payuhan nyo naman ako mga ka sb

[reymart0132]

Sa mga online sana matulungan nyo ako or mabigyan ng payo. I'm really serious about this one... I'm 25 y.o actually still living with my parents. My mother and I got in a fight dahil ayaw nya sa GF ko because of family background and religion(born again si gf)... And my mother is controlling me so much because of it sobrang close minded niya about this issue and the way na makakapag ayos kami is to break with my gf. My mother forbids me going to manila , cause my gf lives in manila. My father is neutral with my situation, OFW kasi kaya wala sa bahay. While my brothers are collaborating against me kasi saakin kasi ipapamana yung mga ari arian kasi ako bunso... They are doing my best para siraan ako sa parents ko... Now my problem is this Is it reasonable to leave home without a consent. I tried na maglayas and pinipigilan talaga ako ng mom ko. Yung bag ko nakaimpake na talaga. Yet araw araw na lang niya ako inaaway. Sobrang Toxic same issue palagi. Never naman ako sumagot sa mga magulang ko. Lahat ng gusto nila sinunod ko hanggang sa pag tanda ko. It seems na pati sa taong mahal ko kokontrolin nila ako. Right now I just resigned with my 3 year job in the academe dito sa province(IT instructor) I also work before as a Software Engineer sa manila for a year. May ipon naman ako na 300,000 sa banko pero ayun lang wala trabaho ngayon. I plan to go back being an I.T pero mag entry level muna ulit.Sobrang mahal ko yung gf ko and im willing to lose everything for her. She is working as a teacher at makati btw. Now hihingi ako ng payo mga sirs/mam should I leave home without consent kasi alam kong di naman nila ako papayagan kahit mag paalam ako. or hiwalayan ko si GF (1 year na pala kami BTW lagi patago). Hayyy life is so unfair. sana matulungan nyo ako mga sirs/mam. pagod na talaga ako s bahay kasi sobrang toxic na... na naiisip ko na pakamatay minsan

 

[motoro]

There are parents who are like that. Does your gf know about your situation? If so, what's her view about your mom and your plan? Some women would actually break off from the relationship since they don't want to break up a family while other chooses to stay. In your case, you're already old enough to make your own decision and running away doesn't need any consent especially you have tried it before. It's not an ideal way to solve a problem but if you think that it is the best option at the present then it's all up to you. Just be certain about your decision and don't do it out of hate or anger or impulse, you need to think about the pros and cons. Next, is it really just the family background and religion of your gf? Because you need to look at it from your mom's point of view as well. If her family background is not good it can manifest on her as time goes by or her family might give you a hard time in the future, have you seen any behavior or traits that you don't like about your girlfriend or her family? If so, do you think it will affect your relationship in the future especially when you guys tied the knot? Sometimes it's not you and me against the world, especially if she's close with her family.

 

[reymart0132]

salamat sa reply ka sb. yes alam ng gf ko yung status na ito. siya lang kasi ang nakatapos sa family nya. at walang trabaho ang nanay at tatay nya. 5 sila mag kakapatid 3 ang may trabaho. sabungero yung tatay ng gf and ganoon din naman si dadi. I just dont get it bakit ganito ang nanay ko. hayss ka sb salamat sa reply ulit

 

[dbeth]

Sa mga online sana matulungan nyo ako or mabigyan ng payo. I'm really serious about this one... I'm 25 y.o actually still living with my parents. My mother and I got in a fight dahil ayaw nya sa GF ko because of family background and religion(born again si gf)... And my mother is controlling me so much because of it sobrang close minded niya about this issue and the way na makakapag ayos kami is to break with my gf. My mother forbids me going to manila , cause my gf lives in manila. My father is neutral with my situation, OFW kasi kaya wala sa bahay. While my brothers are collaborating against me kasi saakin kasi ipapamana yung mga ari arian kasi ako bunso... They are doing my best para siraan ako sa parents ko... Now my problem is this Is it reasonable to leave home without a consent. I tried na maglayas and pinipigilan talaga ako ng mom ko. Yung bag ko nakaimpake na talaga. Yet araw araw na lang niya ako inaaway. Sobrang Toxic same issue palagi. Never naman ako sumagot sa mga magulang ko. Lahat ng gusto nila sinunod ko hanggang sa pag tanda ko. It seems na pati sa taong mahal ko kokontrolin nila ako. Right now I just resigned with my 3 year job in the academe dito sa province(IT instructor) I also work before as a Software Engineer sa manila for a year. May ipon naman ako na 300,000 sa banko pero ayun lang wala trabaho ngayon. I plan to go back being an I.T pero mag entry level muna ulit.Sobrang mahal ko yung gf ko and im willing to lose everything for her. She is working as a teacher at makati btw. Now hihingi ako ng payo mga sirs/mam should I leave home without consent kasi alam kong di naman nila ako papayagan kahit mag paalam ako. or hiwalayan ko si GF (1 year na pala kami BTW lagi patago). Hayyy life is so unfair. sana matulungan nyo ako mga sirs/mam. pagod na talaga ako s bahay kasi sobrang toxic na... na naiisip ko na pakamatay minsan

once in my college days, our professor in personality development asked us(students) about a very common story..

you, your mother, your girlfriend/boyfriend is in a sinking boat.. both your mother and girlfriend/boyfriend don't know how to swim.. you have to save only one of them.. who will it be.. and why..

unanimously the class chose the mother.. with all the reasons in the world..

now that i am in that situation.. i realized that.. my answer back then was naive, inexperienced and immature..

it is like torn between the past and the future..

i hope you can ponder on this.. you may not see how it affects your personality right now, but maybe 10-15 years from now you will..

and about your question..

leaving home when you are 25 doesn't need you any consent.. legally.. 18yo is the legal age that needs not consent.. though marrying at 18 will need consent.. but leaving home won't..

 

[immabroke]

I had my fair share of relationships similar to that one. I always choose my mother. Oo magrerebelde ako pero my mom puts up a good fight at di talaga ako tatantanan. So ako yung magreraise ng white flag. Si mother ang pipiliin ko.

In a way my mother sees what I cannot. And cliche as it sounds, my mother knows best.

Yung ginagawa niya alam ko is for me, di naman para sa ikakasama ko always for my good.

Ikaw you may not see it now, but your mom wants the best for you. Think long and hard.

 

[lady andy]

Naiintindihan ko na mahal mo si gf. Siguro naman, dapat, mahal mo rin family mo (kahit pa nga madalas kayong magtalo ng mom mo). Pag-isipan mong mabuti ang gagawin mo. Baka naman kailangan lang na mapatunayan ninyo kay mom na maayos ang relasyon ninyo ni gf. Ang mga nanay (karamihan) kasi...the best ang gusto para sa mga anak nila. Hindi man natin maintindihan ngayon, darating yung time na masasabi mo... " Tama si mama".

Kausapin mo si gf. Ano palagay niya sa sitwasyon mo? Okay ba sa kaniyang layasan mo family mo? Kapag lumayas ka... ano balak ninyo ni gf? Magsasama na kayo? O magsasarili ka lang ng bahay para free kayo ni gf na magkita anytime na gusto ninyo?Dapat may plano. Ikaw 25 na... si gf, ilang taon na? Baka may mga plano pa siya para sa pamilya niya.

Minsan (share ko lang)... nagawa kong pumunta sa impiyerno para lang sa taong mahal ko ( well... nung panahon na yun) at mahal ako ( e di wow!). Sabi ko kakayanin ko lahat para sa amin. Kinaya kong talikuran lahat... as in lahat (lahat na ng pwede mong isipin). Resulta? Tinalikuran niya ako nung naiinitan na siya. Hindi niya kinaya ang impiyerno, bumili ng halo-halo pero hindi na bumalik. Alam mo kung ano pinagsisisihan ko? Tinalikuran ko ang lahat para sa iisang tao na hindi ko alam kung sasamahan ba talaga ako hanggang huli.

Bro, hindi palaging masaya. One year? Parang kainitan pa yan. Ngayon, maaaring pakiramdam natin e nasasakal na tayo sa mga magulang natin pero darating yung time na hahanapin natin sila. Pag-isipan mong mabuti ang magiging desisyon mo. Sa edad mo... dyan na magsisimula ang mga importanteng desisyon mo sa buhay.

❤ Good luck.

 

[MinenskiePortal]

^^
Yun natumbok mo.

@TS
No matter what happens, dapat dalawa lagi ang isasalba mo, hindi mo iiwan ang isa sa kanila. Kase BOTH technically MAHAL mo sila eh.
Pag-usapan nyo ng Mama mo about your GF, plans mo, also si GF ba nakapagsabe na sayo ng mga plano nyo? Mukhang nadadarang ka lang sa sobrang pagmamahal mo. If you did lose everything, sa tingin mo kaya bubuhayin kayo ng pagmamahalan? Think about of long term scenario, the same as well sa consequences na pwedeng mangyare right after mong maglayas. Hindi sarado isipan ng Mama mo, need mo lang siguro Iexplain ng MAS malalim about your GF.
Lahat naman nadadaan sa usapan, bunso ka for sure mahal na mahal ka ng Mama mo, sayo nga ipapamana most of the ari-arian eh. INC kaba?

Also, mahalin mo yung trabaho mo rin kase yan ang magiging katuwang mo sa lahat ng expenses mo balang araw. Believe me, dapat hindi lang pagmamahal ang pairalin, maging praktikal, at isipin ang future future future. As in advance dapat ang isipin. Kase ang pera mong 300k maliit lang yan kung magsasama kayo at magkakaanak.

Inshort wag kang maglayas, lahat ng parents toxic talaga yan. Ipapaalala sayo lahat ng "pagkakamali" mo, pero in the end of the day, mahal na mahal ka nyan.

 

[bnmrk]

I feel you TS. Hindi lang isang beses kundi maraming beses kong sinabi sa Mom ko na, "Bahala kayo. Basta I choose her." Not to the point na talagang kalimutan pero I always neglect yung pag-guide niya sa buhay ko. Narealize ko it is not about sinasakal tayo o nagiging toxic na sila, gabay lang yun na namimisinterpret natin kasi nga gusto nating gawin yung bagay na yun. Nagiging toxic sila sa palagay mo kasi pinapakinggan mo pa sila dahil alam mo sa sarili mo, kahit ideny mo pa, kailangan mo parin ng support nila kasi takot ka na baka hindi magwork eh wala ka nang babalikan. At some point may ipon ka na, may magandang trabaho kahit umalis ka ng walang paalam wala silang magagawa diba? What's holding you back is the truth na takot ka pa rin after sa desisyon mo, takot kang ituloy ang desisyon mo. Para sa atin mali yung side nila kasi RAGE mode pa yung sitwasyon.

Parent's knows the best. Hindi ka naman pulubi ngayon o adik para masabi kong hindi magaling sa pagpapalaki ang mga magulang mo. YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL isang patunay lang yun they guide you the best way they think and did.


Im not saying choose your Mom or your GF, it is not about reaching the legal age but it is about how you decide for yourself. It is not about the boat is sinking and whom you choose to save but it is how firm your decisions are. Paninindigan! TS, bro. Kulang lang siguro sa pagpapakilala ang GF mo kaya hindi ka naiintindihan ng Mom mo. It is not about religion or anything it is about kung paano mo pinakilala ang taong mahal mo tulad ng pagpapakilala mo ng sarili mo sa mga magulang mo. Hindi madali sa simula, wag mo irush. Unti untiin mo lang kasi hindi naman sili yan na kapag piniga mo aanghang agad eh, diba?



Bests of luck TS.

 

[jumauan]

ganyan talaga..same tayu ng sitwasyon kausapin m mahinahon ang mama at dapat makuha m yung point kung bakit ayaw nya sa gf m..let us say gusto ng mama m na same status kung ano meron sa inyo so doon m malalaman kung bakit ayaw nya ng gf m..once alam muna kung bakit dyan ka mka kuha ng idea kung paano m maresulba yung issue nyo..if ayaw pa rin..pwede ka lumayas kasi legal age kana dn maytrabaho at ipon..later on they will realize na mali yung ginawa nila..ganyan talaga pari hindi natin maiwasan na magbabago yung tao kapag umasinso dahil ayaw nila bumalik ulit kung ano sila noon..ang importante nagmamahalan kayu ng tunay at hindi ito nag babase kung anong status mayroon kayu at hindi nyo ginamit ang isat-isa dahil lang sa yaman...god bless po

 

[montonbrian]

Pards minsan na aku nagkamali dahil sa pagsuway ko sa aking magulang.

Sa tingin ko di hadlang ang religion at ang status ng family nyo sa relasyon nyo ngayun.
Kasi kung ako yung parents mo may gusto ako makitang BIG improvements sayo bago kita pakawalan.
At natural kasi sa magulang na masaktan pag iniwan sila ng anak lalu pa kung hilaw pa.

Try mu pards mag muni-muni at isipin ito:

1. In 1yr distant relationship namin e kilalang-kilala ko na ba talaga ng lubos si gf?
Panu kung nagmamadali lang ako dahil gusto ko lang ng physical relationship?
2. Ako ay 25y/o palang at maliit lang ang savings ko at wala akung stable job.
Kaya ko kaya sya buhayin?, matutustusan ko ba kaya ang mga pangangailangan namin?
3. Nagawa ko na ba o na-enjoy sa mga bagay gusto kong gawin para sa sarili ko?

Pero kung ako tatanungin e hindi aku aalis kasi nag iisa lang ang parents mo.
At kung iiwan man ako ni gf dahil may nahanap sya.
E isa lang ibig sabihin nun. Wala syang trust at patient.

 

[reymart0132]

Salamat ng marami mga ka sb. Malaking tulong ang mga payo nyo para malinawan ang aking pag iisip sa mga nangyayari sa bagay bagay ngayon maraming salamat uli. Irereassess ko ulit ang mga bagay bagay bago gumawa ng desisyon dahil malaki ang magiging epekto nito sa aaking buhay salamat mga sir/mam!

 

[empoypogz]

para saken kung ano talaga yung gusto mong gawin eh gawin mo sir, sabi nga nila mas masarap dumaan sa mga trials para magkaroon tayo ng lesson sa buhay kase kung de-depend na lang lagi tayo sa magulang natin walang mangyayari hindi habang panahon nasakanila lahat ng desisyon nasa tamang age kana wag mo rin isipin agad na mamumuhay kayo ng maginhawa lahat tayo dadaan sa kahirapan kaya subukan mo lang masaktan ka man lesson learned yan. go with the flow bata kapa i experience mo na yung dapat i experience darating din yung point maiintindihan mo lahat sa ngayon kung ano yung talagang gs2 mo ng gawin go!!


PS: Sobrang sarap maging independent marami kang matutunan para pag dumating ung araw may ipagmamalaki kana..

 

[motoro]

salamat sa reply ka sb. yes alam ng gf ko yung status na ito. siya lang kasi ang nakatapos sa family nya. at walang trabaho ang nanay at tatay nya. 5 sila mag kakapatid 3 ang may trabaho. sabungero yung tatay ng gf and ganoon din naman si dadi. I just dont get it bakit ganito ang nanay ko. hayss ka sb salamat sa reply ulit

Two different situations, your dad is a sabungero which is ok because he is earning his own money so he is entitled to spend it on anything he wants as long as it's in moderation. But your gf's dad is jobless according to your post and I assume he is using the money given to him by his children to join cockfights. So I'm guessing that your mom doesn't like that arrangement and is actually worried that when both of you got married her parents might rely on you and your gf for financial help especially only you and your gf have finished school. And if you refuse to give them money especially if you get precious inheritance from your parents then problems will arise and it can get ugly. Yes, we may think parents are paranoid but many of them are just being EXTRA careful because they believe that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

- - - Updated - - -

once in my college days, our professor in personality development asked us(students) about a very common story..

you, your mother, your girlfriend/boyfriend is in a sinking boat.. both your mother and girlfriend/boyfriend don't know how to swim.. you have to save only one of them.. who will it be.. and why..

unanimously the class chose the mother.. with all the reasons in the world..

now that i am in that situation.. i realized that.. my answer back then was naive, inexperienced and immature..

it is like torn between the past and the future..

i hope you can ponder on this.. you may not see how it affects your personality right now, but maybe 10-15 years from now you will..

and about your question..

leaving home when you are 25 doesn't need you any consent.. legally.. 18yo is the legal age that needs not consent.. though marrying at 18 will need consent.. but leaving home won't..

That story reminded me of one of my close friends in high school. He got married in civil rites many years ago. Before the judge began the ceremony, he asked my friend about the story but instead of gf, he used wife because my friend is getting married. My friend chose his mother but the judge told him that he should choose the wife because the wife is HIS choice. Otherwise, why get married if the wife is not his choice according to the judge.