patientnumbertwo
24th Apr '08 Thu, 19:23
Basahin ng matawa! :rofl:
LOL
HOST: What was the secret power that made your group win in the competition?
Guest: You just have to have the courage to give everything despite the strong kalaban! (Sting like a bee, rage like a cow—that’s the new sports mantra!)
* * *
Host: In only a few minutes, we will find out the winner of our singing contest. We will find out kung sino ang maling magniningning! (Ay, mali!)
* * *
Host: When will the new condominium building be completed?
Guest: Actually, it’s now ready for occupation! (Uh, can we make that ready for occupancy?)
* * *
Host: What’s happening now with the court case?
Guest: Still the same, hearing mga arguments ng depensa at prostitution. (Ang sakit mo namang magsalita…)
* * *
Host: We’re so happy to finally get you on the show. Can you greet our viewers, your fans?
Guest: Hi there to all of us! (No comment.)
* * *
Host: Your former boyfriend has been sending out hints that he still loves you. Do you think there’s a chance for reconciliation?
Guest: Well, it’s all out to him! (Isa ka pa.)
* * *
Host: Do you think there’s any hope for the Philippines?
Guest: We have to be optimistic, but we also have to face the fact that the country is in grieve danger. (Boo-hoo.)
* * *
Host: So, what changes do we need to make?
Guest: Well, first of all, chatter change! (That’s easy—we just love to chatter!)
* * *
Host: What more do you need to get your group’s petition approved?
Guest: We thought we were complete, but now they tell us we need more supporting peppers. (As Paris Hilton would say, that’s hot, that’s really hot!)
* * *
Host: Why haven’t you gotten married yet?
Guest: Don’t worry, it will come—as they say, like a trip in the night! (No, that isn’t what they say…)
The Best Answers Pageant Questions
Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
+++
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
+++
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
+++
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
+++
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
+++
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
+++
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
+++
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
+++
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
+++
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
+++
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
+++
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
+++
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
+++
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
+++
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
+++
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
+++
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
+++
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
+++
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
+++
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
+++
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
+++
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
+++
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
+++
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
+++
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
+++
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
+++
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
+++
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
+++
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
+++
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
+++
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
+++
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
+++
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
+++
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
may naalala ko:
sa gknb (kris was getting to know the 4 contestants na umabot sa pyramid round)
Kris: ikaw sa tingin mo mananalo si _____(referring to the contestant na adjacent sa contestant in question)
CIQ: hope so!
sa s files (paolo was interviewing keanna reeves, way before sumali siya sa pbb. the point of the interview i vaguely remember was it the alleged rape by jay manalo?)
paolo: so anong gusto mong iparating sa mga nanononod?
keanna half sobbing) sa mga tao po sana wag po kayo kaagad maniniwala sa mga nababasa niyo sa tabloid.. sana wag silang maniwala sa mga sinusulat ng mga writers kasi mga hersheys lang yun e..
may bagyo at live feed mula sa malabon. sabi ba naman nung reporter na natoka sa lugar na 'to, "Ang mga pamilyang nawalan ng tahanan ay nailipat na sa mga EJACULATION centers." Maski siya nagulat sa sinabi niya haha ayun wala na siya.
tapos sa isang local awards night, sabi nung presenter, "And the winner goes to.."
GMA 7s Rhea Santos read on the news Ewan McGreggor as "EEE-wan McGreggor."
Then she reported on the flooded parts of Europe because of the River Danube. She read it as "Danoo-beh."
Now at the afterglow of the 2006 World Cup, she read the name of French Captain Zinedine Zidane as "Zeh-neh-ding Zi-Deyng."
--------------------------
GMA-7's morning show would have their newscasters read the headlines and have a running commentary on the events. But, today, the news casters were all late and the segment was handled by my favorite Suzie Abrera and the "iconic" young Filipino star Jolina Magdangal.
They were reading from the newspapers about the recent rampant volcanic activities in the Philippines. And Jolina with all aplomb and sagacity commented, "Siguro kasi sa ulan at sa init kaya nagkakaganito." (Maybe because of the changes in the weather from rain to heat that this is happening.)
Suzie just rode on the Jolina wisdom wave and said, "Ah na-pasma ang mga volcanoes?" (Ah, the volcanoes got the flu because of the weather changes?)
So, screw tectonic plates movement and discard the basic notions of geology. Jolina says it so.
I just love it when rich famous people exhibit intelligence. Perhaps, her bangs in the 90s hampered brain activity?
girl na host sa isang cooking show:
chef: yong rosemary ilalagay na natin next...
host: chef, san nakakabili ng rosemarie?
ito yong sa s-files interview sa baywalk bodies na galing guam:
host: (kausap si charise -hindi letter "c" ang umpisa ng ast name..) bakit ikaw lang yata ang hindi doble ang letra ng pangalan. si luxx laurel, janet joaquin, palmolive p...(di ko na alam...)
charise: kase yon na po ang binigay sa akin nung bata pa ako, isang "s" lang. hehehe!
ito latest:
ust girl sa cheerdance competition being asked about their team's routine highlights:
girl: there is so many highlights...
simple mistake but worth the world.
ayoko sabihin pangalan nya, kawawa naman. itago natin sya sa pangalang yasm kurd.
yasm kurd: wag nyo pong kalilimutang panoorin ang bakekang. magsisimula na po bukas. makikita nyo, magiging pangit ako dito. for the first time.
[haller, mather! ang kapal!]
then na-realize yata nya yung sinabi nya.
yasm kurd: ang kapal ko. (sabay tawa)
kanina lang sa eat bulaga sa portion na kayang-kaya mo 'to, hindi ko na masyado maalala yung mga eksaktong sinabi.. basta parang ganito:
nagpapahula: "hayop ito, malaki, etc..."
nanghuhula: "uh.. ji-ra-fee?!?" (giraffe)
hay nakupo ate. kmusta naman ang jirafee.
eto matagal ko na ipo-post dapat nalilimutan ko lang. from a snator na nagmamay-ari ng lrt station between recto and pureza:
it was both entertaining, poignant, romantic...
both? tatlo na yun ah. and counting...
kaya ako manonood ako nyan sa weekend. right now!
eto pa pala... si lab anyober:
...anniversary ng philippine marine corporation.
tapos inulit nagulat din sya sa sinabi nya
philippine marine corp
with "p" pa ren???
eto marami-rami, from pex.
1. Melanie Marquez, during her guesting at The Buzz: I have a film with Alec BALDWIN, and DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara...
(it's BOVICK, Melanie, bigatin ka na pala at Hollywood star na ang co-star mo, and yes, it's Supposed to be DIRECTED BY..)
2. Katya Santos, on the controversial Viva Hot Babes VCD: Eighteen year old ABOVE and PATAAS lang ang pwedeng makabili nitong VCD.
(So kung 17 below and pababa, hindi pwede, di ba?)
3. Heart Evangelista, reading a letter request at Myx: Dear Heart, I'd like to request the song blah blah... Of course, we will grant your request. You know, everything is possible... WITH GOD!
4. Boy Abunda, interviewing "Ssshhh...She Walks By Night" star Belinda Bright: Belinda, what is this movie about?
Belinda: It's actually a Film Mwah!
Boy: Pardon me?
Belinda: A Film Mwah, we consider it a film, not a movie.
Boy: Ano ulit yun, iha?
Belinda: A Film.. mmm.. it's an Art Film.
(Film Noir, Belinda, and to think you are Bright!)
5. eto pa, iniinterview ni Master Showman yung 98 degrees, tsk tsk.. nde na nahiya:
Kuya Germs: So what can you say about the Filipinas?
Someone from 98 degrees: Ah, they're all pretty. Really lovely and kind.
Kuya Germs: Well, have you made love to a Filipina?
6. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG
AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED iT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE : Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?
7. Kuya Germs: Salamat at pinaunlakan mo kami Juday. Dahil dyan, may ibibigay kami sa iyo courtesy of video city. Ito ay...aircon?! Aircon!
Juday: (luwal ang mga mata) Talaga?! Salamat po.
Kuya Germs: Ay...Con Air pala. Isang vhs tape ng Con Air.
8. Kris Aquino: i heard sa france based ang father mo ngayon?
Danilo Barrios: hindi po. sa paris.
Kris Aquino: so you're a vegetarian?
Danilo Barrios: opo. kumakain din ako ng meat.
9. Vina Morales, announcing the winner/s of ASAP's Clash Dance: It's a tie-breaker!
10. Host: What is your favorite feature?
Calendar Girl: My favorite feature is my graduation feature!
(Todo explain pa siya na kesyo maganda daw siya dun kasi naka-makeup siya...)
11. Grand Finals ng She's Got the Look dati sa Eat Bulaga:
Vic: Contestant Number ---, eto yung question mo: "What is your guiding principle in life?"
Contestant: Hmm.. guiding principle?
Vic: Oo, guiding principle, kumabaga motto, something na pinaniniwalaan mo.
Contestant: Hmm .. (halatang tensed na).. guiding principle.. my guiding principle is.. hmm.. ahh.. ahh..
Vic (grand finals kaya ayaw niya mamahiya): Para siyang motto.. like "Time is Go.." (sabay putol nung contestant)
Contestant: Ahh.. my guiding principle in life is "Time is Gold. Thank you!"
12. ito, nung Bb. Pilipinas host: how did you develop your love for horseback riding?
contestant: when I first went to Tagaytay, I ride a horse and the horse thrilled me!
(hmmmm... bakit parang iba meaning?)
13. Host: You're doing well as a singer in clubs. What's your next ambition?
Guest: Gusto ko pong magkaroon ng recording album!
(Recording na, album pa?)
14. Host: What don't you like about (name of starlet) ba?
Guest: She's too reactionary!
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: React siya ng react!
15. Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie Marquez: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity".
16. anyway, si melanie marquez pa rin habang iniinterview ni boy abunda:
boy: melanie, anung masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?
melanie: they are all liars! tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, i am a model!
(tsk tsk.. mukha ka ngang high! )
17. angela velez announcing the famas winner..
Angela: And the Famas Goes through...
aleck bovic's reaction sa mga di makapaniwala sa pagkabest actress nya..
aleck: di ko na po papansinin yung mga negatives puro positives na lang po..
18. host: ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?
mr. pogi contestant: sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako!
(mwerk ano raw?!)
19. Inez Veneracion: "I am a one woman man!"
(hell, she's a man! )
20. Inez Veneracion in TV Patrol interview: "Tapos binangga nya yung Vesta Ban (Besta Van) ko!"
21. letter sender: vj heart you are so charming and u are my favorite vj!
vj heart: also you are!
(what the hell?!! did she finish school?)
22. HOST : WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL : DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!
23. New Year's presentation ng See True:
Ate Luds: O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada?
Madam Auring: Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!
Kinabukasan, HEADLINE: STELLA STRADA COMMITS SUICIDE!
24. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!
JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw,kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!
25. Joe Cantada: So Atoy, what are your prospects now,mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round...
Atoy Co: Well Joe, the ball is around!
(naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe)
26. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB.PILIPINAS PAGEANT,ASKING A CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE
INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question,hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you call that, Immaculate Conception???
27. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon,napaka-enlighting.Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.*VILMA SANTOS
28. HOST: What's the latest in international show biz news?
Co-host: Whitney Houston has just signed a $100 M recording contract!
Host: Wow, that's really huge. Do you think she deserves it?
Co-host: She does! After all, in the course of her career, Whitney has sold more than 140 albums!
(Huh?!)
29. Host: Do you see what I'm holding in my hand?
Co-host: What is it?
Host: It's the new P10 coin.
Co-host: Hey, how about that? - what are its features?
Host: Well, it has Mabini or Andres Bonifacio on the cover.
(The coin has a cover?)
30. Host: Our next sports feature is unique. It's about a new and funny kind of race.
Co-host: What's new about it?
Host: It's a race in which the racers are riding landmowers!
(What in the world is a landmower? - Oh, you mean lawnmower.)
31. Host: Your best friend is involved in a controversy right now. What do you want to tell him, to show your support?
Starlet: Pare, kaya mo 'yan. At, pag kailangan mo ng tulong, anytime, alam mo naman, 'andyan lang naman ako, I'll just right by!
(Wheee!)
32. Host: What has happened to you after you came out with your accusations?
Guest: I have received death letters!
(What in the world are death letters?!)
33. Host: Now that you have answered your opponent's charges, what happens now?
Guest: Now the ball is in the court!
(Huh?)
34. sexy star1: i'm half filipina, half spanish, and half chinese (ano yun 1 1/2 )
sexy star2: the show was very success!
tapos sa sharon. tinanong si Diane de la fuente,
sharon: nung nag-secret wedding kayo alam ba ng parents mo?
35. Tinanong one time si Angelika Jones kung ano role nya sa isang sitcom na gagawin nya sa channel 2.. sabi nya medyo kikay daw sya d2 pero nde naman Over O-A.
Si Candy Allyson naman pag tumalon naman daw sya sa San Juanico Bridge kailangan nya ng Life Best para safe.
Isang Viva HotBabe sabi nya proud daw sya kasi napasama sya sa 100 Sixtiest Woman!.
36. HOST: Why did you separate from your husband?
Guest: I realized that I did not really love him.
Host: Did you love him when you accepted his proposal for you to marry him?
Guest: Not also.
Host: So, why did you agree to marry him?
Guest: He pressurized me to do it!
(Ay, pressurized!)
37. Host: What did you have for breakfast today?
Guest: Tinapay.
Host: Ano'ng palaman ng tinapay?
Guest: Juice.
(Palaman, hindi panulak . . . sus.)
38. ito sobrang tagal na to. sa martin late at night. guest si vina morales.
martin: vina, ganda naman ng damit mo. ritratto?
vina: sige, pa-picture tayo!
-----------------
Host: Ano sa Tagalog ang "Last Supper"?
Contestant: tipaklong!
rom Doland Castro: "Isang bangkay! Natagpuang pah-TAHY!
From Michael Fajatin: At nag-away ang mga raliyista sa mga pulis, at nagkdispersal, at nagkabati, at nag-away uli.... (basta, gulo nun)
From Tito Guingona, referring to the Hello Garci scandal: It's a WRONG... MISTAKE! (meron bang right mistake?)
LOL
HOST: What was the secret power that made your group win in the competition?
Guest: You just have to have the courage to give everything despite the strong kalaban! (Sting like a bee, rage like a cow—that’s the new sports mantra!)
* * *
Host: In only a few minutes, we will find out the winner of our singing contest. We will find out kung sino ang maling magniningning! (Ay, mali!)
* * *
Host: When will the new condominium building be completed?
Guest: Actually, it’s now ready for occupation! (Uh, can we make that ready for occupancy?)
* * *
Host: What’s happening now with the court case?
Guest: Still the same, hearing mga arguments ng depensa at prostitution. (Ang sakit mo namang magsalita…)
* * *
Host: We’re so happy to finally get you on the show. Can you greet our viewers, your fans?
Guest: Hi there to all of us! (No comment.)
* * *
Host: Your former boyfriend has been sending out hints that he still loves you. Do you think there’s a chance for reconciliation?
Guest: Well, it’s all out to him! (Isa ka pa.)
* * *
Host: Do you think there’s any hope for the Philippines?
Guest: We have to be optimistic, but we also have to face the fact that the country is in grieve danger. (Boo-hoo.)
* * *
Host: So, what changes do we need to make?
Guest: Well, first of all, chatter change! (That’s easy—we just love to chatter!)
* * *
Host: What more do you need to get your group’s petition approved?
Guest: We thought we were complete, but now they tell us we need more supporting peppers. (As Paris Hilton would say, that’s hot, that’s really hot!)
* * *
Host: Why haven’t you gotten married yet?
Guest: Don’t worry, it will come—as they say, like a trip in the night! (No, that isn’t what they say…)
The Best Answers Pageant Questions
Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
+++
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
+++
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
+++
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
+++
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
+++
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
+++
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
+++
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
+++
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
+++
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
+++
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
+++
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
+++
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
+++
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
+++
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
+++
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
+++
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
+++
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
+++
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
+++
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
+++
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
+++
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
+++
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
+++
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
+++
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
+++
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
+++
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
+++
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
+++
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
+++
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
+++
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
+++
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
+++
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
+++
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
may naalala ko:
sa gknb (kris was getting to know the 4 contestants na umabot sa pyramid round)
Kris: ikaw sa tingin mo mananalo si _____(referring to the contestant na adjacent sa contestant in question)
CIQ: hope so!
sa s files (paolo was interviewing keanna reeves, way before sumali siya sa pbb. the point of the interview i vaguely remember was it the alleged rape by jay manalo?)
paolo: so anong gusto mong iparating sa mga nanononod?
keanna half sobbing) sa mga tao po sana wag po kayo kaagad maniniwala sa mga nababasa niyo sa tabloid.. sana wag silang maniwala sa mga sinusulat ng mga writers kasi mga hersheys lang yun e..
may bagyo at live feed mula sa malabon. sabi ba naman nung reporter na natoka sa lugar na 'to, "Ang mga pamilyang nawalan ng tahanan ay nailipat na sa mga EJACULATION centers." Maski siya nagulat sa sinabi niya haha ayun wala na siya.
tapos sa isang local awards night, sabi nung presenter, "And the winner goes to.."
GMA 7s Rhea Santos read on the news Ewan McGreggor as "EEE-wan McGreggor."
Then she reported on the flooded parts of Europe because of the River Danube. She read it as "Danoo-beh."
Now at the afterglow of the 2006 World Cup, she read the name of French Captain Zinedine Zidane as "Zeh-neh-ding Zi-Deyng."
--------------------------
GMA-7's morning show would have their newscasters read the headlines and have a running commentary on the events. But, today, the news casters were all late and the segment was handled by my favorite Suzie Abrera and the "iconic" young Filipino star Jolina Magdangal.
They were reading from the newspapers about the recent rampant volcanic activities in the Philippines. And Jolina with all aplomb and sagacity commented, "Siguro kasi sa ulan at sa init kaya nagkakaganito." (Maybe because of the changes in the weather from rain to heat that this is happening.)
Suzie just rode on the Jolina wisdom wave and said, "Ah na-pasma ang mga volcanoes?" (Ah, the volcanoes got the flu because of the weather changes?)
So, screw tectonic plates movement and discard the basic notions of geology. Jolina says it so.
I just love it when rich famous people exhibit intelligence. Perhaps, her bangs in the 90s hampered brain activity?
girl na host sa isang cooking show:
chef: yong rosemary ilalagay na natin next...
host: chef, san nakakabili ng rosemarie?
ito yong sa s-files interview sa baywalk bodies na galing guam:
host: (kausap si charise -hindi letter "c" ang umpisa ng ast name..) bakit ikaw lang yata ang hindi doble ang letra ng pangalan. si luxx laurel, janet joaquin, palmolive p...(di ko na alam...)
charise: kase yon na po ang binigay sa akin nung bata pa ako, isang "s" lang. hehehe!
ito latest:
ust girl sa cheerdance competition being asked about their team's routine highlights:
girl: there is so many highlights...
simple mistake but worth the world.
ayoko sabihin pangalan nya, kawawa naman. itago natin sya sa pangalang yasm kurd.
yasm kurd: wag nyo pong kalilimutang panoorin ang bakekang. magsisimula na po bukas. makikita nyo, magiging pangit ako dito. for the first time.
[haller, mather! ang kapal!]
then na-realize yata nya yung sinabi nya.
yasm kurd: ang kapal ko. (sabay tawa)
kanina lang sa eat bulaga sa portion na kayang-kaya mo 'to, hindi ko na masyado maalala yung mga eksaktong sinabi.. basta parang ganito:
nagpapahula: "hayop ito, malaki, etc..."
nanghuhula: "uh.. ji-ra-fee?!?" (giraffe)
hay nakupo ate. kmusta naman ang jirafee.
eto matagal ko na ipo-post dapat nalilimutan ko lang. from a snator na nagmamay-ari ng lrt station between recto and pureza:
it was both entertaining, poignant, romantic...
both? tatlo na yun ah. and counting...
kaya ako manonood ako nyan sa weekend. right now!
eto pa pala... si lab anyober:
...anniversary ng philippine marine corporation.
tapos inulit nagulat din sya sa sinabi nya
philippine marine corp
with "p" pa ren???
eto marami-rami, from pex.
1. Melanie Marquez, during her guesting at The Buzz: I have a film with Alec BALDWIN, and DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara...
(it's BOVICK, Melanie, bigatin ka na pala at Hollywood star na ang co-star mo, and yes, it's Supposed to be DIRECTED BY..)
2. Katya Santos, on the controversial Viva Hot Babes VCD: Eighteen year old ABOVE and PATAAS lang ang pwedeng makabili nitong VCD.
(So kung 17 below and pababa, hindi pwede, di ba?)
3. Heart Evangelista, reading a letter request at Myx: Dear Heart, I'd like to request the song blah blah... Of course, we will grant your request. You know, everything is possible... WITH GOD!
4. Boy Abunda, interviewing "Ssshhh...She Walks By Night" star Belinda Bright: Belinda, what is this movie about?
Belinda: It's actually a Film Mwah!
Boy: Pardon me?
Belinda: A Film Mwah, we consider it a film, not a movie.
Boy: Ano ulit yun, iha?
Belinda: A Film.. mmm.. it's an Art Film.
(Film Noir, Belinda, and to think you are Bright!)
5. eto pa, iniinterview ni Master Showman yung 98 degrees, tsk tsk.. nde na nahiya:
Kuya Germs: So what can you say about the Filipinas?
Someone from 98 degrees: Ah, they're all pretty. Really lovely and kind.
Kuya Germs: Well, have you made love to a Filipina?
6. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG
AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED iT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE : Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?
7. Kuya Germs: Salamat at pinaunlakan mo kami Juday. Dahil dyan, may ibibigay kami sa iyo courtesy of video city. Ito ay...aircon?! Aircon!
Juday: (luwal ang mga mata) Talaga?! Salamat po.
Kuya Germs: Ay...Con Air pala. Isang vhs tape ng Con Air.
8. Kris Aquino: i heard sa france based ang father mo ngayon?
Danilo Barrios: hindi po. sa paris.
Kris Aquino: so you're a vegetarian?
Danilo Barrios: opo. kumakain din ako ng meat.
9. Vina Morales, announcing the winner/s of ASAP's Clash Dance: It's a tie-breaker!
10. Host: What is your favorite feature?
Calendar Girl: My favorite feature is my graduation feature!
(Todo explain pa siya na kesyo maganda daw siya dun kasi naka-makeup siya...)
11. Grand Finals ng She's Got the Look dati sa Eat Bulaga:
Vic: Contestant Number ---, eto yung question mo: "What is your guiding principle in life?"
Contestant: Hmm.. guiding principle?
Vic: Oo, guiding principle, kumabaga motto, something na pinaniniwalaan mo.
Contestant: Hmm .. (halatang tensed na).. guiding principle.. my guiding principle is.. hmm.. ahh.. ahh..
Vic (grand finals kaya ayaw niya mamahiya): Para siyang motto.. like "Time is Go.." (sabay putol nung contestant)
Contestant: Ahh.. my guiding principle in life is "Time is Gold. Thank you!"
12. ito, nung Bb. Pilipinas host: how did you develop your love for horseback riding?
contestant: when I first went to Tagaytay, I ride a horse and the horse thrilled me!
(hmmmm... bakit parang iba meaning?)
13. Host: You're doing well as a singer in clubs. What's your next ambition?
Guest: Gusto ko pong magkaroon ng recording album!
(Recording na, album pa?)
14. Host: What don't you like about (name of starlet) ba?
Guest: She's too reactionary!
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: React siya ng react!
15. Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie Marquez: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity".
16. anyway, si melanie marquez pa rin habang iniinterview ni boy abunda:
boy: melanie, anung masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?
melanie: they are all liars! tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, i am a model!
(tsk tsk.. mukha ka ngang high! )
17. angela velez announcing the famas winner..
Angela: And the Famas Goes through...
aleck bovic's reaction sa mga di makapaniwala sa pagkabest actress nya..
aleck: di ko na po papansinin yung mga negatives puro positives na lang po..
18. host: ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?
mr. pogi contestant: sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako!
(mwerk ano raw?!)
19. Inez Veneracion: "I am a one woman man!"
(hell, she's a man! )
20. Inez Veneracion in TV Patrol interview: "Tapos binangga nya yung Vesta Ban (Besta Van) ko!"
21. letter sender: vj heart you are so charming and u are my favorite vj!
vj heart: also you are!
(what the hell?!! did she finish school?)
22. HOST : WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL : DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!
23. New Year's presentation ng See True:
Ate Luds: O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada?
Madam Auring: Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!
Kinabukasan, HEADLINE: STELLA STRADA COMMITS SUICIDE!
24. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!
JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw,kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!
25. Joe Cantada: So Atoy, what are your prospects now,mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round...
Atoy Co: Well Joe, the ball is around!
(naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe)
26. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB.PILIPINAS PAGEANT,ASKING A CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE
INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question,hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you call that, Immaculate Conception???
27. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon,napaka-enlighting.Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.*VILMA SANTOS
28. HOST: What's the latest in international show biz news?
Co-host: Whitney Houston has just signed a $100 M recording contract!
Host: Wow, that's really huge. Do you think she deserves it?
Co-host: She does! After all, in the course of her career, Whitney has sold more than 140 albums!
(Huh?!)
29. Host: Do you see what I'm holding in my hand?
Co-host: What is it?
Host: It's the new P10 coin.
Co-host: Hey, how about that? - what are its features?
Host: Well, it has Mabini or Andres Bonifacio on the cover.
(The coin has a cover?)
30. Host: Our next sports feature is unique. It's about a new and funny kind of race.
Co-host: What's new about it?
Host: It's a race in which the racers are riding landmowers!
(What in the world is a landmower? - Oh, you mean lawnmower.)
31. Host: Your best friend is involved in a controversy right now. What do you want to tell him, to show your support?
Starlet: Pare, kaya mo 'yan. At, pag kailangan mo ng tulong, anytime, alam mo naman, 'andyan lang naman ako, I'll just right by!
(Wheee!)
32. Host: What has happened to you after you came out with your accusations?
Guest: I have received death letters!
(What in the world are death letters?!)
33. Host: Now that you have answered your opponent's charges, what happens now?
Guest: Now the ball is in the court!
(Huh?)
34. sexy star1: i'm half filipina, half spanish, and half chinese (ano yun 1 1/2 )
sexy star2: the show was very success!
tapos sa sharon. tinanong si Diane de la fuente,
sharon: nung nag-secret wedding kayo alam ba ng parents mo?
35. Tinanong one time si Angelika Jones kung ano role nya sa isang sitcom na gagawin nya sa channel 2.. sabi nya medyo kikay daw sya d2 pero nde naman Over O-A.
Si Candy Allyson naman pag tumalon naman daw sya sa San Juanico Bridge kailangan nya ng Life Best para safe.
Isang Viva HotBabe sabi nya proud daw sya kasi napasama sya sa 100 Sixtiest Woman!.
36. HOST: Why did you separate from your husband?
Guest: I realized that I did not really love him.
Host: Did you love him when you accepted his proposal for you to marry him?
Guest: Not also.
Host: So, why did you agree to marry him?
Guest: He pressurized me to do it!
(Ay, pressurized!)
37. Host: What did you have for breakfast today?
Guest: Tinapay.
Host: Ano'ng palaman ng tinapay?
Guest: Juice.
(Palaman, hindi panulak . . . sus.)
38. ito sobrang tagal na to. sa martin late at night. guest si vina morales.
martin: vina, ganda naman ng damit mo. ritratto?
vina: sige, pa-picture tayo!
-----------------
Host: Ano sa Tagalog ang "Last Supper"?
Contestant: tipaklong!
rom Doland Castro: "Isang bangkay! Natagpuang pah-TAHY!
From Michael Fajatin: At nag-away ang mga raliyista sa mga pulis, at nagkdispersal, at nagkabati, at nag-away uli.... (basta, gulo nun)
From Tito Guingona, referring to the Hello Garci scandal: It's a WRONG... MISTAKE! (meron bang right mistake?)