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Results 151 to 160 of 990
  1. #151

    Lol Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Joke # 616

    DICTIONARY AGAIN

    Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!

    You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!

    Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan

    Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga

    Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit

    Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!

    Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso

    I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Walang akong Puso ngayon

    King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!

    Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!

    Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!

    Power Of Love - Buntis

    How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo

    Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla

    More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)

    Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 617

    A blonde walks into a bar and looks around. There is no pool table, no dart board, no juice box. She asked the bar tender,"What do you guys do for fun around here."

    The bar tender picks up a bat a walks over to an ape in the coner of the room. He hits it over the head and it goes crazy. It jumps all over the place. Then it runs to the bar tender and gives him a blow job. After the bar tender cleaned up the mess he started to hand the bat to the blond. He said," you want to give it a try."

    The blond looks at him and goes," Ok just don't hit me too hard!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 618

    ONE DAY, PRESS.ERAP IS HAVING ONE OF HIS PRESS CONFERENCES.

    WHILE THEY WERE ON A BRAKE, HE WENT BACK TO HIS OFFICE AND DECIDED TO RELAX, AND TO HIS SURPRSIE, THE FIRST LADY, PAID HIM A VISIT IN HIS OFFICE.

    FIRST LADY: ERAP,MERON AKONG SURPRISE SA IYO.

    ERAP: TALAGA! ANO YON SWEETHEART?

    FIRST LADY: NAGPATATO AKO NG IYONG INITIALS J. E. (JOSEPH ESTRADA)

    ERAP: TALAGA SWEETHEART, SAAN?

    THE FIRST LADY, LIFT UP HER SKIRT AND PULL HER UNDERWEAR DOWN AND BEND OVER, AND THE J. E. INITIALS WERE TATTOOD IN THE FIRST LADIES BUTT CHEEKS, INITIAL J ON THE LEFT CHEEKS AND E ON THE RIGHT CHEEKS.

    ERAP WAS VERY SURPRISE AND PUZZLED, AND HE ASK HIS WIFE.

    ERAP: SINO SI JOE?

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 619

    One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

    The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries
    to sleep.

    A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 620

    Sumakay sa taksi ang isang seksing babae. Hindi sinabi ni seksi na wala siyang dalang pera.

    Nang makarating sa paroroonan, itinaas ni seksi ang kanyang palda. Wala siyang panty.

    Bumukaka si seksi at nag-hello ang kanyang pekpek.
    Sinabihan ni seksi ang taxi driver, “Eto ang bayad ko…”

    Sagot ng taxi driver, “Wala bang mas maliit diyan? Anlaki naman. Wala akong panukli, eh.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 621

    Bumili ng condom ang isang lalaki.


    Tanong ng saleslady, “Ano’ng size?”

    Sagot ng lalaki, “Small.”

    Ubos na ang “small size” kaya “medium size” ang ibinigay ng saleslady, sabay sabi, “Isukat mo, sir.”

    Pagkalipas ng limang minuto, nagsalita ang lalaki, “Miss, maluwag.”

    Hirit ng saleslady, “Sige lang! Uso ngayon ang hiphop!”


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 622

    Q: Why do married men like blowjobs so much?








    A: 15 minutes of silence.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 623

    It was the talk of the town town when 80-year-old Juan married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the the old man. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

    He answered, "You've got to keep fit and keep that old motor running."

    The following year wife gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You
    really are amazing. How do you do it?"

    He again said, "Like I said last year, you've got to keep the old motor running."

    The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be
    quite a man."

    He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

    The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's
    black."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 624

    IPAGTATAPAT:

    PARE 1:may ipagtatapat ako sayo pare,piro atin-atin lang ito ha?

    PARE 2:ano yun??

    PARE 1:may problima ako pare,kasi habang nagsesex kami ng misis ko bigla na lang lumalambot ang ari ko at ayaw ng tumigas.ano kaya ang sakit ko pare?

    PARE2 naku!!dilikado na yang sakit mo pare,malala na yan, kailangan mo ng magpatingin sa doctor.

    PARE 1:bakit??ano ba ang sakit ko pare??

    PARE 2:sa utak!!

    PARE 1:utak bakit????

    PARE 2:wala ka namang asawa eh!!!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 625

    ACCOUNTING TRANSLATION ENGLISH-TAGALOG

    DATA ENTRY = Date muna bago pasok

    ADJUSTING ENTRY = Hinanap muna bago pinasok

    DEBIT ENTRY = Pinasok

    CREDIT ENTRY = Hinugot

    WRONG ENTRY = Napasok sa puwit

    ACCOUNTING ENTRY = Pagbilang ng pasok

    OFFSETTING ENTRY = Pasok-Hugot-Pasok-Hugot

    CLOSING ENTRY = Panghuling pasok

    BALANCING ENTRY = Babae and nasa ibabaw

    BALANCE SHEET = Kumot/o sapin para sa Balancing Entry

    MONTH END CLOSING = Meron

    LOSS = Nilabasan ang lalaki

    PROFIT = Napunta sa babae

    INTEREST = Nabuo

    INTEREST EARNED NOT COLLECTED = Nabuo pero di pa
    nanganganak

    TRIAL BALANCE = Sa ibabaw and babae pero di pa pinapasok

    BALANCE FORWARDED = Sa ibabaw and babae pero pinasok na

    CLOSING BALANCE = Sinara na ang zipper

    ZERO BALANCE = Malambot na

    LIQUIDATION = Gumamit ng pampadulas

    BANKRUPTCY = Ayaw nang labasan

    CONSOLIDATION = Sabay nilabasan




    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT
    Last edited by t700_825; 2nd Apr 2011 at 11:40.

  2. #152

    Default Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    nice jokes Ts hehe

  3. #153

    Thumbsup Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Quote Originally Posted by xzyl08 [Link available to registered users only. Click here to register.]
    nice jokes Ts hehe
    Ok poh,.pahit naman ng thanks,.hehe,.

    Joke # 626

    Nagpahula ang mag-ina kay Madam Auring....

    Madam Auring: Bukas mamamatay ang anak mo sa apoy at bato.

    Mag-ina: Naku! Umuwi na tayo at mag-ingat tayo, baka pa tayo maaksidente.

    Kinabukasan. Galit na galit ang ina, pinuntahan niya ang manghuhula.

    Sabi ng ina: Sabi mo mamamatay ang anak ko sa apoy at bato, bakit nasagasaan?

    Madam Auring: Huminahon ka, puntahan natin ang lugar ng aksidente.

    Pinuntahan nga nila.

    Madam Auring: Sabi ko na nga ba at mamamatay siya sa apoy at bato.

    Ina: Ano? Nakikita mo bang nasagasaan siya, tapos sasabihin mong apoy at bato?

    Madam Auring: Tingnan mo nga ang gulong na nakasagasa: FIRESTONE!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 627

    Q: What's the difference between a kiss, a car, and a monkey?




    A: A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear, a monkey is you my dear.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 628

    Q: Bakit mas matataba ang mga may asawang lalaki kaysa sa mga walang asawang lalaki?


    A: Kasi ang mga walang asawang lalaki, pag-uwi, titingnan ang laman ng ref niya at kapag walang nakita, humihiga na lang sa kama para matulog. Ang may asawa, pag-uwi, titingnan ang kama at makikita ang misis nila, pumupunta na lang sa kusina para buksan ang ref nila.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 629

    "Darling, ni-rape ako ng gorilya sa bundok!" hangos na sumbong ng asawang babae.

    "Walanghiyang gorilya `yon, teka nga!" sigaw ng lalaki sabay layas para umakyat sa bundok.

    Pagkalipas ng isang oras, bumalik ang lalaki.

    "Naipaghiganti na kita, Darling," sabi ng lalaki.

    "Napatay mo na `yung gorilya?" tanong ng babae.

    "Hindi, Darling, ni-rape ko rin `yung asawa niya!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 630

    minsan
    puro ako
    biro...





    laging parang
    naka drugs...





    lagi nalang
    nakatawa...





    pero sana
    paniwalaan
    mo...






    seryoso
    ako pag
    sinabi ko






    ako magliligtas sa mundo













    DARNA!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 631


    bkt ang tao
    mnsan nalilito??


    mnsan nliligaw??
    bkt??

    san ba xa dpt pmunta?



    sa taong mhal nya???


    o sa taong mhal xa???


    kung kaw kea?Huh??





    san ka puntaH???









    aKO Magdodota na lang ako...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 632

    madaling sabihin
    na mahal mo
    ang isang tao
    kahit hindi
    naman totoo





    simpleng
    iluvu tapos
    send ng
    kowts...





    pero merong
    mahirap...





    ang kumain ng
    saging...






    na kasinlaki
    nila B1 at B2!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 633

    isipin mo
    palagi ako
    nandito
    sa likod
    mo





    mahulog
    ka man
    sa hukay
    wag ka
    matakot
    dahil
    di ka
    nagiisa




    hindi man
    kita
    makayang
    hilahin
    pataas






    kaya ko naman sumigaw ng
    " help! look oh, nahulog sya! so engot kasi!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 634

    sa lahat
    ng kowt





    eto ang
    pinakapamatay
    na kowt...




























    BANG!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 635

    dey say




    "early
    birds
    catches
    the
    worm"




    cla na lang



    d naman ako
    kumakain
    ng worm eh...






    tulog
    ulit
    ako...







    ggcng n lang
    ako pag chicken na ulam!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 636

    baket
    gnon?




    ginawa ko
    na lahat




    nagpakatanga!







    nagpakapagod!!!

    ng dahil lang sa kanya!




    ...pero




    grabe!




    d ko talaga mahuli yung langaw...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 637

    Sa isang araw, nag-uusap ang magkumpareng Temyong at Enteng.

    Temyong: Pare, matanda na ako pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin akong anak na lalaki.

    Enteng: Bibigyan kita ng "TIP" pare kung papaano magkakaroon ng anak na lalaki.

    Temyong: Sige nga pare dahil sabik na sabik na akong magkaroon ng anak na lalaki.

    Enteng: Ganito 'yon, pagkatapos n'yong "magmahalan" kay Kumare, kapag "bumaba ka raw sa kanan", babae ang magiging anak mo at kapag "bumaba ka raw sa kaliwa", ito raw ay lalaki naman.

    Temyong: Kaya pala puro mga "bakla" at "tomboy" ang mga anak ko pare dahil palagi akong "bumababa sa gitna".

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 638

    Emcee: What’s the big problem facing the country today?

    Contestant: Drugs

    Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?

    Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 639

    Funny Posters

    posted outside a house
    HOUSE FOR RENT, FULLY FURNACED

    posted at a construction site
    BAWAL OMEHI DITO, ANG MAHOLE BOG-BOG

    in a restaurant in cebu
    WE HAB SOP-DRINK IN CAN AN IN BATOL

    in a supermarket
    FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE

    in a building in cubao
    NONE ID,NOTHING ENTRY

    on a glass window of a photography shop
    WE SHOOT YOU, WHILE YOU WAIT

    outside a shoe store
    WE SELL IMPORTED ROBBER SHOES

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 640

    Joe Quirino: Sharon, are you familiar with the current problems we have in the film industry?

    Sharon: Sorry, Tito Joe, I'm afraid not.

    JQ: What about you Myra, what can you say?

    Myra Manibog: Naku Tito Joe, I'm afraid also!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 641

    sometimes
    you smile
    to hide the
    pain,


    sometimes
    you intend
    to laugh
    to cover
    the hurt



    whether
    you smile
    or laugh
    you can
    never
    hide wat
    you feel
    inside



    take
    imodium



    one doze
    one hour
    LBM ay tapos!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 642

    sabi saken ng mga magulang ko...



























    saken sinabi bakit ko sasabihin sayo?!
    hehe!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 643

    Q: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng lalaking tumataya sa lotto at ang lalaking nakikipag-away sa misis niya.



    A: Mas malaki ang tsansa ng lalaking manalo sa lotto kaysa sa pakikipag-away sa misis niya.



    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT
    Last edited by t700_825; 2nd Apr 2011 at 11:40.

  4. #154

    Thumbsup Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Joke # 644

    Ine-examin nung Doktor yung isang pasyente sa Mental Hospital sa pamamagitan ng tanong at sagot. Tanong nung Doktor, "Kung ikaw ay palabasin ngayon sa ospital, ano ang iyong unang gagawin?"

    Sagot nung pasyente, "Titiradorin ko po ang buwan!"

    Wika nung Doktor, "Ikaw ay hindi pa pwedeng palabasin. E-examinin ulit kita sa paglipas ng anim na buwan."

    Pagkaraan ng anim na buwan, muling inexamin nung Doktor yung pasyente. Tanong nung Doktor, "Kung ikaw ay palabasin ngayon sa ospital, ano ang iyong gagawin?"

    Sagot ng pasyente. "Doktor, ako'y magaling na.
    Pagkalabas ko po sa ospital, ako po ay hahanap ng trabaho upang mamuhay ng mag-isa."

    Muling nagtanong ang Doktor, "Pagnakahanap ka ng trabaho, ano ang iyong gagawin?"

    Sagot ng pasyente, "Doktor, ako po ay manliligaw ng isang mabait, masipag at magandang babaeng pwede kong makakapiling na pang habang buhay."

    Gulat ang Doktor! Mukhang matino na ang kaniyang pasyente!

    Muli pang nagtanong ang Doktor, "Pagkatapos niyong makasal, ano ang iyong gagawin?"

    Sagot ng pasyente, "Aba, Doktor, kami po ay mag-hahanimun!"

    Bilib na naman ang Doktor. Tanong ulit ng Doktor, "Ano ang iyong gagawin sa inyong hanimun?"

    Sagot ng pasyente, "Doktor, huhubarin ko po ang blusa at palda ng aking bagong asawa."

    "Pagkatapos..." tanong ng Doktor.

    "Pagkatapos...", sabi ng pasyente, "huhubarin ko ang kaniyang bra at panty".

    "Pagkatapos..." tanong ng Doktor.

    "Pagkatapos..." sabi ng pasyente, "kukunin ko lahat ng lastiko sa bra at panty at titiradorin ko ang buwan!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 645

    Headline News:

    D radiation
    in Japan

    s now in
    d Phil.

    it will
    have a
    great
    impact
    in d
    atmsphere


    n d wind
    will burst

    and then
    it will
    go 2 d
    green fields

    den suddenly...



    poof!!.....



    it became koko crunch!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 646

    Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.

    Customer: Ok

    Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?

    Customer: No

    Tech Support: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?

    Customer: No.

    Tech Support: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?

    Customer: Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 647

    A guy runs into a childhood pal.

    "Hey, long time no see, what are you doing for yourself these days?"

    "I'm a fireman."

    "Really!? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman."

    "Well, if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house so your kid can practice. The hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night."

    Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.

    "So, did your son become a fireman?"

    "No, but I have two daughters who are Exotic Dancers!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 648

    Ako ay may lobo (Gay Version)

    AKETCH AY MAY LOBING
    NAGFLYLALU SA HEAVEN
    DI KO NA NA-SIGHTING

    NAGEXPLODE NA PLA
    SAYANG LNG ANDA KO
    PINAMBILI NG LOBING

    KUNG LAFANG PA SNA
    NABUSOG PA AKETCH

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 649

    Baby:
    1st MONTH: He said, "MAMA".

    2nd MONTH: He said, "PAPA".

    3rd MONTH: He said, "DEDE, YAYA".

    4th MONTH: He said, "MAMA, PAPA DEDE YAYA!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 650

    A boy pulled down his pants in front of a girl and said

    "do you have this?"

    the girl lifted up her skirt and answered

    " my mom said with this, i can have as many of those as i want!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 651

    Property laws of a toddler

    1. If I like it, it's mine.

    2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

    3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

    4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

    5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

    6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

    7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

    8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

    9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
    automatically becomes mine.

    10. If it's broken, it's yours.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 652

    Sarah, the sexy secretary, walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

    "Sarah, honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."

    "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile..."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 653

    behind your smile,

    i know there are sorrows.

    behind you laughter,

    i know there are tears..

    and i want you to know that behind you is your...
































    pwet!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 654

    d
    most
    painful
    thing

    dat
    a
    guy
    cud

    do
    2his
    girl
    is

    sit
    wid
    his
    friends

    and say
    "pare,
    look at her,
    paniwalang paniwala

    cyang
    lalake
    ako!"
    damn pare!
    d nya alam kaw mahal ko!
    bruha cya!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 655

    u can
    nver
    change
    d past
    nor
    control
    d
    future
    but
    u
    can
    change
    d
    mood
    of d
    day
    by
    touching
    sum1's


    "private organ"


    "the heart!"


    hulsum to noh!










    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT
    Last edited by t700_825; 2nd Apr 2011 at 11:38.

  5. #155

    Default Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    astig j0kes m0 ts... Tawa aq ng tawa,hahaha..

  6. #156

    Thumbsup Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Quote Originally Posted by ngongi9 [Link available to registered users only. Click here to register.]
    astig j0kes m0 ts... Tawa aq ng tawa,hahaha..
    Hehe,. ba?,.Eto nanaman...

    Joke # 656

    Q: What COFFEE causes Breast Cancer?
    A: KAPEpisil

    Q: what COFFEE causes Breast Lumps?
    A: KAPEpindot

    Q: What COFFEE causes Vaginal Irritation?
    A: KAPEpinger,

    SO AVOID COFFEE

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 657

    Gumimik sa mall ang tatlong binatilyo...

    Jepoy: SYET! Ang cute nung girl!

    Kevin: Sexy pa! Grabe!

    Nathan: Sino? Yung naka-mini skirt, na red? Yun, yun ba? Ha? Kilala ko siya! Teka tatawagin ko ha, kuyaaahhh Ambet!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 658

    Sometimes we fall in love in the wrong place




    at the wrong time





    with the wrong person






    for the wrong reason.






    pwede na,






    kaysa natatae ka





    at the wrong place





    at the wrong time





    wala pang tissue!!


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 659

    Washing Machine

    May isang probinsyana na pumasok bilang katulong sa maynila.

    Amo: Inday maglaba ka na kc tambak na ang labahan dyan.
    Ka2long: Yis mam! Saan po ako maglalaba mam?
    Amo: Dyan sa washing machine...
    Ka2long: Ok mam...

    Makalips ang kalhating oras hinanap ng amo ang katulong nya hindi na makita...

    Amo: Inday! Inday! nasaan ka na?

    Sumagot ang katulong...

    Ka2long: Mam d2 po ako nag lalaba sa loob ng washing machine...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 660

    hindi
    dahil
    may
    naramdaman lang
    tau
    para
    sa 1 tao
    e luv na un..
    mahirap
    magpadalosdalos
    sa pag-ibig..
    kung ikaw
    nasaktan
    dahil
    sa laro
    ng damdamin
    pano
    pa kaya
    un
    taong
    nasaktan
    sa larong





















    wrestling?

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 661

    BAwAl MagMUra

    Isang araw pagkatapos mag-sermon ng pari sa mga taong bayan..lumapit sa kanya si Alvin

    Alvin:anak ng teteng,putng-ina ang ganda ng sermon nyo padre..

    Padre:Alvin huwag ka namang nag-mumura alam mo namang masama yan ehh...

    Alvinasensya na padre...pero sa ganda ng sermon ny'o nag-donate ako ng 1 million...

    Padre:Putang-ina 1 million salamat ha...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 662

    A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear.

    So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs.
    He points to his eye, meaning, "I",
    then at his knee, meaning, "need",
    then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".

    The man on the first floor nods then drops his pants begin to masturbate and moan.

    The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling,

    "What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something?

    I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"

    The laborer looks at the carpenter and says,

    "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 663

    Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA
    from China. They decided to become
    American citizens, and "Americanize"
    their names.


    Bu, called himself "Buck"

    Chu called himself "Chuck"

    Fu decided to return to China.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 664

    ROOSTERS


    Q. Why don't roosters have hands?

    A. Because chickens don't have boobs.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 665

    cmuLa nUng bAtA akO...


    mArAmiNg bAgAy aNg nAbAgO...


    ugaLi...


    kAibigaN...


    perO 1 bAgAy Lng aNg hNdi...


    aLm mO kNg anO uN??









    FISHBALL...


    P 0.50 pA riN..

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 666

    May isang lalaki, umihi sa pader...


    ...nang biglang kumidlat.......


    Napasigaw ang lalaki-

    "PANGINOON KO!!!!

    WAG MO PONG IPADEVELOP,


    SUPOT PA AKO!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 667

    if youre ears itch, someone is thinking of you..

    if youre eyes itch, someone wants to see you..

    if youre lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you

    if youre entire body itches.. hehehe













    ano akala mo?? ligo ka na oi...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 668

    Kapag iniwan ka ng mahal mo




    Huwag kang lumuha




    Sa halip magsaya at sabihin...




    simula ng iniwan mo ako...





















    "my skin is firmer. my pores are smaller and my lines parang nawala"


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 669

    alam mo ba kung bakit hulog ka ng langit??






















    kasi


    bawal ka dun!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 670

    Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE.... you know, young, urban, professional."

    The second guy says, "I'm a DINK.... you know, double income, no kids."

    The third guy says, "I'm a RUB... you know, rich urban biker."

    They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?", and she replies "I'm a WIFE... you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 671

    Pick up lines with replies

    I know how to please a woman.
    --Then please leave me alone.

    I want to give myself to you.
    --Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

    May I see you pretty soon?
    --Don't you think I'm pretty now?

    Your hair color is fabulous.
    --Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

    You look like a dream.
    --Go back to sleep.

    I can tell that you want me.
    --Yes, I want you to leave.

    Hey, baby, what's your sign?
    --Do not enter. or Stop.

    I'd go through anything for you.
    --Let's start with your bank account.

    May I have the last dance?
    --You've just had it.

    I would go to the end of the world for you.
    --Yes, but would you stay there?

    Your place or mine?
    --Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.

    Your body is like a temple.
    --Sorry, there are no services today.

    Is this seat empty?
    --Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

    What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
    --What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

    Haven't I seen you someplace before?
    --Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

    If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
    --If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.





    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT
    Last edited by t700_825; 2nd Apr 2011 at 11:37.

  7. #157

    Thumbsup Re: PASOK LANG!! UPDATED!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Joke # 672

    hanggang
    san
    ba
    nasusukat
    ang
    pagibig?
    hanggang
    san
    ba
    napapatunayan
    ang
    pagmamahal?
    sapat na
    bang ipaglaban
    mo ito
    o
    dapat nalang
    sumuko?
    hindi ko
    alam
    pero dapat
    tandaan mo
    wag kang tatakbo
    pag may
    aso.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 673

    naranasan
    mo nb
    magmahal ng
    PILAY?



    hirap
    db?



    sakit ng ulo
    kaka highblood
    kaka asar
    pero naranasan
    mo nb
    mahalin ng
    PILAY?


    sarap
    db?


    lalo na
    pag
    naghahabulan keo



    d ka nya
    mahabol!
    wohoo!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 674

    A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked
    upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer
    looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

    The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down.

    "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

    Again, the monkey nodded his head up and down.

    "Well, did you see this?"

    "Yes," motioned the monkey.

    "What happened?"

    The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

    "They were drinking?" asked the officer.

    "Yes."

    "What else?"

    The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

    "They were smoking marijuana?"

    "Yes."

    "What else?"

    The monkey motioned "Screwing."

    "They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

    "Yes."

    "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked the car ?"

    "Yes."

    "What were you doing during all this?"

    "Driving" ....motioned the monkey.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 675

    isang lolo ang nagpacheck-up sa doktor..

    doktor: lo, di po kayo pwedeng kumain ng anumang lamang loob

    lolo: putangina! sardinas na nga lang ang ulam ko arwa-araw. kundi ang akin ay lata na lang...punyeta..

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 676

    'gusto mo ng trabaho'?


    1. trabaho sa PLDT, 10,000 per day. Ikaw yung
    dial-tone.

    2. trabaho sa DPWH, 10,000 per day. Ikaw yung
    speed bump.

    3. trabaho sa post office, 10,000/day. Ikaw taga-
    dikit ng selyo.

    4. sa nestle-magnolia,P10,000/day. Ikaw yung
    kukunan ng gatas para sa
    ice cream!

    5. sa enchanted, P50000 a day. Ikaw yung
    magtutulak ng anchors away at
    taga-ikot ng ferris wheel!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 677

    E-mail from God:

    [Link available to registered users only. Click here to register.]

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 678

    Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go
    to choose a
    husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors,
    with the men
    increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only
    rule was, once
    you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man
    from that floor;
    if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to
    leave the place,
    never to return.

    A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find
    some husbands...



    First floor
    The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love
    kids." The women
    read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having
    a job or not
    loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they
    went.

    Second floor

    The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids,
    and are
    extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I
    wonder what's
    further up?"


    Third floor

    This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are
    extremely good
    looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said
    the women,
    Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up
    they went.

    Fourth floor

    This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying
    jobs, love kids, are
    extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a
    strong romantic
    streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must
    be awaiting us
    further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.


    Fifth floor

    The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists
    only to prove
    that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your
    left, we
    hope you fall down the stairs."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 679

    MGA BIYAYA NA NAKUKUHA MULA SA GULAY:


    AMPALAYA - Pampapula ng dugo.

    KALABASA - Pampalinaw ng mata.

    TALONG - Pampatirik ng mata.

    MANI - Pampatirik ng TALONG!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 680

    HERE'S THIS GIRL IN A DISCO WHO WALKS TO A MAN AND ASKS:

    GIRL: Marunong ka bang mag-SWING?

    At this point, yumabang ang guy and says-

    GUY: Bakit, mukha ba akong Dance Instructor?

    GIRL: Hinde, mukha ka kasing UNGGOY!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 681

    Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
    A. He didn't have any arms.

    Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
    A. A blind person with a rubix cube.

    Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
    A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 682

    teacher: john! use FACT 3 times in a sentence.

    john thinks.. very hard...

    john: ma'm! as a matter of FACT... a bird can not fly wid out FACT FACT..

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 683

    "hindi ka nababagay dito!!!

    dun ka nababagay sa mga taong palara!!!

    sa mga taong nakahiga sa pera!!!"

    -- robin padilla









    "witchil kez najojogay ditrax!!

    donchemas kez najojogay sa mga jutawsterz na sholarey!!!

    sa mga jutaw na naka jigazterz sa adez!!!"

    -- rustom padilla


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 684

    don't make the same mistake twice..





















    madami pang kasalanan jan, try mo ung iba.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 685

    Kung
    bbgyan
    ka ng
    pgkakataon
    na mging
    "artista"
    ano ka?

































    SiNUSWERTE??






    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT
    Last edited by t700_825; 2nd Apr 2011 at 16:24.

  8. #158

    Lol Re: ASTIG! WALA KA NG HAHANAPIN!!! JOKES Collectibles

    Joke # 686

    as i watched
    d ants
    crawl
    upon d
    wall,
    i noticed
    dat no
    matter how
    busy dey r
    dey stil
    stop and
    communicate




    i hope
    we could
    be lyk d
    ANTS






    nakakalakad
    sa walls!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 687

    Lst Nyt i dRmd
    dT
    i ws
    dEd

    & wnt 2 heavn


    God
    askd
    me

    "nw dt uR hir,wt dO u
    riLy miS N ur wOrLD?"

    tiRs
    fEL
    n my Eyes
    & sEd:









    "rEdhOrSe pOh. Un pOng
    mLamiG.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 688

    F sum1
    tels u iLoveu..


    dnt sAy..
    iloveyou too..


    jaz Luk at hm
    & grab hs shirt


    & sAy..


    AStig mo ah!..
    bKt My ipApakain
    knb b skn?!!!.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 689

    the






    BENCH....



































    chi coDe!!!!


    The BENCHI CODE!!!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 690

    DALAWANG UNANO:

    Dalawang unano, nag-goodtime sa Bocaue.

    They are having a time of their life at Beer Gardens and Karaoke bars and they capped the fun with 'companions' for the rest of the night.

    Kumuha sila ng magkatabing kuwarto sa motel room.

    Iyong isa disappointed dahil hindi siya 'tigasan'. Kahit anong concentrate ang gawin niya ay wala parin.
    Lalong lumaki ang disappointment niya dahil naririnig ang nasa kabilang kuwarto na bumibilang ....ISA .....DALAWA...... TATLO......UMMPPP sa boung magdamag.

    Kinabukasan, sa kanilang pag-uusap: "Disappointed ako dahil kahit anong gawin ko hindi ako tigasan."
    "Eh, di mas lalo na ako, HINDI AKO MAKASAMPA SA KAMA."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 691

    Healing Power

    One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.
    The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''

    So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.

    The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis.

    The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 692

    hrap mgsb ng "sori"

    hrap mgsb ng "mhl kita"


    hrap mgsb ng "kailngn kita"


    pro nlmn q..


    pnkmhrap plng svhn ung..













    "ruler roller lower"
    ng 10 tyms, promiz..try mo!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 693

    Dumb Bank Robbers


    A gang of not-to-smart robbers decided that they were gonna rob a bank for

    some cash.


    So they set about the day planning the whole execution and timing

    and the place at midnight. When midnight came the group went to the bank and

    broke in through the roof.


    They stopped the alarm and went to the safe. The safe

    was blown open and they all stepped inside. Among them were thousands of

    safety deposit boxes. The robbers used a crowbars and started to crack open the

    boxes.


    One robber exclaimed "There's no money only, some pudding!". Another

    robber said "Yeah, there's none in mine either!" until finally they cracked all the

    boxes and all they found was pudding. So they said "Aw this sux, but let's at least

    eat before we leave." So with that they ate all the pudding and went home.


    The next morning on the news the headline was "WORLD'S LARGEST SPERM BANK HAS

    JUST BEEN ROBBED!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 694

    magasawa

    zero04 : pare tang ina sinungaling asawa ko...

    zero8 : pare pano mo na sabi n cnongaling asawa mo...

    zero4 : pare sabi nya kagabi sa ate ninya daw sya ma22log..

    zero8 : yung naman pla ehh pano naging cno ngaling asawa mo dun...sa ate nmn ninya sya n2log.....


    zero4 : pare cnongaling talaga sya ehh.....ako katabi ng ate niya kagabi ehhh.....

    zero8: waaaaahhhhh tang ina mo uu nga cnongaling nga wahahahah

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 695

    isang
    lasing
    ang
    makakita
    ng madre,



    biglang

    sinuntok

    tinadyakan,

    at binalibag..




    bugbog
    sarado
    ang
    madre,



    tapos



    tumawa
    ang
    lasing
    at
    sinabi:






    "wala
    ka palang
    binatbat



    BATMAN...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 696

    How To Shower Like A Man

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.

    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see your pecks. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.

    4. Get in the shower.

    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)

    6. Wash your face

    7. Wash your armpits

    8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

    9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

    10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

    11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)

    12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

    13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

    14. Pee (in the shower)

    15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk.

    16. Partial dry off.

    17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size.

    18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

    19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

    20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

    21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.



    How To Shower Like A Woman:

    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

    4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

    6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

    7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
    10 minutes until red raw.

    9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

    10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

    11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

    12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

    13. Turn off shower.

    14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

    15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

    16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

    17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

    18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 697

    mahirap idaan
    sa wlang kibo
    mahirap idaan
    sa wlang salita
    mahirap idaan
    sa pagiyak



    kung mahal
    mo cya




    bakit d
    mo sabihin




    malay mo?







    aba malay ko rin!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 698

    may sasabihin
    ako sayo







    kaso baka
    mabigla
    ka eh







    alam ko masyado
    pa maaga
    para aminin ko






    pero hindi ko
    na talaga
    mapigilan ang
    nararamdaman ko






    kaya kelangan
    ko na ilabas to










    "GUSTO KITA..."











    ...bigyan ng bingo!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 699

    wn u r
    n deepest
    trial &
    alone
    go
    walk
    n d
    road
    frnds
    myt not
    b dr
    4u
    bt im
    sure as
    u go
    on
    ul meet
    a prson
    u dnt
    xpct
    & wil
    ask
    u







    "balot?
    tatlo,bente."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Joke # 700

    A SAD STORY:
    a
    little
    boy
    was
    so
    jealous
    of
    his
    new
    born
    brother...
    so
    he
    put
    poison
    on
    d
    nipple
    of
    his
    mother...
    the
    next
    day...




    their
    driver
    died...




    sad noh??




    PAHIT NAMAN NG KAHIT SAGLIT LANG,.HEHE,.SALAMAT

  9. #159

    Default Re: ASTIG! WALA KA NG HAHANAPIN!!! JOKES Collectibles

    TS nakakasawa na ilike lahat ng post, dapat automatic na pagnagbasa ako like agad Nice one TS di nakakasawa magbasa

  10. #160

    Default Re: ASTIG! WALA KA NG HAHANAPIN!!! JOKES Collectibles

    hahahaha
    thanks for sharing ..
    Ang daming jokes
    ang dami ko ring tawa !
    Haha

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