Day 1 of Moving Forward
I can still feel every bit of me screaming of you
how I am doing a bad work of holding back my tears
while thoughts of you are passing through my mind
still, I managed not to send a message to you.
Tempering my resolve to walk away from us
in the hopes, of maybe you'll realize what this is worth to you too.
that maybe, one day, you'll come running back
wanting to start over again.
Wishful thinking, too high a dream
but I have to walk away too..
Cause this is way too painful for me.
Most especially when I remember our last day together.
The last 24 hours we were together.
-----------------------------------------
5pm, I picked you up from Work.
Chocolate and some Banana Soy Milk in Hand
Trying to cheer you up from our small fight.
Kirot sa puso as I was watching you
thinking this would be the last time we will be together
We went on anyway
Ang usapan eh iactivate mo muna ang ATM mo
before we proceed to go somewhere else for a dinner
but eventually we decided to eat somewhere close na lang
sa Vista Mall sa inyo. kasi we don't have much time
baka pagalitan ka na naman ni Tita.
(susubukan ko sana ipaalam ka, kaso inunahan mo na ko na ikaw na)
Karating sa Vista Mall, You were looking at my eyes
asking bakit teary eyed na naman ako..
that we should just enjoy our last moment together.
Took me a while to tell you..
"alam mo naman bakit"
you were smiling, maybe from the thought of how much you mean to me
or that you find it funny that a big ass boy like me is crying.
Walking around sa mall, deciding kung saan ba tayo kakain.
Wala naman gaano selection sa place na ito,
pero we made a trip around,
stopped by a Mirror, and we took some photos together.
Anyone who could have seen us
will think we are just doing okay
I was hoping too, but deep inside
I know, we are not.
Finally decided na with the lack of selection sa Place
sa Army Navy na lang tayo.
One of the places we ate in
nung unang nagbukas ang mga stores nung pandemic.
Memorable place also great food.
just a bit pricey to my taste.
Ordered Tacos, Iced Tea, and Naked Birria Burrito.
Nalungkot ka kasi available ang Carbonara, o kahit spagghetti.
So we shared na lang sa Birria, and you loved it.
Di masarap yung Tacos na 40% grated Cheese.
After it, I decided to buy some flowers for your mom
On my part as a Thank you Gift as well as Mother's day Gift
inaasar mo ko all day, kung ano ibibigay ko sayo.
Hard Guessing kung anong klaseng bulaklak ang ibibigay ko.
You were making all the right guesses
pero I was saying na you might be wrong hahahah
and you'd really be surprised this time.
Also, I promised na maaalala mo ko everytime
na makikita mo yung particular na flower na ito.
Then we would have left na rin
I told you I was planning to buy your sister one too
pero I was in doubt dahil baka maging bad impression sa kanya
but you pushed me to get her one Anyway, even paid for it
while saying na sasabihin mo bigay ko sa Ate mo.
then we left, proceeded to buy your mom
some pharmacy generic medicines
and your mom was like telling me na iuwi na kita
wag na tayo tumuloy dahil hinahanap ka na sa inyo.
but andun kana sa counter, so i pleaded lang na antayin lang tayo saglit.
Kauwi eh mejo napagalitan ka kasi inabot tayo ng 730pm ata bago nakauwi.
I dropped you off, we talked a bit before I left
You told me, that I still have to see you tomorrow
and drop those flowers myself.
End of Part 1 I guess
Day 02 of Moving Forward
compared to Yesterday,
I woke up with a positive vibe
na everything will be better today
na I will do better today.
I remember my words to a friend last night
Right now I don't have the motivation to move at all
after all, I built my life around her.
How we would name our Daughter "Katherine"
relative to both our names
and how I want her to look after you
So right now all the motivation I have
is that tiny and remote chance we will meet again
and that I have to be better by then
and have my shit together
The small fire that will keep me going
but not enough for me to call or text you.
Le friend got mad kasi umaasa pa rin daw ako.
and I am like, this is all I have now to move forward
might as well use it positively.
---------------------------------------
Woke up nice that Saturday,
I prepped smoothly unlike any other day.
Decided to grab a breakfast sa Jollibee para maiba.
and nagtake out na rin ako para sa inyo ni Gab.
Kokontra ka pa sana at nag abala pa ko.
pero sinabihan kita na wag kana magsalita
at on the way na ko, kung ayaw mo bibigay ko sa iba.
I tried suggesting sa iyo
na sabihin mo sa mom mo na onsite na ang seminar
so we can be together that day.
pero naunahan mo na pala sabihan mom mo
na online lang ang webinar
and it would be from 8am - 5pm on a saturday.
Thought I'd never really see you na today
and that Once I received the flowers
I will just drop it by your house
and Go our separate ways na.
God had different plans that day
na-delay ng husto ang flowers
so you asked me to have lunch with you
na lang at your house.
then wait elsewhere or umuwi na ko.
We had our lunch,
pinilit mo ko magkamay as usual.
kakain tayo sana ng ice cream from the other day
kaso you were busy sa pag aayos ng bahay
ako na sana maghuhugas ng plates for you
kaso pamahiin..
Inantay ko na lang ang flowers
banda sa supermarket sa inyo.
and it arrived 3pm na.
you sent me pictures
and telling me na puntahan kita
after ng webinar niyo.
or around 4pm. and bumili ng meryenda natin.
bought Shin Ramyun kasi nainggit ka sa akin
pinabili mo rin ako ng Kimchi.
and Ice Cubes.
Went to your house @ 4pm.
Said Hi sa Ate mo, kay Gab at sa Mom mo
you told me na mag seminar ka muna
at ibreakdown ko muna yung ice while waiting.
grabe pawis ko at nabuo yung ice cubes na parang single life form.
gusto ko sana ihampas sa pader para mabilis madurog
kaso baka masira ko yung bagong gawa niyo na wall
eeffort na lang ako sa pagchopchop nung ice
para malagyan mga lagayan natin
at itabi yung iba sa Freezer
I gotta admit,
kahit pawis ka na
at magulo ang buhok mo
maganda ka pa rin for me.
pinakita mo sa akin yung bouquet na binigay ko.
mejo madumi sa sides dahil sa nagdeliver
but it still looked pretty with you.
niluto mo na yung Noodles at kinain natin together with your fam
did not know na Kimchi would work well sa Shin ramyun.
Habang busy ka magluto ng meryenda
ginagawa ko yung essay mo about sa seminar niyo
using a few videos, to make a lengthy and detailed enough
writing about what you had learned sa webinar.
on a side note,
I think pinipilit mo ko kumain ng kumain
since nung nagbreak tayo
nalaman mo na hindi ako kumain
and I lost almost 9Kgs in a span of 8 weeks.
InstaDiet.
After meryenda,
niyaya niyo ko sumama magsimba
though conflicted kayo kasi alam niyo
gagabihin na ako ng uwi if I do
But I gladly accepted
saying na mas okay sa akin gabihin
kasi matatraffic rin naman ako if I go now.
kumakain tayo ng turones sa sofa
sinubuan mo ko, half and half tayo parati
magkasandalan tayo
habang kaharap natin ang mama mo
at si Gab eh nakikitawa sa ginagawa natin.
parang okay na okay talaga tayo.
parang tayo pa rin kahit hindi na.
730pm pa naman ang simba
so magprep muna kayo lahat
while at it naki-idlip muna ako sa sofa
para hindi ako antukin masyado later on.
630pm, ayos na ayos na kayong lahat
nagising ako sa amoy ng mga pabango niyo
and kinukulit na ko ni Gab about sa pag alis niyo.
Syempre ikaw ang una ko tinignan
kung ano ang gayak mo for the night.
and kung paano tayo babyahe
dahil need ni Ate itest drive yung sasakyan.
Nagvolunteer ako na i-basic check muna yung sasakyan
just so that malaman kung pwede mo sya ipatakbo.
and that we did.
Chineck ko ang mga langis,
brake fluids, check ng tires, water etc.
Sabi mo sa akin ka na sasabay
and Si Mama, Ate at si Gab ang magkakasama.
natuwa ako kasi may solo time tayo kahit papano.
Cutting it here for Part 3
ang pagod pala magsulat ng narration.
I can still feel every bit of me screaming of you
how I am doing a bad work of holding back my tears
while thoughts of you are passing through my mind
still, I managed not to send a message to you.
Tempering my resolve to walk away from us
in the hopes, of maybe you'll realize what this is worth to you too.
that maybe, one day, you'll come running back
wanting to start over again.
Wishful thinking, too high a dream
but I have to walk away too..
Cause this is way too painful for me.
Most especially when I remember our last day together.
The last 24 hours we were together.
-----------------------------------------
5pm, I picked you up from Work.
Chocolate and some Banana Soy Milk in Hand
Trying to cheer you up from our small fight.
Kirot sa puso as I was watching you
thinking this would be the last time we will be together
We went on anyway
Ang usapan eh iactivate mo muna ang ATM mo
before we proceed to go somewhere else for a dinner
but eventually we decided to eat somewhere close na lang
sa Vista Mall sa inyo. kasi we don't have much time
baka pagalitan ka na naman ni Tita.
(susubukan ko sana ipaalam ka, kaso inunahan mo na ko na ikaw na)
Karating sa Vista Mall, You were looking at my eyes
asking bakit teary eyed na naman ako..
that we should just enjoy our last moment together.
Took me a while to tell you..
"alam mo naman bakit"
you were smiling, maybe from the thought of how much you mean to me
or that you find it funny that a big ass boy like me is crying.
Walking around sa mall, deciding kung saan ba tayo kakain.
Wala naman gaano selection sa place na ito,
pero we made a trip around,
stopped by a Mirror, and we took some photos together.
Anyone who could have seen us
will think we are just doing okay
I was hoping too, but deep inside
I know, we are not.
Finally decided na with the lack of selection sa Place
sa Army Navy na lang tayo.
One of the places we ate in
nung unang nagbukas ang mga stores nung pandemic.
Memorable place also great food.
just a bit pricey to my taste.
Ordered Tacos, Iced Tea, and Naked Birria Burrito.
Nalungkot ka kasi available ang Carbonara, o kahit spagghetti.
So we shared na lang sa Birria, and you loved it.
Di masarap yung Tacos na 40% grated Cheese.
After it, I decided to buy some flowers for your mom
On my part as a Thank you Gift as well as Mother's day Gift
inaasar mo ko all day, kung ano ibibigay ko sayo.
Hard Guessing kung anong klaseng bulaklak ang ibibigay ko.
You were making all the right guesses
pero I was saying na you might be wrong hahahah
and you'd really be surprised this time.
Also, I promised na maaalala mo ko everytime
na makikita mo yung particular na flower na ito.
Then we would have left na rin
I told you I was planning to buy your sister one too
pero I was in doubt dahil baka maging bad impression sa kanya
but you pushed me to get her one Anyway, even paid for it
while saying na sasabihin mo bigay ko sa Ate mo.
then we left, proceeded to buy your mom
some pharmacy generic medicines
and your mom was like telling me na iuwi na kita
wag na tayo tumuloy dahil hinahanap ka na sa inyo.
but andun kana sa counter, so i pleaded lang na antayin lang tayo saglit.
Kauwi eh mejo napagalitan ka kasi inabot tayo ng 730pm ata bago nakauwi.
I dropped you off, we talked a bit before I left
You told me, that I still have to see you tomorrow
and drop those flowers myself.
End of Part 1 I guess
Post automatically merged:
Day 02 of Moving Forward
compared to Yesterday,
I woke up with a positive vibe
na everything will be better today
na I will do better today.
I remember my words to a friend last night
Right now I don't have the motivation to move at all
after all, I built my life around her.
How we would name our Daughter "Katherine"
relative to both our names
and how I want her to look after you
So right now all the motivation I have
is that tiny and remote chance we will meet again
and that I have to be better by then
and have my shit together
The small fire that will keep me going
but not enough for me to call or text you.
Le friend got mad kasi umaasa pa rin daw ako.
and I am like, this is all I have now to move forward
might as well use it positively.
---------------------------------------
Woke up nice that Saturday,
I prepped smoothly unlike any other day.
Decided to grab a breakfast sa Jollibee para maiba.
and nagtake out na rin ako para sa inyo ni Gab.
Kokontra ka pa sana at nag abala pa ko.
pero sinabihan kita na wag kana magsalita
at on the way na ko, kung ayaw mo bibigay ko sa iba.
I tried suggesting sa iyo
na sabihin mo sa mom mo na onsite na ang seminar
so we can be together that day.
pero naunahan mo na pala sabihan mom mo
na online lang ang webinar
and it would be from 8am - 5pm on a saturday.
Thought I'd never really see you na today
and that Once I received the flowers
I will just drop it by your house
and Go our separate ways na.
God had different plans that day
na-delay ng husto ang flowers
so you asked me to have lunch with you
na lang at your house.
then wait elsewhere or umuwi na ko.
We had our lunch,
pinilit mo ko magkamay as usual.
kakain tayo sana ng ice cream from the other day
kaso you were busy sa pag aayos ng bahay
ako na sana maghuhugas ng plates for you
kaso pamahiin..
Inantay ko na lang ang flowers
banda sa supermarket sa inyo.
and it arrived 3pm na.
you sent me pictures
and telling me na puntahan kita
after ng webinar niyo.
or around 4pm. and bumili ng meryenda natin.
bought Shin Ramyun kasi nainggit ka sa akin
pinabili mo rin ako ng Kimchi.
and Ice Cubes.
Went to your house @ 4pm.
Said Hi sa Ate mo, kay Gab at sa Mom mo
you told me na mag seminar ka muna
at ibreakdown ko muna yung ice while waiting.
grabe pawis ko at nabuo yung ice cubes na parang single life form.
gusto ko sana ihampas sa pader para mabilis madurog
kaso baka masira ko yung bagong gawa niyo na wall
eeffort na lang ako sa pagchopchop nung ice
para malagyan mga lagayan natin
at itabi yung iba sa Freezer
I gotta admit,
kahit pawis ka na
at magulo ang buhok mo
maganda ka pa rin for me.
pinakita mo sa akin yung bouquet na binigay ko.
mejo madumi sa sides dahil sa nagdeliver
but it still looked pretty with you.
niluto mo na yung Noodles at kinain natin together with your fam
did not know na Kimchi would work well sa Shin ramyun.
Habang busy ka magluto ng meryenda
ginagawa ko yung essay mo about sa seminar niyo
using a few videos, to make a lengthy and detailed enough
writing about what you had learned sa webinar.
on a side note,
I think pinipilit mo ko kumain ng kumain
since nung nagbreak tayo
nalaman mo na hindi ako kumain
and I lost almost 9Kgs in a span of 8 weeks.
InstaDiet.
After meryenda,
niyaya niyo ko sumama magsimba
though conflicted kayo kasi alam niyo
gagabihin na ako ng uwi if I do
But I gladly accepted
saying na mas okay sa akin gabihin
kasi matatraffic rin naman ako if I go now.
kumakain tayo ng turones sa sofa
sinubuan mo ko, half and half tayo parati
magkasandalan tayo
habang kaharap natin ang mama mo
at si Gab eh nakikitawa sa ginagawa natin.
parang okay na okay talaga tayo.
parang tayo pa rin kahit hindi na.
730pm pa naman ang simba
so magprep muna kayo lahat
while at it naki-idlip muna ako sa sofa
para hindi ako antukin masyado later on.
630pm, ayos na ayos na kayong lahat
nagising ako sa amoy ng mga pabango niyo
and kinukulit na ko ni Gab about sa pag alis niyo.
Syempre ikaw ang una ko tinignan
kung ano ang gayak mo for the night.
and kung paano tayo babyahe
dahil need ni Ate itest drive yung sasakyan.
Nagvolunteer ako na i-basic check muna yung sasakyan
just so that malaman kung pwede mo sya ipatakbo.
and that we did.
Chineck ko ang mga langis,
brake fluids, check ng tires, water etc.
Sabi mo sa akin ka na sasabay
and Si Mama, Ate at si Gab ang magkakasama.
natuwa ako kasi may solo time tayo kahit papano.
Cutting it here for Part 3
ang pagod pala magsulat ng narration.
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