pwede pasali? haha
eto na
eto na storya ko kung bakit ako naging "atis"
disclaimer: hindi ako writer. sorry na lang kung lame writing ang mababasa nyo or may mga maling grammer or spelling. huehuehue
once upon a time, lol. may nakilala akong teacher sa school namin, syempre saan ba nahahanap ang teacher, syempre sa school, well, ininivite ako at pumunta ako sa kanilang event called Life Connect (Connect your life to Jesus), isang event every friday kung saan maraming kabataan, I mean most of the population, and may games, banda, role play, then may speaker, then bago umuwi may gathering parang meet and greet, "see you next friday", positive vibes, and, boom!, i'm in. *skip to encounter*. sa encounter ma-eencounter niyo daw si God, well, I have doubts and I can say I didn't experience "encountering" God, but alam niyo yung feeling na you admit that you're weak and sick and you need help and you can't stop those tears from falling. damn, that's dramatic and poetic, *back to story*. end of the encounter, parang ako lng yung hindi satisfied, ewan ko, baka sa doubt or conscious lang ako whole event, but I let it pass. I just go with flow, and trust the process of being a christian and having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. *the process*. ang hirap palang maging christian, sing hirap nang vegetarian, siguro, hindi ako naging vegan, pero alam ko ang battle ng discipline at ng dopamine, if you know what I mean. Alam niyo, yung doubt ko, unti-unting nawawala and then there's this one big conference that light up the fire. the words really motivate and inspire me. I can feel the fire burning inside and I can say this is faith!!!!
but that fire is gone the next morning I wake up. *poof*. this happens like most of the time. what frustrates me is that I don't know how. I pray, do devotional and talk to God, but it's still happen. and yes, i quit because of that. it's like i'm in pain and it's getting worse. maybe there's something to do with psychological thing, like there should be other faithful people around, the music, ambiance. i start asking questions. i realize it's not doubt, it's curiosity. so i made research, haha, big word. well, actually i just browse here, on this site.
be the best version of yourself, that's what i learn on having a relationship with God. i'm still doing it even though i'm not a christian anymore. our body will decompose but we don't know what will happen to our consciousness when we die, we don't know if there's heaven or hell either, but don't waste your life here on earth. always give your best, don't hold back, live like you're dying, live on your terms. there's no God's plan or destiny or tragedy, what there is, is a chain of effect on every action. you can't control everything, just let the fuck go. you can't convince anyone to be like you even God.
be the best version of yourself is the new YOLO
hindi pa to masyadong detailed, sa office ko lang kasi to nasulat *medyo di busy*