How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now!
BY BO SANCHEZ


Part 1:

Discover What You Really Need

Do you have a hidden addiction that is stealing your life away?

Have you heard of the great Houdini?

As a young boy, I loved reading about him. Houdini was probably the most famous escape artist in the world. I’m not sure if the story I’m about to tell you is part legend and part history, but I find it utterly fascinating.

Houdini boasted he could escape any jail cell in less than an hour. One day, a small town in the British Isles built a new jail cell and they were proud of it. “Come give us a try,” they said to Houdini, and he agreed.

He walked into the prison cell bristling with confidence. After all, he had done this hundreds of times before.

Once the jail cell was closed, Houdini took off his coat and went to work. From his belt, he got a flexible but tough ten-inch piece of steel. He knelt in front of the door and started working on the lock.

At the end of 30 minutes, his confident expression had disappeared.

At the end of an hour, he was drenched with perspiration.

After two hours and totally exhausted, Houdini literally collapsed against the door. And the force of his weight was enough to push the door open!

Because in reality, the door had never been locked.

It was locked only in one place: In his own mind.

This meant only one thing. It was firmly locked.

Because whatever your mind says is locked—is locked.

Even if it isn’t.

You Can Be Free!

Friend, you can get rid of your bad habits.

You can be free from your addictions.

The Bible says, you have been called to live in freedom.[1]

I should know. I’m a recovering sex addict—jailed in compulsive pornography and sexual fantasies for years. Yes, even as I was serving God and preaching. Like Houdini, I tinkered with the “lock” of my jail cell and lost hope because I couldn’t unlock the door. (For my full story, read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. You can get it at www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)

One day, I had a powerful realization. I discovered that the door wasn’t locked—except in my mind. I realized that at any time, I could push hard and the door would swing open—and I could simply walk out. And stay out!

And that’s what I did.

My friend, you can get rid of your addictions.

Here’s the truth: 70% of people get rid of their own addictions on their own. You see, there is no ONE singular way to get out of an addiction. There are many ways to get rid of your destructive bad habits. (We will examine all these ways in awhile.)

But before I explain them, let me answer a very important question.

What Is An Addiction Anyway?

I try to avoid technical words (my brain freezes up), so let me share with you my simple definition of an addiction. It’s any action that (1) you do repeatedly, (2) can’t stop doing, and (3) that’s harmful to your life.

Let me tell you a story my golfing friends like to tell. They say golfers love their golf more than anything else in the world…

One day, two guys were playing golf on a sunny day. In the distance, they saw a funeral car pass by—with a train of cars following it.

One of the golfers stops playing. He bows his head for a moment of silence.

The other golfer was very impressed. He said to his golfing partner, “Wow, I didn’t know you’re religious.”

“Not really,” said the other golfer, resuming his putting. “After all, I was married to that woman for 28 years.”

There’s nothing wrong with golf. It’s a healthy sport. But that widower was clearly addicted to it.

All of us agree that alcoholism, drug addiction, and compulsive gambling are serious forms of addictions. But I’m sure that most of us reading this article don’t have these more obvious addictions. But what about hidden addictions? They too destroy our life and the lives of our loved ones…

Do You Have A Hidden Addiction?
by bo sanchez

Here’s a list of common hidden addictions that harm us…

· “I eat compulsively”

This is the Number One way we try to feel better. I know of someone who eats at the slightest discomfort of life. If she’s angry, she eats. If she’s depressed, she eats. If she’s anxious, she eats. The truth however is that she isn’t really hungry for food. She is hungry for something else. Unless she sees this, she will continue snacking and pigging out, endangering her health.

· “I eat too much sweets, ice cream, chocolates”

I listed this separately just to impress upon you that chocolates is the Number One “Quick Fix” that people crave for when they are going through painful emotions. When a choco-addict feels hurt, or sad, or angry, or worried, she’ll spontaneously reach for her stash of choco bars. She has them on her desk, in the Ref, on her bedside table, and in her bag—for those “just in case” emergencies. Again, there’s nothing wrong with sweets. (I love dark chocolate and ice cream.) But in excess, it’s harmful. More importantly, you won’t address the real, deep hunger inside you if you keep popping candies in our mouth.

· “I go yo-yo dieting”

A few years ago, my friends were crazy about the “After Six” diet. And then, “Atkins” took over the dieting crowd. Soon, “No Carb!” became the battle cry of millions of women. After that, “South Beach” conquered the world by storm. (My friend says that he’s into the “North Park” diet. For a moment, I thought he was serious, until I realized that his favorite Chinese restaurant was named North Park.)

Personally, I don’t believe in quick diets. I believe in changing one’s eating habits permanently. I believe in changing one’s lifestyle forever—not just for 10 days or 30 days or 3 months. That means eating right and exercise.

By the way, the thin-like-a-broomstick super models found in Fashion magazines comprise only 3% of the world’s population. So I presume 97% of those reading this article have a body structure that resembles clunky vacuum cleaners rather than broomsticks. And it’s okay! You see, the goal is not to look like these super models and weigh less. The goal is to love your body (no matter what body structure you have) and be healthy inside and out. If you don’t watch it, dieting can be an addiction, and its severe form is the next item I’ll discuss.

· “I starve myself”

I met a young girl who was exceedingly thin. She was so thin, she could stand sideways and be invisible. Yet when I talked to her, she told me, “Uncle Bo, I’m so fat!” She grabs her reed-like arm, touches non-existent fat, and says, “See?” This young woman has Anorexia Nervosa. Starving herself (to death) is the only way she can control her seemingly uncontrollable life. Bulimia on the other hand is when a person gorges himself with food and vomits it all out. I know of others who are addicted to dieting pills and are harming their bodies.

· “I shop too much and have buying binges”

Lots and lots of women shop to feel better. They feel happy, beautiful, and alive when they buy a new shoe, a new stocking, a new blouse, a new perfume, a new watch… But if this is done repetitively and excessively, it’s a destructive habit. Do you want to know if you’re a shopaholic? Check your house. Is it full of stuff that you don’t use? Count how many shoes you have. Do you have 30 pairs that you haven’t used in a year? Do you have as many bags that you also haven’t used in a year? Many people are drowning in debt because they can’t control their shopping. In reality, deep within, a shopaholic isn’t looking for “something”. There’s an emptiness that can’t be filled up by a dress, a scarf, a bracelet, or a new pair of high heels. Ultimately, they’re looking for something they can’t buy.

· “I compulsively smoke”

Today, I see a lot of young people sitting in Coffee Shops—but instead of sitting inside where there’s air-conditioning, they sit outside under the sweltering heat of the Philippine sun—because they want to smoke. Isn’t that absurd? Today, I also see young people standing outside their offices during their breaks—again underneath the hot sun and breathing in the pollution of our smoke-belching buses—because they want to smoke. I tell you, it’s illogical. But like the golfer in my story above, addicts don’t think logically anymore. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world today. It’s a chemical that gets into your brain and at the first inhale, fights fatigue, suppresses appetite, and lifts your mood. It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking can cause lung cancer, painful emphysema, bad breath, ugly teeth, dark lips, but to a smoker, who cares?

· “I get angry, yell too often, and throw temper tantrums”

For a rage-aholic, anger is his all-around tool. He uses it for every situation. It’s the only tool he knows how to use. When he’s afraid, he gets angry. When he’s worried, he gets angry. When he’s sad, he gets angry.

I compare anger to a hammer. Using anger for everything is as silly as using the hammer for sewing a shirt, drawing water, healing a wound, and cooking food. It simply won’t work. If you need to sew a shirt, you need a needle, not a hammer. If you need to draw water, you need a pail, not a hammer.

Because of this, anger-addicts are ineffective parents, spouses, friends, and business partners. Some of them argue too much, pick petty fights, and leave a trail of broken relationships. Others are more quiet and demure outside their homes because they bottle up their anger with their friends and in their workplace, but unleash their toxic anger on their kids.

· “I complain a lot”

It’s a silly bad habit. (But come to think of it, what bad habits aren’t silly?) You fill the room with your negativity. More importantly, you fill your life with negativity. And it attracts more of it, so you multiply the stuff you can complain about. Believe me, no one would like to be with a complainer except fellow complainers.

· “I worry too much”

God gave us the ability to panic for emergency situations where we need to act quickly. But for a worry-addict, almost every situation is an emergency situation. So throughout the day, she’s in constant panic mode. If the anger-addict person uses the hammer for everything, the worry-addict uses a needle for everything. She “needles” every situation, looking for what may go wrong, always imagining how everything will go wrong. And because our fears are powerful, we end up creating the imaginary monsters into existence.

· “I drink too much coffee (or cola).”

I know a human being (yes, he’s a human being) who drinks 10 cups of coffee every single day. My other friend drinks 6 cans of diet cola every single day. Because it’s diet, she argues that it’s no longer bad for her. I told her that because she’s drinking too much artificial sweeteners, she may end up with artificial diabetes. I was kidding, but I still think it’s not a wise thing to do.

· “I sleep too much”

Naps are great for your health. But you know, sleep has become an addiction. Usually, too much sleep is a sign of depression or being overwhelmed by our problems. These people don’t want to wake up in the morning. And during the day, they want to crawl back in bed, under their covers, shielding themselves from the seemingly hostile world around them.

· “I watch too much TV”

Telenovelas should be watched in moderation. But the problem is that Telenovelas are designed to be addicting. They always end with great cliff-hangers: The child will finally know who his real father is, or the young woman will now find out if she’s pregnant or not, or the man will finally meet the man who killed his mother 20 years ago…

Studies suggest that if you sit down in front of the TV set for 3 hours each day instead of spending time with your spouse or your kids or other endeavors, there is a probability that one is addicted. (I’m talking of normal, active people who have jobs, families, etc., not aged, bedridden, or sick people.) Another sign that you may be addicted is if you have a fantasy relationship with some stars you watch on TV. This is normal for kids, but not very normal for adults.

· “I clean the house compulsively”

I know a mother who cleans her house the way nuns clean their convents, except that she does the work of 15 nuns all by herself.

When I visited her home, I discovered everything was polished, sparkling, and perfectly clean. I wondered if germs thought twice of stepping on her floor because it was too clean.

She’d spend the entire day scrubbing floors, washing curtains, dusting furniture, and picking up after her kids.

Everything was in order. Even the kids had to be clean and pretty all day. (I pitied the kids.) Why was she like this? Because if the house wasn’t perfect, she felt people will talk against her. Bottom line, she was a very insecure person. In reality, I felt that she wanted to clean something inside her, but couldn’t, so she just went about cleaning her house instead.

· “I compulsively lust”

One day, a young father of two kids confessed to me that he watches 2 to 3 hours of internet porn a day. He says he has to wake up at 1am, while his wife was sleeping, to watch his pornography. “I hate it, Bo. I hate what it’s doing to me. I wake up groggy the next day and curse myself for doing it. But I can’t seem to stop…” I told him, “I know exactly what you feel. I experienced that too, except that back in my day, we had no internet. I would wake up at 1am to open my porn magazines. If I had none, I would walk out on the streets and search for them.” But I told him that I got out of it, and so can he. Anyone can. This is the reason for this 8-Part series of articles.

· “I work too hard”

Working hard is good. But when your family and your health suffer, you automatically know that it’s an addiction. The problem with workaholism is that it’s rewarded. People pat us on the back and tell us that we’re dedicated, loyal, and industrious. We get bonuses. We get promoted.

Let me tell you a very sad story. There was one popular Christian leader who travelled the world expanding his ministry for the poor. One day, his wife called him up and said, “Come home immediately. Your daughter committed suicide.” Thankfully, it was a failed attempt. But instead of going home that day, he instead went to Vietnam to continue his ministry work. A few years later, that daughter committed suicide again—and succeeded. This Christian leader died years later, fired by his own ministry leaders, estranged from his wife and children. His mistake was that he was addicted to his work.

· There are many other hidden addictions.

Compulsive gossip. Phone calls every hour of the day. Daily trips to the beauty parlor. Even religious addiction—for people whose families are breaking apart because they spend their entire time in church. Etcetera.

Why Do We Have Addictions Anyway?

From a superficial perspective, addictions provide an escape so you won’t feel your painful feelings.

And what are these painful feelings?

· Hurt: “I feel rejected.”

· Depression: “I feel low”; “I feel old”; “I feel ugly”; “I feel fat”

· Despair: “I feel my life is meaningless”

· Guilt: “I feel I’m bad”; “I feel I can’t meet the needs of my husband/kids”

· Anxiety: “I feel worried that bad things will happen”

· Fear: “I feel afraid that I will get hurt”

· Hate: “I feel angry at myself”; “I feel angry at others”

· Shame: “I feel I’m not worthy to even exist”

Let me share to you my own personal experience.

For years, the predominant feeling that ruled my life was shame.

I didn’t know it was shame. I got so used to this feeling, I thought it was part of life. I would wake up with this “bad” feeling already. All I knew was that I felt extremely sad. And my thoughts were always about my mistakes—real and imagined. Like a guy who only played one DVD in his DVD player, and did nothing else except press the “rewind” button, I simply paraded my past mistakes before me. And then I’d imagine how this person doesn’t like me, how that person is angry at me, how this person is rejecting me. And I would feel “it” in my gut. It was my constant companion, never leaving me.

Years later, I finally identified what I felt. It was shame.

I was ashamed that I existed. I was ashamed that I was alive.

Can you imagine waking up each morning with this feeling?

That was my life.

And so to escape my shame, I drowned myself in testosterone. I got into Porn. At least, these girls were smiling and disrobing to me. They must like me. My sexual fantasies were the same—these women were attracted to me.

For a moment, my shame disappeared.

But, after indulging in porn and masturbating, my shame deepened.

How could I, a servant of God, do such a thing?

But I kept doing it for years.

I threw myself into work—work that would make the world like me. My approval addiction was even more powerful than my sex addiction.

But twenty years ago, I took my first steps towards healing. It was a long journey. (If you want to read the full story, you can read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. It’s available at www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph. I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)

What Is Your Core Need?

At the bottom of all addictions is this statement: “I don’t love myself.”

At the core of an addict’s heart is an empty Love Tank.

Every addiction is a hunger for love.

He doesn’t like himself.

He doesn’t value himself.

He doesn’t love himself.

That is why I believe that only love can heal an addiction.

How Do You Get Rid Of Addictions?

There is no one way to do it.

But why do these various ways work? All of these work as long as they fill up our Love Tank. Once our Love Tank is filled, we realize we don’t belong to the jail cell and stay out.

Here are some of the ways of pushing that jail door…

· Spontaneous Maturity

There are people who got rid of their bad habits by growing up emotionally. In their younger years, they took drugs and abused alcohol. As they grew older, got married, and had kids, their self-identity changed. They kicked their addictions and grew in self-confidence. Somehow, their Love Tanks were filled in the process.

Not all experience this maturity. I know of a 56-year old man who’s been taking drugs for 40 years now. Marriage didn’t change him. Kids didn’t change him.

· Spiritual Conversion

My friend Tim is a classic story of spiritual conversion that healed his addictions. After attending a Life in the Spirit Seminar, he stopped smoking and drinking the very day of the Seminar—cold turkey. Prior to that day, Tim was a heavy smoker and drinker for 30 years. What happened on that day? Aside from the power of God, he felt these vices no longer fit his new identity. He saw himself as God’s son, no longer an alcoholic or smoker. Emotionally, he liked the new Tim. Ultimately, God’s love filled his Love Tank.

However, not all people who go through our Seminars experience this instant freedom. And like everyone else under the sun, even Tim continues to battle other hidden addictions. So what else can we do?

· “Go Back to Your Past” Psychology

I’m going to commit a crime. (Forgive me.) This is terribly simplistic, but I believe psychology is divided into two major camps—those who believe healing comes from the past and those who believe healing come from the present. I know it’s more complicated than this but let’s imagine it’s not.

Followers of Sigmund Freud are in the first camp. They’ll insist that for you to get free from your addictions, you need to go back to your past and deal with your unresolved issues. To do that, you need a trained psychotherapist to listen to you as you explore your unhealed wounds.

I used to believe that this is the only way to really help a person change.

Not anymore. My belief is now more nuanced.

Personally, I believe that psychotherapy works, and it’s NOT because of the brilliant, earth-shaking insights that one derives from psychotherapy. (These insights help, but I don’t think they’re key to our healing.) Instead, I believe psychotherapy works because of something quite simple: That another human being is listening to you—and that human connection fills up your Love Tank.

Why do I believe so? From experience, when another human being listens to you, doesn’t judge you, and loves you, you get healed.

That’s why Christian Psychologist Larry Crabb says that the Christian Church should be the best place of healing in the world. Why? Because it should be the most loving place on earth—where listening, acceptance, and respect is practiced. (Two “shoulds” that aren’t happening!)

I still believe that “Go Back To Your Past” Psychology is great for diagnosis. But there lies its weakness. Now that I know my sickness, how will I heal it? After I found out that because I was sexually molested at age 8 and 13, I was more open to sex addiction, now what? The question remains the same—how do I cure it? I still had to deal with my present reality. And here lies the strength of the second division of psychology…

· “Deal With The Present” Psychology

The other “division” of psychology doesn’t believe that this “unearthing of the past” is the key to healing. It helps, but isn’t essential to healing. Instead, they believe that the real cure is dealing with the NOW. For example, Reality Therapy pioneered by Dr. William Glasser helps people identify what they want in life and practice their power of choice.

The entire Positive Thinking genre made popular by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale falls in this category. Even NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is included here. And many more. These approaches believe that by changing your present thinking and acting upon your choices, you change your life.

· 12-Step Group Approach

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the entire recovery movement have touched millions of people. Today, you can almost be sure that there’s a support group out there for your addiction, whatever it may be. From Narcotics Anonymous to Sex-Addicts Anonymous, from Food Addicts Anonymous to Shopaholics Anonymous. Some of its most staunch practitioners believe it’s the ONLY way to help people, which again, I disagree. But when it does work, why does it work? Sorry for saying this again, but I believe that the program helps you fill up your Love Tank. The effort you give in attending meetings are baby steps towards recovery, making you gain self-confidence. The power of a loving community surrounding you fills you with love as well.

· Practical Approach

A friend of mine stopped smoking by jogging, sucking menthol candies after meals, and staying away from smoker friends. His wife and kids were also very supportive. He swears by this route, and I don’t doubt him. I think every time he took a baby step towards his goal, he felt good about himself. This feeling translated in greater self-respect, which meant that his Love Tank was getting filled-up.

· My Approach? All of the Above!

In other words, I believe in the Spiritual-Psychological-Positive-Group-Practical Approach. Because I will use anything that will fill up a person’s Love Tank.

Walk Towards Your Freedom Now
by bo sanchez

For the longest time, you’ve been in a prison cell.

You’re tired. You’re desperate.

You’ve been tinkering with that impossible lock on the door.

But in reality, there is no lock.

You think there’s a lock, but there’s none.

You’ve been deceived. Cheated.

The lock is in your mind, not in the door.

What is that lock in your mind?

I call it your “homing instinct”. That means an unconscious part of you would like to stay in that dirty prison because you’ve become used to it. It’s been your home for years. Something within you—the defeated you, the failed you, the unloved you—wants to go back to that dungeon. A part of you feels that’s what you deserve. This drive within you is called the “homing” instinct. Hurting people recreate their home, no matter how painful those homes were.

But as you fill up your Love Tank, as you value yourself more and as you receive love from God and others, you realize that you deserve a new home. You realize that you don’t belong there anymore. With a full Love Tank, your “homing” instinct no longer drives you to your past home. Instead, it drives you to your future home. You begin to develop a “vision” instinct.

I’ll discuss more on this in the next parts of this series.

nice.....self evaluation lang kc tlga yan eh....:thumbsup:

Part 2:

Focus On Your Ambition,

Not Your Addiction


Do you have a hidden addiction that is stealing your life away?
by Bo Sanchez

Are you a logical person?
Let me ask you 4 questions to test your powers of logic (I’m sure you’ve seen these before):

1. Question:How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Answer: 3 steps: 1) Open the Ref; 2) Put the giraffe in; and 3) Close the Ref.

2. Question #2: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Answer: If you answered, 1) Open the Ref; 2) Put the elephant in; and 3) Close the Ref, that’s not correct. Here’s the right answer. It now takes 4 steps: 1) Open the Ref; 2) Remove the giraffe; 3) Put the elephant in; and 4) Close the Ref.

3. Question #3: Lion King called for a meeting of all the animals. One of them couldn’t make it. Which one?
Answer: The elephant, of course. He was stuck in the Ref.

4. Question #4:There’s a river that’s home to lots of crocodiles. How would you cross that river safely?
Answer: Just swim through it. Because all the crocodiles are attending a meeting with Lion King.

How did you fare? Are you a logical person?
Let me share with you a story in the Bible about someone who didn’t think too logically…

The Illogical Thinking That We All Do

Jacob and Esau were twin brothers. But Esau was considered the eldest because he went out of the womb of his mother first.
One day, Jacob was cooking some stew. Esau arrived from hunting and was exhausted and hungry. Esau said to Jacob, “I’m starved. Give me some of your red stew.”
Now Jacob said something absolutely nutty. He said, “All right, but you’ve got to do one thing first. Trade me your rights as the firstborn son.” You get an inkling on how jealous Jacob must have been towards his twin brother.
But what was nuttier was Esau’s reaction. He said, “Sure! Now give me that red stew now.”
Jacob said, “You’ve got to swear first that you’re giving me your birthright…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… whatever! I swear! Now give me that lentil soup…”[1]
Now why would Esau exchange his birthright for a single bowl of red stew?
Was his brain taking a vacation on that day? Was it on a Caribbean cruise or gone shopping in Hong Kong? Didn’t Esau know what his birthright meant? Being firstborn meant a position of privilege. Being firstborn meant great honor. And yes, being firstborn meant a huge inheritance—where he can buy a swimming pool filled with red stew if he wanted.
Why was he throwing all that for a bowl of red stew today?
Friends, this is a great picture of what addiction is. (By the way, I’m not saying Esau was addicted to red stew. I’m merely using his story as an analogy.)

The Foolish Exchanges We Make
by Bo Sanchez



I met a man who threw away his entire family for drugs. Years ago, he had a great job, a nice home, two kids, and beautiful wife. Today, because of a bunch of chemicals he was snorting through his nostrils, he destroyed his life. He’s lost his job and his home. His kids hate him and his wife is seeing another man…

Why exchange all that for another whiff of shabu?

There’s no logic. It’s a foolish exchange.

One day, a woman asked for my help. She said, “My husband is a compulsive gambler. He stole money from his office and used it to gamble. His boss found out about it and is pressing charges. My husband’s going to jail!”

Why exchange a great job for another crack at the blackjack table?

Again, it’s a foolish exchange.

The list goes on.

· A chain-smoker, exchanging his health for another nicotine fix.

· A porn-addict, exchanging his dignity and mental-monogamy, for another testosterone fantasy.

· A woman that gives her body to yet another man, just so that he would love her, exchanging her self-respect for a fleeting embrace.

· A government employee taking a bribe, exchanging his honor for cash. After years of doing it, he no longer feels any guilt, his conscience virtually dead.

One Power Skill Of Mature People



On a superficial level, the problem is impatience and impulsiveness.

And boy, do I know impulsiveness.

Like Esau, I catch myself wanting it now—no matter what the cost is to my future. Like Esau, I want my red stew now, whatever my “red stew” is. For me, it could be internet porn, sexual fantasies, and the approval of people. (For my full story on how God healed my addictions, read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. It’s available through www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph I’ll also be releasing the Audio book and E-book version very soon.)

Impulsiveness means I prioritize my short-term wants over my long-term needs.

This takes us to that very important, essential, powerful skill that all mature people have: The ability to delay gratification. You can’t be emotionally and spiritual mature without it. It’s impossible.

Delaying gratification is the power skill of champions. In any field!

Because there’s a huge reward in front of them, champions sacrifice today so that they can get their reward tomorrow.

Do you want to become a champion?

What great reward are you aiming for?

What is your holy ambition?

Anatomy of An Addiction
by Bo Sanchez


Before I talk more about holy ambition, let me review what we covered in my last article. On a deeper level, the problem of addiction is this:

1. Real Need è 2. Painful Feelings è 3. Addiction

Deep inside, there’s a (1) real need.

And that real need is an empty love tank. Bottom line, the addict doesn’t love himself. The addict doesn’t value himself. The addict doesn’t respect himself. Sometimes, he is conscious of this desperate need for love. Many times, he isn’t aware of it. It’s all unconscious.

My personal interpretation of the Esau-Jacob story above is that Esau didn’t value his birthright because he didn’t value himself. He didn’t value his future.

Once again, let me state my central point: I believe that every addiction is a hunger for love. That’s the real need behind every addiction. Your hunger of love produces the second part of the equation: (2) painful feelings—such as depression, anger, fear, anxiety, loneliness, etc.

To escape these painful feelings, the addict will pick a preferred anaesthesia. That anaesthesia is the third part of the equation: (3) addiction. It could be gambling, drugs, and alcohol. It could be workaholism until one’s family breaks down. Or shopping until five credit cards are maxed out. Or food until one becomes obese. Or dieting until one becomes very sick.

In order for an addiction to get healed, the real needs must be met. The love tank must be filled.

Thankfully, you can do that in many ways as we discussed in my last article.

In getting rid of their bad habits, I share to them one of the most powerful—and controversial—principles…

Don’t Focus On Your Addiction…

Bear with me. Do this exercise for me.

Say out loud “I won’t think of a Pink Elephant” for five times.

Ready? Go…

“I won’t think of a Pink Elephant.”

“I won’t think of a Pink Elephant.”

“I won’t think of a Pink Elephant.”

“I won’t think of a Pink Elephant.”

“I won’t think of a Pink Elephant.”

Let me ask you a question: What are you thinking of right now?

A Pink Elephant, of course.

People who want to overcome their addictions end up focusing on their addictions, and it simply won’t work.

When a smoker says, “I won’t smoke anymore!” 300x a day, guess what fills his mind? Smoking his favorite Marlboros, what else?

When a compulsive eater says, “I won’t eat!” 300x a day, guess what fills his mind? Eating his favorite cheeseburgers and chocolate sundaes.

When you focus on your bad habits, you enter into a vicious cycle that buries you deeper into your addiction. You end up depressed and helpless, draining your love tank even more, making you open more to your addictions.

Look. I’m not saying you deny that you have an addiction. In fact, acknowledging that you have an addiction is the first step to healing it. By admitting you’ve got a problem, you solve 50% of your problem. But you see, there’s a big difference between acknowledging it and focusing on it 24 hours a day.

A Simple Principle of The Universe

Let me share to you a simple, powerful, universal principle that has guided me in my daily life:

What you focus on grows!

Let me sidetrack a bit and explain this principle to you.

I know some people who focus on the bad things in their day.

They wake up in the morning feeling lousy. “It’s a terrible day,” they mutter. They ride to work complaining about how hot it is. They wade through the traffic complaining about the crazy drivers on the streets. They arrive at their office complaining about the work load on their desks. They complain about their boss, the low pay, the slow internet, the over time, the terrible food at the cafeteria, and how cold the air-conditioning is.

I pity them. Because the more they complain, the more they feel miserable.

Sooner or later, they experience more problems. (Remember, what you focus on grows.)

First, they may get sick. The Bible says a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.[2] Medical studies have shown that most of our physical diseases are psychosomatic. A negative spirit may create ulcers, hypertension, and other diseases. Simply because our bodies are blueprints of our emotional life.

Second, they may lose friends. Because no one wants to talk to a whiner. About her, they’ll say, “She’s depressing and it may be contagious!”

Third, they may lose their job—or at the very least, a promotion. Someone who doesn’t have passion in his work will not be rewarded. 200 CEO’s were asked what’s the number one ability that they look for in their employee, and most of them said, “The ability to work with others.” It’s not technical skills, but relational skills that’s prized in companies.

Okay, my digression is enough. How does this apply to your hidden addiction?

Focus On Your Ambition

Instead of focusing on your addiction, focus on your ambition.

“Ambition” has a negative meaning today, so let me purify this word.

By ambition, I mean your vision for your future.

By ambition, I mean the dreams that God has placed in your heart.

So instead of saying, “I’ll stop smoking” 300x a day, say instead, “I’ll be healthy and run the marathon” or “I’ll be healthy and be a Class B badminton player.”

Instead of saying, “I’ll stop eating”, say, “I’ll be healthy, weigh a healthy120 pounds, go to the gym three times a week, play badminton twice a week…”

Instead of saying, “I’ll stop shopping everyday,” say, “Starting next month, I’ll save P5,000 a month, erase all credit card debt by December 2007, and start investing in a mutual fund by January 2008, and accumulate P200,000 by June 2010.”

When you focus on your addiction, it depresses you.

When you focus on your ambition, it fuels you with passion.

And what happens when you do that? As you take baby steps towards fulfilling your ambition, you value yourself more. You gain confidence. You gain self-respect. Little by little, love is being poured into your Love Tank. The cravings are still there, but they lose its urgency and intensity.

Make Your Dreams MAGIC Dreams
by Bo Sanchez


Each Sunday, I preach to almost two thousand people in Valle Verde Country Club (Beside ULTRA) in Pasig, Metro Manla (For more information, call Tel (632) 7259999). Each Sunday, I teach them how to dream. So I wrote a Novena to God’s Love Prayer Booklet and gave it to each of them.

In that Novena, I ask people to write 7 dreams that they will pray for everyday. Believe me, people were excited writing down their dreams!

And as they pray for them, I ask them to also take baby steps towards fulfilling them. (Can I make a plug? I’m mailing the Novena to God’s Love Prayer Booklet for FREE to all KerygmaFamily members who give a monthly Love Offering to our ministry. If you’re not yet a member, log onto www.kerygmafamily.com now!)

In the Novena, I also give instructions that their dreams should be….MAGIC!

By MAGIC, I mean…

M- Measurable

Don’t just write, “Have a happy family”; Write instead, “Have a happy family by having separate weekly dates with my spouse and each child starting August 2007”; Don’t just write, “Have more money”; Write instead, “Earn an additional P10T each month through a sideline by December 2007.”

A - Ambitious

Again, I use “ambition” without its negative meaning. By “ambition”, I simply mean dreaming big dreams! Small dreams won’t excite you. But even if they’re ambitious, let your dreams also be attainable at the same time.

G - Godly

Never dream from greed or selfish ego. They will make you empty and miserable. Instead, discover the dreams that God has placed in your heart. The fulfilment of these dreams should ultimately help you love God and others more. (And don’t you notice? G is at the middle. God should be the center of our dreams.)

I - Imaginative

Put details in your dream. Make it graphic. Don’t just write, “Own a house by 2009.” Describe what kind of house you want. “Own a 2-bedroom white house with a small garden in Laguna by 2009.”

C – Complete

Have dreams that touch the most important aspects of your life: Spiritual, Family, Financial, Physical… By succeeding in all areas, you attain Life Balance.

Wise Exchange, Anyone?

Yesterday, I read a beautiful story.

One day, a little girl named Jenny was with her mother in the grocery store. She saw a toy pearl bracelet worth P20. She became giddy with excitement and asked her mother to buy it for her. “Are you sure you like it?” her mother asked.

“Yes, Mommy! Please, please, please buy it for me!”

So the mother bought the toy pearls for little Jenny.

Jenny’s father, who loved her very much, read a bedtime story to Jenny each night. One night, after reading to her, he asked her, “Jenny, do you love me?”

“Of course I love you, Daddy,” she said.

“Can you give me your pearl bracelet?” he asked.

Little Jenny pouted. “You can have my princess doll, Daddy, but not my pearl bracelet. That’s my favorite.”

Daddy smiled, “That’s okay Jenny, I love you.” He kissed her good night.

Seven days later, after another reading session, the father asked again, “Jenny, do you love me?’

“Daddy, you know that I love you,” the little girl said.

“Can you give me your pearl bracelet?” he smiled.

“No Daddy, please. You can have my brush, my violet pen, and my red hair band. But not my pearl bracelet!”

He chuckled. “That’s okay, hon. I love you,” and kissed her goodnight.

But a few days later, a teary-eyed Jenny came to her father and said, “Daddy, I love you very much,” and placed in his hand her toy pearl bracelet.

Her father gave her a big hug and said, “I have a very special gift for you, little girl.” He pulled out from his pocket a beautiful velvet case with gold lining. He opened it, showing to her a genuine pearl bracelet. “This is yours. No more toy pearl bracelet for you, my princess. You deserve the real one.”

Friends, this is the kind of wise exchange that God wants to give to us.

Not foolish exchanges that the “Jacobs” and the “Red Stews” in our lives are offering to us.

Instead, God wants to take what is cheap and fake in our lives (our addictions), so that He could give us something much, much better (our holy ambitions).

Give up your addiction.

Give up what is counterfeit.

Give up what destroys you.

Give up what pulls you away from God and life and happiness.

Like Jenny, you deserve better.

Part 3:

Love The Sinner

And The Saint Within



Do You Want To Get Rid Of Your Destructive Bad Habits?

Love Yourself.

Would you believe?

I’ve been preaching for 27 years now.

And in the first fifteen years of my preaching ministry, from 1979 to 1994, I never once preached about “loving yourself”. If you doubt me, look at my preaching notes and you’ll find nothing of this idea. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Why?

Because I felt that loving oneself was another way of saying “selfishness”. So if you told me that I would one day write an article about loving yourself, I would call you nuts. “Blasphemy!” I’d say to you with the vehemence of a snorting bull.

That’s how I interpreted what Jesus said in the Bible, “If you want to be my disciple, carry your cross, deny yourself, and follow me.” Because Jesus wanted us to die to ourselves, how could I tell people to love themselves? Isn’t that the very opposite of what Jesus wanted us to do?

Here was my belief then: The SELF was the enemy of GOD. So why love it?

So I told people to forget their own needs—even their basic, valid, legitimate needs. For if Jesus gave His life on the cross for us, how can we not do otherwise?

I Was Trying To Love God—

But I Felt Miserable.

What Was I Doing Wrong?



But along the way, I got into trouble.

I was trying to love God, but it was as though I was bumping on a brick wall. I failed and I couldn’t understand why I was so miserable. I’d given up everythingfor Him, so why did I feel empty and disconnected?

And here was my bigger problem: Why was I still enslaved by various hidden addictions?

Along the way, I also met a lot of good people like myself. Good, wonderful, spiritual people who wanted to follow God all the way. But they too were mired in hang-ups and addictions that made them discombobulated.

Was Christian life this… bad?

What was wrong with us?

And then there were my special “visitations of God”.

Supernatural moments in prayer that blew me away. These were specific times when I felt God pierce through my belief system—where He would just love me. No ifs, no buts, no conditions. He would love me as is, where is. I would feel so loved, I couldn’t understand it.

And to my horror, it was as though He was inviting me to love myself as well, as is, where is. Naturally, I couldn’t understand it. It went against my rigid legalistic theology and so I would “cast out” that inner voice. Wasn’t I the enemy? Wasn’t I the sinner that needed to be disciplined, chastised, and punished? What was this idea of “just loving myself as is, where is”?

Heresy!

But as the years went by, I began to understand.

It took another ten years—from 1990 to 2000—for this healing to happen…

Deny Myself?

There Was No SELF To Deny!

Slowly, I understood why I couldn’t love God.

How could I deny myself when I didn’t have a SELF?

How could I die to myself if nothing was alive in me?

How could I give up if there was nothing to give up?

Let me explain: Deep within, I was so broken. I never valued myself. I never felt good about myself. I was filled with shame. So to cover my shame, I’d try to be good. To fill up my need for love, I tried to love God. But the more I tried, the more empty I felt…

Today, I realized that I can never give what I don’t have.

I can’t love God—or anyone else for that matter—if I didn’t first love ME.

My favorite verse in the Bible? We love because He first loved us.[1]That is so true! The only way I can love God is if I receive His love for me. And it is His powerful love that will reconstruct me. Only then can I love Him.

This is the lesson we get from Judas Iscariot…

Why Don’t We Pray To St. Judas Iscariot?



Have you ever asked this question?

Probably not.

Because in your mind, you take it for granted that Judas is rotting in Hell.

Because he betrayed Jesus big time.

I beg to differ.

Whether or not Judas is rotting in Hell is another question I dare not answer. But I have an answer to the question why Catholics don’t pray to St. Judas Iscariot. No, it’s not because he betrayed Jesus.

Because if you open your Bible, you realize it is filled to the brim with betrayers and murderers and adulterers and liars and deceivers and connivers and cheats… The reason why Catholics don’t pray to a St. Judas Iscariot is simple: Because Judas didn’t allow God to love him. (By the way, I’m not sharing to you something I picked up from the Catechism or from a doctrine. This is merely my very strong personal belief.)

That was precisely the message of the story of Peter’s denials. He betrayed Jesus too (and three times at that!), but ended up the first Pope. Why?

Because Peter loved the sinner and the saint within. He repented, forgave himself, and went back to God.

Judas didn’t. Instead, he killed himself. The Bible says, So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.[2]

Judas didn’t become a canonized saint not because he betrayed Jesus. Judas didn’t become a canonized saint because he didn’t learn to receive God’s love.

Thus, he never learned how to love himself.



Are You Killing Yourself?



In my last article, I said, Don’t focus on your addiction.

Because when you focus on your addiction, you end up in despair.

And despair is the end of the road.

Like Judas, many people commit some type of suicide. They may not kill themselves physically, but in their despair, they kill their dreams, or they kill their relationships, or they kill the blessings that God wants to give to them.

You need to acknowledge your addiction (don’t deny it), but you don’t have to meditate on it. Your eyes should be on God’s love for you.

Focus on God’s dream for you instead.

And you can do that if you love yourself.

Loving yourself means loving the sinner and the saint within you.

You’re a mix of the good and the bad, and you need to love that mix.

Unless You Love Yourself,
You Jump From One Hidden Addiction To Another
by Bo Sanchez


Unless this happens, your addictions may never go away.

When we don’t love ourselves, our love tanks cause painful emotions to rise. So we may stop one addiction only to replace it with another, perhaps a more hidden addiction. I know of some former drinkers and smokers who, after removing these vices, unconsciously replaced them with more acceptable addictions, like workaholism and religious legalism, or a food addiction or TV addiction.

If you want to get rid of a destructive bad habit, you need to love yourself.

How should you love yourself?

How should you love the saint and sinner within?

Let me share with you four powerful ways of loving yourself that will change your life forever:

1. Forgive Yourself

2. Accept Your Weaknesses

3. Feel Your Feelings

4. Trust Your Needs

Let me share these with you one by one…

1. Forgive Yourself



For years, I would fall into habitual sexual sins. And when I did, I had a hard time believing that God would still forgive me. I was filled with disgust. I was so fed up with my sin, I figured He was fed up with me too. I projected onto Him my disgust and imagined that He was tired of forgiving me again and again.

Yet every time I prayed, something in me would say, “God isn’t like that.” And deeper in my heart, I would hear His voice say, “Bo, nothing you do can ever diminish my love for you.”

These words burned within me. I searched the Bible and found these words…and claimed them for myself.

For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.[3]

I am he that blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and will not remember your sins.[4]

If we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.[5]

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[6]

Ultimately, it was this incredible love that healed me of my addiction.

Can You Be As Forgiving To Yourself?

In one large gathering, a young woman came up to me and asked, “Can you hear my confession?” I shook my head, “I’m sorry, I’m not a priest.” But I saw desperation in her eyes as she told me, “But can I still confess my sins to you?”

“I can listen to you, pray for you, but I can’t absolve your sins,” I said.

She said, “That’s fine. I just need someone to talk to…” We walked to a corner of the hall and she poured her heart to me, sharing her guilt to me. As she did so, I felt an urging from God to tell her, “My dear friend, God loves you more than you can ever imagine,” and she began to cry almost uncontrollably.

She said, “Bo, I know God loves me. But I don’t love myself. I know God forgives me. But I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done.”

Through the years, I’ve met many people like her who already asked for God’s forgiveness, but can’t seem to forgive themselves. Even if the Bible says, Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful,[7] it’s funny how people aren’t merciful to themselves.

So I told her, “Then you’re very proud of your sin.”

Her eyes bulged, obviously shocked.

“What did you say again?” she asked.

Are You Proud Of Your Sin?

I told her, “You fall into pride on three counts. First, you seem to think that your sin is bigger than God’s love for you. That’s pride. Friend, God’s love is bigger than your sin…”

“And second, you seem to think that your moral standards are higher than God’s standards. That’s pride. Allow Him to love you in your brokenness. And give yourself permission to love YOU. And third…”

“Did I hear it right? Give myself permission to love me?”

I knew that those words were new to her.

“Yes! And third, all this time, you’ve been focusing on your sin. Am I right?”

She nodded.

“You think God wants you to grieve and wallow in guilt? You’re wrong. When you focus on your sin, you’re not focusing on God. Focus on God. Focus on God’s love for you. Or you fall into despair.” I began to think of Judas and how despair killed him.

The Bible says Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.[8]

How do we fall? Let me count the ways…

What Happens If You Don’t Forgive Yourself

If you don’t forgive yourself, you may have these problems…

o You’ll have unresolved guilt nagging you

o You’ll always be recalling past failures

o You’ll be pessimistic and negative, or even suffer from chronic depression

o You’ll be seeking revenge toward yourself at different times

o You’ll manifest self-destructive behaviors.

o You’ll be disrespectful towards yourself

o You’ll be indifferent toward yourself and your needs

o You’ll be defensive and exhibit distant behavior towards others

o You’ll be controlled by your fear of failure, rejection, and non-approval

o You’ll have an emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown

o You’ll be suspicious about others’ motives when they’re accepting of you

o You’ll experience chronic hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism

It is a sad life!

Make a decision now to forgive yourself now.

Before Anything Else, Discern:

Are They Real Sins Or Imagined Sins?

Before we even forgive ourselves—or even ask forgiveness from God—answer one question. Have you really sinned against God? Or have you just failed someone else’s standards?

Sometimes, we can set up our selves for big-time guilt by making lots of rules that God never wanted us to make.

For example, in the 1980’s, I used to teach my community members this spiritual regimen: To pray one hour a day, read the Bible one hour a day, and read other spiritual books one hour a day—for a total of 3 hours a day. I also encouraged them to go for daily Mass, daily Rosary, and an hour before the Blessed Sacrament. I was still a young teen then, and I could certainly do all of that, but I was oblivious to the fact that my members had jobs and kids to take care of. Boy, did I set them up for a very long guilt trip! (Forgive me, Lord.) None of them could ever measure up to my standards. But those rules that I made were just mine, not God’s rules. (Leaders need to be careful not to set people up to discouragement, or we rob them of joy in their life with God.)

I also remember a woman who felt guilty for disappointing her husband again and again. She would constantly ask for forgiveness from God for being a terrible wife. But when she described her husband to me, I instantly knew that he was the problem. He wanted his clothes to be pressed in a particular way, his egg cooked in a particular way, his newspaper laid out on the table each morning in a particular way. And if his wife will not do it in this particular way, he labelled her as a disappointing wife. Not true! I told her that she has not sinned and there was nothing to ask forgiveness from God.

But if we have indeed sinned against God, then let us take these next two steps…

Forgive Yourself Now!

Let’s pray.

Place your hands on your chest.

Step #1: Ask God For Forgiveness

Lord, forgive me now, in Jesus name. Forgive me for all my sins and failures. I believe You love me. I believe that Your love is bigger than my sins and failures. Today, I receive your forgiveness. Thank you for loving me!

Step #2: Forgive Yourself

Today, I make a choice to forgive ME. I know that God has forgiven me. I don’t have to be perfect for me to love ME. I am a very good person because God made me very good. As God loves me, so do I love ME. I no longer need to condemn me. I am forgiven by God, and I forgive ME, in Jesus name. Amen.

Let’s now move to the second step of loving yourself…

2. Accept Your Weaknesses



What’s the difference between forgiving yourself and accepting your weakness?

Answer: We only forgive ourselves for our sin. We don’t forgive ourselves for being weak. Because being weak isn’t a sin. It’s part of being a human being.

Let me give you an analogy. I know of some parents who scold (note: scream) at their kids for being noisy and playful. At moments like these, I want to intervene and say, “Mother, listen to yourself. You’re actually angry at them for being kids?”

That’s what we do too to ourselves. Because we are our harshest critics.

If you want to love yourself, you need to celebrate who you are—your strengths and weaknesses combined. Especially your weaknesses!

Fire Your Inner Parrot

Let me tell you a story.

On her way home, a woman was walking on the sidewalk. She saw a parrot in a pet shop window. Upon seeing her, the parrot said, “Lady, you are really ugly!”

Shocked, the woman walked away in a huff.

The next day, she walked again on the same road. She saw again the parrot peering through the pet shop window. And sure enough, when the parrot saw her, it said, “Lady, you are really ugly!”

The woman couldn’t take it anymore. She barged in the pet shop and told the owner, “Your bird outside has been telling me that I’m ugly. You better do something about that parrot. When I walk here tomorrow, and that bird says the same thing about me, I’ll sue you!” The owner was very apologetic and said, “It won’t happen again, Ma’am.”

The next day, she walked home on that same road. Once again, she sees the parrot, and the parrot sees her. She stopped and with an icy stare asked, “Yes?”

The bird, strutting back and forth, cocked, “You know.”

You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Love Yourself

Friends, many of us have an inner parrot that tells us, “You’re ugly.”

We have an inner parrot that we carry around within us, cruel and rude. We actually don’t need the devil anymore to accuse us and damn us to Hell. Because we do it ourselves.

These feelings of shame drive us to our addictions.

Friend, fire your inner parrot. (Better yet, fry him with olive oil, a little garlic, and chilli.)

Start telling yourself the truth: That you’re God’s child and beautiful beyond imagination. And that God will use even your worst weaknesses.

Remember: You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

Your Weakness Is A Gift

In the Bible, St. Paul boasted of his “Thorn in the Flesh”.

It was his weakness. Bible scholars don’t know what it was, but here are some intelligent guesses:

o temptation

o persecution

o sexual desires

o physical appearance

o epilepsy

o eyesight trouble

o chronic malaria fever

But whatever it was, about this weakness, he said these immortal, mind-boggling words. “At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”[9]

How can your weakness be gift?

Your Weakness Blesses You In 3 Great Ways



First, my weaknesses humble me. It makes me depend on God even more. And I see how He uses me mightily despite all my weaknesses! That is why the Bible says, God chooses what the world considers weak in order to shame the powerful.[10]

Second, my weaknesses make me more merciful towards others. I believe that someone who easily judges others hasn’t yet accepted his own weaknesses. If he had, he wouldn’t be judgmental. But because he hasn’t, he projects his self-anger towards other people.

Third, my weaknesses bond me with others in a way that nothing else can. When I share the story of my past and my addiction to someone else, I disrobe my defences and become vulnerable to him. In this way, I also give permission to that person to disrobe his defences as well.

Friend, thank God for your weaknesses, your struggles, and your problems.

They are great gifts that will bless you and others.

Let’s now go to the third way of loving yourself.

3. Feel Your Feelings



A long time ago, I didn’t feel my feelings. I didn’t bother with them. If they became intense, I shunned them.

To me, all desires were sinful. And all emotions were just part of the “flesh”, not of the “spirit”. Feelings were the enemies of God. At the very least, they were bothersome things that distracted me from doing God’s will.

No wonder I was in such an internal mess!

Because when we don’t feel our feelings, we treat ourselves with disrespect!

I was acting very rudely towards myself.

My Love Tank was empty because I wasn’t loving myself enough to even listen to my feelings. Remember: Feelings are the windows of the soul. When I wasn’t feeling my feelings, I didn’t have a clue what was happening inside me.

Again, self was an enemy of God, so why bother?

Just focus on God’s Word, and viola, everything will be solved, right?

How wrong I was.

Because God was speaking to me through my most negative emotions, and I wasn’t listening.

Identify Your Feeling;

And Identify The Source Of Your Feelings

Sometimes, I can’t even identify what I was feeling.

I just knew it was a bad feeling—that’s why I was running away from it.

I didn’t know if it was sadness or fear or worry or anger.

But when I run away from my bad feelings, I run away from myself.

Today, I know what to do.

I sit down, be quiet for a while, and identify what I feel. I don’t just go rushing about in my busy day.

When I identify it, then I feel the feeling. I feel it before God’s Presence.

I also try to identify the source of these feelings.

Why am I feeling this way?

Is there any action that I need to do?

Sometimes, this first step of “feeling my feelings” is all that’s needed. I don’t have to do anything else.

By feeling what I feel, I respect myself.

By feeling what I feel, I heal myself.

It may take time for the painful feelings to pass, but ultimately, I rise from it whole and peaceful.

Sometimes, I have to do something else. Perhaps I need to surrender to God. Perhaps I need to do something concrete, like talk to someone or solve a problem.

In the End,

You Still Do What God Wants You To Do

No, I’m not supposed to follow my feelings blindly.

That’s from the crazy guys that preach, “Do what you feel. If you feel like punching someone, then punch a pillow or wall. If you feel like screaming, then go inside your room and scream like hell. If you want to get drunk, then drink…” I don’t buy that strategy.

I didn’t say, “Do what you feel.” I said, “Feel what you feel.”

When you feel your feelings before the Presence of God’s love, in the end, you still do what God wants you to do. But you allowed yourself to feel your painful feelings, to validate them, and to listen to its inner messages.

This is a very important step of loving yourself.

Remember what I said about the immediate cause of our addictions? Because we want to escape our painful emotions.

But by entering into our painful feelings with boldness, we realize that they’re not as terrifying as we feared them to be. After awhile, we no longer need our addictions. Because we no longer need escape routes from our painful emotions.

Finally, we come to the fourth step of loving ourselves.

4. Trust Your Needs

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been taught by my brand of religion not to trust my feelings—and not to trust my needs as well. Because I figured my desires are most likely from the flesh, not from the spirit.

The message I received was this: “Fear yourself. Fear your desires. Fear your selfishness. Don’t trust yourself. Instead, trust God. Trust your group. Trust your leader. Trust the system…” (This is the reason why there is so much spiritual abuse happening in religious groups.)

Oh, what a terrible thing to believe!

Priests, preachers, and pastors love to emphasize this message: “Don’t trust yourself!” Directly or indirectly, they will ask their members to simply rely in the leaders’ wisdom and decisions. Unintentionally, they produce people who are infants in their emotional and spiritual growth.

Instead of freedom, religion shackles us to immaturity. (God calls us to be childlike, not childish.)

God Trusts You—

When Will You Learn To Trust You?

Instead, we need to hear a new message.

What message? That You’re made in the image and likeness of God![11] That you’re not just good. You’re very good![12] So trust yourself because God trusts you. He trusts you by calling you His child. He trusts you by planting His Kingdom in you. He trusts you by dwelling within you. He trusts you by commissioning you to be His presence in the world. He trusts you to love the way He does…”

Wow! (Believe me, when I pray, when I read the Bible, when I listen to God’s voice in the depths of my heart, I say “Wow!” many, many times.)

And one way of trusting yourself is to trust your needs.

Not your sinful needs. (That’s what you need to deny.) But your legitimate, valid, and God-planted needs.

Meet those needs. Even your need for joy.

Some people view all pleasure as bad. Their unwritten motto: “If it feels good, it must be bad.” That’s not true.

I believe life was given by God to be enjoyed to the full. To be savoured with delight. So taste. Breathe. Relish. Dance. Sing. Live!

When we enjoy life, we allow others to enjoy as well. (Ever wondered why some religious people are so stuck-up, they don’t allow anyone to enjoy life?)

Love yourself!

What is Draining You?

Get Rid Of It If You Can.



I don’t intend to write a complete list of how you need to care for yourself. (I’ll do that in another article.)

But here’s a question I want you to ask yourself: What is draining you?

What person, thing, activity, group, habit, situation, and places in your life drains your joy and life and energy and holiness? What sucks your happiness?

If you can get rid of that draining thing, do so!

By doing that, you’ll grow up and have more life and energy for the right things that God wants you to do.

In other words, I’m asking you to set your boundaries.

Let me list the probable “draining” things in your life…

1. Take care of your emotional health.

o I spend a lot of time with “emotional vampires”—people who are so dependent on me, or those who are exceedingly negative, or those who emotionally manipulate me…

o I still hang on to a dead-end romantic relationship

o I don’t have close friends

o I watch too much TV

o I don’t have time just to rest and reflect, to read and plan

2. Take care of your family life

o My relationship with my spouse and kids is shallow

o I have a long-standing conflict with a family member

o My home environment is chaotic

o I feel I’m not a great mother (father, son, daughter…)

3. Take care of your professional life

o I don’t enjoy my job

o I feel that I’m not fulfilling my mission in my job

o I feel that my core gifts can be used elsewhere

o I can no longer work with my co-workers

o I don’t see a future in my career

4. Take care of your physical health

o I don’t eat the right food

o I don’t sleep enough

o I don’t exercise enough

o I have a vice that’s robbing me of my health

5. Take care of your financial health

o I let “parasites” depend on me instead of letting them stand on their own

o I have huge debts

o I pay my bills late

o I don’t know where my money is going each month

o I don’t have savings and investment plan

o I know I won’t have enough for my retirement and old age

6. Take care of your spiritual health

o I’m in bondage to an addiction that’s draining me spiritually

o I focus on my sin, not on God’s love for me

o I don’t spend time with God

o I lack a faith community of friends to support me

o I feel I’m not following my own moral compass

o I feel I’m not serving God and others

If you checked any of the items above, do something about it! Ask for help.

But don’t get drained to the point that there’s nothing to give anymore.

Love The Sinner And The Saint Within

We’re tempted to only see the sinner in us.

Remind yourself that there’s a saint in you too.

Last July, I had a few birthday parties among close friends.

It has been our tradition that we honor birthday celebrants—so it was my turn to be in the hot seat.

I have to be honest with you. It’s always unnerving to be honored by friends for an hour—but after awhile, I felt my Love Tank filled up.

For example, one friend recalled how I helped him during a time of need. (I did? Really?) Another friend shared how she was so touched by my compassion. Another friend honored me for how I stood by him even when everyone else rejected him.

I wish the Preacher In Blue Jeans camera was on! (That’s my Reality TV show on the internet. You can watch my shows for FREE at www.preacherinbluejeans.com) Too bad it wasn’t. No, not so that you would hear their honoring. But so that I could replay them and I could hear them again—especially during times of self-doubt. When I feel bad. When I feel I’m not worthy. (Yes, I go through those times.)

This is a universal experience.

Let me end by sharing a beautiful story I read in the Chicken Soup series…

Remind Yourself That You’re A Saint Within

One day, a teacher asked her students in class to write the names of the other students on a piece of paper. “And leave space between each name,” she instructed.

When they finished, the teacher said, “Underneath each name, I want you to write the good things you see in that person.” Immediately, the kids busied themselves with the task and took the whole class to finish it.

The teacher took the papers home and collated the material. On one piece of paper per child, she wrote all the positive qualities written by their classmates.

On the next class, she handed out the papers to the kids. They were very happy to read the letters. “Wow, am I really this person?” some of them gushed.

Many, many years later, the teacher received a phone call. One of her former students, who had become a soldier, was killed in battle. Would she want to attend the funeral?

She went and saw many of her former students condoling with the bereaved family. As she stood beside the coffin, looking at the lifeless body of a young man in uniform inside, a middle-aged woman approached her. “Are you my son’s grade school teacher?”

“Yes,” she said, “you must be his mother. My deepest condolences.”

“I’d like to show something to you,” the mother said. “My son had this inside his wallet when he died.” She pulled out a worn-out piece of paper. It was obvious that it had been folded and unfolded many times.

Even before it was opened, the teacher already knew what it was. It was the piece of paper that contained the list of positive qualities his classmates saw in him. Kept and read all through the years.

By that time, her other students had gathered around both of them.

A young man beside the teacher said, “Uh, I carry mine wherever I go too.”

A woman from behind said, “I still keep mine. It’s in my diary.”

Another man said, “I display my list on my desk at home.”

Another woman said, “It seems like all of us kept that paper all these years!”

The teacher was moved beyond words.

Why would a simple piece of paper mean so much?

Because here’s the truth: Life can be rough. At various time, it can even be cruel. Every time we fail, every time we receive criticism, every time we get rejected, we doubt our worth. We doubt our goodness.

We are very desperate for love.

We need to love the saint within us.

Friend, love yourself.

Each day, celebrate your positive qualities. Celebrate your goodness. Celebrate your beauty.

Thank God for how wonderful He made you.

Love the sinner and the saint within.

bottom:



be contented.


am i right or am i right?

mga bro wag niyong masamain hah ,eto lang naman sagot sa lahat ng yan eh , mag pa ka totoo ka , wag mo itago ang totoo mong anyo , dahil pag itinago mo yan , mamamatay ka sa kahihiyan , kasuklaman , pagkamuhi , pagkahiya , at kung ano ano pa , so bakit kailangan mo pa i confest ang lahat lahat , kung alam mo na ganon pala nang yayari sayo , let the others seek for their mistakes not to shared what your mistakes do with yourself , diba tama naman ako? so ayun lang masasabi ko , kayo na bahala humusga kung anong meron kayo , sana naiintindihan niyo :salute:

for me....

- a "less" of addiction everyday is a big step of a long fruitful trip.
- "mind over matter"
- alamin mo muna kung gusto mo ba talaga.then go!

be contented.. and yes indeed, love yourself..don't let peer pressure affect you no matter what. i learned my lesson.. i made a million mistakes in my life.. no regrets coz i learned from them. i'm just human.. so frail from temptations. but, as time pass by.. i'm getting stronger resisting these things,, just have faith in yourself and most importantly to God, our Savior. praise His name.. good day everyone... \m/

hey kers...fave ko rin yan si bo sanchez lalo na si rizza navales..haha