View Full Version : love affairs....

8th Mar 2008, 20:10
to the mods: pakilipat na lang if u think nde ito bagay dito...;)

1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been
playing golf!

8th Mar 2008, 20:11
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father
rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at
the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'Not this time!'

8th Mar 2008, 20:14
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had
the largest private part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the morticia n commented, 'I can't allow you to be
cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his brief case.
'Oh my gosh!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

8th Mar 2008, 20:17
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said,
'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I
got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at
the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

8th Mar 2008, 20:18
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much
for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?''
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

8th Mar 2008, 20:20
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, ' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

8th Mar 2008, 20:21

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "oh shit"

8th Mar 2008, 20:25
A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters.

The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day and found a pack of cigarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"

The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"

Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even know she had a penis!"