mga pangalan ng mga nalunod!

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Joke # 147
Bagong Kasal
Misis: Honey, malapit na tayong maging tatlo dito sa bahay.

Mister: Talaga ba Honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo!

Misis: Oo, dito na titira ang Nanay ko!!
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Joke # 148
Suka...
Isang gabi, nagkita ang 2 magkaibigan, si Unyok at si Udyok. Nakita ni Udyok si Unyok na tila may hinahanap.. Nilapitan niya ito...
Udyok: O, Unyok, anong ginagawa mo riyan sa tapat ng poste?
Unyok:Hinahanap ko kasi ang nawawala akong pera..
Udyok: Dyan ba talaga nawala ang pera mo?
Unyok: Hindi! Doon sa lugar na madilim..
Udyok: Loko ka pala e, bakit dyan mo hinahanap?!
Unyok: Dito maliwanag eh!!

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Joke # 149
haay nku....
minsan parang wla kang kakampi..
parang lahat kaaway mo..
pero mainit talaga ang kape..
kisi masarap ang lugaw...!!
ganun pa man...

masakit parin kumagat ang aso!!..



haay..

sana wag umulan!..
heheheh
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Joke # 150
Nanilip
Pari: Kaw ha, nanilip ka raw kay sister!

Sakristan: Sori po.

Pari: Anong nasilip mo sa kanya?

Sakristan: Wala po father, kasi nakaharang po pwet niyo!!!

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Joke # 151
bobong katulong
nag ring ang telepono.

amo: inday sagutin mo nga ung telepono
inday:ok. helo helo...(eh baligtad ung phone)
amo: tanga baligtarin mo.
inday: LOHE LOHE LOHE.
amo: (galit na galit na) TANGE BALIGTARIN MO UNG TELEPHONE.
inday: PHONE TELE, PHONE TELE, PHONE TELE. HEHHEHEE

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Joke # 152
Date ng Ate
Ate: Kumusta ang date mo Sis? Epektib ba ang payo ko, siling labuyo sa nipples mo para di ka galawin ng BF mo?

Sis: Hay naku Ate, palpak ang payo mo. Ginanahan pa lalo, Bicolano pala!

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Joke # 153
Demolition Team
Joeyboy: Itay, hindi ako makaiskor sa syota ko dahil ‘yung panty niya, may nakalagay na NO TRESPASSING, PRIVATE PROPERTY.

Tatay: Lagyan mo ‘yung brief mo ng DEMOLITION TEAM.




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

cryzel101
21st Feb 2011, 21:14
more more more hehe i really find it a stress relief

t700_825
21st Feb 2011, 21:36
more more more hehe i really find it a stress relief

Hehe,.slamat,.,.,.,yup,.updated po ito,.just keep in touch na lang,.,.hehe

maurice27
21st Feb 2011, 22:43
nice ts!!!
Na'hit na po kita!
thanks po sa mga jokes !
Grabe kakatuwa...

Share na ko rin po ito
(though may kalumaan na po yata)

" I dont believe in using the worldwideweb as a way of interacting and socializing.
These modern techniques can only harm and lessen the essence of deep communication and bonding that is usually the ultimate foundation of true friendship.
From my own perspective,people who really want to know me should approach me personally. In that way, false judgements and impressions will be avoided. . "

> sagot ni INDAY ng tanungin kung may facebook siya. .
;-D

t700_825
22nd Feb 2011, 07:39
nice ts!!!
Na'hit na po kita!
thanks po sa mga jokes !
Grabe kakatuwa...

Share na ko rin po ito
(though may kalumaan na po yata)

" I dont believe in using the worldwideweb as a way of interacting and socializing.
These modern techniques can only harm and lessen the essence of deep communication and bonding that is usually the ultimate foundation of true friendship.
From my own perspective,people who really want to know me should approach me personally. In that way, false judgements and impressions will be avoided. . "

> sagot ni INDAY ng tanungin kung may facebook siya. .
;-D

Thanks din po.,yup, open po ito.,share2 lang po kayo,.hehe,.,.

t700_825
23rd Feb 2011, 14:10
Joke # 154
Holdaper: Holdap to

Girl: Tinatanong?

Holdaper: Holdap to!!!

Girl: Ay? Kelangang sumigaw?

Holdaper: HOLDAP NGA TO!!!!!!!!!

Girl: Ay ang Kulit! Paulit ulit? Paulit ulit?

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Joke # 155
Nung bata ako, akala ko lahat ng tao gawa sa PUTIK


Meron din pa lang gawa sa PLASTIC!

wahaha,.,.:clap:

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Joke # 156
In a bar

A gorgeous lady was sitin alone in a bar.

Guy: Hi There!

The lady ignored him.

Guy: You caught my atenti0n as i enter the bar, is it ok to get your nember?

Lady: If you have a BMW, a house in boracay , millions of peso bank account and 7 inches penis, then you can get my number.
But I guess you do not have it, so my answer is no!

Guy: I do not have all those, I just have a FERRARI, an ISLAND in Palawan, a billion dollar bank account. And excuse me,
I won't cut 2inches of my penis just for your numbah...

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Joke # 157
Dictionary for Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries
, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

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Joke # 158
Rules for Women

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

16. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

26. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

27. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. You have too many shoes.

30. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

31. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

32. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

33. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
:lol:
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Joke # 159
Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano...
Anak: 'Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY: (Binatukan ang anak) Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"

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Joke # 160
Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay! Nagdala sila ng flashlight!

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Joke # 161
Anak: Itay, asan po ang 'yong GRIEF ko?
Itay: Ikaw, bata ka! Hindi ka pa rin natututo! BRIEF, hindi grief!
Anak: Ahh... Ehh... Asan po, Itay, 'yong brief ko?
Itay: Ando'n sa kuwarto, naka-HAMMER!

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Joke # 162
An Alcoholic Son Wrote a Letter
BEER Dad,

GIN na ako iinom ulit,
WHISKY kelan.
tiTEQUILAn ko na!
TANDUAY mo yan,
pRHUMis po!

Your SAN,
MIGUEL.

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Joke #163

Tanong: bakit hindi 21 gun salut ang ibinigay kay sec. angelo reyes?

Sagot: kasi pinaputok na niya yung iba,.,

ahaha



PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
24th Feb 2011, 08:19
Joke #164
Sori..
ngayon lang kta ntxt,
nagmiting
kc
mga
CUTE
kainis
nga
eh!

aq n
nga ang

PRESIDENT

pnili
p
akong

CUTE OF THE YEAR!

hay nako

teka, bt di kita nkta dun?

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Joke # 165
Npakromantic
icipin
kng
ngdi2ner
date
kau
ng
gf/bf m
tpos
merong
mga
dahong
nhuhulog...





DAHON NG NIYOG:rofl:

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Joke #166
Angels fly nt bcoz of their wings,

but because dey hav no burdens in their heart.

-Asus, so maka2lipad n din ako pg wla aqng burden s heart?.,jeje

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Joke # 167
BOY1: Pre, pngit ba ako?

BOY2: Ang nanay mo pangit!,

ang tatay m, pangit!,

mga kpatid mo pangit!,

eh, ano ka?

BOY1: EXEMPTED??

-haha,.adik,.,.:lol:

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Joke # 168

Bakit pag komersyal ng palmolive
buhok ang pinapakita?

Pag eskinol mukha ipinapakita
Pag colgate ngipin
Bakit pag “modess”
ayaw ipakita?

Unfair dba? Hehehe

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Joke #169
Condom at Napkin

Sabi ng condom sa napkin,
“Pag nagtrabaho ka, mawa2lan ako ng negosyo
sa loob ng 7 days! “Sagot naman ng
napkin, gago! Pag pumalpak ka naman
9 months 2migil negosyo ko.Hehehe

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Joke # 170
puno

tanong:anong puno hindi maaakyat

sagot:edi ung nakatumba!

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Joke # 171
Alitan ng Mag-asawa

Isang gabi, nag away ang mag-asawa. Pag may konting alitan, hindi kikibuin ni Misis ang asawa ng mga ilang araw.

Kinabukasan, maagang aalis ang Mister dahil may business trip. Dahil sa 'heavy sleeper' si Mister, palagi siyang ginigising ng Misis tuwing umaga. Nang pumunta ang Misis sa bathroom, nag lagay siya ng 'Note' sa tabi ng unan ni Misis: Please wake me up at 4:30 AM.

Next day, 7:30 AM na ng magising ang lalaki. Galit na galit at hinanap ang asawa para pagalitan ng may nakita rin siyang 'Note' sa ibabaw ng Table Lamp.

Ang Note: It's 4:30 AM, GISING NA!

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Joke # 172
Raffle
Ang mag kumparing probinsyano, silaPedro at Kulas ay sumali sa isang Charity Raffle. Parehong limang ticket ang binili nila. Makaraan ng isang linggo, tumawag ang Charity Raffle para sabihin na pareho silang nanalo. Si Pedro, isang kahon ng toilet paper at si Kulas naman ay nanalo ng isang dosenang toilet brush.

Makalipas ang isang buwan, nag kita uli ang dalawa.
Kulas: "Paring Pedro, ayos ba naman 'yung napanalunan mong toilet paper?"
Pedro: "Ayos lang at hanggang ngayon, marami pa rin kaming toilet paper." "Ikaw naman Pare, ginagamit mo rin ba ang toilet brush?"
Kulas: (Pa ika-ika ang lakad): "Sana, toilet paper din ang napanalunan ko dahil ang hirap palang gamitin ng toilet brush sa puwet!"

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Joke # 173
Fairy
A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....

Baby: does this mean im an angel??

Fairy laughs....

Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!

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Joke # 174



Cgaw ng nire-rape na ba2e: 2long! 2long!

Rapist: Wag ka ng humingi ng 2long,kaya ko 2ng mg-isa!

Babae: Sure ka? Ah ok,.wag na! wag na! Kaya na dw nya! Wahahaha

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Joke # 175
alik
Isang gabi sa eskinita, napansin ni Pedro ang isang seksing babaing naglalakad mag-isa. Tinawag niya ang babae.

Pedro: Miss, babayaran kita ng P500.00 kung pweding mahalikan ang suso mo!

Miss: Bastos, gago ka ba at sabay binilisan ang lakad. Habol din si Pedro.

Pedro: Miss, gagawin kung P1,000.00 basta makahalik sa suso mo.

Miss: Alam mo, hindi ako ganyang klasing tao para tanggapin ang offer mo.

Pedro: Miss, huling offer, P5,000.00

Miss: Sa isang kondisyon, basta halik lang sa suso. Punta sila sa isang sulok at inilabas ang malaki at malusog na suso. Sinunggaban agad ni Pedro ang dyoga, sabay himas sa kaliwa at kaplog naman doon sa kanan. Masaya si Pedro at medyo nag-init na ng biglang nagsalita ang bebot.

Miss: Ano ba, hindi mo ba hahalikan ang boobs ko?

Pedro: Gusto ko sana pero ang mahal naman ng bayad!

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Joke #176
Tumitigas
Sa Clinic

Sexy: Doc, Bakit po tumitigas ang Suso ko?

Doctor: Maghubad ka para ma-check up ko! (Kinapa ang Suso)

Sexy: Anong Sakit ko Doc?

Doctor: Grabe iha, Nakakahawa! tignan mo pati Titi ko tumigas oh!

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Joke # 177
IN A BAR
Binata: Miss, can I buy you a drink?
Dalaga: "No thanks, bad ang alcohol sa legs ko eh.
Binata: Bakit, namamaga ba pag umiinom ka ng alcohol??
Dalaga: HINDI! BUMUBUKA KASI EH!!!

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Joke #178
Si Superman
Si Superman, Man Of Steel, ‘di ba?

Hindi tinatablan ng bala at kutsilyo… Bumabaluktot ang karayom sa kanya.

Eto ang tanong…

Tuli na kaya siya? Paano siya tutuliin?

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Joke #179
Radio Request
Sa 1 Radio Stn. may 1 la2ki ang nagre2quest ng song:
DJ : Kanino mo i de-dedicate ang song?
LA2KI: S Biyenan ko po!
DJ: Wow! Bihira ang ganyang nag rerequest pra s kanyang biyenan, e ano namang kanta ang gusto mong irequest?
LA2KI: “Devil Woman”

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Joke #180
Fujifoo
Isang Kanong Businessman ang pumunta sa Japan. Unang gabi sa Hotel nag-hire siya ng Local Hooker. Ng nasa kama na sila, panay ang ang sigaw ng Haponesa, Fujipoo!, Fujipoo!

Sabi ng Kano sa sarile, "Aba, talagang mahusay pa rin ako sa kama at nasisiyahan ang partner ko!!

Next day, nag laro ang Kano ng Golf kasama ang Japanese counterpart. On the third hole, naka "Hole-in-One" ang Japanese. Para ma-impressed ang kaniyang kleyente, sumigaw siya ng "Fujifoo!, Fujifoo!!

Japanese: (Confused) "Anong ibig mong sabihin na maling Butas"

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Joke #181
Nanay: Anak, bakit ayaw mong pumasok sa School?

Anak: Kasi, halos lahat ng mga estudente, galit sa akin.

Nanay: Anak, ganoon talaga sa School, hindi mo maasahan na maging kaibigan mo silang lahat. 'Yung mga ayaw sa iyo, pabayaan mo na lang.

Anak: 'Nay, pati mga Teacher, galit din sa akin. Pati na rin ang Superintendent, gusto niya akong I-transfer sa ibang school. Mabuti pa, umalis na ako dito sa bayan natin dahil hindi ko na kayang tiisin ang mga nangyayari sa akin.

Nanay: Anak, pag hindi ka pumasok ngayon sa paaralan, babatukan kita! Isa pa, kailangan ka doon sa School dahil ikaw ang Principal!

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Joke #182
Palit
Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?

Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.

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Joke # 183
Walang Trabaho
Sa isang hardware store…

Mr. Sy: Pasensya ka na sa t-shirt na regalo ko sa ‘yo. Pwedeng pantrabaho mo ‘yan.

Felipe: Naku, hindi ko maisusuot ‘yan, Mr. Sy!

Mr. Sy: Bakit? Hindi ba kasya?

Felipe: Ahh… ehh… kasi, wala akong trabaho!
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Joke #184
Religious
Daddy: Anak, mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?

Anak: Opo, Tatay.

Daddy: Religious ba siya?

Anak: Naku, Sobra talaga ang hilig sa Religion.

Daddy: Saan ba siya nakatira?

Anak: Nandoon po sa simbahan, nagmimisa ngayon!!

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Joke 185
Masakit b ang maniko?
IN A CLASSROOM!!!!

NENE: maam si pedro siniko po ako!!!

TEACHER: pedro! bkit mo ginawa yun! alam mo bng masakit ang maniko!!

PEDRO: eh bakit po kayo pumasok? masakit pla MANI nyo!!!

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Joke #186
VIRGIN COUPLE
SA TINAGAL TAGAL NG KANILANG PAGKAKASINTAHAN AY NAGPASIYA ANG DALAWA NA WALA PANG KARANASAN NA MAGPAKASAL. SA GABI NG KANILANG HONEYMOON AY TALAGANG IGNORANTE ANG DALAWANG ITO KAYA KINABUKASAN SA KANILANG PAG-UUSAP:

LALAKI: HONEY ANO BA ANG NANGYARI SA ULO KO ANG SAKIT PARANG NABIBIYAK.

BABAE: AKO RIN HONEY ANG BIYAK KO ANG SAKIT PARANG MAY ULO PALAGI

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Joke #187
PaTaY !
~~~
ANAK : Itay, yung kapitbahay nating si Mang Inggo, nasagasaan po ng Taxi yung daliri niya...PATAY!

TATAY : Anak, paano naman mamamatay agad , eh daliri lang ang nasagasaan?

ANAK : Nangungulangot po siya nung nasagasaan !


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
24th Feb 2011, 20:44
Joke #188
Wedding Ring
~~~
Recently a Filipino man had to go to Makati Medical Center to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis after his mistress found the ring in
his pants pocket and got so mad at him, she stuck it on his penis while he
was asleep.

Just thinking what's the worst part:
1) - Having your mistress find
out you're married.
2) - Explaining to your wife how your wedding
ring got on your penis.
3) - Or finding out your penis really fits through
your wedding ring.

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Joke #189
100 % Pure Pinoy
Bisita
Ugaling Pinoy

Mga tinatagong Gamit, Di Ginagamit. Tinatago ng usto.
Mga Plato, Kutsara, Tinidor at Baso
Pero pag may Bisita ini Lalabas lahat ito at Pinagagamit.

Yan ang Pinoy The Best!

Nagluluto ng Special na Ulam pag may Bisita.
Tapos pag Titikman ng Kapatid, Anak or Apo
Biglang tatapikin ang Kamay at Sasabihin,
Wag mong Kainin yan, sa Bisita yan.

At eto pa ang aking Pahabol

Isang Araw di Sinasadyang may dumating na Bisita.

Dahil biglaan, Walang nai handang ulam si Nanay para sa Bisita. Kaya yung Special na Ulam na niluto ni Nanay, yun ang Ipapakain sa Bisita. Paborito ko pa naman yon, Inihaw na Bangus.

Sabi ko kay Nanay, Nay Bakit yan? di ba Ulam natin yan ngayon?

Sumagot naman si Nanay sa akin, Sabi nya

Nanay: Wag kng mag alala anak, di naman nila siguradong mauubos yan. sigurado yung kabila lang ng bangus ang kakainin nila
Kaya yung natitirang kabila, yun ang Uulamin natin.

Nakamasid ako sa Bisita habang sila ay kumakain, Sarap ng kain nila. halos paubos na yung Kabila ng Bangus, takam na takam ako at biglang nagutom. di ko namalayan na binabaligtad na yung Bangus.

Sumigaw akong bigla at ang Sabi ko, Nay Binaligtad na!!!

Patay wala na kaming Ulam ni Nanay!

Bakit nga ba Laging Special ang Bisita?

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Joke # 190
(in english): "eat all you can, don't be shy, feel at home"

(in tagalog): "kain lang kayo ng kain, walang hiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo i2"

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Joke # 191
bingot
may mag-asawa unang anak nila bingot. pangalawa bingot uli. pangatlo bingot uli. pang apat bingot na naman. yung pan lima na hindi na bingot.napasigaw yung asawang lalaki. sabi nya sa wakas di na bingot ang anak ko.sabi ng asawa nya KUNG SAYO LANG UMASA NG UMASA BINGOT NA NAMAN YAN!

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Joke #192
Iniibig ko ang bansang ito











dahil isa aq sa mga attraction ni2ng tnawin dito,.,.,:slap:

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Joke #193

LOVE BEEN THERE




-favorite color daw yan ni Aling Dionisia...:lmao:

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Joke #194
Oily at maalat

Lasing #1: "alam mo pare,kpag pulutan natin mani,naaalala ko misis ko.."

Lasing#2: "bakit pare,ganito ba kalaki mani ng misis mo?:)

Lasing#1: "hndi pare,..Ganito ka-OiLy at kaalat mani ng misis ko..!:(

Lasing#2:"pare, "palitan nlang natin pulutan natin,order nlang tyo ng hotdog..."

Lasing#1: "Hwag hotdog pare!!mas marami akong naaalala... nung nasa bilanggu-an ako noon.."

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Joke #195
Chocolate
Isang pasaherong matandang babae ang tumapik sa likod ng driver at saka inaabot ang limang pirasong almond, na kinuha ng driver at malugod niyang kinain.

Makalipas ang 15 minuto, muli ay tinapik ang driver ng matandang babae at iniabot ang 10 piraso ng almond.

Muli, tinanggap ang mga iyon ng driver at malugod niyang kinain.

Hindi nakatiis ang driver na magtanong sa matandang babae, "Bakit ninyo ibinibigay sa akin ang mga almond? Bakit hindi ninyo kainin?"

"Wala kasi akong ngipin," sagot ng matandang babae.

"Eh bakit pa kayo bumili niyan?" nagtatakang tanong muli ng driver.

Sumagot ang matandang babae, "Iyong chocolate lang naman ang gusto ko. Madali naman ‘yung sipsipin."

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Joke #196
Dado at gado
Dado: Gado anu tawag sa babaeng walang boobs?
Gado: Walangdyo
Dado:Anu naman tawag sa babaeng katamtaman lng ung sukat ng boobs??
Gado:Medyo
Dado: Panu naman kapag malaki ung boobs?
Gado: edi MOUNTAIN DYO!!!

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Joke #197
Pinocchio's Nose
SoMe FairyTaLeS tHat i HeaR:

Once upon a time, Cinderella was so horny, so she put pinocchio's nose between her legs and shouted "LIE 2 ME BASTARD!, LIE!" hehe =)

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Joke #198
*An apple a day... makes efren bata reyes and ronnie alcano cry
everyday.(they have NO TEETH)
*Aanhin pa ang damo, kung patay na c diego.
*Kapag maiksi ang kumot.. mura lang.
*Papunta ka pa lang... cge ingat!
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal, tumatakas
*Kapag may usok, may mamamatay na lamok.
*Walang matiyagang lalake.. na manligaw sa mukhang binabae.
*Kung walang magpapaloko... hindi tatakbo si gloria arroyo.
*Ang taong mainggitin, panget.
*Behind the clouds, are airplanes.
*Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, dapat ipatingin sa doktor.
*Pag may usok... bka nsa langit kana!
*Magkulang ka na sa magulang... huwag lang magkulang sa tubig habang
naghihilamos.
*Kapag bukas ang kaban, nakalimutang takpan.
*Kapag ang ilog ay tahimik, walang nagsi-swimming.
*When all else fails... buti nga bhelat!
*Sa larangan ng digmaan.. nakikilala kung sino ang bading.
*An apple a day... makes the fruit vendor rich.
*Pag may usok, mas maganda ang show dahil may special effects.
*Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan sana mga kagalit
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal... may paltos.
*Papunta ka pa lang, ako rin sabay na tayo!
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal, nasa moon.
*Habang may buhay... txt tayo!
*Kung pukulin ka ng bato.. tinapay ang iganti mo, na may lason!
*Ako ang nagtanim, ang nagbayo at nagsaing,
saka nang maluto'y iba ang kumain.. bwisit na pusa yan. amf!
*Huwag magbilang ng manok, kung duling.
*Better late.. than never txting!
*Kapag maiksi ang kumot... sa baby ipagamit.
*Kapag ang puno mabunga... maraming mapipitas.
*Magkulang ka na sa magulang... huwag lang sa pagiisip!
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal, may rayuma!
*Ang iyong kakainin, sa kaldero manggagaling.
*Tell me who your friends are... and ill tell you who is cute!=)
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal.. matanda na.
*If you cant beat them... i2yak mo nalang.
*Ang iyong kakainin, itatae mo rin.
*Magbiro kana sa lasing.. wag lng s matsing, dka mage2ts non!
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal, nagtetext.
*Ang taong ngigipit.. lahat ng pwedeng utangan kinukulit.
*Kapag maiksi ang kumot... cute.
*Pag may usok.. kawawa ang may hika!
*Ang taong naglalakad nang mabagal.. bagong tuli.
*Ang taong naglalakad ng matulin... magling sa walkathon.
*Ang taong hindi marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan... adik sa
text.
*Laging nasa huli, ang pinakamatangkad.

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Joke #199
Return Of The Battle Of THe Brainless
Host: What "N" (Narra) is the national tree of the Philippines?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas Matigas pa diyan
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa Back?
Host: O Sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta)
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" ang initials ng modern name nito (Rizal Park)
Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme Likod pa rin yon)

Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon maarawan ka
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini
Contestant: Beerhouse!

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant: Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kanyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, MR. Clean!

Host: Anong "S" (salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi, hindi ito babae
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito Lalake
Contestant: Siyoke?

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Joke # 200
masarap kumain

Mrs:Ang sarap mo talagang kumain hon...

Mr: uu naman hon ..wag u alala ikaw lang kakainin ko

Mrs: Gago hindi un ibig ko sabihin ! ang lakas laks mong lumamon! mag trabaho ka! tamad!


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

uping
25th Feb 2011, 01:58
how nice nman..

iyaru`
25th Feb 2011, 10:20
nice ts:laugh:more pls.

Sawada_Tsunayoshi
25th Feb 2011, 11:34
Nyc post TS.. Keep it UP!!
FavoriTe ko Ung Jowk quotes moh...

t700_825
25th Feb 2011, 17:12
how nice nman..


nice ts:laugh:more pls.


Nyc post TS.. Keep it UP!!
FavoriTe ko Ung Jowk quotes moh...

Maraming salamat din po.,hehe,.,.thanks

t700_825
25th Feb 2011, 20:43
Joke # 201
Alien?

May nakasabay akong amerikano sa elevator...Parehas kaming pupunta sa ground floor..
May pumasok pang isang pinoy..

Guy#1:Bababa ba?

Ako:Bababa

Amerikano:Are you aliens?

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Joke #202

nagpaparamdam

MISIS: hon... ala na kung pantY

MISTER: tumahimik ka na nga dyan matulog na tayo....

MISIS: si honey naman wala na nga kung panty eh!

MISTER: GAGA!!! ka talaga di ba sabi ko susuutin ko muna!!!!

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Joke # 203
LESSON FOR THE DAY

TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay adan at eva

STUDENT: Mam, hndi yan 220.. Sbi ng tatay nagmula daw tayo sa unggoy!

TEACHER: iho, hindi natin pinag-uusapan d2 pamilya mo!

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Joke #204
Week-end Pass
Sa Kampo ng Army, gustong humingi ng week-end pass ang Sarhento dahil malapit ng manganak ang asawa niya. Gusto niyang nasa bahay pag oras na ng panganganak. Pumayag naman ang mabagsik na Major.

Sa Kabilang kwarto, nakikinig pala ang wais na Kabo. Pumunta siya sa opisina ng Major para mag paalam din.

Kabo: "Sir, Major", gusto ko rin humingi ng week-end pass."
Major: "Corporal, ano naman ang reason mo para bigyan kita ng pass?" "Alam ko, hindi pa naman buntis ang asawa mo."
Kabo: "Sir, Major, huwag kayong mag alala dahil sa liggong ito, siguradong buntis din ang Misis ko!"

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Joke # 205

Tagalog pickup lines !

miss sana aso nalang kita
para ikaw lang ang nag babantay
ng puso ko

girl : mag mula ngaun magbbyad kna ng renta sakin ah..
boy : bakit nmn?
girl : kasi dto kna maninirahan sa puso ko..

alam mo para lang saranggola..
kasi kahit gaano ka kalayo sakin hawak parin kita...

boy: may shades kaba?
girl: bakit?
boy: kasi nasisilaw ako sayong mga ngiti...

iz dat da sUn c0ming up??
0R...
iz dat juz YOU ligthing up my wOrLd!!

"; dAti aNg dAmi kOng paNgarAp..
;nGayOn, IKAW naLang... U "

boy: pinapasabi ni eddie mahal ka nya
girl: cnong eddie?
boy: eddie ako, =]

Alarm clock ka ba? ginising mo kasi ang natutulog kong puso.

Aanhin pa ang gravity? kung lagi akong nahuhulog sa'yo.

kung gagawa ako ng alak pangalan mo ang gagamitin ko. kasi ang lakas mo sumipa kaso sa puso ang tama.

tok! tok! tok! Pwede ba akong pumasok sa buhay mo?

Miss! langit na ba to? para ka kasing anghel.

Redhorse ka ba? ang lakas kasi ng tama ko sayo eh

Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard? type kasi kita eh

alam mo bang exam ako? kaya sagutin mo na ko

Uy! papicture naman tayo oh? para madevelop tayo sa isa't isa.

Surgeon ka ba? kasi ikaw lang ang nakapagbukas ng puso ko.

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Joke # 206
knock knock
who's there?
Joana.
Joana who?
I joana close my eyes! I joanna fall asleep.

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Joke # 207
knock knock
who's there?
Pussy Cat.
Pussy cat who?
Mag-pussycat! mag-pussycat. Dito sa showtime lahat tayo pussycat!

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Joke # 208
isang araw...
isang araw.....

may isang ponkan at isang apple
sa loob ng ref..

sabi ng apple..
wuuuuuu..
ang lameeeeeggg..


napasigaw c ponkan...
waaaaaah!!!!!.putangina!!!
nagsasalita ung mansanas!!!

hehehehee..

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Joke # 209

Panatang Makadota

Panatang maka-dota
Iniibig ko ang larong dota

isinlang ako para maglaro ng dota.
ito ang larong ipapasa ko sa akng mga
susunod na salinglahi.

ang hero ko ay kanyang kinukupkop
at tinutulungan
upang maging malakas, matatag at
kapakipakinabang.

bilang ganti ay kakarnehin ko ang mga
kalaban kong hero.

paglilingkuran ko ang napili kong
base
ipagtatnggol ko ang aking base kahit
na mag-mega creeps pa ito.
hindi ko pipindutin ang F10 kahit na
matatalo na kami.

sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na
maka-dota sa isip...sa salita...at sa
gawa

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Joke # 210
Salawikain
Aanhin mo ang marangyang kama na yari sa narra, kung hindi ka naman masaya sa iyong kasama.
Mabuti pang mahiga sa damo, kung kasama mo'y magaling kumabayo.....Uumm Sarrapp!

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Joke # 211
Warm and Moist
MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

GETS????,,.hehe

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Joke # 212
TEACHER: What is the coldest freezer in the world?
STUDENT: Vagina ma'am
TEACHER: Ha! Why?
STUDENT: Kasi po, di pa nga pumapasok, ang tigas na

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Joke # 213
BOY: Miss, hulaan kita gusto mo?
GIRL: Oo ba ...
BOY: Single ka noh?
GIRL: Ang galing mo ha! pano mo nalaman?
BOY: Ang pangit mo kaya! Duh

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Joke # 214
anak: Nay, pina tumbling ako kanina sa school sa laro namin sa chinese garter!

Nanay: Gaga! gusto lang nila makita panty mo!

Anak: alam ko po! kaya nga tinago ko sa bag! asa naman sila no??

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Joke # 215
Who's Guilty?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"

Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the husband!"

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Joke # 216
* Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa
barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinangtanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”

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Joke # 217
"lagi mong tatandaan na kahit ano man ang mangyari, nasa likuran mo lang ako parati"

-pwet
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Joke # 218
Sa McDonald's..

Boy: excuse me, may wi-fi ba dito?


Crew: ay naku ser, wala po eh.
Apple-fi lang tsaka pineapple-fi lang meron..

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Joke # 219
What is DUE CARE?

DUE CARE is someone

hu makes u laugh

Ex: Napatawamo ako, DUE CARE k pla..hahaha

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Joke # 220

Yard Work Sign Language
A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. he yells up to his wife, but she motion to him from the window like she can't hear. So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and makes raking motions. ("I need the rake.") She replies by pointing to her eye, Grabbing her left breast, slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. The man is confused and runs upstairs.


"What? What was that?"


'Eye, left tit, behind , the bush."

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Joke # 221
dati,
kung gusto mo lalaki...
siguraduhin mong guwapo.

ngayon,
kung gusto mo ng guwapo...

siguraduhin mong lalaki!

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Joke # 222

LOLA: Iho ako ay isinumpa. Isa akong prinsesa,
ngunit kung ako ay iyong gagahasain, babalik
ako sa maganda kong anyo at tuluyang mapuputol ang sumpa!

-=Makaraan ang ilang saglit=-

LALAKI: ayan, tapos na!
Bakit di ka pa nagpapalit ng anyo?

LOLA: Ilang taon ka na iho?

LALAKI: 30 na ho!

LOLA: Yang tanda mong yan, naniniwala ka pa
sa mga fairy tale?
Hala alis na't ng makapambiktima ulit..
nabitin ako sa 'yo..

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Joke # 223
dati:

best friends ang tawag sa matalik na magkaibigan, pero ngayon, ang best friend ay:

A. mag syota na tinatago ang relasyon.

B. manliligaw dati na binasted

C. mag ex na umaasa pang magkabalikan

D. magkaibigang may itinatagong pagnanasa sa isa't isa

ikaw, me best friend ka ba?

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Joke # 224

Interpreter

LAWYER: WHo stabbed you?
CLIENT:kung pwede tagalog lng ang tanong sir...
JUDGE:interpreter transl8 the question.
INTERPRETER:cno daw c tabyo?

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Joke # 225

lessons in life
"Minsan, kailangang
magpanggap na patay na para
hindi n muling masaktan pa!"

-IPIS na

Emotionally disturbed! Hahah

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Joke # 226

bra sizes
do u know y bra makers measure cup sizes by A B C D E F?.....

A- almost gone

B-barely noticeable

C-comfortable

D-damn good

E-extremely big..... and

F-fake




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

phann134
25th Feb 2011, 20:53
nice ones....:)

t700_825
25th Feb 2011, 21:12
nice ones....:)

Hehe,.ok ba,.salamat,.,.

mr._vin
26th Feb 2011, 08:57
Nice nice. . Napatawa ako ng malakas kanina sa library. .napagalitan tuloy ako. .hehe. .

t700_825
26th Feb 2011, 10:23
Nice nice. . Napatawa ako ng malakas kanina sa library. .napagalitan tuloy ako. .hehe. .

Salamat,.haha,.lagot ka sa librarian,.hehe,.

fereroweak
26th Feb 2011, 12:15
nice ts.. :thanks:

t700_825
26th Feb 2011, 21:17
nice ts.. :thanks:

Ayos b?.,hehe,.salamat din ng maraming marami...,

devil2887
27th Feb 2011, 00:54
magaling magaling.. nawala antok ko

t700_825
27th Feb 2011, 10:24
magaling magaling.. nawala antok ko

Kaaaga niyo namang magsymbianize.,hehe,.,.,.

t700_825
27th Feb 2011, 10:53
Joke # 227
Yaya: huhuhu!

Amo: o bakit ka umiiyak?

Yaya: kasi ate ang dami kong pimples...

Amo: e bakit ka tinitigyawat?

Yaya: kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.

Amo: o bakit di ka makatulog?

Yaya: kasi po may pinoproblema ako.

Amo: ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?

Yaya: kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!

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Joke # 228
Sa isang swimming pool:

girl: Waaah! Tulong!!!Tulong!!! di ako marunong lumangoy!!!!

boy: Eh ano naman? Ako nga hindi marunong magluto, sinisigaw ko ba???!!!

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Joke # 229
mag asawa nag- aaway:

babae: mas ok pa yata kung nagpakasal ako sa demonyo!!!

lalake: wehhhh! bawal kaya magpakasal sa kamag- anak.. hehehe

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Joke # 230
To test if the girl is faithful:

Put palay in her ****** and wait for 1 week.

Pag naging bigas, may BUMAYO.

Pag napanis, KINAMAY.

Pag nawala, may KUMAIN!!!

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Joke # 231
At a swimming pool.
Officemate1: “I’m sure lulutang ka.”
Officemate2: “Bakit, dahil payat ako?”
Officemate1: “Hindi, dahil plastic ka.”

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Joke # 232

Sa isang sosyaling salon:

GRETCHEN: "I want my hair dyed jet black, cut it short, and then treat it with lots of Keratin extracts."

ALING DIONISIA: "I want my hair dyed GOLD, curl it to the fullest level, then implant 1 diamond at the tip of every strand."


Talbog si GRETCHEN..

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Joke # 233
boy leans over, made a wish and throws a coin.
girl made a wish but leans too much, falls and drowns!
boy: HALA! ANG BILIS NAMAN!

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Joke # 234
Inday: Walang hiyang kang lalaki ka pinuyat mo ako kagabi
Dodong: Bakit ano ba ginawa ko
Inday: Nagsasalita ka ng mga pangalan ng mga babae merong Tina, Marie, Rose etc.ect.etc
Dodong: So ano ngayon, ano kinalaman ko sa pagkapuyat mo

Inday: Hinihintay ko kc banggitan mo pangalan ko eh

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Joke # 235

PMA Cadet

Pedro: Pare may tsimis na may bading ditto sa dorm natin.
Juan: Huh! Sino?
Pedro: Sasabihin ko sa iyo pero kiss muna.

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Joke # 236

What if different condoms exist and; these are their dscriptions:

1. Rexona condoms. It won't let u down!

2. Superwheel condoms. Konting kuskos, ayos!

3.Axion condoms. Walang dulas. Walang amoy.

4. M & M condoms. Melts in ur mouth. Not in ur hands.

5. Motolite condoms. Tested na pngmatagalan.

6. Family Rubbing Alcohol condoms - Di Lang pampamilya, pang isports pa!

7. Cord Marine Epoxy condoms - "sing tibay ng bato, sing tatag ng isang blokeng semento!"

8. Belo condoms- "Only Belo touches my skin. Who touches yours?"

9. Yacht Club bikini condoms - "For the man who packs a wallop!"

10. Clusivol condoms - "Bawal Magkasakit!"

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Joke # 237
Intsik: Patay punta sa heaven, asks St. Peter: “ Ano dyan sa kabila?”
St. Peter: “Wala, impyerno. Super init!!”
Intsik: “Lipat ako dun.”
St. Peter: “Ha! Bakit?!”
Intsik: Ako benta ice water.

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Joke # 238

Ipinapangako ko sa sarili ko, hinding-hindi na ako iinom ng alak.
..
..
isasabaw ko na lang sa kanin.

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Joke # 239

when a person tells you
"ang ganda/gwapo mo!"

it'sgood to answer with
"thank you, sana ikaw din"

-bastos na nilalang hahaha

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Joke # 240

SAD STORY: They were bestfriends since kids. Diane kept secret of her love for Enzo. Years passed, they separated ways and stopped communicating but she was still hoping that he would come back . After 2 years, her prayers were answered she received a message, "Diane, I have a surprise, Im coming back, Love and Kisses, Enzo" She waited at the airport but he didnt arrive. Then a sexy lady said, "Hi, Im Jen, friend of Enzo, I have bad news."

Tears fell from Diane's eyes! Then the lady smiled, "Gaga, its me, Enzo!"

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Joke # 241

JINKY: Babe, ano ang password mo sa facebook at friendster?
MANNY: tweety-donaldduck@mickeymouse_bugsbunny
JINKY: Bakit ang haba naman?


MANNY: Eh sabi du’n, minimum of four characters, eh! Gosh! Ano ka ba, babe? Duh!

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Joke # 242

Hi, ano gawa mo?

ako...
I'm propagating a
unicameral form of indiosyncrasy
occuring malevolently in
merotorious piece of
clasterubial
brain....
in short....

NAKATUNGANGA...!

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Joke # 243

Q: What alcoholic drink in the USA was popularized by an Ilocano?
A: Harvey Wallbanger

*****

Q: Kung maliit na palanggana at palangganita, ano ang maliit na batya?
A: Tansan!

*****

Q: What is the sensitive part of the body when masturbating?
A: The ears.
Q: Why?
A: To hear incoming footstep.

*****

Q: Paano mo mapapagkasya ang 71 katao sa isang kotse at tumatakbo pa kayo ng 120 Mph.
A: Ganito yun: Iyung dalawang tao nasa likod at nag-si-sixty nine, then plus driver and watcher.

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Joke # 244

dalawang bading nag-uusap...

SARAH: okay ba yung kasama mo kagabi?

JERRY: ai naku dai! daingsilog!

SARAH: kabayo ka! anu un, masarap na parang tapsilog?

JERRY: imbyerna ka! daingsilog? as in dadaing ka sa amoy ng singit at itlog!

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Joke # 245

TRUE STORY:


isang gabi, may lalaking nasiraan na sasakyan sa isang liblib na bayan..
May ermitaryo sa puno ng balete at lumapit..
ibinenta ang isang libro ng 1000..
napilitan syang bilhin..
sabi ng matanda "huwag titignan ang huling pahina kung hindi magsisisi ka!"

Tapos biglang nawala ang matandatapos sabay andar ng kotse..

pagdating sa bahay di sya makatulog, kinuha nya ang libro, tinignan ang huling pahina...

ang nakasulat:

NATIONAL BOOKSTORE
P47.75

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Joke # 246
Similarity

Q: Ano’ng similarity ng sperm at mayonnaise?
A: Pareho silang galling itlog at parehong Ladies Choice.

*****

Q: Anong bagong tawag kay Batman at Robin matapos silang masagasaan ng pison?
A: Flatman at Ribbon

*****

Q: Paano namatay si Cinderella?
A: Pagkagat ng midnight, yung kaniyang tampon, nagging pumpkin.

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Joke # 247

Juan: Pare, teka may nalaglag kang pilik-mata. Dapt mag-wish ka..

Pedro: Ganun ba un? Ang wish ko sana magkaroon ako ng maraming wish...

At nalaglag ang lahat ng pilik-mata ni Pedro...




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

t700_825
27th Feb 2011, 20:17
Joke #248

Sabi nila, minsan sa buhay natin, kailangang mamili. ‘Yung taong mahal mo… o mahal ka?

HELLO!

Hindi na uso ‘yan ngayon!

Ang tanong… DELICIOUS BA SIYA? [

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Joke # 249

Isang Gabi Nagtanan ang Dalawang Magkasintahan, Dahil wla itong matutuluyan nagpasya nalang silang tumuloy sa Simbahan.
Magkasintahan: Magandang Gabi po Father
Father: Magandang Gabi naman sa inyo mga Anak! Ano ba ang atin?
Magkasintahan: Nagtanan po kami Father
Father: Ganun ba mga Anak?
Magkasintahan: Wala po kming Matutulugan Father, pwede po bang diyan nalang kami matulog?
Father: Walang Problema yon mga Anak! Wala rin naman si pedro. dito nalang kayo matulog sa higaan ko. tutal double deck naman yan. at sa taas nalang ako matutulog at diyan nlang kayo sa ibaba.

Ngunit sa Kala Gitnaan ng Gabi Habang Masarap na ang tulog ni Father, biglang yumuga yung Kama at Nagulat si Father.

Father: Ano yan mga Anak?
Magkasintahan: First Flight po Father!
Father: Ok yan, cge tulog na ulit ako.

Maya-maya ay yumuga na naman yung kama. at nagtanong ulit si Father

Father: Ano yan, mga Anak?
Magkasinthan: Second Flight po Father
Father: Ah... Ok!

Maya-maya biglang yumuga ulit yung kama at nagulat yung dalawang magkasintahn at nagtanong kay Father.

Magkasintahan: Ano po yan Father?
Father: SOLO FLIGHT Mga ANAK!!!!

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Joke # 250

Lolo ko
Boy 1: Pare napakalupit ng lolo ko noong World War 2, pumatay siya ng 100 na hapon!
Boy 2: Walang kwenta! lolo ko pumatay siya ng 500 na hapon noong araw!
Boy 3: Hah! Wala kayo sa lolo ko. Dalawa lang ang pinatay niya!
Boy 1 and 2: Nyikes! Ano ba yan...
Boy 3: Pinatay niya ang mga lolo ninyo!

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Joke # 251

PATIENT: Doc, i hav a prblm but promise u wont laf

(drops his pants and shows d tiniest penis EVER).

Doc: (trying not 2 laf) Ok, wats d problm?

Patient: Namamaga doc!

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Joke # 252

Pumasyal si Erap sa Italy at nagpunta sa isang store para bumili ng sausage :

ERAP : Hi der , Du yu hev any Italian Sausage?
CLERK : Let me guess, you're NOT Italian.
ERAP : Yes, yu are korek ,i am a Pilipino.
CLERK : Let me guess, you are the former President of the Philippines.
ERAP : Wow, Haw did you guess?
CLERK : Because this is a hardware store !

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Joke # 253

pinoy ka kung






nanghihingi ka na nga lng pag di ka binigyan ikaw pa ung nagagalit...

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Joke # 254

Female Rejection Lines

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.'
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don't want to do my dad.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.

7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.

6. I've got a boyfriend. Translation: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

5. I don't date men where I work. Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.

4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: It's you.

3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.

2. I'm celibate. Translation: I've sworn off only the men like you.

1. Let's be friends. Translation: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.

Top 10 Male Rejection Lines (Translated!)

10. I think of you as a sister. Translation: You're ugly.

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: You're ugly.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You're ugly.

7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: You're ugly.

6. I've got a girlfriend. Translation: You're ugly.

5. I don't date women where I work. Translation: You're ugly.

4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: You're ugly.

3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: You're ugly.

2. I'm celibate. Translation: You're ugly.

1. Let's be friends. Translation: You're sinfully ugly.

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Joke # 255

salawikain
aanhin pa ang kamang yari sa narra kung ang kasamay di magaling sa kama...
mas gugustuhin ko pa ang humiga sa damo
kung ang kapiling ay magaling kumabayo

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Joke # 256

Tanong ni Mr. sa Mrs: Pag ako ang unang namatay, mag-aasawa ka ba ulit?
Mrs: Naku! Ang lunkot ko siguro pag nangyari iyon pero pag matagal na, baka mag asawa na rin ako.
Mr: Hindi mo siya dadalhin dito para tumira sa bahay natin.
Mrs: Bakit hindi, bahay ko rin ito at bakit pa kami titira sa ibang tahanan.
Mr: Huwag mo siyang patutulugin sa ating kama.
Mrs: Aba, hindi naman agad. Pag nagtagal na, bibili na rin kami ng bagong kama.
Mr: Promise mo, huwag mong payagan na gamitin ang aking golf clubs!
Mrs: Hinding-hindi talaga dahil sa 'Lefthanded' siya!

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Joke # 257

Juan:alam nyo ba yung lolo ko nung panahon ng hapon dun lang sya nagtatago sa maliit na pader at hindi sya tinatamaan ng bala.
Jose:wala pala yan sa lolo ko eh, yung lolo ko sa flywood lang nagtatago at hindi sya tinatamaan.
Juan: talaga?
Pedro:wala palang binatbat ung mga lolo nyo sa lolo ko, yung lolo ko nakatayo lang sa gitna.
Juan,Jose:talaga? bakit di sya tinatamaan
Pedro: eh bakit sya babarilin eh hapon ung lolo ko.

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Joke # 258

Mahirap kumatok sa pusong nasugatan na.

Minsan, katok ka nang katok… pero nakasara pa rin. Hanggang sa napagod ka na…

Ang hindi mo alam…









may door bell pala!

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Joke # 259

Tinolang Manok
Louie: Pare sarap ng inorder natin.. hmmm tinolang manok.

Erich: Oo nga pare.. sarap nito..

Jowell : Teka ano nga pala gusto n'yo sa manok

Louie: Sa akin hita, pitso, pakpak, balunan.

Erich: Sa akin naman ulo, sarap yun yung dibdib ng manok malaman din.. pare sa 'yo ano gusto mo?

Jowell: Sabaw na lang pare...

Louie1: Bakit naman...

Jowell: Tang ina nyo inubos nyo na lahat eh ano pa natira sa akin.





PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

DeathStar88
28th Feb 2011, 11:37
more, more more

t700_825
28th Feb 2011, 20:28
more, more more

Thanks,.,hehe

Simple_me09
1st Mar 2011, 04:31
,nice sir,dmi pLa d2 j0ke. . .jejeje p c0py pn txt. . .:clap:

t700_825
1st Mar 2011, 12:26
,nice sir,dmi pLa d2 j0ke. . .jejeje p c0py pn txt. . .:clap:

Hehe,.ok lang po,.,up,.up,.up,.,.

t700_825
1st Mar 2011, 13:11
Joke # 260

may kumakatok sa pinto

manong: tao po! tao po!
pinsan: sandali lang po, bubuksan ko na yung pinto.
tita: uy tao daw. tao ka ba?

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Joke # 261

nrnasan mo n bang
maglkad sa kalsada?

minsan
nakakalungkot
kpag wlang kasama,
lonely,
mg isa
at zero love pa,

parang wlang
ngmamahal sayo

tpoas my concern pla
pglingon mo




"saan ka pupunta ading?, tricycle?"

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Joke # 262

Pag "K" ka ng "K"...

Lalaki "T" mo..

di kakasya sa "P"

kaya mag "J" k n lang

gets?


uulitin ko..

Pag "Kain" ka ng "Kain"...

Lalaki "Tiyan" mo..

di kakasya sa "Pants"

kaya mag "Jogging" k n lang

have a healthy body, not a dirty mind

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Joke # 263

You look so................




















when u r playing jumping rope..


db?

you look so...hehe:lmao:

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Joke # 264

Q: Sino ang katabing matulog ni BIG BIRD?
A: Eh ‘di si PUKE MONSTER!

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Joke # 265

Q: Ano ang tawag sa maliit na aso?
A: KapirASO
Q: Ano ang tawag sa maliit na pusa?
A: CATiting
Q: Ano ang tawag sa maliit na kambing?
A: kapirangGOAT

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Joke # 266

Boy1: Ano ang pinakamainit na bahagi ng katawan ng babae?
Boy2: Singit.
Boy1: Bakit?
Boy2: Kita mo, sa sobrang init, nagkaroon ng biyak!

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Joke # 267

Isang Grade 3 ang pumunta sa nanay niya at sinabing

Bata: Mommy, yung bird po ng kaklase ko, parang tsampoy.

Mom: Bakit, maliit?

Bata: Hindi po, kasi po, maasim.

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Joke # 268

you know…

sometimes…
in order to protect someone we love…

“we keep secrets…”

-sabi ng mga babaero!

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Joke # 269

Gloria’s helicopter crashed on her way to a village.
A farmer saw what happened.
He rushed to the scene and buried all the passengers.
A couple of days later, the PSG came and asked the farmer if there were any survivors.

Farmer: ‘Hmmm, Gloria was screaming that she is still alive when I buried her ….’

PSG: ‘And you buried her anyway, why?

Farmer ‘Because Gloria never tells the truth’

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Joke # 270

Noynoy-Mar Scandal

You can see links before reply

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Joke # 271

doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak yung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa resulta ng AIDS test tapos sasabihin pa niya... THINK POSITIVE !

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Joke # 272

ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?

ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!

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Joke # 273

How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Joke # 274

sa Max's restaurant...

Waiter: Ano po order nila, ma'am, sir?

Amo: *** whole roasted chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano order mo?

Inday: I would like to partake of a dish sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of soy sauce & veggies, like carrots, cauliflower, and baguio beans. Sprinkled generously with fine spices and spring onion, generously helping of rootcrop and rice!

Amo: bigyan mo raw ng chopseuy 'tong abnormal na 'to! Bechinan mo ng marami nang mamatay na!

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Joke # 275

Nung bata daw si Pacquiao nakipag-away daw ito sa iskul...

Boy: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?

Manny: E, tinawag mo akong chempanzi!

Boy: Last year pa yon! Abnoy!

Manny: Eh kanina ko lang nakita ang pecture ng chempanzi, bubo!

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Joke # 276

Sulat ni lalake:
Dear love,
Ok lang ako dito.. syempre lagi kita naaalala lalo na kapag paksiw ang luto ni ina,akala ko nasa tabi lang kita andito kasi ang amoy mo.. amoy suka.. iyan ang love ko may asim pa.

Reply ni babae:
Dear love,
Ok lang din ako dito, para di mainip sumasama ako sa tatay ko doon sa bukid kung saan nakatira ang mga kambing niyang alaga. doon ko kasi naaalala ang amoy mo.. iyan ang love ko lalakeng - lalaki at matipuno at barakong-barako. ang amoy parang kambing na barako.

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Joke # 277

May isang lalaking tumigil sa isang farm.

Lalaki:mayroon po bang kwarto na pwedeng tulugan?
Farmer:Wala na eh! pero pwede ka munang matulog sa kwarto namin pero ipangako mo na hindi mo gagalawin ang anak ko!
Lalaki: pangako

nang pumasok na ang lalaki sa kwarto.....

Girl: yakapin mo ako nilalamig ako.
Lalaki:hindi pwede ipinangako ko sa tatay mo na hindi kita gagalawin.
Girl:Sige na nilalamig ako>
Boy: sige na nga
Kinabukasan.
Boy:ung anak nyo ang lamig kagabi
Farmer:oo 2 araw na syang PATAY....

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Joke # 278

Pag ASAWA mo,



i love you



Pag KABIT,



ang galing mo



kung SYOTA,



wow isa pa



pag d KILALA



BILISAN MO!
3hours
lang tayo

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Joke # 279

Three guys were introduced to a girl:
" Hi, I'm Peter, not a saint!"
" I'm Paul, not a pope."
"I'm John, not a baptist."
The girl gladly replies, "Hi, I'm Mary, not a virgin!"

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Joke # 280

A playboy died. During his funeral mass:
Priest: He's an honest guy, a good man, a family man!
Wife (whispers to her son): Anak, silipin mo nga ang kabaong. Baka hindi mo tatay ang nan dyan.





PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

xtn_311
1st Mar 2011, 15:08
ayos! keep em coming!

t700_825
1st Mar 2011, 20:55
ayos! keep em coming!

Sure, basta ikaw boss,.hehe

t700_825
2nd Mar 2011, 22:59
Joke # 281

what is a HYMEN?

It's a thin sheet of flesh like a membrane inside woman's vagina. It's primary purpose is to "welcome visitors" saying:


HI MEN!

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Joke # 282

WOMAN: Atty, I cant bear my husband anymore!

ATTY: Well, magpa-annul ka... (after 1 wk...)

WOMAN: Atty, I;m ok na. My husband has improved so much. Masarap pala magpa-anal (hehehe)

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Joke # 283

May nagpaputok ng rebentador/labintador.. lumabas si Juan..

Juan: Sino nagpaputok nun?

Lumabas ang isang mama na malaki ang katawan..

Lalaki: Ako.. Bakit?!

Juan: Lakas ah... Bingi ako eh..:lmao:

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Joke # 284

one day, Mr. Bean is sick and he went to the doctor.
the doctor gave him a medicine to drink.

Mr. Bean is cutting the sides..

Doctor: Why are you cutting the sides?
Mr. Bean: to avoid the side effects..

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Joke # 285

TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.

JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. ?:lol:

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Joke # 286

May nakabanggang bading si Inday…

INDAY: How dare you, ignorant road occupant! Moving with such accele*ration that cause elastic collision between my porcelain beauty and your grubby apparency of skin!

BADING: Bombalesh kang muchacha ka! Kenshulares mo makemer ang skin kong beautilicious! Never mo matorbokels and feslak ketch kung ayaw mer chenelyn makondrak chorva kita! Hala! Chupi!!!

INDAY: (nosebleed)

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Joke # 287

RICH KID: Sometimes, if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. Although we can't have everything we want, we can want everything we have.

POOR KID: f*** you! ang damot mo naman, pahiram lang ng PSP eh..

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Joke # 288

May isang sexing dalaga lumuwas ng Maynila para makita ang favorite DJ nya.
Gustong mag-take advantage ng DJ kaya pagpasok ng girl, nagbukas ng zipper at sinabing
"alam mo na siguro ang gagawin mo!"

Tumango ang girl, lumuhod at tumapat sa ari sabay sabi


"NAY, nasa radyo po ako. Kamusta kayong lahat dyan?!"

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Joke # 288

Pag siya minahal mo, ipagluluto ka nya ng breakfast---
araw-araw.

Pag ako minahal mo, ako ang breakfast mo----
araw-araw.

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Joke # 289

Mrs: Darling, dati lagi mo akong hinahalikan sa LEEG.
Ba't ngayon di na?

Mr: kasi, Darling, NOON may leeg ka pa

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Joke # 290

EFFECTS of 7 Deadly Sins:


Ang SELOS,
nakakawala ng tiwala sa sarili..


Ang INGGIT,
nakakawala ng pera sa bulsa..


Ang GALIT,
nakakawala ng magandang mukha..


Ang KASAKIMAN,
nakakawala ng kaibigan..


Ang KATAKAWAN,
nakakawala ng magandang katawan..


Ang KAYABANGAN,
nakakawala ng hangin sa kapaligiran..


Ang KALIBUGAN,
nakakawala ng enerhiya sa katawan!


Save this as your guide.. LOL! LOL







PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

xtn_311
3rd Mar 2011, 11:22
panalo ang 7 deadly sins, hehehe!

t700_825
3rd Mar 2011, 12:50
panalo ang 7 deadly sins, hehehe!

Haha,.lalo na yung last,.hehe

rammydestriza
3rd Mar 2011, 16:39
Hahaha....ang galing....

bluedragon2790
3rd Mar 2011, 17:23
nice ang dame jokes

t700_825
3rd Mar 2011, 19:53
Hahaha....ang galing....


nice ang dame jokes

Oks na Oks ba mga bossing,.hehe,.salamat,.,.,keep in touch

t700_825
3rd Mar 2011, 20:30
Joke # 291

Kung di ka magpapakatino, e2 ang bgsak m:

Engineering - Panday

Midwifery - Kumadrona

Education - Tambay

Criminology - Tanod

PMA - Rebelde

Medicine - Albularyo

IT - Tagabantay ng Net Cafe

Accountancy - Tindera

Fine Arts - Pintor ng Pader

Psychology - Manghuhula

Tourism - Driver

Masscom - Bugaw

Nursing - Maid/Caregiver

Medtech - Drug Pusher

HRM - Waiter

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Joke # 291

Tindera : Bili na po kayo ng kurtina, maganda ang uri tela nito.
Erap: Magkano ba yan?
Tindera: 100 pesos lang.
Erap: Aba mura, sige bibili ako para sa computer ko.
Tindera: Bakit para sa computer nyo?
Erap: Bakit may windows din naman yon ah!

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Joke # 292

Nasa elevator ka w/ your crush
e that time sinisipon ka
suddenly!
Napautot crush mo
Natawa ka! Lumobo sipon mo
Sino mas nakakahiya? Ikaw o siya?

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Joke # 293

ANAK: Itay, masama ang pakiramdam ko.
ITAY: Aba, mataas ang lagnat mo! Patitingnan kita sa doktor.
ANAK: Itay, nakatatamad. Kung titingnan lang niya ako… ipadala n’yo na lang ang litrato ko.

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Joke # 294

[Jeepney Driver Tinigil ng Pulis]
Driver: O ano *** violation ko?
Pulis: Wala!
Driver: **go ka pala eh. Bakit mo ako hininto?
Pulis: T**ga ka pala eh. Sasakay ako!

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Joke # 295

Dahil sa hirap ng buhay,
pasahero: Mamang tsuper, may bayad po ba kapag bata?
Driver: Wala
pasahero: Kapag kandong?
Driver: wala din
pasahero: ok anak umupo kana kakandong ako.

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Joke # 296

3 basis of choosing a girlfriend:

1.) MABAIT
hindi nagagalit kapag nanananTsing ka

2.) MAHIYAIN
Hindi tumatanggap ng regalo.

3.) ISIP BATA
Kung anu-ano sinusubo

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Joke # 297

I thought my life wss lonely... till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.

I asked him: "You don't have arms, and yet why are you so happy?"

He answered: "who's happy? makati lang itlog ko!"

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Joke # 298

ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!

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Joke # 299

How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!

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Joke # 300

sa Max's restaurant...

Waiter: Ano po order nila, ma'am, sir?

Amo: *** whole roasted chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano order mo?

Inday: I would like to partake of a dish sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of soy sauce & veggies, like carrots, cauliflower, and baguio beans. Sprinkled generously with fine spices and spring onion, generously helping of rootcrop and rice!

Amo: bigyan mo raw ng chopseuy 'tong abnormal na 'to! Bechinan mo ng marami nang mamatay na!

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Joke # 301

Law of Probability:

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Pinoy Style: Mag-astang istupido o magtanga-tangahan sa lahat ng oras para hindi halata pag may nagawang kaistupiduhan o katangahan!




Law of the Telephone:

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Pinoy Style: Mag-text na lang or makipag-chat sa internet!



Law of the Theatre:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Pinoy Style: Excuse me po! Makikiraan lang po!

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Joke # 302

Girl: I have experienced so much happiness since you came. No one can ever replace you here in my heart. Just keep in mind that I'm still the same girl who loved you and nothing can ever stop that.
Boy: Wait lang ha? Nagdodota ako eh. Pustahan 'to

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Joke # 303

Boy: Ang manok, baboy, prutas, gulay…
Girl: Hmp, alam ko na ‘yan, nagmamahalan na, tayo na lang ang hindi?!
Boy: Hindi, lahat ‘yun, natikman ko na, ikaw na lang ang hindi.

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Joke # 304

Boy Bolero: Hindi ka tao, hindi ka hayop...

Girl: Ano tayo?

Boy Bolero: Bagay tayo...

Girl: Utot mo! Hindi ka tao, hindi ka bagay, hayop ka!

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Joke # 305

GRO: Wow! Ganda ng brief mo! Flag ng U.S.A. ang design.

Customer: Salamat! Sayo naman flag ng Japan.

GRO: Hindi ho! Mens ko yan! Nakalimutan ko lang magpalit ng panty

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Joke # 306

BABAE: Hayop ka! Niloko mo ako! May asawa ka na pala!

LALAKi: Excuse me! Ang sabi mo, you need a husband, well… I’m a husband!

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Joke # 307

BOY: Your eyes are really attractive
GIRL: Talaga?
BOY: Oo, they attract each other! DULING ka kasi remember?belat

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Joke # 308

Boy: Wow ang ganda naman ng damit mo! Kukur Fashion!
Girl: Kukur? Baka you mean, Couture Fashion?

Boy: Kukur as in KUKURTINAHIN!
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Joke # 309

BOY: Chocolate ka ba?

GIRL: (kinilig) Iihhh! Banat ba ‘yan?

BOY: Hindi. Negra ka kasi!:lmao:

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Joke # 309

BF-GF during $3x..

BF: kala ko ba virgin ka pa?!
GF: ay, oo nga pala noh... aray nga pala. aray.... lol2:rofl:

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Joke # 310

Doctor: I’m sorry, wala na akong magagawa para tumayo pa si manoy mo. Palagyan mo na lang ng bolitas.
Ben: Pagkatapos po, doc?


Doctor: Gamitan mo ng magnet para tumayo. :thumbsup:

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Joke # 311

Juan: Labo na mata ko.
Doctora: Kita mo puti legs ko?
Juan: 'Di po.
Doctora: Kita mo laki boobs ko?
Juan: 'Di rin po.
Doctora: Ga*go! Bakit tumi-tigas ti*ti mo?
Juan: Imagination lang po ‘yan, doc.

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Joke # 312

Dok: meron akong good news and bad news sayo..

Patient: ano po yun dok?

Dok: ang good news ay may isang araw ka pa para mabuhay..


ang bad news nakalimutan kong sabihin kahapon..

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Joke # 313

Sa isang clinic…
DOK: Aba! Grabe naman ang lalim ng butas ng flower mo! Aba! Grabe naman ang lalim ng butas ng flower mo!
PROSTI: Si dok naman! Kailangan ba tala¬gang ulit-ulitin mo pa?

DOK: Hindi ko inulit, ineng! Nag-echo lang! Hindi ko inulit, ineng! Nag-echo lang!

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Joke # 314

Matino street inside UP Village was renamed Santiago in honor of Senator Miriam Santiago.

In case you look for it, just ask for Santiago, ‘yung dating Matino!

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Joke # 315

HRM at NURSING Student nag-uusap:

HRM:Penge nga alcohol!!

NURSE:La akong alcohol eh.. sori

HRM:Naturingan kang nursing student, la kang alcohol!

NURSE:Cge nga.pahiram ng kaldero, kawali, palayok, kutsara, tinidor, kutsilyo, baso, pinggan at sandok!Now n!May dala kb?! Bilis!!!

(Joke lang po.,hehe)

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Joke # 316

Teacher: Write a sentence ending with HAND.

Juan: My penis in ur hand!

Teacher slapped juan…

Juan: Sorry I forgot to put space between pen and is…

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Joke # 317

Guro: Totoo bang hindi naninigarilyo, di umiinom. di nagsusugal at di nangchichicks ang papa mo?

Pupil: Opo!

Guro: Wow! Anong sikreto nya?

Pupil: walang pera

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Joke # 318

GURO: Jun, ba’t lagi mong nilalawayan ang ulo mo tuwing may klase tayo?

JUN: Narinig ko po kasi, sabi ni ate sa boyfriend niya, basain ng laway ang ulo ‘pag ayaw pumasok.

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Joke # 319

Teacher asks her pupils what they want to be in the future...

Kiko: I want to be a lawyer

Juan: I want to be a doctor

Nene: I want to be a mother






Pedro: I want to help Nene

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Joke # 320

MATH PROBLEM

BOY: Dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko sa iskul. Find the least common denominator daw.

DAD: Ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah... Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?!




PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

Patricious312
3rd Mar 2011, 22:25
Astig!!! Galing nito. Keep it going. Natatawa ako kahit mag-isa lang ako nagbabasa. XD

t700_825
4th Mar 2011, 11:44
Astig!!! Galing nito. Keep it going. Natatawa ako kahit mag-isa lang ako nagbabasa. XD

Yup.,hehe,.up,.up.,up

mr._vin
4th Mar 2011, 12:58
Lupet nung 7 sins. .hehe. . Thanks b0ssing . .keep it up. .

alcheon
4th Mar 2011, 14:10
astonishing nga hahaha :rofl:

rammydestriza
4th Mar 2011, 15:46
Hahaha.........more jokes.........

t700_825
4th Mar 2011, 20:14
Lupet nung 7 sins. .hehe. . Thanks b0ssing . .keep it up. .


astonishing nga hahaha :rofl:


visit and like this page for funny videos and picture :)

You can see links before reply


Hahaha.........more jokes.........

Salamat sa mga comments mga bossing,.hehe:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

t700_825
6th Mar 2011, 08:16
Joke # 321

a boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:

BOSS: If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off? confused

SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, b-ra, pan-ty!

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Joke # 322

SALESGIRL: sir, you can't smoke here.
CUSTOMER: but I bought these cigars from your store.
SALESGIRL: we also sell con-doms, but it doesn't mean you can f*ck here.

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Joke # 323

Mga madre nag-swimming…

Madre1: Sister, bawal sa atin ang two-piece.

Madre2: Ganun ba? Eh alin tatanggalin ko, yun sa ibaba o yun sa itaas??

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Joke # 324

Sakrtistan: father, nakita ko po yung pilay, nagdasal sa altar tapos tinapon saklay nya!..

Pari: diyos ko, isa tong milagro!....... Asan siya?

Sakristan: andun po nakadapa, putok ang nguso!!

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Joke # 325

Lalaki: Padre, kasalanan ho bang ikaskas ko ang ari ko sa ari ng tsimay namin? Kaskas lang ho, hindi ko ipapaasok.

Pari: Hijo, kahit na kaskas lang, para mo na ring ipinasok. Parehas din yun...

Lalaki: Ganoon ho ba? Okey, ikakaskas ko na lang ang pera ko sa donation box. Parehas din lang pala iyon!

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Joke # 326

Priest: Sino ang may kagalit?

Nagtaas ng kamay lahat except si lola

Priest: Si lola lang ang walang kagalit? Ano edad nyo lola?
Lola: 90 anyos.
Priest: Tignan nyo si lola 90 yrs old na, walang kagalit. Dapat ganito din tayo. Teka lola bakit po wala kayong kagalit?

Lola: Patay na ang mga paking shyet!

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Joke # 327

GIRL(Nangungulangot sa jeep)

LOLA: Anong kinukuha mo iha?

GIRL: Nursing po

LOLA: Ah, kala ko kulangot.

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Joke # 328

Sa ospital, mag-isang nagfill-up si lola ng medical record

Lola: magtanong na nga iha, ano ba ilalagay dina sa status?

Nurse: uhm, may asawa po ba kayo lola?

Lola: meron.

Nurse: married na lang lagay mo 'la.

Lola: di naman kami kasal eh, flirt flirt lang yun...

Nurse: Hmmm, sige lagay nyo na lang po single.

Lola: pero nag-secret marriage kami dati sa barangay...

Nurse: ahmmm... sige po lagay nyo na lang.........

It's complicated. Ü

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Joke # 329

Lola: S*x nga tayo!
Lolo: sandali lang, kunin ko condom ko
Lola: Gago, hindi na ako mabubuntis!
LoLo: Tanga! may rayuma titi ko, hindi pwede mabasa!

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Joke # 330

a married couple died in a car crash… in heaven, wife sees her husband w/ another girl…
wife: “what r u doing w/ that girl?”

husband: “huh! it was only ’til death do us part di ba?”

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Joke # 331

daddy: mommy, ang ganda ganda ng anak natin galing ata yan sa iyo ang angkin niyang kariktan!

mommy: huh, paano nangyari iyun eh hindi naman ako ganun kaganda? (kilig kilig)

daddy: yun na nga eh, wala ng natira sa iyo, nasa anak na natin lahat!

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Joke # 332

A killer enters a room of a husband and wife:

Killer: Before I murder both of you, I wanna know the names of my victims

Wife: My name is Jane

Killer: My mother's name is Jane, So I won't kill you, how about you?

Husband: My name is Gary but my friends call me Jane.

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Joke # 333

Mister:Honey nakukunsyensya ako,dapat ko ng ipagtapat ito sa iyo.

Misis:Honey okay sa akin,mahal naman kita.

Mister:Honey alam mo,kapag nagseseks tayo,iba ang pinapantasya kong babae.

Misis:A ganon ba!???Eh honey ikaw naman ang nasa isip ko kapag kaseks ko ang ibang lalaki!!

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Joke # 334

nanay: walang mangyayare sayo kung puro ka syota?!





anak: weh? bakit kagabi me nangyare?!

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Joke # 335

Mom: didnt i tell you that if a guy touches your ganun say DON'T? and if he touches your Kitty say Stop

Girl: Mama yah nmn ehh pero he touched both at the same time so i said


"Dont stop"

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Joke # 336

Anak: Inay, gusto ko, ngayong birthday ko, espesyal, ha. Dapat ‘yung message mo sa akin, ma-touch at maiiyak ako.



Inay: Anak, ampon ka. :dance:

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Joke # 337

Juan: Nay, alis na po ako. Male-late na ako sa school.

Nanay: Anak sandali, eto yung baon mong sandwich at juice. Eto na din yung pananghalian mo para mamayang lunch break. Eto yung panyo, 2 bimpo, extra t-shirt at shorts baka pagpawisan ka at madumihan. Eto na din ang pulbos mo at cologne. Nasa bag na yung tubig pati yung payong at sumbrero mo. May tsinelas din diyan pag napagod na paa mo sa shoes. O, etong pera pamasahe.

Juan: amp0tah! Camping?! Absent na lang ako nay.

:lol:

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Joke # 338

Anak: Ma! si kuya, nagbigti po sa banyo!!

Mama: Ha?!

(tumakbo patungong CR pero la naman doon ang kuya nya)

Mama: Ikaw ha, puny3t@ ka, wag kang magbibiro ng ganyan..

Anak: Hehe.. Joke, Joke, Joke!! Sa kwarto po sya nagbigti..

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Joke # 339

Use Barack Obama in a sentence.


Mama: Anak, timpla mo nga ako kape...

Anak: Barako ba Ma?

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Joke # 340

Noodle!!

Noodle!!

Noodle!!

- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.. =)


PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

Patricious312
6th Mar 2011, 08:44
Haha kakatawa talaga. :laugh:

aaliyah01
6th Mar 2011, 18:48
gling ng mga joke m ts.haha.nwla antok ko.

t700_825
6th Mar 2011, 21:48
gling ng mga joke m ts.haha.nwla antok ko.

Hehe,.salamat,.,i'll keep posting

wagaca85
7th Mar 2011, 04:33
pa subscribe

maurice27
7th Mar 2011, 07:04
comercial break po muna...

2012 6'senses:

1.sense of earthquake.

2.sense of fire.

3.sense of tsunami.

4.sense of hurricane.

5.sense of storm.

Ee,anu ung pang'anim?

6. Absence,
WALA NG EARTH,
;-D

t700_825
7th Mar 2011, 11:50
pa subscribe

Sure boss.,hehe,.,.

t700_825
7th Mar 2011, 12:03
Joke # 341


comercial break po muna...

2012 6'senses:

1.sense of earthquake.

2.sense of fire.

3.sense of tsunami.

4.sense of hurricane.

5.sense of storm.

Ee,anu ung pang'anim?

6. Absence,
WALA NG EARTH,
;-D

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Joke # 342

pedro: "pare, malungkot ka ata?"

juan: "marami akong problema 'pre.."

pedro: "wala yun 'pre. tumingin ka sa akin..."

juan: "pare naman, please lang. wag mo nang dagdagan pa!"

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Joke # 343

Pare 1: Pag nag-away kami ni misis, tinitingala nya ako.

Pare 2: Ang galing mo naman pala pre. E bakit ka tinitingala niya?

Pare 1: Kasi madalas nakatingala sya, tapos sabi nya: "Hoy, bumaba ka dyan sa aparador!"

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Joke # 344

Pare1: Pre, tagayan mo pa ako. Nag-away kami ni misis eh...

Pare2: Ha? Sino nanalo?

P1: Sabihin na lang natin na ang huli kong salita eh, "Tumigil ka na't nagdidilim na ang paningin ko!"

P2: Hahaha! Bossing ka pala eh! Anong sabi nya?

P1: D ko na alam. Nawalan na ako ng malay eh. Sakal sakal kasi nya ako nung sinabi ko yun!..

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Joke # 345

Juan: Pare, ano baon mo ngayon?
Jose: FILET ALA EL NIÑO!
Juan: Wow! Ang sarap. Ano yon?


Jose: TUYO!!

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Joke # 346

B1: oi pare, ano spelling ng "orange"?
B2: ang t@ng@ mo naman pare!

...ano gusto mong ispell ko..?

...yung prutas o yung kulay..?!

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Joke # 347

Pedro: Sikat na talaga si Pacquiao ano?
Juan: Bakit?
Pedro: Bumili kasi ako bago phone laki kasi sweldo ko. May option, SEND TO MANY!

Juan: t-a-nga! Matagal na kaya yun, di naman nagtetext back yun eh!

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Joke # 348

Juan: Pare, kelan mo balak bayaran yung utang mong P64?

Pablo: O eto may P100 ako, pay P36 ka?

Juan: Wala eh, pero may P50 ako, may P14 ka?

Pablo: Wala rin eh, may P20 ako dito, may P6 ka?

Juan: May P10 ako, may P4 ka?

Pablo: May P5 ako, may piso ka?

Juan: Oo, eto meron..

(Pablo binayad ang P5, Juan binigay ang piso).

Pablo: Yan ah, wala na akong utang

Juan: Sige pare, salamat ingat ka.

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Joke # 349

Son: Dad, macho na ba ako? May tattoo na ako sa dibdib!
Dad na duling: Waw macho nga lupet na agila mo nak
Son: ...... hum? Dad di po agila yan
Dad na duling: Ahh Dragon?

Son: Tay ure so dum its hello kitty DuH

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Joke # 350

TATAY: Bakit hinimatay ang nanay mo?

JR: Nagtext po si Kuya galing Saudi, nagpatuli sya, pero pa-inglis-inglis ang txt nya: ‘JUST BEHEADED TODAY.’

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Joke # 351

bagong kasal si Elias, humingi sya ng tip sa tatay nya..

Elias: Tay, hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat gawin sa honeymoon.

Tatay: madali lang iyan, anak. basta ilagay mo ang pinakamatigas na parte katawan mo sa kung saan siya umiihi.

kinabukasan..

Tatay: ayos ba kagabi, anak?

Elias: ginawa ko yung sinabi mo tay. muntik na akong malunod "nang ipasok ko ang ulo ko sa inidoro namin".






PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

alcheon
7th Mar 2011, 17:05
print :D

theahaiku
8th Mar 2011, 12:26
Boy: best may Boyfriend ka na ba?
Girl: wala pa eh..
Boy: huh bakit wala pa?
...Girl: ayoko pa..!! eh ikaw bat wala ka pang GF?

.....

Boy: eh kasi ayaw mo pa..
______________________

ang cheesyyyyyyyyyy

t700_825
8th Mar 2011, 19:24
Boy: best may Boyfriend ka na ba?
Girl: wala pa eh..
Boy: huh bakit wala pa?
...Girl: ayoko pa..!! eh ikaw bat wala ka pang GF?

.....

Boy: eh kasi ayaw mo pa..
______________________

ang cheesyyyyyyyyyy

Nice.,hehe..,

t700_825
9th Mar 2011, 12:28
Joke # 352

"Aanhin pa ang gabi, kung wala naman katabi?"



Eh may nakarinig:

"Eh anong silbi ng may katabi kung wala namang nangyayari?"



May humirit:

"Eh ano naman kung may mangyayari kung wala namang nabubuong baby?"



Eh may affected:

"Paano may mabubuong baby kung parehas kayong LALAKI?"



Ang pinakamatindi:

"Aanhin mo ang babae kung mukha namang LALAKI?"

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Joke # 353

Babala ito sa mga Friendz na..




Hindi Gumigimik,
Hindi nagYoYosi,
Hindi nagPupuyat,


at hindi umiinom!!


balang araw mawawalan ka ng kaibigan...




Buhay ka pa....




patay na cla!!

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Joke # 354

the brain is the most outstanding thing...
it functions 24 hours and 365 and 1/4 days..
it functions right from the time we were born..
and it only stops functioning when.....









WE TAKE EXAMS..

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Joke # 355

Erap in 3rd grade came home shouting...

Erap: Tay nanalo ako ng pahabaan ng ari.

Ama: Gago! Paanong hindi ka mananalo eh bente anyos ka na!

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Joke # 356

GF: Hatid mo q?

BF: La q pera, la pa allowance q!

GF: Ayaw m0?
Walang tao sa bhay ngaun eh!!

BF: Aba'y tingnan m0 nga nMan,
my naipit plng bente..

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Joke # 357

Pwd k
bng
MAKANTOT?


M aging
A king
K aibgang
A agapay
N g
T apat
O
T rufrnds

cge n!

psa mo s iba
pra my
makantot k dn.

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Joke # 358

Sna nAging tubig nLng ak0..


ng s gAnun

tuWing Ors ng
pag'Ligo m0..




Lht dadaAnan
k0...
:excited:

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Joke # 359

Bakit binaril ng bobo ang 1st GF nya?

Kc sinubukan nya kung totoong..

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES..

haha..

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Joke # 360

Ano mas mahirap?

Ang ngongo na pinakakanta ng teacher sa class?

o kaming mga kaklase na nkikinig sa kanta ng ngongo na pag tumawa ay ibabagsak ng teacher?

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Joke # 361

pg
mhaL
m0
syA

sbhn
m0

kht
aLm
mong

wLng
kpaLt
un

ang
mhLaga
nLmn nyA

at kng magaLit
syA,
sbhn mo:

WRONG SENT LNG!! 'tang-inaNg to! HIGHBLood..'

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Joke # 362

NANAY: Ayusing mu kama mo!

ANAK: Nay, nggulo lng ulit, bkt ko pa aayusin? Pra lng akong ngmahal tpos mssaktan lng muli..

NANAY: yown!! Ngdrama ang tamad!!..

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Joke # 363

In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world.

The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans."
Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more."

The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production."

Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!"
"Proud to be a Filipino."

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Joke # 364

Policeman arresting a prostitute…

Prosti: Aba , I am not selling sex!

Police: Then what are you doing?

Prosti: I’m a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.





PAHIT NAMAN NG You can see links before reply KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

raglike
9th Mar 2011, 13:17
haha..kakatawa naman..nyc..

t700_825
9th Mar 2011, 20:31
haha..kakatawa naman..nyc..

Basta kayo mga bossing,.,.hehe

t700_825
11th Mar 2011, 20:26
Pansamantala ko munang puputulin ang update neto.,hehe,.i'll be back soon,.1 week lang,.exam kasi,.hehe,.,.up..up..up..

enzoy90
11th Mar 2011, 21:44
Pansamantala ko munang puputulin ang update neto.,hehe,.i'll be back soon,.1 week lang,.exam kasi,.hehe,.,.up..up..up..

While you are away, pwede po ba kami na muna mag-update nitong thread? Please... Kaysa naman gumawa ng ibang thread, eh swak na swak naman itong thread mo. :pray:

wagaca85
12th Mar 2011, 04:26
ANG NAKARAAN..

May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante.

Bglang hinimatay ang elepante.
Ano ang ibinulong ng daga?


DAGA: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama!


SA PAGPAPATULOY..

Dahil di makapaniwala ang elepante,
dinala nya ang daga sa doktor.
Tuwang tuwa ang elepante at masyang
ibinulong sa daga ang resulta
ng ultrasound.


Biglang hnimatay ang daga.
Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante?


ELEPANTE: Ako nga ang ama,
at elepante ang anak natin, at kambal sila!

wagaca85
12th Mar 2011, 04:28
eto joke ko ewan ko kung matawa kayo. matagal na to sakin nasa usb ko lng:

kinuha ng isang kanong pari c erap as interpreter...

pari:the lord was crucified bet 2 robbers.
erap: si hesus ay ipinako sa gitna ng 2 goma.
p: we need to sacrifice!
e: kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas!
p: if we do not repent...
e: kapag hindi natin pipinturahan uli..
p: the wrath of god will come upon u
e: ang mga daga ng diyos ay pupunta syo(nagtawanan)
p: well...well..
e: balon...balon...
---------
(Sa sabungan walang entrance fee and may dalang panabong..
si Juan para malakibre, pumasok ng may dalang inahin.)

Bantay: (sinita si Juan) Ano yan?!
Juan: (galit pa) Manok!
Bantay: Alam ko, e bakit inahin??
Juan: May fight ang anak nya..syempre MORAL SUPPORT!
----------
Kriminal 1: Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?

Kriminal 2: Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya!

Kriminal 1: Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..
----------
A lady went to a doctor asking for help with her sex life. Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra? asked the doctor.

He wont even take an asprin. He hates pills.

Just put it in his coffee he will never know. Come back in a week and tell me how things went.

The next week, she came back and she was not happy. Was the sex not good? asked the doctor.

No it was the best sex I’ve ever had! I put it in his coffee like you said. He had one sip then he got this look of fire in his eyes. He pushed everything off the table and made love to me right there on the table!

Well, what’s wrong then? asked the doctor.

I’ll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again
----------
It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacanang that slaps anybody who tells a lie.

Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said : I think I'm tall
and the mirror slapped him.

Then came President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. : I think I'm the prettiest woman in the Philippines,

and the mirror slapped her.

Then passed President Erap and said : I think . . .
and the mirror slapped him.

mr_artmen
12th Mar 2011, 10:41
Ang sakit sa tiyan. Hahahaha

t700_825
12th Mar 2011, 11:56
While you are away, pwede po ba kami na muna mag-update nitong thread? Please... Kaysa naman gumawa ng ibang thread, eh swak na swak naman itong thread mo. :pray:

Sure boss.,hehe,.thanks for the support,.bye2 na muna...


ANG NAKARAAN..

May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante.

Bglang hinimatay ang elepante.
Ano ang ibinulong ng daga?


DAGA: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama!


SA PAGPAPATULOY..

Dahil di makapaniwala ang elepante,
dinala nya ang daga sa doktor.
Tuwang tuwa ang elepante at masyang
ibinulong sa daga ang resulta
ng ultrasound.


Biglang hnimatay ang daga.
Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante?


ELEPANTE: Ako nga ang ama,
at elepante ang anak natin, at kambal sila!


eto joke ko ewan ko kung matawa kayo. matagal na to sakin nasa usb ko lng:

kinuha ng isang kanong pari c erap as interpreter...

pari:the lord was crucified bet 2 robbers.
erap: si hesus ay ipinako sa gitna ng 2 goma.
p: we need to sacrifice!
e: kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas!
p: if we do not repent...
e: kapag hindi natin pipinturahan uli..
p: the wrath of god will come upon u
e: ang mga daga ng diyos ay pupunta syo(nagtawanan)
p: well...well..
e: balon...balon...
---------
(Sa sabungan walang entrance fee and may dalang panabong..
si Juan para malakibre, pumasok ng may dalang inahin.)

Bantay: (sinita si Juan) Ano yan?!
Juan: (galit pa) Manok!
Bantay: Alam ko, e bakit inahin??
Juan: May fight ang anak nya..syempre MORAL SUPPORT!
----------
Kriminal 1: Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?

Kriminal 2: Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya!

Kriminal 1: Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya..
----------
A lady went to a doctor asking for help with her sex life. Why don’t you just give your husband a viagra? asked the doctor.

He wont even take an asprin. He hates pills.

Just put it in his coffee he will never know. Come back in a week and tell me how things went.

The next week, she came back and she was not happy. Was the sex not good? asked the doctor.

No it was the best sex I’ve ever had! I put it in his coffee like you said. He had one sip then he got this look of fire in his eyes. He pushed everything off the table and made love to me right there on the table!

Well, what’s wrong then? asked the doctor.

I’ll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again
----------
It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacanang that slaps anybody who tells a lie.

Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said : I think I'm tall
and the mirror slapped him.

Then came President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. : I think I'm the prettiest woman in the Philippines,

and the mirror slapped her.

Then passed President Erap and said : I think . . .
and the mirror slapped him.


Ang sakit sa tiyan. Hahahaha

Thanks........

niel16
12th Mar 2011, 12:44
nice 10!!1:nice:

bluedragon2790
12th Mar 2011, 12:46
Papost dn ako ng jokes d2 ts..

enzoy90
12th Mar 2011, 20:08
Joke # 371
The rain makes all things beautiful,

the grass and flowers too.

But if rain really makes all things beautiful,









why doesn't it rain on you? :noidea:
------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 372

kapag may masamang nangyari,

umiinom ka to forget;

kapag may magandang nangyari,

umiinom ka to celebrate;

kapag walang nangyari,







umiinom ka para may mangyari :evillol:
------------------------------------------------------------

Joke # 373

Kung paglalaruan mo lang ang puso ko, tumigil ka na...hindi na tayo bata



bakit hindi na lang katawan ko ang paglaruan mo, mag eenjoy pa tayo. :lolcard:
------------------------------------------------------------

Joke # 374

Someday you may lose your hair,

you may lose your teeth,

your money and even lose your mind.

But one thing you will never lose - your good looks,







coz you can never lose what you don't have! :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 375

I saw someone at the mall. So cute, smart-looking, simple, elegant, and looks like a celebrity. Kainis paglapit ko nauntog ako. Salamin pala! :slap:

------------------------------------------------------------

Joke # 376

I don't know how to say this. We are friends but I can't get you out of my mind. This is wrong but you're the only one I could think of. This might break our friendship, but I have to say this.




Pautang naman! :blush:
------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 377

I looked at the sky. The sky is beautiful. I looked at you. I looked at the sky na lang ulit.
------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 378

Everyone, except me, wants to become a millionaire. I want to become a billionaire.

------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 379

The Philippine presidents flying in a plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a million pesos out the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don't you throw 2 checks for half a million each and thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a quarter of a million each and make four Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap blurts out:
"but madam president, why not simply throw yourself out of the window and make all the Filipinos happy?"



:lmao:
------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 380

a thirsty city girl went to a barrio
GIRL: where galing your water manong?
MATANDA: sa ilog ineng.
GIRL: ha? You drink that water manong?
MATANDA: duhhh! Why, sa syudad ba chine-chew?

------------------------------------------------------------

bluedragon2790
13th Mar 2011, 07:52
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang?” “Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,”TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ”
Tags: matipid, mrs
=====
Two men drink up a bottle of vodka. Nothing. They buy another bottle and drink that up, too. Still nothing. Money is almost gone. One of them has an idea:
“Let’s take couple of beers and go to sauna!”
So they do but with no results.
“I have a friend who knows how to get high without any money,” says the other. “Let’s pay him a visit!”
They do. The friend glances over them and asks:
“You come from a sauna, don’t you?”
“That’s right! But how did you figure that out?” the men marvel.
“What’s to figure – naked men with bath whisks in their hands…”
=====
JUAN: Oi! Ano yan? Pinya?
Pahingi nman…

PEDRO: Pahingi? Nsaan ka nung ngbu2ngkal ako ng lupa sa ilalim ng init ng araw?
Nasaan ka nung ngtatanim ako hbang kumukulog, kumikidlat at bumubuhos ang ulan?
Nsaan ka nung oras na ng-aani ako habang ngkalat ang mraming ahas sa daanan ko,
nung naghihirap ako sa pgpasan ng pinya? NASAAN KA!!!

JUAN: Nakulong ksi ako noon! Nkaptay ako ng madamot!

PEDRO: Gnun ba?
Kuha ka na, khit ilan!
May langka pa dun!
=====
Nanay: Anak, magluto ka nga ng cornbeef.
Anak: Maya na nay nagpapalipad pa ako ng sarrangola.
Nanay: Makakain mo ba yang sarrangola mo?
Anak: Bakit nay? lumilipad ba yang lulutuin ko? Umayos ka nay, baka ikaw paliparin ko dyan.
=====
May isang taxi driver pauwi na ng bahay ng may pumarang pasahero sa kanya sa tapat mismo ng sementeryo... nakaputi ito at tahimik....

Driver:(sabi sa sarili) shit nakakakilabot naman tong pasahero ko...

may dumaang pusang itim...biglang preno, napatiggil ang driver...

napatinginl sya sa salamin wala na ung babae... kinilabutan na ung driver... Nag patakbo sya agad ng matulin pag tingin nya sa salamin andun na ulit ang babae...

may dumaang malaking aso napatigil ulit sya sabay tingin sa salamin, muling nagpakita ung babae, at masama na ang tingin sa driver..
Driver:(natatakot nyang sinabi sa sarili) naku naman lord gabayan nyo po ako minumulto na po ata ako!

may dumaang magbabalot biglang preno... tumingin ulit sya sa babae pero wala na ito...

sa takot ng driver todo tapak sya sa silinyador, pagtingin nya sa salamin nagpakita na ang isang galit na galit na babae na puno ng dugo... at tila hahawakan pa ang driver sa balikat!

Driver: NAKU! MAAWA PO KAU ME PAMILYA PA AKO!

Babaeng nakaputi: HAYUP KA MAGDAHAN DAHAN KA NGA! IKAW KAYA IUNTOG KO SA SAHIG NG TAXI MO SA BAWAT PRENO NA GINAGAWA MO TINGNAN NATIN KUNG SINU HINDI MAGAGALIT!
=====
‎.bk8 ganyan ka lagi mo ako iniiwang duguan-NAPKIN
.laging mo na lng ako pinag iinitan-TAKURE
.ndi lahat nag babato ay adik-DARNA
.wag ka mag alala laging mo ako nsa likod mo-PUWET
.balang araw mapapasaakin din ang katawan mo-SEMINTERYO

comonsence
=====
GHOST hunting c Boy at Girl.
Habang naglalakad pababa sa hagdan ng basement, biglang sumigaw si Boy..
Boy: Hala! Naramdaman mo ba un?
Girl: (natatakot na) ANG ALIN? ...
Boy: Na mahal na kita ♥.♥ : )
=====
(sa computer shop)

nanay: anak gawan mo nga ako ng facebook

anak: ok

(pag katapos ng isang oras)

nanay: sa wakas may facebook narin ako teka turuan mo nga ako dito anak kasi d ako marunong eh

anak: WTF

nanay: aba minumura mo na ba ako ngaun hayop ka

anak: nay hindi po ang meaning po nyan ay WELCOME TO FACEBOOK
=====
‎* Mommy1: Ano ang pinapainum mo sa baby mo?

Mommy2: "promil" para sa matatag na pangarap...eh ikaw?

Mommy1: "emperador" para sa totoong tagumpay!
=====
‎* in a classroom:

_teacher> pedro, anong english ng aso?

_pedro> dog mam..

_very good..eh ikaw juan, anong english ng manok?

_juan> mam..chooks'to'go..
ang Bisaya...

muah,muah,muah,muah,muah,muah,

kala nyo halik?..

di yan halik...

sigaw yan ng isang babaeng bisayang kundoktor ng bus na nagtatawag ng pasahero papuntang mall of asia..

muah,muah,muah,muah,muah,muah,
=====
Anak: 'Nay, Muntikan na po kong marape sa kalsada kanina.
Nanay: O, Anong nangyari?
Anak: Hindi po ako sa kalsada narape, Buti nga po may dala kong pera e, Naghotel kami.
Teacher: Pedro, Ano ang tagalog ng english word na "FOOT" ?
Pedro: Sorry ma'am, di ko po alam.
Teacher: Lintik na bata ka! Ang kalabaw may apat neto, ako may dalawa.

-
-

Pedro: Ahhh! D*de?
=====
Sa MALL:
Mommy: anak! Huwag kang bibitaw sa palda ko para hindi ka mawala ha?
Anak: opo mommy!
(pagkalipas ng dalawang oras)

Mommy: manong guard, may nakita ba kayong bata

na may dalang palda?
Guard: O.O
=====
‎*Pinasok ng killer ang bahay ng magasawa*

Killer: Before i kill, Inaalam ko muna ang pangalan ng mga papatayin ko, Ikaw misis, anong pangalan mo?

Misis: Inday po.

Killer: Kapangalan mo ang nanay ko, Dahil dyan di na kita papatayin, Ikaw Mister?

Mister: My name is George but my friends used to call me Inday.
=====
a kid asked his
pregnant mOm :

anak : anu nasa tyan nyo ??

nanay : kapatid mo

anak : lab mo ba xa ??

nanay : o0 ...

anak : " weh adik ka pla eh bat mo knaen ?"
=====
Maid: mam si junjun nakalulon ng ipis!
Mam: ha nsaan si junjun
Maid: tulog po mam. pinainum ko agad ng Baygon!!
patay na siguro yung ipis
=====
Titser: use "anyhow" en "anyone" in a sentence..

Pacman: hoy Pidro!! baki mo kinain ang "anyhow" na manok
na "anyone" ko dyan sa mesa para kay Jengkeh
=====
Bulag at duling magsusuntukan!!
Bulag: hayop ka duling!! lumabas ka dyan.. wag kang
magtago sa dilim!!
Duling: in your dreams!!! bakit ako lalabas eh
dalawa kayo!!!
=====
Lolo:Laro tayo.
Lola:ano?
Lolo:Kahit ano wag lang taguan
Lola:bakit naman?
Lola: because a girl like you is impossible to find

lupit ni lolo
=====
Presidential candidates

Manny villar - tondo boy

noy noy - mama's boy

Gibo - lover boy

villanueva - Jesus boy

Erap - kanto boy

Jamby - if i wer a boy
=====
hindi lahat ng batang nakabag ay nagaaral..

ung iba..

naglalakwatsa lang..

tulad ni...

DORA ang lakwatserang negra...
=====
Pare1: pare parang malalim iniisip mo?
Pare2: n anaginip ako kagabi. kasama ko 50 contestants ng ms.universe
Pare1: suwerte mo ano problema mo?
Pare2:pare ako ang nanalo!!!
=====
C mahal sumakay na taxi..
MAHAL:dlaybel alam mo to adles..?
DRIVER:ano po adress...?
MAHAL:siksik oten patay titi...!
DRIVER:patingn nga....ah....
66010 PASAY CITY...!
=====
B:pgod knb?
G:huh..!bqt?
B:kc mghapun knang 2matakbo sa icp qoe..

E2 pah..
B:gus2 muh nb mgpahinga?
G:panu?
B:mtu2lug nq..

Ups isang mtndng sgot..
G:Foreign kb?
B:indi..bqt?
G:ndi q kc maintndhan mga pnagsa3v muh..
=====
‎1 bata,ngpass ng blank pper s art tcher..

T: bkt blank ang work m?

B: ngdrowng po aq ng baka at damo.

T: (tningnn ang ppel) san ang damo?

B: ubos npo,kinain ng baka.

T: (kamot s ulo) e nsn ung baka?

B: ano p ga2wn ng baka jn e wla ng damo? sympre umalis n. common sense nmn mam!ü

haha.,

heretika
13th Mar 2011, 07:55
HAHAHHA! Panalo :D

bluedragon2790
13th Mar 2011, 08:36
My ttl0ng bampira sa bar.
RICH VAMPIRE:oorder ako ng fresh blo0d.
ORDINARY VAMPIRE:skn isang order na dnuguan.
POOR VAMPIRE:hot water nlang skn.
WAITER:bkit hot water lang po.?
POOR VAMPIRE:nkpulot ksi aq ng napkin sa kanto.Mag-tsa tsaa na lang ako...hehehehe
=====
NEWS:
FLASH REPORT

'Baklang ginahasa, 2wang 2wa'

'Buntis sinaksak, bata nakaligtas'

'dalwang kaLbo, nagsabun0tan'

'isdang nalu2n0d, patay'

'basurer0 nag sampa ng kas0, Binasura'..

'buLAG nakapatay, nag dilim ang paningiN'

'0ngGoy, tawa ng tawa sa pag ba2sa ng txt hehe'!
=====
HEART: mhl q tlga xa..

BRAIN: alm q, x0bra p nga db?

HEART: lm mu pla,bt plit mu p xang knkLmtn?

BRAIN: kc ayaw n ktang mxktan.

STOMACH: s s0bra m0ng pgm2hal,d kna kmkain.

EYES: pti aq npu2yat n..

LIVER: k0rek, pLgi k pNg uMi¡Nom, naAapek2han n kMe n kidNey.

LUNGS: aq dn nh2rPn ng huMinGa.

HEART:pXenxa n guYs ha...e2 tlga functi0n q e, aNg MAGMAHAL..
=====
gwapo ngtxt: labs, paload nman P100.

bakla: ok!
(ngmmadling mghanap ng loading area)

bakla: narceive mo na labs?

gwapo: HU U?
=====
si matcho at si amen

pumnta si matcho at si amen sa smbhan
na unang pumila si amen

pari:katwan ni kristo
amen:amen
matcho:ahh pangln pla ang ssbhn
pari:katwn ni kristo
matcho:matcho
haha
=====
Girl: akala ko ba gusto mo'ko?
Boy: dati un..
Girl: eh bakit.. ano na ba ngayon?!
...
..

Boy: ngayon kasi,
mahal na kita.. ♥
=====
COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES:
1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup.
-adik k s 2tpaste?
2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon.
-sosyal, may paa?
...3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo!
4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha"
-patayn dn c junior?
5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka?
6."my tonsil aq"
-kmi rn.c=
7."my candy aq, yw m?
-ofer b yn?
8.2log kna?
-mlman m p kya kng oo?
=====
vICE and TINDERA

V: Pepsi nga po.
T: Iplastic ba?
V: Try mo isako tas lagyan mo ng straw. pwede?
T: Ano nga?
(Pinlastik ng tindera ung pepsi)
T: Bayad,Magbabayad ka ba?
V: Hindi , magsusukli. Ako ung tindera kaya ako magsusukli, malamang diba magbabayad ako kasi ako bumili?!
T: Hindi,Yung kalabaw ung bumili.
V: Gaya-gaya ka!
T: Ako?
V: Hindi, ung pepsi. :lol:
=====
Ang buhay parang holiday
Pag IN LOVE ka VALENTINES day
pag marami kang pera, PASKO
Subukan mong tumingin sa salamin,

UNDAS :lol:
=====
Vice papuntang fastfood:

Vice: (Umupo)

Waiter: Gud afternun po! Kakain po kayo?

Vice: Hindi, magluluto, tutulungan ko chef nyo.. Kakahiya naman nakiupo ako dito tapos hindi pa ko tutulong.. Bilis na.. Gusto mo tulungan pa kita sa mga customers nyo.. Tapos aasenso business nyo.. Edi masaya, di ba? Umunlad na kayo, nagutom pa ko.. Ang galing noh?
=====
c bentong pinabili ng nanay ng yelo
bentong:naku!hindi pa ko nakakabili ng toyo,ayun buti na lng my guard..manong paiwan ng dala ko ha
guard: o cge iho basta bumalik ka agad
( natagaln c bentong dahil npasama xa sa kniang barkada )
bentong: naku! ang sama naman oh ninakaw na ung yelo ko inihian pa
=====
girl: mom what is a penis?
mom: be a good girl pag laki mo you'll get one
girl: paano pag bad girl ako?
mom: you'll get more!
=====
Naospital yung pamangkin, kasi buntis (dinugo)...
pumuntang emergency

vice: nurse tulong!!

nurse: ano pong nangyayari? manganganak?

vice: ay hinde. ipapatira ko pa lang.dinudugo na nga diba. syempre manganganak na
=====
FRENCH LESSON :

cough:
o vou

ashes:
a vou

car:
re vou

baloon:
lo vou

drugs:
sha vou

goodbye:
va vou

cute:
a cou!

ikaw:
tsung gou ! :)
=====
Inday: How dare You Ignorant Road Occupant! Moving with such Acceleration that cause elastic Collision between my Porcelain Beauty and your Grubby Apparency of skin!

Bading: Bombalesh kang Muchacha ka! Kenshulares mong makemer ang skin kong Beautillicious! Never mo Matorbokels ang feslak ketch kung ayaw mer chenelyn makondrak chorva ki...ta! Chupi!

Inday: *nosebleed*
=====
Job interview:
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis
niyo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!
=====
Baliw kumakanta ng nakahiga

Doc: kabisado m0 lyrics, magaling kna ah.

Baliw: owo naman doc. (biglang dumapa)

Doc: oh..bkt dumapa ka?

Baliw: side "b" na tanga kba doc. :lol:
=====
Bob-ong vs Juan Tamad

BOB- ong : ang pag-ibig parang elevator. Kung puno na, bakit mo ipagsisikan ang sarili mo gayong meron namang hagdan, di mo lang pinapansin

JUAN TAMAD: bakit mo pa kinakailangang maghagdan gayong babalikan ka naman ng elevator. kelangan mo lang maghintay :lol:
=====
NUN: mother! I was raped. What shall I do?
Mother SUPERIOR: here, take this calamansi.
NUN: will this ease the pain?
Mother SUPERIOR: sipsipin mo! Nang mawala ngiti sa mukha mo, gaga!
=====
Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?
Anak:opo
sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.

Tatay:ANO? ngayon la2ki ka na ba?

Anak: Geisha na po..

nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubog mukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..

Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!

Anak: Dyesebel n po

nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..

Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!

Anak: Ako na po c Beyonce!!