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jacajo
11th Apr 2008, 14:45
As per requested by the host of the contest vandie i'll be making this official voting thread for the Poem of the week2.

Please vote only 1 entry...

Vote for what you think is the best entry...

Newly registered members from April 7, 2008 are not allowed to vote...

Unexplained votes will not be counted...

You may use this criteria as a guide in voting:

Structure of the poem
-Content and relativity to the theme "Evil Angel"
-Use of the added words:
1. Frost
2. Rose
3. Smile

Voting for your own entry is not allowed!

Voting Closes April 16 at exactly 12mn Philippine time.

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Entries

Entry no. 1

Ferofax
Part II

i've seen a man who wasn't there,
he wasn't there before;
but now this man who isn't there,
is knocking on my door.

i asked the man, "what do you want?
and why are you not there?"
the man replied, "its 'cause i'm not,
but no one is aware.

i came to tell, i came to warn,
what life remains, what death will take.
that though it seems, for now, you dream,
but soon, you will awake.

and this awakening is due,
more sooner than you think;
for there is doom surrounding you,
and snatch you in a wink."

a sudden breeze that swept just past
it bit so sharp like frost;*
it seemed to chill, within, without,
and all my warmth is lost.

the man who wasn't there was gone,
a rose he left behind;
it wilted by my touch alone,
till dust is all i find.

the wind, it blew this dust away,
far beyond the glare;
and there he stands, to my dismay,
the man who wasn't there.

he smiled, he called, a beckoning,
a dark and brooding stare;
with one swift act, a reckoning...
and then i wasn't there.

Entry no. 2

Dark Abyss

In darkness I found myself
Surrounded ny lonliness
Everything seems motionless
I tried to scream and hope this is nothing but a dream

My soul was frost
My life, almost lost
I'm as lifeless as I can be
Why did you let this happen to me?

Outside you'll see me crying
Inside you'll see I'm dying
I don't want to get lost
I don't want my soul to frost

I love my life, for it is like a rose
Full of beautiful memories to embose
But now everything is too late
My life had become death's bait

All I can do now is cry
I don't have anything else to try
I am now traveling the road of death, every step I take is a mile
My suffering ended because of my death, and I'll repay you through my smile

Entry no. 3

Reply to Robert Frost “Fire and Ice”

If some say that this world will end in fire and ice,
Will a word from above will still suffice?
For the word from above is love and God it is.
Is end still necessary to be missed?
You’ve seek thoughts of some who say
But you’ve never asked the one who teach.
You’ve tasted your own desire.
Have you found your world FROST in ice or burn in the fire?
The end will come to those who want it,
But it flees for those who have faith.
A ROSE that grows with anger within its thorns,
A king that rises and reaches his throne.

Life and death, which is certain?
What comes and goes away?
A human that lives and die someday?

Smile now Robert Frost,
For you have now found true end.
But sadly, a dead cannot.

Entry no. 4

-Burial-

. . .so quick so subtle, this image I spent. . .
. . .to make me conscious, up above he lent. . .
. . .the toll the problems, the funny aftermath. . .
. . .fame money and the swift sharp blood bath. . .
. . .ten years to fifty, pass along so slick. . .
. . .emotions are covered, you're healthy so sick. . .
. . .smile and the laughter will come at begin. . .
. . .but as the train passes, you know now your sin. . .
. . .time will come for each of us all. . .
. . .celebrate the moment and then watch the down fall. . .
. . .I hail you, I praise you, his words we will give. . .
. . .hate fist and anger, the lies and the fibs. . .
. . .surrounded with faces you all begin to laugh. . .
. . .the nights full of love, the great starry bash. . .
. . .then winter will come, the cold will then seep. . .
. . .frost bitten you lay on the ground that's so deep. . .
. . .covered with roses as the room begins to mourn. . .
. . .oh is it so fair when they're all full of thorns. . .
. . .you'll sleep finally, for centuries to come. . .
. . .the land will then wither, they'll burn you well done. . .
. . .for now give thanks with the moments we all have. . .
. . .it wont be so long, till we say goodbye dad. . .
. . .and then comes your turn to lay on your soft bed. . .
. . .but this is reality, there's no life after death. . .

Entry no. 5

Rose Frosted Smile

Five steps from here,
In profound darkness,
Enveloped with shades of black,
I see a soft beacon of light.

Four steps from here,
In the dim space where I stand,
Gazing in the flicker of that light,
My veins pulsing so tight.

Three steps from here,
Where the two gods meet,
One named Vishnu and one named Shiva,
Strikes me with the awe of choice.

Two steps from here,
As the gods fall down,
I was left alone in the light, and
Saw an image that pulled me onward.

One final step from here,
Slowly the image materialize,
Held my hand and left me,
With a Rose Frosted Smile.

Entry no. 6

Unmark

i can feel the warmth...
of the dirt as it hit my face...
it is almost welcome...
welcome indeed, where
i am covered in frost, freezing cold...

i can barely hear you crying...
its almost a song...
a soft melody...
accompanied by the wind...
a lullabye to send me away...

i can smell the roses...
you gently showered upon me...
that sweet sweet scent,
it reminds me of our happy days...
i'll never forget your smile...

and as the earth closed
in front of my eyes...
and darkness enveloped my new world...
i ask only one, please
don't leave my grave unmarked...

Entry no. 7

A Visitor

In the distant view,
A clearer one,
I aim to the north.
With my body nearly to frost,
I waited for the accurate timing,
Waited for the right spot;
As I edge to the end,
A visitor was there.
Showing cards on his hands,
Different from each other;
Gnarled with dried roses,
Abducted some of the smiles
All my preparation was gone.
All was out of my hands.
I didn’t know why,
I didn’t notice how,
But as he spoke to me,
Heard his voice
I learned a lot.
It’s time to depart.

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Disqualified entry

Reason: Violated the rule "Foul or Offensive words are strictly prohibited."

She Killed Me Alive (Almost Easy)

Come back to me, its so damn easy!!
Memories: that left my heart bleeding..
Recollect the things I've done to you,
The fact remains, our love wont renew.

In misery, I will be drowning..
Life's mystery's so damn confusing!!
I am not insane, no, not insane..
Your f*cking selfish, you left me stained..

You left me here, I'm dead but breathing!
The frost on your lips are not melting..
You destroyed my soul, tore me apart..
Like roses' thorns entangling my heart!

Come back again! It's almost easy!
Memories: story of tragedy..
Tears on your corpse, your blood on the knife..
Why did you smile when you took your life?

vandie
13th Apr 2008, 14:12
T_T great, disqualified again.... :lmao: :wave: lols.. ahahah.. sabi ko magandang rason! bkt yan! foul daw! ahahahah.. it's art baby! :giggle:
anyway, it's funny when i gave the theme, i remembered it was LIFE and death..
mosts of the poems are centered on death, neow... :giggle:

entry 1, great composition, a poem of my taste, still talks about death alone..

entry 2, nice strong ideas.. still talks about death though..

entry 4, closest to the theme, but it's contrary to my belief, and i know it's should not cloud my judgement, but i'd rather believe in something else than my body just rot in my grave..

entry 5, the best composition so far! parang nasa isang café lang ako sa states.. pero death parin..

entry 6, ayos, madami tlga magagaling na writers dito sa symb ah.. visit the writers thread sa general chat guys, it's for all..

entry 7, i actually read it 4 times... :giggle:

my choice goes to 3!!!!!!!!! :wave: :champ: and i quote :

The end will come to those who want it,
But it flees for those who have faith.this poem is one of the two who are actually in theme.. pinaka-malapit sa theme is entry 4, but i explained it enough..:giggle:

bravo! you got my vote there! it's a knock out punch my friend!!!!
ang galing ninyo! marvelous collection! gawa nga ako site.. hmm.. i cant wait for next weeks batch of literary masterpieces , naalala ko may nagsabi wag daw tawaging masterpieces ang gawa ng writers dito, well you sure showed her! standing ovation para sa inyo!! :salute::think:

enajyram14
13th Apr 2008, 20:54
hay grabe! ang hirap pumili, lahat magaganda... :clap: :thumbsup:

marami talagang mga poet dito sa symb.

pero gusto ko sana yung entry no.5, very creative kaya lang parang me kulang...

kaya i-vote for entry no. 3
gusto ko yung last 2 lines...

"For you have now found true end.
But sadly, a dead cannot."

ferofax
13th Apr 2008, 21:43
hmm.... i'd vote for Rose Frosted Smile. not quite in it when technically judging, but im not here to technically judge, im here to vote for what i like. and this one, i likey. its actually a close three way match between Reply to Robert Frost's Fire and Ice, Burial, and Rose Frosted Smile, but my instincts leaned more to the last one, so that's what i'm voting for.

good job guys. now start voting, or else i'll stick something long and hard up your nostrils. sideways. :D


@vandie: twice in a row man, lol. maybe you should've just put bleeps in. i hope you're not going for a grandslam, that'll be something. :D

Neil_101
13th Apr 2008, 21:46
hmmmm...

mahirap pumili..

Dark Abyss... (Entry No, 2)

magaling pumili ng mga anong ilalagay...

ayos ang pagawa...

hindi nag wawala sa topic...


:praise:
________
100 \commando\"" (Only registered users can see the link."")

psyknarph
16th Apr 2008, 07:41
Ako din po number 3 same as vandie... And the quote explained enough...

impulsive2urge
16th Apr 2008, 12:49
My choice would be entry no 2! - Dark Abbys... perfect ang structure... pero hnd msyado sa content...

anyway, mas importante for me ang structure over content, kc un naman tlaga ang UNANG cacapture sau eh tapos susunod nlang ung content,

parang sa mga cellphone... mas mauna kang macacapture ng appearance ng isang cellphone bago ung features nya... bihira lng ung times na mas mauuna kang macapture features tapos susunod ung appearance...

Importante nman talaga itong dalawa na ito - Structure and Content pero mas mauuna mong mapapansin at maapreciate ang structure tapos susunod ung content... yan po ay PARA SA AKING OPINYON...

Ung entry no. 2 organized ang structure nya... concrete ung idea nya at papunta lang sa isang direksyon, unlike ung IBA(hndi lahat) na paliko liko ung idea(i mean ung unang stanza nila eh wala MASYADO koneksyon dun sa susunod, it's like they're introducing a new idea again dun sa mga sumunod na stanza nila...)

tyaka ang kinokonsider ko din sa structure ay simplification... dapat ang poem ay nakasulat sa pinaka simpleng paraan... Alisin ang mga stanza na unecessary... Iwasan ang paggamit ng stanza na pang paimpress lang... Ung iba dyan gumagamit ng flowery words para lang cguro magpaimpress, kala nila cguro gumaganda ung poem nila, pero hindi... use simple words lang... at minsan use deep words kung kinakailangan para makuha ung exact emotion na gustong ipahiwatig ng poem...

ok lang nman ang flowery words kung kailangan talaga at kung nakakacontribute talaga ito para makuha ung exact emotion na gustong ipahiwatig ng poem... pero sa mga ibang poem dyan ay parang pampaimpress lang...

organized din ang structure nung entry no 1 and 5... pero hnd masyado buo ung gusto nyang ipahiwatig, pwd mong irestructure ung poem nila at gawin mas simple at bold...

MINSAN KAILANGAN BAWASAN ANG CONTENT PARA GUMANDA ANG STRUCTURE... NAKAKASIRA KC NG STRUCTURE KUNG NKAFOCUS LNG UNG POEM SA CONTENT...

KUNIN MO DAPAT UNG PINAKAMAGANDANG BALANCE NG CONTENT AT STRUCTURE... CGURO 50/50 or 60/40 or 70/30... dpende lang nman un dun sa idea ng poem... kung ung topic para sa poem ay napakabigat or very striking, i suggest put more sa content... kung ung poem naman ay babasahin ng mga kinder students, then put more in the structure...

vandie
16th Apr 2008, 15:31
hey salamat sa mga votes, maybe you guys should try joining..:D
may April's Fool Story Contest tayo, dun nyo pkita..


Voting will end tonight..

leanbaula
17th Apr 2008, 01:09
sayng di po ako naboto....
haha my maestro p pla d2 n ngbother n mgcomment ng ganyng kahaba...
writer ako kya appreciated ko lht ng words n gngamit ng co writer ko sa isang poem, lam kong my pride n ksama un, wag sanang maging subjective about "Flowery words" theres no such words in a vocabulary of a poetician siguro sa politician ede pa,,, hehe..

my vote goes to number 1 kya lang di umabot,,, nafeature ko kasi ung scene n pinaparating nya prang si kamatayan lang,.

ferofax
17th Apr 2008, 13:28
hmm... structure over content? ehehe, can't say i'd agree with that, thats like choosing the pretty packaging over the goodies inside. but, to each his own. :)

vandie
17th Apr 2008, 15:06
hmm... structure over content? ehehe, can't say i'd agree with that, thats like choosing the pretty packaging over the goodies inside. but, to each his own. :)

:salute: same same...

vandie
17th Apr 2008, 15:17
CONGRATZ to the winner of POTW#2
Entry # 3 Reply to Robert Frost “Fire and Ice”

Congratz leanbula!!

:wave: :wave:
:salute: :salute: :salute:

ferofax
17th Apr 2008, 20:53
wii~ congrats! well deserved, i might add. :wink:

rhope016
19th Apr 2008, 10:59
:salute: congrats po..

impulsive2urge
24th Apr 2008, 01:40
FEROFAX...
Well, opinyon ko lng naman un... cnabi mo na nga pretty packaging over the goodies inside... dba sa mundo nating ito KADALASAN ay mas nauuna MAKITA nag kagandahan bago ang ugali at talino... kc it takes a little time para msabi mo na matalino at mabait ang isang tao... unlike sa kagandahan, na isang lingon lng ng mata ay masasabi mo kng mganda o hnd ang isang tao. So un lng naman ang opinyon ko dun...

LEANBAULA...
unang una dpo ako maestro... itong lugar napo na ito ay para icriticise ang mga poems, at hnd po para icriticise ang mga taong nagcricritise ng mga poems...
pangalawa opinyon ko lng po yan... in making a poem dapat kinokonsider mo rin ung ngbabasa, don't make a poem na ang mgbabasa ay mga poeticians lang... kahit saan namang sitwasyon ay nagaapply yan eh... so dapat as much as possible simple words lng po... Again, opinyon ko lng po yan (10x) :lol:

leanbaula
24th Apr 2008, 13:56
hala, ganun po ba ... kk..

godbless..

ferofax
24th Apr 2008, 17:35
again, to each his own. you have your opinions, and i have mine... gets? :D

besides, thats my opinion on your opinion, not my opinion on you. two different things.

leanbaula
25th Apr 2008, 21:58
nice argument
hahahha..

vandie
26th Apr 2008, 14:44
ehehe.. wii.. voting thread to.. :D tagal ata ng potw 3?? hmm.. kailangan i-confirm kasi..
congratz uli leanbula.. :salute:

"beauty is a word made by selfish people to describe things that meet their standards.." for short ewan, kanya kanya ata.. lol :lmao:

all artist have their own style, as an artist we want to be different from each other, we dont want to imitate and copy, but be influenced.. :salute: to all artist..

just share your arts for us to see and admire..

napanis ang comedy story ah.. guess nahihirapan nga..
i'll post mine before the ending 20 reps :naughty:

leanbaula
26th Apr 2008, 15:42
emanuel kant once tell the world to achieve true beauty one must free its self from world standards....