Advice on making a decision between love and friendship.

[Nova42]

As the title says, I need an advice.

On what?

Situation:
1.) I have a girlfriend for more than 1 year now. She was my bestfriend or should I say "Big Sis" beforehand. The reason we became together was because she was always there by my side during the times I was sad, down, and crying due to someone that I loved whom I'll introduce later. For some reason, when I started to court/date her friend, she fell in love with me. I had to choose between the two of them which led us being together. To cut the story short, she's the one who made me calm, peaceful, and content.

2.) I have a friend whom I dated/loved/cared for before. Now this friend of mine is really complicated. If anyone of you have seen the movie "100 Tula Para Kay Stella", I'm Fidel, and she's like 99% Stella, but somehow worse. She have big problems with her family, separated parents (Father in US with another partner, Mother in PH), her only younger brother died along with her hopes of curing/taking care of him; he's the reason she took up Nursing. She also have an obsessed Ex-BF that resulted into traumatic experiences for her. Her heart was broken repeatedly because she has trouble maintaining relationships.

Now this Girl no.2, for some reason, treated me as a special friend. It's like, she really trusted me with her secrets and the like. Even though she has a lot of friends to choose from, and from what I see, has spend a lot of fun times with others. And I don't really think I'm her closest friend or even bestfriend. Though we had good moments together before, which was ruined with all the problems she had to deal with her life and of course, her obsessed ex-BF. I was also really blinded by my own feelings at that time, in which led to her disappointment in me when I shared some of her secrets to our friends out of anger.





Problem:
Now, they don't invite me anymore to our "drinking sessions" together since I have a girlfriend who is not into those kind of things. But since I was the closest guy around, they invited me twice in those sessions. Now of course everyone will say, "Sus nakainom pala eh, wala lang yan. Drunk talk lang yan walang totoo dyan. Pag lasing, kung anu-ano sasabihin niyan." Well you see, I've seen and heard a lot of people venting out their feelings when they're drunk, they also call and text people whom they have pent-up feeling with too.

1.) The first drinking session was in our friend's dorm and was all about our another friend, except the time when I have to stay in a bathroom cuz my stomach was really irritated by alcohol at that time. She barged in the bathroom, asking if I was okay and everything. Then a minute or so later, she said something about me and my girlfriend like "Stay Strong sa inyo, pakatatag kayo.. She also told me na wag ko daw siyang gayahin at masira ang buhay mga ganun while crying. Then she told me more secret things about her life, and not to tell anyone else and that I'm the only person who knows this. To comfort her, I just hugged her then she went out. I also told my girlfriend about the events that happened during that night.

2.) Now, this one confused me the most. I was hanging out in my girlfriend's house when suddenly she called. She told me that our male friend has to burrow clothes from me urgently and I was closest one around. She was a bit surprised when I told her I was at my GF's home but I just told her I was also about to go home so I agreed to go and bring the requested clothes. To cut the story short, it ended up with her telling me almost all of her secrets in detail, all of her pent-up feelings from all the problems she had in life. At the same time she was also crying while telling me na susumbungin niya ako sa GF ko kasi di ako faithful/loyal mga ganun. She keeps insisting me to be loyal and not mind her all the time. All my other friends at that time passed out, leaving me and her alone throughout the night together.

Dito ko talaga siya nakilala ng buo. I mean, I already expected that she have a lot of problems in life, but not this severe. I can't help but feel like I have to do something to help her, not out of pity, but because I'm her friend. Now I don't want her, or myself to fall in love with her all over again because I already have my girlfriend, and I don't want to leave her just because of my friend.

I love my girlfriend, and I love my friend as a friend. And now I can't do anything useful to help her without me falling in love with her because it's also the reason why I loved her; I wanted to help her and make her feel loved. She has no bestfriend that I know of, and her parents have their own issues. I can't stand idle knowing that she could end her life anytime soon with all the things happening with her life.


As of now, I'm continuing my effort to reestablish me and my friend together again since we really don't talk much before cuz she's afraid that my GF might get mad at her and me.

Thoughts?

 

[montonbrian]

Problem:
Now, they don't invite me anymore to our "drinking sessions" together since I have a girlfriend who is not into those kind of things. But since I was the closest guy around, they invited me twice in those sessions. Now of course everyone will say, "Sus nakainom pala eh, wala lang yan. Drunk talk lang yan walang totoo dyan. Pag lasing, kung anu-ano sasabihin niyan." Well you see, I've seen and heard a lot of people venting out their feelings when they're drunk, they also call and text people whom they have pent-up feeling with too.

1.) The first drinking session was in our friend's dorm and was all about our another friend, except the time when I have to stay in a bathroom cuz my stomach was really irritated by alcohol at that time. She barged in the bathroom, asking if I was okay and everything. Then a minute or so later, she said something about me and my girlfriend like "Stay Strong sa inyo, pakatatag kayo.. She also told me na wag ko daw siyang gayahin at masira ang buhay mga ganun while crying. Then she told me more secret things about her life, and not to tell anyone else and that I'm the only person who knows this. To comfort her, I just hugged her then she went out. I also told my girlfriend about the events that happened during that night.

2.) Now, this one confused me the most. I was hanging out in my girlfriend's house when suddenly she called. She told me that our male friend has to burrow clothes from me urgently and I was closest one around. She was a bit surprised when I told her I was at my GF's home but I just told her I was also about to go home so I agreed to go and bring the requested clothes. To cut the story short, it ended up with her telling me almost all of her secrets in detail, all of her pent-up feelings from all the problems she had in life. At the same time she was also crying while telling me na susumbungin niya ako sa GF ko kasi di ako faithful/loyal mga ganun. She keeps insisting me to be loyal and not mind her all the time. All my other friends at that time passed out, leaving me and her alone throughout the night together.

Dito ko talaga siya nakilala ng buo. I mean, I already expected that she have a lot of problems in life, but not this severe. I can't help but feel like I have to do something to help her, not out of pity, but because I'm her friend. Now I don't want her, or myself to fall in love with her all over again because I already have my girlfriend, and I don't want to leave her just because of my friend.

I love my girlfriend, and I love my friend as a friend. And now I can't do anything useful to help her without me falling in love with her because it's also the reason why I loved her; I wanted to help her and make her feel loved. She has no bestfriend that I know of, and her parents have their own issues. I can't stand idle knowing that she could end her life anytime soon with all the things happening with her life.


As of now, I'm continuing my effort to reestablish me and my friend together again since we really don't talk much before cuz she's afraid that my GF might get mad at her and me.

Thoughts?

Well Fidel este Nova.
Alam mu ba yung scene na nag motel sina Fidel at Stella?
Wala sa matinong pag iisip sya nuon dahil sa mga problems nya kaya sa sobrang stress muntikan na nya malampung nya si Fidel sayang.
Pero yung si Fidel nasa matinong pag iisip kaya wala nangyari sa kanila ni Stella.
Tula # 143 " Mahal kita at mahal mo din ako pero yung pag-mamahal ko ay taliwas sa iniisip mo. Maitindihan mo sana~ "

Mahirap pag pinag sasama sa isip and situation ang Girl Friend at ang Friend Girl. Mahirap baka magsabong pag nag kaharap yan.
Yung bugso ng feeling, udyok, secret at pag naitulak yan ng alak o pag nagkamoment na kayu lang at malamig e talagang sasabog yan.
Kaya pogi hanggat maaga kung isa sa inyu ang lalayu. gawin nyu na Yun lang talaga paraan kahit masakit. text-text nalang.
Tao yan at kaya parin nya harapin ang buhay kahit wala ka. Also para narin maitindihan nya na ang limit nya sa yu.

-

On the other part naman. Kung aku naman ang lalagay sa sitwasyon
( ¯_¯) Kung di ko rin naman kaya sya mawala. Echos hindi na love as friend na yung feeling pag ganun.
Dahil kung friend talaga. Kahit malayo o wala kayo komunikasyon yung link nyu as a friend ay andun parin.
( ¯_¯) "Stay Strong sa inyo, pakatatag kayo" Sus!! Ok maghihiwalay kami ni GF at sasama aku sayo Stella.

 

[Nova42]

Thanks sa advice!

Though me and my girlfriend actually talked about what happened between me and that Stella-esque girl. She was a bit unfazed, though I felt dumb, and at the same time I told myself it was the right thing to do. Sabi niya kung di man lang naging kami, edi sana kami na ni Stella-esque girl.

My girlfriend then got a little bit insecure later on because I never gave her the love that I had for that Stella-esque girl. After some exchange of words, she finally got over it and told me that it's still up to me on what'll I do next. Sabi niya din kasi, kung siya lalaki daw siya, hinabol niya na si Stella-esque girl, perfect fit kasi daw ako sa kanya, and it seemed like we're the two sides of a coin whenever we're together.

Still, I would never dare hurt a girl because of my selfish reasons, and will never leave my girlfriend unless we both agreed to, fair and square.

 

[ruistar]

Nakalamat na tuloy relasyon with your girlfriend. Kahit naman ishare sayo mga secrets nung friend mo it doesnt special ka na. She just trust you to keep her secrets since she cant handle it alone but it doesnt mean na tutulungan mo siyang iresolba mga problema niya. May sarili ka ding problema sa buhay so bakit makikialam ka sa problema ng iba. Nakakarelate ka lang kasi yung girlfriend mo tinulungan ka noon kaya para gusto mo din tumulong sa friend mo, pero alam mo sa sarili mo na kapag ginawa mo yan, malaki ang posibilidad na magiging kayo din ng friend mo at masasaktan mo ang girlfriend mong tumulong sayo when you are down. Kung wala kang konsensya, sige pakasaya ka sa iba pero malupit bumawi ang karma. Minsan ka ng sinubukan ng tadhana at binigyan ng gantimpala. Tao nga naman, di makuntento kung ano meron. If you want to act as a friend jan sa stella na yan, just listen to her stories and dont be a part of her stories or to involve with it.

Napaenglish pa tuloy ako tapos di ko alam kung tama mga grammars ko hahaha. Act as a friend, cherish the love you have with your girlfriend. Lilipas din ang panahon makakaraos din yang stella sa problema niya dahil alam din niya sagot sa problema niya pero sana wag ka na magpresenta maging sagot sa problema niya dahil may mga priorities ka na.

 

[motoro]

As the title says, I need an advice.

On what?

Situation:
1.) I have a girlfriend for more than 1 year now. She was my bestfriend or should I say "Big Sis" beforehand. The reason we became together was because she was always there by my side during the times I was sad, down, and crying due to someone that I loved whom I'll introduce later. For some reason, when I started to court/date her friend, she fell in love with me. I had to choose between the two of them which led us being together. To cut the story short, she's the one who made me calm, peaceful, and content.

2.) I have a friend whom I dated/loved/cared for before. Now this friend of mine is really complicated. If anyone of you have seen the movie "100 Tula Para Kay Stella", I'm Fidel, and she's like 99% Stella, but somehow worse. She have big problems with her family, separated parents (Father in US with another partner, Mother in PH), her only younger brother died along with her hopes of curing/taking care of him; he's the reason she took up Nursing. She also have an obsessed Ex-BF that resulted into traumatic experiences for her. Her heart was broken repeatedly because she has trouble maintaining relationships.

Now this Girl no.2, for some reason, treated me as a special friend. It's like, she really trusted me with her secrets and the like. Even though she has a lot of friends to choose from, and from what I see, has spend a lot of fun times with others. And I don't really think I'm her closest friend or even bestfriend. Though we had good moments together before, which was ruined with all the problems she had to deal with her life and of course, her obsessed ex-BF. I was also really blinded by my own feelings at that time, in which led to her disappointment in me when I shared some of her secrets to our friends out of anger.





Problem:
Now, they don't invite me anymore to our "drinking sessions" together since I have a girlfriend who is not into those kind of things. But since I was the closest guy around, they invited me twice in those sessions. Now of course everyone will say, "Sus nakainom pala eh, wala lang yan. Drunk talk lang yan walang totoo dyan. Pag lasing, kung anu-ano sasabihin niyan." Well you see, I've seen and heard a lot of people venting out their feelings when they're drunk, they also call and text people whom they have pent-up feeling with too.

1.) The first drinking session was in our friend's dorm and was all about our another friend, except the time when I have to stay in a bathroom cuz my stomach was really irritated by alcohol at that time. She barged in the bathroom, asking if I was okay and everything. Then a minute or so later, she said something about me and my girlfriend like "Stay Strong sa inyo, pakatatag kayo.. She also told me na wag ko daw siyang gayahin at masira ang buhay mga ganun while crying. Then she told me more secret things about her life, and not to tell anyone else and that I'm the only person who knows this. To comfort her, I just hugged her then she went out. I also told my girlfriend about the events that happened during that night.

2.) Now, this one confused me the most. I was hanging out in my girlfriend's house when suddenly she called. She told me that our male friend has to burrow clothes from me urgently and I was closest one around. She was a bit surprised when I told her I was at my GF's home but I just told her I was also about to go home so I agreed to go and bring the requested clothes. To cut the story short, it ended up with her telling me almost all of her secrets in detail, all of her pent-up feelings from all the problems she had in life. At the same time she was also crying while telling me na susumbungin niya ako sa GF ko kasi di ako faithful/loyal mga ganun. She keeps insisting me to be loyal and not mind her all the time. All my other friends at that time passed out, leaving me and her alone throughout the night together.

Dito ko talaga siya nakilala ng buo. I mean, I already expected that she have a lot of problems in life, but not this severe. I can't help but feel like I have to do something to help her, not out of pity, but because I'm her friend. Now I don't want her, or myself to fall in love with her all over again because I already have my girlfriend, and I don't want to leave her just because of my friend.

I love my girlfriend, and I love my friend as a friend. And now I can't do anything useful to help her without me falling in love with her because it's also the reason why I loved her; I wanted to help her and make her feel loved. She has no bestfriend that I know of, and her parents have their own issues. I can't stand idle knowing that she could end her life anytime soon with all the things happening with her life.


As of now, I'm continuing my effort to reestablish me and my friend together again since we really don't talk much before cuz she's afraid that my GF might get mad at her and me.

Thoughts?

Your girlfriend acted as your big sis and you fall for her. Now, you want to help your friend but you're worried that you might fell in love with her. You can help her without falling in love with her again plus if you really love your girlfriend, that thought shouldn't have crossed your mind in the first place. I think you might just feeling pity for her but you can help without falling in love. Better think it over before you become a messed up like your friend. If you think helping the second girl will compromise your relationship with your girlfriend then better stay away. The second girl is a grown up already and she can choose to fix her life if she wants to and she can choose not to be obsessed with her ex if she wants to. Unless you like to have a relationship with a miserable girl then just better concentrate on your girlfriend.

 

[immabroke]

^+1 for what Motoro said.

Naawa ka lang kay Stella kasi nga masyado siyang complicated and maybe part of her being complicated is what draws you to her. You said it yourself that your gf makes you calm, peaceful, and content. Whereas Stella is chaos, complicated and reckless.

If I were you just focus sa gf mo. Kung ano man ang gawin ni Stella sa buhay niya di mo na kasalanan yun. She's a ticking bomb.

 

[Riyae08]

You just want to be the Guy in shining armor to this Damsel in Distress.

You being together will not help her any better than you being friends.
Think about it carefully, you may mend her ailing heart for a while
but if you two break up for some reason, you both lost a good friend
an irreplaceable friend.

Think about her circumstances and how you not being able to keep up will just make it worse.

what if iwanan mo ang girlfriend mo..
then maging kayo nga ni Stella.

then you felt pity naman sa iniwan mong girlfriend.
or you realized na you really love her
but you now felt responsible for both people?

what will you do?

maiipit ka lang.

------------

I suggest you stay as a friend
and be a good boyfriend to your girlfriend as she deserves.

 

[hindipoakoyun]

99% stella huh?

My Ex-Gf was "a" 300% stella and believe me its going to be a toxic relationship.

pero hindi ko masabi dhil 99% lang yang iyo. Pero as the other guys said, lumayo ka kay stella 99% . teka medyo harsh yung word ko. siguro just know your limits na lang?

be there for her when it matters or she needs you pero wag yung lagi. kasi pag sinanay mo sarili mo na lagi mong kausap yan or kasama baka sa kanya ka na lagi lumapit pg nag aaway or cool off kayo nung girl mo.

parang baliktad nga tayo eh. hindi ko pinili yung girl na andyan lagi saken. pinili ko si stella 300% . ayun iniwan ako nung nalaman kong si stella pala sya. pero di ko naman kasalanan yun. sinunod ko lang yung puso ko.

as for stella 99%. it doesnt have to be your job to save her. pero just be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. just know your limits.

pero eto ang gusto kong malaman eh. di ka kasi gagawa ng thread na to kung may nararamdaman ka din kay stella 99%. Feeling ko mas maganda tong si stella sa girlfriend mo eh.

Am i wrong? May possibility na baka mamaya mas gusto mo na itong si stella eh. sa girlfriend mo either since andyan nga sya nung times na low ka or ngpapakalma sayo, baka mamaya naaawa ka nalang iwan? or madamage yung reputation mo for being loyal?

look hndi naman sa jnjudge kita pero hula ko lang yan kasi minsan may behaviour tayong ganyan. baka dun ka sa part na yun nalilito especially as guys. Women wear makeup kasi mas nagkakagusto tayo sa itsura. While men lie kasi mas nagkakagusto ang babae sa personality (pero hndi naman lahat)

wag mo labanan temptation if ever ha. di ka mananalo dun.