Religion over Love over Us

[zimashadowraven]

I've been having the same prob lately, been reading alota online threads, stories, inspirational ones. and prayed and prayed hard for this. And baldy wanted to talk to someone without any bias reactions/pov..and i hope to get some advice from people who's undergone the same prob as we have right now..na somehow overcome the differences..
No judgement, just pure advice.

....
we've been together for 4yrs now but we have diff religions..

Our relationship has ups & downs..i know, we are imperfect beings..we tried to sort things out and we both respect each others differences..even religions.. he went to his church evry sunday, and i went to mine as well.. we have the same setup over the years.. fyi legal kami on both families and we did just like a normal couple/bf-gf relationship did.

Within that 4yrs, napaguusapan na namin ang future namin..ang mali lang wala kaming lakas ng loob na isama sa plano ung religion :'( na dapat una palang naging open na kami sa topic na yon and contemplate with our decisions..
Na evrytime na may misunderstanding gus2ng gus2 nmin masingit ung topic kaso we're so coward about it.

Sabi q sa sarili q, ung TAO ang minahal q at wala aq pakialam kung anu man ang religion mo, kung anong ichura or anung meron ka or kung saan ka man nanggaling.

I too, hindi nmn ganun ka devoted na tao sa religion q..i dont have a perfect church attendance.. i forgot when was the last time i open up a bible. In fact 1 verse lng sa bible ang kabisado q,, and limited lng din mga kabisado qng dasal at hindi rin aq marunong magrosary (to give u a hint of my religion )

For me, my relationship to Him is on a personal level..na anytime, anywhere and even what the circumstances are..i praise Him, i thank Him, i ask for His guidance..na kahit mga simpleng bagay i talk to Him. He's my friend, my Savior, my go-to-big-Guy.
Na kahit saan aq mapunta i know hindi yon magbabago..

We're not getting any younger and we're ready to settle down. And dito na papasok ung differences namin..
We have our option, either he move out or i move in to their religion. Or we can both have the same setup we have and build our own family. Or we can both convert to a religion new to us na malapit sa parehas naming pinaniniwalaan. Meet half way ba

As i always say..Love is a sacrifice. Its a commitment but not a feeling.

Kaso, ung option na same setup medio malabo kasi mahihirapan daw magiging mga anak namin. But i told him na nasa communication lng yan with our child to be, na they too can choose whatever they want in life as long as maging mabuting tao sila..

Before earlier years he said na aralin q lng muna ung ways and beliefs nila and we can talk/decide what's best for us if hindi q tlga kaya na lumipat aq.. but pinagwalang bahala q lng un..

But ayun nga finally he said, he can't let go of his'..and only given me 1 option either i moved in or we go move on.. separate ways :'(:'(
Per him, he can't let go of his religion kasi no other religion can answer all his questions except for his current one :'(

But for me..we can't have all the answers in life, there will always be unanswered questions na masasagot lng sa takdang panahon, and some wala tlga sagot.

Also he said, he will choose his parents over me. Na alam q matatanda na sila and he dnt want them na magkaroon pa ng sama ng loob. I accept that reason nmn kasi isa yan sa mga reasons kung bakit ko xa minahal in the first place. His love to his parents, being a good son. Na alam kong magiging mabuting ama at asawa xa balang araw.

And as i have said kahit saan aq mapunta hindi magbabago ung personal faith q sa Kanya. At ung tao ang minahal ko..

Mabigat sa loob q na lumipat kasi i dnt want to be controlled. I want to have my own free will to choose what i want..same with my future *child/ren *if blessed be (note di po aq buntis advance lng magisip hehe)

I dnt want to be judge because of my religion (w/c i feel when i met some of his relatives). Na mahirap magpakatao na gus2 mu lang makilala ung mga taong bumubuo sa pagkatao ng partner mo and yet somehow they're trying to give subtle hints to insist their religion to me. I dnt blame them its their belief.. masakit lang, mahirap kahit na ur prepared na hindi matatapos ang araw na ma-oopen ung topic na un..

But religion should not define who u are.. Choosing a religion should not define how u love a person. God is not a religion. Religion is just a guide and it should not divide us..
Its what u do outside the church..
True na when we die, we will be judged by what we have done on earth while we're living and not what ur religion is.

Its so unfair lang to have an option na mag move in (sa religion nila) that will somehow kill something inside of me in the process.. or move on without him and kill myself in the process as well TT^TT

I know ang unfair din nmn na humindi aq sa isang bagay na i dnt really understand. Baka hindi lng aq tlga open minded at nadadala ng mga naririnig?

Kaya ive decided na aralin muna ung beliefs nila..then ill decide later if kakayanin qb.. ayoko magpakaimpoktrita at sabihing lilipat aq ng religion hindi dahil sa tao... dahil in the first place ito ung prob namin..

Kasi sabi q nga, its not the religion. It's the person's soul i fell in love with. We all have one God, iba iba lng ng paginterpret.

Baka need q lng din ng open mindedness. Na alisin ang mga nega terms and learn muna before deciding..
Mahirap mabuhay sa mga 'Sana' ayokong dumating sa point ng buhay q na nagsisisi aq sa bagay na dapat at hindi q nagawa..though i know life is full of surprises and we learn from our mistakes. But i want to make the most of it, we only live once.
Atlist i tried everything before its too late..

Until now after our last convo regarding this, we tried to be as normal as possible.. but its really hard to be normal when u are aware na there is an impending doom that might happen over us

I'm always praying for His guidance in every decision i make.. mahirap pero kakayanin, napapagod pero hindi bibitaw..and with His grace everything is impossible. Always trying to seek for unbiased advice/pov's.

 

[motoro]

Mabigat sa loob q na lumipat kasi i dnt want to be controlled. I want to have my own free will to choose what i want..same with my future *child/ren *if blessed be (note di po aq buntis advance lng magisip hehe)

Personally, like you, I don't want to be controlled either and I don't believe a person should change his or her religion just for the sake of love. Sure, you can change bad habits or other small things for the harmony of the relationship but never religion. I believe every religion should welcome and respect everyone regardless of their religious beliefs but sadly that's not always the case. Your religion has been part of you since your childhood (I assume) and perhaps your parents as well. In short, it's part of who you are. Likewise, on his part. So why change? If I were you, I would give up the relationship because I don't think his relationship is superior than mine and I don't want to be with his relatives who has been subtly insisting their religion to me. But that's me.

The ball is on your side of the court. He has no problem telling you directly that he would choose his parents over you if push comes to shove. For me, he prioritized his religion over you. Actually, it can work if both of you can respect each other's religion however, he is right, things will get complicated once you have children. I'm sure no parents would want their kids to start a holy war at home. It would be tedious if you let the children go with their dad to his church on Sunday mornings then go with you to your church in the afternoon plus they will just get confused from the many teachings. Another option is to let your kids follow his religion but they will keep pestering you on why you and their dad have differently religion. Next thing, they will become curious as to your religion and will begin to ask questions. Then if they think that your religion is better, they will start to have problems with the father. The list goes on. Yes, it will be harder when you have kids. So it's all up to you if you are willing to convert or not.

 

[minggoyzkiee]

ikaw nga ready ka sa halfway decision e. tapos sya gusto nya ung side nya masunod. It's a big no for me. kahit na lalaki ako. kasi may part sa mga lalaki na dpat sila ang nagdedecide about their family tapos ung girl nasa bahay lang as in asawa at bahay lang nothing else. Sorry pero kung religion lang ang nagiging problema nyo e baka nga di maging kayo. Religion ginawa lang yan ng tao para ma civilize tayo pero sa totoo lang dyos lang ang meron at un lang tlga. Sana makatulong to sayo hehehe. I mean di ko nmn ibig sabhin i take mo tong mga sinabi ko but just consider this. in the end of the day you decide for yourself and for your future. gob bless

 

[Riyae08]

First of all... Love is a feeling.. yeah

The rush, the butterflies, the unreasonable discomforts, desires etc.
the indescribable feeling.

but when you love someone.. and you want to settle down with them (at least until something changes)
we all start considering everything else, everything that will affect the relationship
we start to commit.

and commitment is mostly a human concept.
so it comes down with conditions. (Implied and expressed)
this is where it usually gets complicated

cause this is the part where some people force things on us and us on them
just so to say that this is "How Love should be"

I've been to where you are.. some time ago.

and what I believe, yan ang usually turning point ng settling down and not.
yung pipili tayo if Love is enough or not.

Sa case niyo. You both believe na Love isn't enough to overcome your differences
that your significant other doesn't weigh more than your comforts and beliefs
and most of all, that you can't somehow meet somewhere midway for both of you to work it out.

Yan ang masakit at mahirap tanggapin.

sa totoo lang wala ako maaadvise
kasi nung anjan rin ako.. I can't help but hope na somehow
somewhere, sometime.. magkaroon ng way for the 2 of you.

So I just hope na, mapag usapan nyo ng maayos.
kasi hindi pwede may panalo at may talo sa inyong dalawa sa relationship.
kailangan pareho kayo panalo kung ano man ang pipiliin niyo.

give and take.. or leave it at that.

 

[montonbrian]

Ma'am yung tungkol sa:
Pinapapili ka kung sasapi ka sa relihiyon nya o separate nalang.
Di po ba parang napaka greedy nun? Wait nasaan sa love?

Also yung mas pipiliin nya yung parents nya kesa sa'yo.
Di ko alam kung baby este hindi independent yung bf mo?

Sabihin nating mahal mu sya "Love is sacrifice + He's my savior~ "
Pero sa pinapakita ng bf mo eh talagang kaya ka nya makontrol eh.
So asan ang Love nya? at Ano ang assurance na makukuha mo? "Ikaw lang yata ang nagmamahal eh. XD "
Di naman siguro narcissistic yang bf mo para maging bulag ka sa pinapakita nya sayu.

Kasi kung ako yan "Papakita ko sayu na di hadlang ang relihiyon at kahit sinu sa pagmamahal ko sayo."
Kung gustu mu talaga ng true saviour at true love. Piliin mu yung lalaking marunong mag sakripisyo.

Yung utol ko nga kahit relihiyoso yun sya yung nag pa convert love nya kasi eh.
Umalis sya sa puder ng magulang namin para maging independent.

Sorry kung medyu may rant sa comment ko.
Masyadung precious ang babae, kailangan pagsilbihan at ayuko ng ginaganyan lang.
At Isipin mu din yung sinabi ni sir minggoyzkiee.

 

[MinenskiePortal]

Almost same scenario with mine.

BTW, if you don't mind anong religion ni Guy at ikaw Miss?
Ako kase INC si girl at ako naman ay Christian (Born Again).

Sa Bible nakasaad na lalaki ang masusunod at dapat magpasakop ang babae, in my case I will submit myself sa babae (INC), just to prove how much I love her and to give respect sa family nya yan ang napagusapan namin if we're going to settle down na. 3 years na sana kami, but we decided na maghiwalay muna because of this issue rin, gusto na nya ako mag paconvert kahit hindi pa kami magsettle down. Sumasamba ako sa kanila before..

We have the same mindset na religion is just a fellowship but what more important is yung faith mo at relationship mo direct kay GOD. Malawak ka mag-isip pero ano nga ba ang nag hohold-back sayo kung bakit ayaw mo magpaconvert kung gayong mahal mo naman si Guy? I am guessing na meron silang doctrine na ayaw mo.