View Full Version : Mga Lumang ERAP Jokes

23rd Aug 2009, 10:45
Paumanhin po sa ibang readers, medyo luma at gasgas na po ang mga ito. Im still posting it kasi Classic na po ang mga ito. hehe

At naalala ko nung asa college pa ako, ung Pol Sci teacher ko, nagbibigay ng plus five points bonus sa Long Exams, kung meron Erap Jokes sa dulo ng Blue Book mo.




FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: ‘10, 9, 8,….’.

FVR shouts, ‘Flood!’. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: ‘Earthquake! ‘. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: ‘10, 9, 8, 7….’. Erap had a mental block. ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1…’

Erap shouted: ‘Fire!’.


‘What time does the library open?’ Erap on the phone asked.

‘Nine A.M. ‘ came the reply. ‘And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?’

‘Not until nine A.M.?’ Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

‘No, not till nine A.M.!’ the librarian said.

‘Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?’

‘ha, who said I wanted to get in?’ Erap sighed sadly. ‘I want to get out!’


One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains.

Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!


Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

ERAP: How about another Carabao?


As Erap’s Driver test drive it.

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…….


Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: ‘Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?’

Erap: ‘I don’t know, kasi nasa first class ako.’


Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?

Erap: Mukha kang pera

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23rd Aug 2009, 10:48

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, ‘I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?’

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, ‘Oh, my wife just passed away.’


ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!

MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

ERAP : Tama na! Tuloy ang giyera.


Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya lumapit ito.

‘Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight,’ sabi ng stewardess.

Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.

‘Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?’ tanong nito.


ERAP: Loi, pasahan mo nga ako ng 2 my importante lang akong itetext. ~ LOI: (P2 send)

ERAP: (message received) OK!! got it thanks! ~

LOI: Tanga! wag ka ng magreply, Sayang!! ~

ERAP: ok!


Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco ?

Operator: Just a minute sir…

Erap: Thank you! (klik).

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23rd Aug 2009, 21:00
hahahahahah.....:lol: :lmao: