garret_8
3rd Jul '08 Thu, 01:13
Sometimes, just when you think you've
found the perfect person, she
realizes that there are so many things
wrong with you. Eventually, you
also realize that there are so many
things wrong with her and everything
just falls apart. After some time, you
realize that it's over. No amount
of screaming, kicking and whinning can
bring you an instant replay of the
things that were and could have been.
Give me the space and the time that I
need to learn to unlove you.
Musta ka na? I don't know how I am.
Would you take it against me if answer
that question with a cold stare? How am
I doing? I don't know. I
absolutely don't know. I guess I've
been having sleepless nights, trying
to figure out why things didn't work
out. I guess I'm caught between
wanting to shut you out of my life
completely and wanting to snatch you
away. I don't know. I am lost. Life was
so much simpler before you messed
up with my heart. Happiness, being okay
and loneliness were simple
emotions. With you in my life now,
everything seems much more exaggerated.
It's like I feel these emotions from my
hair to my fingertips, to the
point of being nauseated.
Ok ay ka lang ba? I don't think I'm
okay. I am not okay. Being confused
never belonged to the realm of being
okay. Do you realize what you do to
me? My days seem so much happier. The
sun seems to shine brighter. The
rain brings a smile to my lips. The
colors seem more vivid and I now love
the things I used to hate. I don't
think I'm okay. My life has always been
on a timetable. Everything is planned
and every aspect has a structure.
Everyt hing has a Plan A and if the Plan
A does not work, there's always a
Plan B. When all else fails, there's
always Plan C. When you came
something has placed the entire order
in my life upside down. My timetable
changed and to the point I don't follow
a schedule anymore. My plans were
all put on hold. The whole structure
just went crashing. I had a clear
view of what I wanted, where I was
going and by when do I need to get
there. The moment you walked in, none
of them seemed to matter anymore.
All I wanted was to stay with you. And
that isn't me. I can't afford to
allow that to be me. Not this time. Not
with you.You represent the
exact opposite of everything I've ever
longed for and yet, for some
strange reason, I feel happy when I'm
with you. Some people have a problem
dealing with loneliness. I, however,
find myself having a problem dealing
with happiness because I can't justify
to my mind why I feel about you.
It's just not logical. It defies reason.
Are you angry with me? No, I'm not
angry with you. I am just doing what's
best for the both of us thereby solving
the problem before it begins. I
know this feeling all too well. I know
I'm gonna end up starting my day
with thoughts of you and end it just
the same. I'd have imaginary
convers ations with you in my head. And
then one day, I'd wake up realizing
that you have become an essential part
of my day. It would be all so rosy
for the first 90 days. Until one day,
reality gives me a nudge and makes
me realize I don't really have you.
That no matter how much you said you
loved my eyes and sharing your dreams
and your thoughts with me, I still
won't be enough. That no matter how
much you said you cared about me, you
can never love me the way I want to be
loved. That no matter what I do,
there would be no me and you. So let me
solve this the only way I know
how.
You really don't want to see me
anymore, no? Well, yes.. at least until
I
get over you. At least until I am sure
that your presence no longer
affects my better judgement. At least
until I've accepted the finality of
things and never feel myself longing
for something you cannot give. Let me
concentrate on the negative things
about you. Let me bring you down from
the pedestal I once placed you in.
Allow me to see your worst and then
maybe I'd change my mind. Let me remind
myself that as much as I love you,
we have different priorities. That as
much as I adore you, you have a way
of pissing me off, a way that only you
can do. Let me be reminded of what
a ball and chain you are then maybe I'd
learn to see you in a different
light. Let me gaze at your countenance
one more time and remind myself how
forgettable your features are. Let me
walk with indifference when all I
wanted to do was to run to your side
and hug you.Let me be nonchalant
about your stories, about your
thoughts. Let me be self-absorbed,
al low me
to work myself to death or drag my
sorry ass wacking my brains out with
academic pursuits. Let me be busy. It's
just that I don't want to be happy
for a moment and be miserable for the
next three. I don't want to love
you, because I don't want to go through
the pain of letting you go. My
mind refuses to let the heart win.
And you know what's the worst part of
learning to unlove you? It's the
disappointing reality, that my messed
up heart is stubbornly believing
that letting you go means loving you
more. It's the dark, unacceptable
fact that sadly, whoever gets
romantically entangled with me at this
precise moment of my life, that person
will only fall second best to the
memory of you. So allow me to get the
space and the time I need as I live
day-to-day, practicing the art of
unloving you.
:praise:
found the perfect person, she
realizes that there are so many things
wrong with you. Eventually, you
also realize that there are so many
things wrong with her and everything
just falls apart. After some time, you
realize that it's over. No amount
of screaming, kicking and whinning can
bring you an instant replay of the
things that were and could have been.
Give me the space and the time that I
need to learn to unlove you.
Musta ka na? I don't know how I am.
Would you take it against me if answer
that question with a cold stare? How am
I doing? I don't know. I
absolutely don't know. I guess I've
been having sleepless nights, trying
to figure out why things didn't work
out. I guess I'm caught between
wanting to shut you out of my life
completely and wanting to snatch you
away. I don't know. I am lost. Life was
so much simpler before you messed
up with my heart. Happiness, being okay
and loneliness were simple
emotions. With you in my life now,
everything seems much more exaggerated.
It's like I feel these emotions from my
hair to my fingertips, to the
point of being nauseated.
Ok ay ka lang ba? I don't think I'm
okay. I am not okay. Being confused
never belonged to the realm of being
okay. Do you realize what you do to
me? My days seem so much happier. The
sun seems to shine brighter. The
rain brings a smile to my lips. The
colors seem more vivid and I now love
the things I used to hate. I don't
think I'm okay. My life has always been
on a timetable. Everything is planned
and every aspect has a structure.
Everyt hing has a Plan A and if the Plan
A does not work, there's always a
Plan B. When all else fails, there's
always Plan C. When you came
something has placed the entire order
in my life upside down. My timetable
changed and to the point I don't follow
a schedule anymore. My plans were
all put on hold. The whole structure
just went crashing. I had a clear
view of what I wanted, where I was
going and by when do I need to get
there. The moment you walked in, none
of them seemed to matter anymore.
All I wanted was to stay with you. And
that isn't me. I can't afford to
allow that to be me. Not this time. Not
with you.You represent the
exact opposite of everything I've ever
longed for and yet, for some
strange reason, I feel happy when I'm
with you. Some people have a problem
dealing with loneliness. I, however,
find myself having a problem dealing
with happiness because I can't justify
to my mind why I feel about you.
It's just not logical. It defies reason.
Are you angry with me? No, I'm not
angry with you. I am just doing what's
best for the both of us thereby solving
the problem before it begins. I
know this feeling all too well. I know
I'm gonna end up starting my day
with thoughts of you and end it just
the same. I'd have imaginary
convers ations with you in my head. And
then one day, I'd wake up realizing
that you have become an essential part
of my day. It would be all so rosy
for the first 90 days. Until one day,
reality gives me a nudge and makes
me realize I don't really have you.
That no matter how much you said you
loved my eyes and sharing your dreams
and your thoughts with me, I still
won't be enough. That no matter how
much you said you cared about me, you
can never love me the way I want to be
loved. That no matter what I do,
there would be no me and you. So let me
solve this the only way I know
how.
You really don't want to see me
anymore, no? Well, yes.. at least until
I
get over you. At least until I am sure
that your presence no longer
affects my better judgement. At least
until I've accepted the finality of
things and never feel myself longing
for something you cannot give. Let me
concentrate on the negative things
about you. Let me bring you down from
the pedestal I once placed you in.
Allow me to see your worst and then
maybe I'd change my mind. Let me remind
myself that as much as I love you,
we have different priorities. That as
much as I adore you, you have a way
of pissing me off, a way that only you
can do. Let me be reminded of what
a ball and chain you are then maybe I'd
learn to see you in a different
light. Let me gaze at your countenance
one more time and remind myself how
forgettable your features are. Let me
walk with indifference when all I
wanted to do was to run to your side
and hug you.Let me be nonchalant
about your stories, about your
thoughts. Let me be self-absorbed,
al low me
to work myself to death or drag my
sorry ass wacking my brains out with
academic pursuits. Let me be busy. It's
just that I don't want to be happy
for a moment and be miserable for the
next three. I don't want to love
you, because I don't want to go through
the pain of letting you go. My
mind refuses to let the heart win.
And you know what's the worst part of
learning to unlove you? It's the
disappointing reality, that my messed
up heart is stubbornly believing
that letting you go means loving you
more. It's the dark, unacceptable
fact that sadly, whoever gets
romantically entangled with me at this
precise moment of my life, that person
will only fall second best to the
memory of you. So allow me to get the
space and the time I need as I live
day-to-day, practicing the art of
unloving you.
:praise: