Confessions of an NBSB

[janel08]

wow.

what a title.

nakuha ko ba ang atensyon mo?..haha..forgive me if mejo magulo ang format ko. but this is the first time i've created a thread/post of my own. so please bear with me.

you might be wondering what this is about..or kung totoo ang sinasabi ko. but since this is sort of a freedom wall, i'll go ahead and unburden myself. so just read away if you are interested. if not, then its okay, i'll bid you good day!

so..to start off.

i'm a 26 year old girl/woman.
why the slash in between? well im no longer a girl but i cant seem to call myself a woman either. parang hindi kasi appropriate sakin ang girl since yun ang term for 12 yrs and below. hindi na rin naman ako teenager because im passed my teen years. still, calling myself a woman makes me feel old. and i dont think i am. in some ways, i still feel like a green horned young girl. case in point? i still haven't got a boyfriend. EVER.

*cue the piano and lonely maalaala-mo-kaya background music*

kidding!..haha..

anyway..yeah.
I am a certified No Boyfriend Since Birth kinda gal.
haven't dated. haven't kissed. haven't..well..you know what i mean.
if you ask me why..i really dont know. to be honest, pag tinatanong ako tungkol dito..mejo naiirita ako..mejo lang naman..like..beri beri light.
why?..okay..bigyan kita ng scenario.

A: so, may boyfriend ka ba?
ako: no, wala.
A: ah, single ka ngayon? pero kelan last boyfriend mo?ilan na naging bf mo?
ako: oo, single ako. wala. never ako nagkaboyfriend. *ngiti*
A: oh? talaga?
ako: oo, hindi nga..haha..
A: weh? hindi nga?
ako:
A: talaga? bakit?
ako: ah..um..hindi ko alam..

-end of convo-



*lets give a moment of silence to the awkwardness of the situation*

ano sa tingin niyo? hindi ba nakakairita yun? anong bakit? kailangan ba talaga may rason dahil walang boyfriend? abnormal ba talaga pag walang boyfriend?
to be honest with you, hindi ako kagandahan na babae. pero feeling ko rin naman hindi ako pangit(ouch naman kung sasabihin kong pangit ako) im somewhere in between. just an average looking female. hindi maputi, hindi din naman maitim. brown ang mata. maitim na buhok. may nunal sa ilong. mid length ang hair. average na height (5'3). mataba ako pero may leeg pa naman. kumbaga proportionate parin ang katawan, hindi siksik. hahaha..

siguro yung iba sa inyo iniisip na agad yung dahilan kung bakit ako single. ai mataba si ate. alam na this. to tell you the truth, never naging issue sa akin na mataba ako. tinanggap ko nalang siya na parte ng buhay ko kasi ever since bata ako may pagkachubby nako. through the years, i would gain some weight and lose some..still im what you consider chubby/mataba parin.

anyway, to get to the point. how would you answer that kind of question? in my point of view, why do you even have to ask that?
everytime na tinatanong ako ng ganun, here are a few answers that run through my mind:

1. kasi pangit ako, wala pong nagkagusto sakin growing up
2. kasi mataba ako, mas maraming payat sa mga kaibigan/classmates ko
3. siguro naintimidate sila sa akin, kasi mukha akong mataray
4. kasi mukha akong anti-social, kasi mahiyain ako
5. kasi late bloomer ako, hindi pa ako ready
6. kasi hindi ko pa nahahanap si mr. right
7. kasi takot akong masaktan
8. kasi walang nanligaw
9. kasi walang nagkamali

inaamin ko..dahil palaging yun ang response ng mga nagtatanong sakin. i began to answer some of these sakanila, then just laugh it off. i started to try and justify sa sarili ko kung bakit wala akong boyfriend. after that, i started feeling crappy for myself. kasi im 26 years old. and ive never been in a relationship. i started to think and feel na..oo nga noh..bakit kaya? baka dahil may mali sa akin. maybe its because im unnatractive. i've always had low self-esteem since i was a kid, mainly due to my weight and the grief that other people put me through because of it. aminin na natin na likas sa kultura natin dito sa pilipinas ang mapuna ang kung anong mali or hindi kagandahan sa isang tao. add this to that and whatever confidence i still felt went down the drain.

do you know how that feels? feeling mo nag-iisa ka. feeling mo wala ka nang pag-asa. you start feeling jealous of other people. of your friends. you start feeling out of place sa grupo lalo na pag patungkol sa relationships ung pinag-uusapan kasi hindi ka makarelate at hindi ka rin makapagbigay ng opinyon dahil hindi mo pa napagdaanan yon. it was a downward spiral to depression.

until one day, i decided to stop caring. i tried to tell myself na hindi ko naman kailangan ng boyfriend. i've lived for 20plus years without them. i started convincing myself na okay lang. hindi ako affected. hindi ko kailangan ng love love na yan. i have my family and friends. i started to believe that i was immune. i scorned other people who are in a relationship. i felt superior whenever they tell me that they were having issues (yeah, admittedly that was a shitty thing to feel..haha..). i wanted to believe that im a strong independent female who needed no one.

pero somewhere deep inside me, andun parin ung hopeless romantic na sarili ko na umaasa na makikilala ko din ung other half ko. why? because i still read romance novels. i cry at chick feels. i feel affected when i listen to another love song on the radio. babae parin naman ako.

after that, i tried to regroup and think things through. i realized one thing.

I'm 26 years old and I'm single as fuck..and there is nothing wrong with that.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

I love myself. I love the way I look. I love my family and the friends that i surrounded myself with.
being single? being in a relationship? having or not having a boyfriend?
these things doesnt define who i am. it doesnt define ME.

i still want to find a lifetime partner..maybe have kids..i'd love to have twins..haha..
but if God doesnt bless me with these things then i'm okay with it. I still have other people i can love and i know will love me in return unconditionally.
as for kids? i can have one on my own, if i ever decide to go that course. or i have 3 younger siblings, i'll just spoil their kids rotten.

i guess what im saying is..there is no shame being NBSB.
its not as if its the end all and be all of everything.
what's important is how i feel about myself.
anyway, i read one simple quote that i would like to share to you all NBSB's out there..

"the only way to find love is to stop looking"

also..

"its all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit"

well..that's it..haha..thank you for listening..if you are an NBSB like me. I wish you luck in finding yourself. just remember that its okay to be single. just think of it as a chance to get to know yourself better. treat yourself better. once you do this, surely someone will notice and appreciate you for who you are. and who knows? love might bloom from this. cheers!

 

[leonard1928]

Tama TS! di mo naman need magmadali o maghanap dadating din yan..saka don't ever try to think negative thoughts tungkol sayo since wala din naman madudulot na maganda. Dadating ka din sa tamang panahon na makikita mo yung right guy sayo at pag dumating yun, wag mo kami kalimutan imbitahan sa kasal niyo..makikikain ako.

 

[tmacnel]

Ts you know what pwede ka maging author ng isang book gustong gusto ko yung sense of humor mo hehe btw dont worry mahahanap mo din un sabi nga sa quotes mo, the only way to find love is to stop looking

 

[jamesalex23]

TS. Marami na kong kilalang ganyan lalo na sa work. NBSB din sila pero may iba't ibang rason sila kung bakit di pa sila nagkakaboyfriend. Pero sasabihin ko sayo, di lahat sa kanila unattractive, yung iba maganda talaga pero sa tingin ko eto mga naging main reason kung bakit di pa sila nagkakabf. (para sa mga girls)

1. Inuna pag-aaral / nagfocus masyado
2. Mataas Standards
3. Masungit / Unapproachable
4. Mataas tingin nila sa sarili nila

and yeah, okay naman maging Single. Pero sa tingin ko ang main reason kung bakit sila NBSB is yung mataas yung standards at expectation nila sa gusto nilang maging partner. Gusto nila kasi sa una mala fairytale yung lovelife nila, yung tipong first and last and i think wala naman mali dun pero sana maintindihan nila na di mo kayang gawing tama ang lahat sa unang relasyon. sa kakanood natin minsan ng mga koreanovela nagigin unrealistic tayo masyado.

Pero ang pagiging masaya, hindi sa pagiging single/in a relationship. pwede ka maging masaya ng single/in a ralationship pero pwede kadin maging malungkot kahit single kana at may karelasyon. Iba din naman yung kasiyahan ng na promote sa trabaho at iba din yung kasiyahan kapag kasama mo yung pinaka mamahal mo sa buhay. Kaya okay lang na maging single pero sana wag mo masyadong panindigan yung words na "darating din ang taong para sakin" kasi kung di ka lalandi, walang lalandi sayo. Baka dumating yung time na 30+ kana single ka padin tapos di kana masaya dahil yung mga kaibigan mo may mga anak na. hehe ! Peace Ts sinabi ko lang yung opinion ko.

 

[darklight2121]

Ts try mo kayang ikaw ang pumorma sa lalaking gusto mo? 20th Century na tayo hindi na tayo old style.
Meron tayong tinatawag na Gender Equality lahat pantay pantay kung mababae o malalake.
Sasabihin sayo pag ikaw nanligaw sa lalake wala kang kwentang babae. try to think the positive side of it
na tatandang dalaga ka gusto mo ba un TS? just my thoughts

 

[Riyae08]

Maybe the thing is..

you just haven't figured out yourself
what you want with things
relationship, people, and life as is.

you told us what might be
and why it might not be

but you haven't told us
about the part what your heart desires

what does a 26 year old girl/woman like you want?
what are your dreams, aspirations, what inspires you about others
what you actually love about other people in whole
what makes you appreciate them
what makes you care
what makes you love

'cause I believe
those are some of the questions that makes us wonder
who we want to be with
how do we want our relationship to be
what can we sacrifice for our love
and so on...

then we start hoping...

maybe you just haven't been out in the world long enough
to realize that it isn't just about looks..

its also about the wits, character and intellect.

and since you already learned the first part... Loving yourself as is.
everything else comes easier

take it from another perspective..

how many people out there
who seemed so average or less at first sight
yet managed to reel in a catch bigger than
what can be imaginable

how did they do that?

Take Kakay for instance
yung artista na mukhang ewan..

I heard he managed Mario Maurer to like her
court her even rumor though

then there's his current boyfriend..

It makes you say....

WHAAAAAAAAAAATTT???!
REALLLLYYYYYYY??????!!!


I guess the guy who'd make you fall
hasn't knocked your door yet.

that's all.

------------

and being chubby isn't bad nor not good looking..
they are huggable, and small chubby girls are cute.

nasa pagdadala lang yan

 

[motoro]

Good for you if you have completed embraced and accepted the fact. The resentment that you felt before are completely normal. There are even some people who will go as far as to do some crazy things only to get hurt in the end just because they are desperate. I think if there's someone out there meant for you it will come. It could be next year or after 5 years - who knows but if it's not mean to be then you can't do anything about it but to try enjoying life with your friends and family. Don't put yourself down by thinking that there's something wrong with you but it's a known fact that a good looking person have better chances of finding someone.

 

[janel08]

Tama TS! di mo naman need magmadali o maghanap dadating din yan..saka don't ever try to think negative thoughts tungkol sayo since wala din naman madudulot na maganda. Dadating ka din sa tamang panahon na makikita mo yung right guy sayo at pag dumating yun, wag mo kami kalimutan imbitahan sa kasal niyo..makikikain ako.

true!..haha..thanks for the support. magdilang anghel ka sana..hahaha..

 

[januaryanne]

Tiwala lang darating din siya. Yung iba nga 30+ na NBSB eh.

Gusto mo ng twins? Naku pagisipan mong mabuti TS

 

[daikixD]

baka naman masyado mataas ang standard mo ts?. saka wag masyado suplada pag nakikipag kwentuhan ka sa lalake makipag biruan ka din, maging friendly ka. saka kung may nanliligaw naman sayo. wag mo muna bastedin kilalanin mo muna. pero ang susi talaga dito maging friendly ka lang at masiyahin, at syempre labas labas ka din ng bahay at mag ayos ng sarili.

 

[leonard1928]

true!..haha..thanks for the support. magdilang anghel ka sana..hahaha..

haha basta pag dumating yung time na un..imbitahan mo ko at makikikain ako hahaha.. malay mo bukas na yun o sa mga susunod na araw hehe

 

[alias2014]

Naghahanap lang ako ng masesearch ng makita ko ito... kakaiba and very honest the wa you type the story behind "NBSB".... One question that comes to my mind then " tao ka ba?" just kidding trying to view this topic as light as I can. Miss 26 years old maybe it's time for you to see the world in different angle.


Kung gusto mo pa ko makausap add mo ko sa FB, or else reply ka sa thread. ichecheck ko ulit to mamaya.

 

[knowmeifyou]

pag nabasa to ng mga kabataan ngaun. mga teenager(mostly ang itatawag sayo is manang) tama lang yan. nasa iyo naman ang desisyon kung my manliligaw sayo na mapapaibig ka at papasa sa standards mo

 

[janel08]

haha..i really appreciate all your comments and feedbacks..in truth, i never really expected a response..i guess the act of just posting this out there was a form of therapy for me..

its funny how some of you respond..in a good way actually..dont take me wrong..tao ba ako?..haha..sometimes i even question that to myself..maybe i am an alien..that's why i dont quite fit in..like i said, sometimes i even think i was born in the wrong era..dahil sa pagka conservative ko..haha..maybe i do have high standards..maybe im too much of a stuck up..maybe im considered manang nga by today's generation..still..what i cant wrap my mind around is the idea that someone has to have someone to be happy..that being single at the age of 26 is such an issue..at least for me..haha..anyway..again..let me just say..im happy at the state where im in..far more than before..and im open for whatever possibilities life throws at me..thanks again guys..cheers!

 

[Riyae08]

You don't need to find out if you're human or not

It doesn't matter if you are a manang or not.
Born in the wrong era, or born in the wrong generation.

if you enjoy being you, then to hell with them

people will like you or dislike you any way you are anyway.
so why not be just something you want to be that will make you happy,
and screw them

I'd quote one of my favorite quotes from a movie
about why we eternally search for somebody-

Some people say
that true lovers are one soul
that is separated when it's born.
And those two halves will always yearn
to find their way back together.

 

[janel08]

You don't need to find out if you're human or not

It doesn't matter if you are a manang or not.
Born in the wrong era, or born in the wrong generation.

if you enjoy being you, then to hell with them

people will like you or dislike you any way you are anyway.
so why not be just something you want to be that will make you happy,
and screw them

I'd quote one of my favorite quotes from a movie
about why we eternally search for somebody-

Some people say
that true lovers are one soul
that is separated when it's born.
And those two halves will always yearn
to find their way back together.

damn right!

 

[JaydenNiccolai]

A: so, may boyfriend ka ba?
ako: no, wala.
A: ah, single ka ngayon? pero kelan last boyfriend mo?ilan na naging bf mo?
ako: oo, single ako. wala. never ako nagkaboyfriend. *ngiti*
A: oh? talaga?
ako: oo, hindi nga..haha..
A: weh? hindi nga?
ako:
A: talaga? bakit?
ako: ah..um..hindi ko alam..

-end of convo-

I'm 26 years old and I'm single as fuck..and there is nothing wrong with that.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

I love myself. I love the way I look. I love my family and the friends that i surrounded myself with.
being single? being in a relationship? having or not having a boyfriend?
these things doesnt define who i am. it doesnt define ME.

i still want to find a lifetime partner..maybe have kids..i'd love to have twins..haha..
but if God doesnt bless me with these things then i'm okay with it. I still have other people i can love and i know will love me in return unconditionally.
as for kids? i can have one on my own, if i ever decide to go that course. or i have 3 younger siblings, i'll just spoil their kids rotten.

i guess what im saying is..there is no shame being NBSB.
its not as if its the end all and be all of everything.
what's important is how i feel about myself.
anyway, i read one simple quote that i would like to share to you all NBSB's out there..

"the only way to find love is to stop looking"

also..

"its all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit"

buti nga po di ka sinabihan ng "siguro tibo ka noh?" hahaha. May friend ako na 34 y.o and still NBSB. syempre kahit na kikay sya nd maganda, di maiiwasan na tanungin ka kung bakit. Masyado nalang talagang big deal sa iba ang ganyang bagay. Kung makausisa at magtanong kala mo naman may obligasyon kang ie-explain ang sarili mo sa kanila. Sabi nga ng fren ko, "bakit masama bang magpaka choosy? bakit masama bang maghintay ng tamang tao?"

 

[giboht]

sarap mo naman ts!!virgin pa,,swerte ng magiging 1st bf mo!!hahahaha!!!...peace

 

[janel08]

buti nga po di ka sinabihan ng "siguro tibo ka noh?" hahaha. May friend ako na 34 y.o and still NBSB. syempre kahit na kikay sya nd maganda, di maiiwasan na tanungin ka kung bakit. Masyado nalang talagang big deal sa iba ang ganyang bagay. Kung makausisa at magtanong kala mo naman may obligasyon kang ie-explain ang sarili mo sa kanila. Sabi nga ng fren ko, "bakit masama bang magpaka choosy? bakit masama bang maghintay ng tamang tao?"

haha..may nagtanong nadin sakin nyan..nakalimutan ko imention..
true..un lang din ung gusto ko malaman..bakit kailangan may rason?..haha..

 

[Veslyre]

It's nice to know you're happy with being single That's awesome!
But of course, it cannot be helped that there is a feeling of emptiness inside you.

For we humans are meant to procreate, as a species.
It is nature taking its course when one finds a mate for life, since it's in our DNA to continue the next generation.

It has become ideal in our era that one would have a mate to soon be wed to and have kids with,
because that's what always happened throughout the history of mankind.
Don't be surprised if they ask you,

"Why?"

because we all are accustomed to the fact that having a relationship assures you a seat in the production of the next generation

Not that being single is bad and all, people should respect how you played our life out to be.
But they question not because they mean to intrude rudely,
but because they are concerned that you may not be able to reproduce and have a family,
though they may not say this explicitly.

I apologize if I was a bit redundant but I was simply explaining things scientifically

If you do wish to have a partner for life, be OPEN. Don't close your doors to possibilities.
It might be your best friend (guy) who's always there for you,
that perhaps you don't realize that someone DOES love you and wants to be with you for life but is afraid to do so because you might reject him (majority of men always have this fear of being rejected since they are most likely the gender to exert effort into courtship)

If you like someone, TELL them! That's how I met my boyfriend
I admit I am timid too but when it comes to getting what I want, I make sure I get what I want
(even at the risk of being rejected, because hey, it's better to have tried than to have not done anything at all )

If you have high standards?
Well, just know that everyone has flaws, and when it comes to love, unconditional care comes to play,
and you will be able to ACCEPT their flaws and even nurture growth between you two,
so don't expect that your partner has to be PERFECT the first moment you see him, because let's face it, no one is perfect, one can only love a person's imperfection to truly be satisfied with a life in a relationship