MU-Parang kayo, pero hindi

[Lovely Face]

We can also say that these people has a commitment phobia

 

[axel08]

siguro sa panahon narin po ngayn, nging liberated na rin yung ibang girl,
meron akong nakilala na girl na ganito ang gusto nyan setup ika nga pag nagkita kami pero hindi. kahit anu pwede gawin tapos..tapos na...

 

[Lovely Face]

siguro sa panahon narin po ngayn, nging liberated na rin yung ibang girl,
meron akong nakilala na girl na ganito ang gusto nyan setup ika nga pag nagkita kami pero hindi. kahit anu pwede gawin tapos..tapos na...

I cant speak for those girls...sila lang nakakaalam anong tunay na dahilan kung bket ok lang sa knila. But basically, for a girl (like me) iniingatan ang sarili lalo na ang tungkol sa bagay na ganyan.

 

[wella1407]

nong nag'break kmi ng bf ko b4 ayoko talaga pumayag coz i thought i can't live my life away from him. masyado na ko nasanay na nasa tabi ko siya. nag'offer pa ko na kahit ako nalang yong gagawa lagi ng paaran to make the relationship keep going. parang kami pa din kc un yong gusto ko isipin and paniwalaan. but no mater what i think, say, and do, we're over.

parang kami pero hindi..
but eventually nakakapagod din mag'hold on into something na walang kasiguraduhan kung san pupunta coz there was never a commitment between the two of you.

 

[Lovely Face]

Yun na. Mahirap pag nawala ang commitment kse wala nang assurance sa relationship. And the casualty?? Us women again. (mostly)

 

[brandi_ph]

Subject: Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi.

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."

They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.

They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?

Sila kaya?

"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.

Parang kami, pero hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.

They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.

He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one

hitch: he has

a girlfriend!


She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

They have

been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."


The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends.

Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.

Puwedeng may

verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.

Pero sa

kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa gir l (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.

Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.

No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.

Ano ka ba

niya para magselos? Nagpapaka awa effect!!!???!

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.

Even if

you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. LOser ang kahihinatnan...

This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.

Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?

What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?

What if you

remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa

pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"

hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.

Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself and hurting someone in the process,( thats a MORTAL SIN)kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.

Magpakasaya ka.

Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.

Ihanda mo

lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...

almost, but

not quite.

kaya nga daw MU, short for maling unawaan

 

[kazumi]

mga mukhang unggoy ung MU..

 

[bentot82]

i've been in this situation, parang kami na parang hindi,
nagsisi na ako at pinasok ko ang ganun, kasi sa huli ang girl ang kawawa,
nung una i believe that it was for fun lng, nagkikita kami para lng mag........
alam nyo na tpos wla na ok na, but i was wrong, the girl can do
anything, kahit masakit sa kanya, kahit labag sa loob nya, basta lng sa
lalaking mahal nya, kaya pumapayag ang girl kasi mahal nila ang guy.
when i knew this, my guilt was killing me.......... ive learn my lessons.

 

[hzel_]

kaya nga daw MU, short for maling unawaan

mas appropriate siguro kung MU=Maling Ugnayan :unsure

arouch.......... wala na im already involved......di bale dalawa nmn sila isang ex-clasm8 at isang present clasm8 ...pero kaasar prin ......hirap nga

 

[markz_23]

u0 nga.. pero ang nangyari, minahal mo na siya.. right??

 

[Im_megan]

I experienced that once pero kabaliktaran ang nangyari kasi ang lalaki ang nsa sitwasyon natoh..pero ako ang mahal nya,Mu sila ng GF nya dati,kaya parang nahirapan din ako!

 

[hzel_]

ok nmn kmi bago kmi ngkalau pero ewan ko kung bkit after xmas vacation di na kmi maxado ngpapansinan.....ngkakailangan na kmi...

 

[rshydra]

buti naka-visit ako dto sa symbianize... nice thread... naka-relate ako... i'm experiencing this situation right now... except that we're both single (nasa early 20's na age namin) pero ung girl di pa ready mag-enter sa relationship... kala nga tuloy ng karamihan na kami na pero hindi pa pala (pati family niya... kaya nagugulat nalang sila)... we shared a lot of hugs and kisses pero hindi pa kami... i'm falling for her right now pero di pa sya ready... minsan nagtatampo ako (tulad ngayon...) kung may nag-oopen ng topic na kami na or may nakikita akong mga couples na mag GF/BF na... honest naman ako at sinasabi ko sa kanya na nagtatampo ako kaya minsan nagtatanong siya kung gusto ko raw na kung kami na... sagot ko "oo... pero ikaw?"... nakikita ko sa mata nya na di pa siya handa.... di ko naman gustong pilitin siya... i really enjoyed our relationship right now as "MU" pero seriously, i wanted more and bring it to the next level... minsan sabi ko sa sarili ko na mag hanap nalang ng iba pero mahal ko na siya at di ko magawa na iwanan siya... sabi nya sa akin after 5 years pa bago nya ako formally sasagutin as BF nya... sa akin ok lang kahit ganun katagal pero i'm thinking na masyado na palang matagal yun para sa isang stage ng relationship.... kaya nga ang MU = Magulong Usapan... GUYS ANY SUGGESTIONS..?? Talaga ngang mahirap ang mga ganitong type na relationship... nahihirapan na ako... advance thank you sa mga tutulong... ^^

 

[barokita]

5 years! nak ng pateng!

she is not just into you! wake up man!

 

[ramjitmyrtle]

naku nangyari din sa kin yan... pati ibang tao sa church akala kami... hindi naman... hahaha...

 

[emanvalencia]

kakaiyak naman reminise