Need Advice:My wife is having an affair with a co-worker and gaslighting me

[VonJB]

Hi po,

I originally posted this as a reply on the thread:
https://www.mobilarian.com/showthread.php?t=100443&page=5

However, I felt that I needed to create a new thread so seek help from you all...

Last time na umiyak ako ay kaninang tanghali before ako pumasok sa work. I've been crying almost everyday since I learned that my wife who is three years older than me was having an affair with a co-worker this February... By the way I'm 40 years old and we have 3 kids (1 1/2 yung youngest ko, only daughter)... I was then unemployed to take care of our daughter.. Nag-resign ako sa work January 2019 and come February, I discovered the affair because of some FB pictures (gimik nilang magkakatrabaho) that were hidden from my view.

They're working sa Barangay so kilala ko yung third party and I've confronted him numerous times. Lately, nakiusap na lang ako sa kanya na tigilan na ang asawa ko. Hindi ko maireklamo sa Barangay Captain (na friend din ng third party) dahil na rin sa posibleng eskandalo sa asawa ko. Mahal na mahal ko sya at ang mga anak namin... Palagi syang dini-defend ng asawa ko since mga bata pa sila ay friends na daw sila (sa in close lang daw sila). Although before I met my wife, nanligaw sa kanya yung guy pero hindi naging sila..

Going back to my story, my wife's telling me that she ended the affair.. It has affected our whole family. But many times, I discovered they would still exchange sweet thoughts via SMS and FB... I won't go into deeper details na masakit lang alalahanin...

She was gaslighting me... (please Google it and you'd know exactly what I'm being through). She's making me feel that it was all my fault..

Three weeks ago, I started with a new job.. Prior to that, I thought nagiging okay na kami ng misis ko. First week ko pa lang sa work, sinamantala na nilang magtawagan sa phone habang wala ako sa bahay..Being a Mobilarian, I have ways of finding out the truth.. I then, again, confronted both of them separately.. My wife turned off her phone for two weeks and sabi niya, kinausap na daw niya yung guy to stop. But the moment she turned on her phone again (need din sa work ang communication, I understand), the guy started calling her multiple times again (last Monday). Nagmissed call pa wife ko sa kanya around 11pm (12midnight uwian ko sa work).

I could not help myself, I confronted my wife again yesterday morning.. na alam kong nagtatawagan pa rin sila..nagtext din ako sa guy to stop at sinabi kong makasarili sya at hindi niya iniisip na nakakasakit sya ng pamilya.. he did not reply, as usual.. dedma ang lolo nyo..
And just an hour ago, as of this writing, the guy is still trying to call my wife (nasa work ako now). He is not affected and he doesn't care obviously.

Until now, I am giving my wife a chance para na rin sa pamilya namin.. Ayokong mag-give up sa relationship namin dahil I love my children and it would hurt them a lot having a broken family...

Please, can you give me some advice? I need peace of mind and now I'm not sure if I'm still doing the right thing of not giving up on her....

 

[motoro]

hi po,

i originally posted this as a reply on the thread:
https://www.mobilarian.com/showthrea...=100443&page=5

however, i felt that i needed to create a new thread so seek help from you all...

Last time na umiyak ako ay kaninang tanghali before ako pumasok sa work. I've been crying almost everyday since i learned that my wife who is three years older than me was having an affair with a co-worker this february... By the way i'm 40 years old and we have 3 kids (1 1/2 yung youngest ko, only daughter)... I was then unemployed to take care of our daughter.. Nag-resign ako sa work january 2019 and come february, i discovered the affair because of some fb pictures (gimik nilang magkakatrabaho) that were hidden from my view.

They're working sa barangay so kilala ko yung third party and i've confronted him numerous times. Lately, nakiusap na lang ako sa kanya na tigilan na ang asawa ko. Hindi ko maireklamo sa barangay captain (na friend din ng third party) dahil na rin sa posibleng eskandalo sa asawa ko. Mahal na mahal ko sya at ang mga anak namin... Palagi syang dini-defend ng asawa ko since mga bata pa sila ay friends na daw sila (sa in close lang daw sila). Although before i met my wife, nanligaw sa kanya yung guy pero hindi naging sila..

Going back to my story, my wife's telling me that she ended the affair.. It has affected our whole family. But many times, i discovered they would still exchange sweet thoughts via sms and fb... I won't go into deeper details na masakit lang alalahanin...

She was gaslighting me... (please google it and you'd know exactly what i'm being through). She's making me feel that it was all my fault..

Three weeks ago, i started with a new job.. Prior to that, i thought nagiging okay na kami ng misis ko. First week ko pa lang sa work, sinamantala na nilang magtawagan sa phone habang wala ako sa bahay..being a mobilarian, i have ways of finding out the truth.. I then, again, confronted both of them separately.. My wife turned off her phone for two weeks and sabi niya, kinausap na daw niya yung guy to stop. But the moment she turned on her phone again (need din sa work ang communication, i understand), the guy started calling her multiple times again (last monday). Nagmissed call pa wife ko sa kanya around 11pm (12midnight uwian ko sa work).

I could not help myself, i confronted my wife again yesterday morning.. Na alam kong nagtatawagan pa rin sila..nagtext din ako sa guy to stop at sinabi kong makasarili sya at hindi niya iniisip na nakakasakit sya ng pamilya.. He did not reply, as usual.. Dedma ang lolo nyo..
And just an hour ago, as of this writing, the guy is still trying to call my wife (nasa work ako now). He is not affected and he doesn't care obviously.

Until now, i am giving my wife a chance para na rin sa pamilya namin.. Ayokong mag-give up sa relationship namin dahil i love my children and it would hurt them a lot having a broken family...

Please, can you give me some advice? I need peace of mind and now i'm not sure if i'm still doing the right thing of not giving up on her....

I guess you already know what to do since you don't want to give your the relationship and have a broken family. But how long can you really last? I mean it's understandable and really normal that you don't want your kids to have a broken family but it is making you miserable and I don't think that's a good thing. I don't think you can take care of your kids wholeheartedly should this situation drags on.

Honestly, for me, I think the problem is your wife because guys will always be guys. It doesn't matter if a woman/girl is married, in-a-relationship or married-with-children because there are guys out there who will try to hit on them but if the girl will not entertain them then eventually the guy would stop. Sadly, your wife is indulging him and his advances and decided to have an affair. But it seems they are still at it behind your back even after you have call their attention numerous times already.

There are people who can forgive their cheating partner but, for me, it's difficult to forgive someone who constantly hurt you even after you call their attention to it. Perhaps she knows that you won't ever leave her because of the kids. She doesn't seem to think about her family and was so blinded by his intentions. Not even some empathy or respect on how you are feeling and what you are going through.

Frankly, I don't forgive cheaters because cheating is by choice and not by chance. Plus, I'd constantly get paranoid whenever she's not around since trust has been compromise. Your situation is difficult because you have kids but that doesn't mean you have to suffer. If I were in your shoe and we are married, I would gather strong evidences of their affair and file a case and If I remember correctly, you get to keep your kids as long as you can support them. Better consult a professional on that in case it goes that way.

Now, it all boils down to your personality and how tolerant you are. There are still some people who stay and endure just for the kids while, in modern society, others chose to leave and just take care of their children happily by themselves. The ball is on your side of the court. If your wife can't stop seeing him then there's no telling that one day your kids might know about it since all the characters live in the same barangay.

 

[drumstick]

Mga naisip ko lng na options mo:

1. Acceptance na wala na sayo ang puso at isipan ng asawa mo, acceptance na posibleng hindi na mababalik pa ulit un sau, acceptance na hindi na ikaw ang mahal nya. Sa pagkakataon na to, kailangan mo tangapin na ikaw ang sagabal sa sitwasyon nyong tatlo para sa pagmamahalan nilang dalawa. Kailangan mo tngapin na hindi lahat ng plano sa buhay ay maganda ang nangyayare. Kailangan mo tangapin yan ngaun. Maari mo piliin na pakawalan na lng sya at patawarin sa kanyang pagkakamali.
Nagdesisyon na rin nman na syang piliin ang ibang lalaki kahit meron maapektuhan na mga anak nyo, kailangan mo idaan sa legal yan pagpapakawala sa kanya at paghihiwalay nyo dahil magging problema mo lng yan balang araw lalo na sa kustodiya ng anak nyo.

2. Ilaban mo ang karapatan mo at idaan sa legal, idemanda mo sila pareho at masisira ng tuluyan pamliya nyo, kaya lang kaya mo ba makita syang nakakulong dahil sa galit na nraramdaman mo, at magiging masama ang tingin ng mga anak mo sa kanya habang nalaki sila?

3. Kailangan mo ulit suyuin ang asawa mo, kailangan mo ulit turuan ang puso nya na mahalin ka. Kailangan mo ipaalala sa kanya kung paano kayo nagsimula at pinaglaban ang pgmamahalan nyo hangang sa pagbuo ng mga plano nyo na magkapamilya. Kailangan mo iparamdam sa kanya kung gano mo sya kamahal, kung gaano sya kahalaga, kung gaano kalayo ang kaya mo gawin at abutin pra sa kanya. Ang puso nya ang nawala sau kaya ang puso nya ang kailngan mo ibalik sau. mag papogi ka, ipagluto mo sya, ipaglaba mo sya, magbigay ka ng mameng oras sa kanya, magdala ka ng bulaklak sa kanya. lahat lahat ng bagay na hindi mo gngawa date eh gawin mo ngaun na tingin mo maapreciate nya. lahat yan kailangan mo gawin nang hindi sya inaaway, hindi sya insstress at hindi dindala sa usapan nyo ang lalaki nya o mga pagkakamali nya. kailngan mo tiisin un habang sinusuyo sya dahil kung hindi, mapupunta lng ang uspan nyo sa pgaaway nyo, na magiging dahilan para lalo sya pumunta sa lalaki nya. Subkan mo unawain logic ng mga to:

Kung lage mo pnpgalitan aso mo at pnpakain sya lage ng kapitbhay, sa kapitbhay na uuwi aso mo.
Kung mas mura ang tinda ng kalaban mong tindahan at ung suki mo e hindi na nabili sau, ang tanging praan lng para bmalik ang suki mo eh gandahan mo dn benta mo.

Kompetisyon ang buhay, at ang kompetisyon mo ngaun sa asawa mo e either (1) talo ka at mga anak mo dahil mwawala sya sau ng tuluyan, idemanda mo man o hindi, (2) talo ka dahil ksma mo asawa mo pero puso nya at isp e nsa iba naman or (3) panalo ka dahil nabawi mo ang puso nya at babalik sya sau at sa mga anak nyo

 

[Riyae08]

Yeah, you should consult someone with legal knowledge of stuff.

If talking it out won't work. maybe harsher means is necessary.

You can't blame a man for doing whatever he knows is necessary to protect his family.
if that guy doesn't know that.

might as well teach him that truth.

Don't mess with a family guy.

---------------

If that was me, I'd drag that in the open and humiliate the guy
threaten the guy, and maybe deal with him for good.

--------------

Honestly, kung tingin mo ginawa mo na lahat ng mapayapa na paraan para ayusin yan
at talagang ayaw nila tumigil ay ibig sabihin hindi sila papapigil hanggang wala nangyayari na drastic
for your wife to realize na sya na mismo willingly sumisira sa pamilya niyo.

like WTF.

hindi na kayo bata, it's necessary from time to time to sacrifice relationships
just to keep the relationship that matters to you the most.

baka ikaw yung sinasakripisyo at mga anak niyo sa tagpong ito?

 

[kulet2012]

Ewan ko TS, pero you did your part already. Yung nakikita siguro ng misis mo na lagi naman siyang nay chance sayo kaya siguro hindi siya natatakot sa ginagawa nya.
Sorry pero hindi na healthy kung yung isa na lang yung lumalaban at yung isa ay nagpapaubaya lang sa kasalanan.
Sa paglipas ng panahon lalo mo lang sasaktan ang Sarili mo. May mga anak kayo pero hindi ibig sabihin na magdedesisyon ka na makipaghiwalay ay mapapariwara na sila.
Sa nakikita ko ay napakabuti mong tao kaya magaGuide no mga anak mo sa Pagtanggap ng Katotohanan.
Sa lahat ng bagay, may katapusan, may hangganan...
Kung ikaw lang ang PILIT NA GUMAGAWA ng Effort para mabuo pamilya nyo, at siya ay hindi paano pa yan babalik sa dati.

Opinyon ko lang, bigyan ng ultimatum...
Pag di pa rin tumigil, HIWALAYAN NA.

 

[Dongxkie21]

cheater is always be a cheater kahit mag bago payan di m alam pag talikod mo gumagawa nanaman nang milagro para lang din cgurong sigarilyo yan sir t.s wag mong biglain na tumigil sa pagmamahal sa kanya pa unti2 itanim mo nalang sa utak mo na walang kwentang tao yang asawa mo at ikaw na mismo sa sarili mo makaka realize na dapat hiwalayan mo sya...

 

[jessiesux]

Ano yan paps. ireklamo mo yang lalaki sa brgy. para mahiya nmn konti yang lalaki na yan. kung di pa rin tumigil patayin nalang natin. Wala ng kwenta ang mga taong naninira ng pamilya.

 

[rybka]

sa sitwasyon mo parang napakabait mong tao.maraming beses ka ng niloko pero andyan ka parin para sa kanya.alam ko na ginagawa mo ito dahilsa may mga anak kayo at ayaw mong masira ang pamilya mo.pero sa tingin ko dapat gumawa ka nang aksyon sa part mo..legal na aksyon ha baka iba naman gawin mo!kasi hangat di napaparusahan ang mga taong yan gagawin parin nila yan mga manhid na yan sa kasalanan.ikaw ang nagiging mukhang kawawa sa lagay mo ngayon.kumuha ka ng matibay na ebidensya pagsama-samahin mo yun saka mo ilapit sa brgy...tamang tama nag woworkpa pla sa brgy ang guy,mawawalan ng trabaho payan.mahirap ng mapuno baka sumabog ka baka iba pa magawa mo.lahat ng bagay gawin mo sa legal na paraan.

 

[VonJB]

I guess you already know what to do since you don't want to give your the relationship and have a broken family. But how long can you really last? I mean it's understandable and really normal that you don't want your kids to have a broken family but it is making you miserable and I don't think that's a good thing. I don't think you can take care of your kids wholeheartedly should this situation drags on.

Honestly, for me, I think the problem is your wife because guys will always be guys. It doesn't matter if a woman/girl is married, in-a-relationship or married-with-children because there are guys out there who will try to hit on them but if the girl will not entertain them then eventually the guy would stop. Sadly, your wife is indulging him and his advances and decided to have an affair. But it seems they are still at it behind your back even after you have call their attention numerous times already.

There are people who can forgive their cheating partner but, for me, it's difficult to forgive someone who constantly hurt you even after you call their attention to it. Perhaps she knows that you won't ever leave her because of the kids. She doesn't seem to think about her family and was so blinded by his intentions. Not even some empathy or respect on how you are feeling and what you are going through.

Frankly, I don't forgive cheaters because cheating is by choice and not by chance. Plus, I'd constantly get paranoid whenever she's not around since trust has been compromise. Your situation is difficult because you have kids but that doesn't mean you have to suffer. If I were in your shoe and we are married, I would gather strong evidences of their affair and file a case and If I remember correctly, you get to keep your kids as long as you can support them. Better consult a professional on that in case it goes that way.

Now, it all boils down to your personality and how tolerant you are. There are still some people who stay and endure just for the kids while, in modern society, others chose to leave and just take care of their children happily by themselves. The ball is on your side of the court. If your wife can't stop seeing him then there's no telling that one day your kids might know about it since all the characters live in the same barangay.

Thank you for your advice sir.
True, the problem is that my wife did not really want to end their so-called "friendship". Just last night, we had a huge fight when I got home (yeah, after I posted this thread..) She told me that their phone conversations are all work-related but for me it was something else. I have attached below their phone calls (boxed) just last Monday. Wala pa dyan yung mga dati pa. By the way, my wife knew I was tracking her phone because months ago, I even played a recording of their "I love you's" and "pa-kiss" calls. My mom-in-law heard the recording but did not believe me (of course, she's her daughter) and told me baka ako daw ang gumagawa ng kalokohan. In other words, they knew I was tracking them still but they don't care. Perhaps they enjoy their adventure.

View attachment 369633View attachment 369633

I even told her that it's only her who could end the indecent affair because as you've said, guys will be guys and it boosts his male ego having an affair with someone who's already committed. True, I would always get paranoid whenever I'm not around, when I'm sleeping, on the grocery, on the laundromat, at work..or even when she's holding her phone. Yes, trust was indeed compromised. But whenever I see her trying to be "good" to me, it eases my burdens somehow. Still, I'm being gaslighted and I'm too weak to give up on her..

 

[VonJB]

Mga naisip ko lng na options mo:

1. Acceptance na wala na sayo ang puso at isipan ng asawa mo, acceptance na posibleng hindi na mababalik pa ulit un sau, acceptance na hindi na ikaw ang mahal nya. Sa pagkakataon na to, kailangan mo tangapin na ikaw ang sagabal sa sitwasyon nyong tatlo para sa pagmamahalan nilang dalawa. Kailangan mo tngapin na hindi lahat ng plano sa buhay ay maganda ang nangyayare. Kailangan mo tangapin yan ngaun. Maari mo piliin na pakawalan na lng sya at patawarin sa kanyang pagkakamali.
Nagdesisyon na rin nman na syang piliin ang ibang lalaki kahit meron maapektuhan na mga anak nyo, kailangan mo idaan sa legal yan pagpapakawala sa kanya at paghihiwalay nyo dahil magging problema mo lng yan balang araw lalo na sa kustodiya ng anak nyo.

2. Ilaban mo ang karapatan mo at idaan sa legal, idemanda mo sila pareho at masisira ng tuluyan pamliya nyo, kaya lang kaya mo ba makita syang nakakulong dahil sa galit na nraramdaman mo, at magiging masama ang tingin ng mga anak mo sa kanya habang nalaki sila?

3. Kailangan mo ulit suyuin ang asawa mo, kailangan mo ulit turuan ang puso nya na mahalin ka. Kailangan mo ipaalala sa kanya kung paano kayo nagsimula at pinaglaban ang pgmamahalan nyo hangang sa pagbuo ng mga plano nyo na magkapamilya. Kailangan mo iparamdam sa kanya kung gano mo sya kamahal, kung gaano sya kahalaga, kung gaano kalayo ang kaya mo gawin at abutin pra sa kanya. Ang puso nya ang nawala sau kaya ang puso nya ang kailngan mo ibalik sau. mag papogi ka, ipagluto mo sya, ipaglaba mo sya, magbigay ka ng mameng oras sa kanya, magdala ka ng bulaklak sa kanya. lahat lahat ng bagay na hindi mo gngawa date eh gawin mo ngaun na tingin mo maapreciate nya. lahat yan kailangan mo gawin nang hindi sya inaaway, hindi sya insstress at hindi dindala sa usapan nyo ang lalaki nya o mga pagkakamali nya. kailngan mo tiisin un habang sinusuyo sya dahil kung hindi, mapupunta lng ang uspan nyo sa pgaaway nyo, na magiging dahilan para lalo sya pumunta sa lalaki nya. Subkan mo unawain logic ng mga to:

Kung lage mo pnpgalitan aso mo at pnpakain sya lage ng kapitbhay, sa kapitbhay na uuwi aso mo.
Kung mas mura ang tinda ng kalaban mong tindahan at ung suki mo e hindi na nabili sau, ang tanging praan lng para bmalik ang suki mo eh gandahan mo dn benta mo.

Kompetisyon ang buhay, at ang kompetisyon mo ngaun sa asawa mo e either (1) talo ka at mga anak mo dahil mwawala sya sau ng tuluyan, idemanda mo man o hindi, (2) talo ka dahil ksma mo asawa mo pero puso nya at isp e nsa iba naman or (3) panalo ka dahil nabawi mo ang puso nya at babalik sya sau at sa mga anak nyo

Thank you sir for the advice.
I forgot to mention that she's my common-law wife..we're not yet married. I asked her many times that we should marry but she won't agree because she's telling me we have a lot of financial issues to prioritize. I tried na suyuin din po sya. Palagi ko po syang ipinapasyal pati ang mga anak namin. After 13 years of being together, nag-try po kaming mag-inuman na kaming dalawa lang sa isang food park and even sa bahay.

I'm the one doing the weekly laundry since 2015. I even cook for my family when the situation permits. I show love and affection for my wife and my kids. I would be the one to always say I love you the first time -- pero dun sa lalaki, si misis ko ang unang nag a-I love you in a sweet way..

Isa pa palang nalimutan kong sabihin is that last February, nakipaghiwalay po sya "kuno" sa akin (I still live in the same house and we're till having great s*x more often than before). During that time, "naging sila "nung lalaki at ako ang FUBU ng sarili kong asawa. It's hard to imagine I know.
Pero I could not help but to think na baka may nangyari na sa kanila at may pinanghahawakan yung lalaki sa asawa ko (sort of blackmail?) kaya hindi niya tuluyang mabitawan dahil baka kapag nalaman ko yun, tuluyan na talaga kaming maghiwalay.

- - - Updated - - -

Mga naisip ko lng na options mo:

1. Acceptance na wala na sayo ang puso at isipan ng asawa mo, acceptance na posibleng hindi na mababalik pa ulit un sau, acceptance na hindi na ikaw ang mahal nya. Sa pagkakataon na to, kailangan mo tangapin na ikaw ang sagabal sa sitwasyon nyong tatlo para sa pagmamahalan nilang dalawa. Kailangan mo tngapin na hindi lahat ng plano sa buhay ay maganda ang nangyayare. Kailangan mo tangapin yan ngaun. Maari mo piliin na pakawalan na lng sya at patawarin sa kanyang pagkakamali.
Nagdesisyon na rin nman na syang piliin ang ibang lalaki kahit meron maapektuhan na mga anak nyo, kailangan mo idaan sa legal yan pagpapakawala sa kanya at paghihiwalay nyo dahil magging problema mo lng yan balang araw lalo na sa kustodiya ng anak nyo.

2. Ilaban mo ang karapatan mo at idaan sa legal, idemanda mo sila pareho at masisira ng tuluyan pamliya nyo, kaya lang kaya mo ba makita syang nakakulong dahil sa galit na nraramdaman mo, at magiging masama ang tingin ng mga anak mo sa kanya habang nalaki sila?

3. Kailangan mo ulit suyuin ang asawa mo, kailangan mo ulit turuan ang puso nya na mahalin ka. Kailangan mo ipaalala sa kanya kung paano kayo nagsimula at pinaglaban ang pgmamahalan nyo hangang sa pagbuo ng mga plano nyo na magkapamilya. Kailangan mo iparamdam sa kanya kung gano mo sya kamahal, kung gaano sya kahalaga, kung gaano kalayo ang kaya mo gawin at abutin pra sa kanya. Ang puso nya ang nawala sau kaya ang puso nya ang kailngan mo ibalik sau. mag papogi ka, ipagluto mo sya, ipaglaba mo sya, magbigay ka ng mameng oras sa kanya, magdala ka ng bulaklak sa kanya. lahat lahat ng bagay na hindi mo gngawa date eh gawin mo ngaun na tingin mo maapreciate nya. lahat yan kailangan mo gawin nang hindi sya inaaway, hindi sya insstress at hindi dindala sa usapan nyo ang lalaki nya o mga pagkakamali nya. kailngan mo tiisin un habang sinusuyo sya dahil kung hindi, mapupunta lng ang uspan nyo sa pgaaway nyo, na magiging dahilan para lalo sya pumunta sa lalaki nya. Subkan mo unawain logic ng mga to:

Kung lage mo pnpgalitan aso mo at pnpakain sya lage ng kapitbhay, sa kapitbhay na uuwi aso mo.
Kung mas mura ang tinda ng kalaban mong tindahan at ung suki mo e hindi na nabili sau, ang tanging praan lng para bmalik ang suki mo eh gandahan mo dn benta mo.

Kompetisyon ang buhay, at ang kompetisyon mo ngaun sa asawa mo e either (1) talo ka at mga anak mo dahil mwawala sya sau ng tuluyan, idemanda mo man o hindi, (2) talo ka dahil ksma mo asawa mo pero puso nya at isp e nsa iba naman or (3) panalo ka dahil nabawi mo ang puso nya at babalik sya sau at sa mga anak nyo

Thank you sir for the advice.
I forgot to mention that she's my common-law wife..we're not yet married. I asked her many times that we should marry but she won't agree because she's telling me we have a lot of financial issues to prioritize. I tried na suyuin din po sya. Palagi ko po syang ipinapasyal pati ang mga anak namin. After 13 years of being together, nag-try po kaming mag-inuman na kaming dalawa lang sa isang food park and even sa bahay.

I'm the one doing the weekly laundry since 2015. I even cook for my family when the situation permits. I show love and affection for my wife and my kids. I would be the one to always say I love you the first time -- pero dun sa lalaki, si misis ko ang unang nag a-I love you in a sweet way..

Isa pa palang nalimutan kong sabihin is that last February, nakipaghiwalay po sya "kuno" sa akin (I still live in the same house and we're till having great s*x more often than before). During that time, "naging sila "nung lalaki at ako ang FUBU ng sarili kong asawa. It's hard to imagine I know.
Pero I could not help but to think na baka may nangyari na sa kanila at may pinanghahawakan yung lalaki sa asawa ko (sort of blackmail?) kaya hindi niya tuluyang mabitawan dahil baka kapag nalaman ko yun, tuluyan na talaga kaming maghiwalay.

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah, you should consult someone with legal knowledge of stuff.

If talking it out won't work. maybe harsher means is necessary.

You can't blame a man for doing whatever he knows is necessary to protect his family.
if that guy doesn't know that.

might as well teach him that truth.

Don't mess with a family guy.

---------------

If that was me, I'd drag that in the open and humiliate the guy
threaten the guy, and maybe deal with him for good.

--------------

Honestly, kung tingin mo ginawa mo na lahat ng mapayapa na paraan para ayusin yan
at talagang ayaw nila tumigil ay ibig sabihin hindi sila papapigil hanggang wala nangyayari na drastic
for your wife to realize na sya na mismo willingly sumisira sa pamilya niyo.

like WTF.

hindi na kayo bata, it's necessary from time to time to sacrifice relationships
just to keep the relationship that matters to you the most.

baka ikaw yung sinasakripisyo at mga anak niyo sa tagpong ito?

Yes, perhaps it would be my very last option.. to humiliate the guy and have him removed from work (is someone from DILG here?)
But it would entail humiliation on my wife and my kids might get bullied at some point in time..

 

[vhyck]

TS, base sa kwento mo tingin ko ikaw nalang ang nagmamahal at nagpapahalaga sa pamilya nyo. better to act early than mabaliw kapa kakaicip ng kung anu ano between your wife and the other guy. mahalin mo sarili dahil meron pang anak na umaasa sau TS... Be Stong....

 

[VonJB]

Ewan ko TS, pero you did your part already. Yung nakikita siguro ng misis mo na lagi naman siyang nay chance sayo kaya siguro hindi siya natatakot sa ginagawa nya.
Sorry pero hindi na healthy kung yung isa na lang yung lumalaban at yung isa ay nagpapaubaya lang sa kasalanan.
Sa paglipas ng panahon lalo mo lang sasaktan ang Sarili mo. May mga anak kayo pero hindi ibig sabihin na magdedesisyon ka na makipaghiwalay ay mapapariwara na sila.
Sa nakikita ko ay napakabuti mong tao kaya magaGuide no mga anak mo sa Pagtanggap ng Katotohanan.
Sa lahat ng bagay, may katapusan, may hangganan...
Kung ikaw lang ang PILIT NA GUMAGAWA ng Effort para mabuo pamilya nyo, at siya ay hindi paano pa yan babalik sa dati.

Opinyon ko lang, bigyan ng ultimatum...
Pag di pa rin tumigil, HIWALAYAN NA.

Yes, it's a toxic relationship and not a day passed that I did not worry of being betrayed.
Thank you po at ganun ang tingin ninyo sa akin. Although I am not perfect at marahil may nakita sya sa guy na wala sa akin.
But keeping us both only proves how selfish my wife is. She's not really giving up on either of us two.

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TS, base sa kwento mo tingin ko ikaw nalang ang nagmamahal at nagpapahalaga sa pamilya nyo. better to act early than mabaliw kapa kakaicip ng kung anu ano between your wife and the other guy. mahalin mo sarili dahil meron pang anak na umaasa sau TS... Be Stong....

Matigas din kasi ang ulo ko...
Siguro my tired heart is waiting for the BIG BANG.. yun bang may malalaman ako na hindi ko na makakaya pang i-tolerate.
Pero ang isip ko, pagod na pagod na at gusto nang sumuko..

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cheater is always be a cheater kahit mag bago payan di m alam pag talikod mo gumagawa nanaman nang milagro para lang din cgurong sigarilyo yan sir t.s wag mong biglain na tumigil sa pagmamahal sa kanya pa unti2 itanim mo nalang sa utak mo na walang kwentang tao yang asawa mo at ikaw na mismo sa sarili mo makaka realize na dapat hiwalayan mo sya...

Tama, a cheater is always a cheater.
Sadly, cheating was my wife's choice.

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sa sitwasyon mo parang napakabait mong tao.maraming beses ka ng niloko pero andyan ka parin para sa kanya.alam ko na ginagawa mo ito dahilsa may mga anak kayo at ayaw mong masira ang pamilya mo.pero sa tingin ko dapat gumawa ka nang aksyon sa part mo..legal na aksyon ha baka iba naman gawin mo!kasi hangat di napaparusahan ang mga taong yan gagawin parin nila yan mga manhid na yan sa kasalanan.ikaw ang nagiging mukhang kawawa sa lagay mo ngayon.kumuha ka ng matibay na ebidensya pagsama-samahin mo yun saka mo ilapit sa brgy...tamang tama nag woworkpa pla sa brgy ang guy,mawawalan ng trabaho payan.mahirap ng mapuno baka sumabog ka baka iba pa magawa mo.lahat ng bagay gawin mo sa legal na paraan.

Thank you.. napapagod na rin ako.
Praying na dumating yung araw na magbago na ang asawa ko at mahalin niya na ako nang buo at walang kahati.
Otherwise, sana may malaman na lang ako that would ultimately make me decide to give up on her.

 

[play]

Magpapauna na ako..Sorry Ts, pero tanung ko sayo, under kaba ng asawa mo? napakalmbot mo para kang walang bayag.Hindi mo ba kaya magdesisyon para sa anak nyo? Nilamon kana ng negatibong emosyon...maraming nagpost ng payo at kung wala kang gagawin..walang kwenta ang lahat ng ito..Im also seeing that you're gaslighting us..No offense..Salamat.

 

[motoro]

I even played a recording of their "I love you's" and "pa-kiss" calls. My mom-in-law heard the recording but did not believe me (of course, she's her daughter) and told me baka ako daw ang gumagawa ng kalokohan. In other words, they knew I was tracking them still but they don't care. Perhaps they enjoy their adventure.

But whenever I see her trying to be "good" to me, it eases my burdens somehow.

With that, for me, I don't think there's any more reason to stay. As if cheating isn't bad already, they even has the nerves to turn the tables on you. Gaslighting and turning the tables on you is just their defense mechanism. If that is the kind of person your wife and mother-in-law are then I think you might be in for more misery. I won't be surprised if they start comparing you to the guy because that is another defense mechanism - to pass the blame to you and cover her lustful ways. Perhaps, she knows her daughter might be held legally liable.

Next, do not fall for her "trying to be good" ways. Her trying to be good ways are just breadcrumbs of attention and it can never compensate for all the misery and pain that you are going through right now. She's kinda amusing that she chose to "try to be good" instead of doing the right thing of ending the affair.

Lastly, if you are waiting for the big bang (worst news) to happen before deciding to take actions or leave then just make sure that you won't do something nasty like killing the guy in the process. You will be legally liable if you kill him out of confrontation or anger. The only time a husband can legally get away after killing a 3rd party is when he caught his wife and the guy having sex. If he can't control his anger then he should kill him right then and there. But if he waited for a day or two before confronting the guy and killing him in the process then that's murder/homicide. However, the only thing that I'm not sure of is whether the couple should be legally married or not to be covered by that law. So plan your moves right.

 

[leafgrayemil28]

Saludo ako sayo sir.
Be strong sa next step mo po.

 

[criskyle27]

Ka-Mobi,
Isangguni mo sa ACTS kay Tulfo. Kalimitan, kahit idulog mo sa barangay hindi ka sure sa tulong na magagawa nila sa iyo.
Panoorin mo yung mga ganyang cases sa youtube na ginawan ng paraan ni Raffy Tulfo pero yung solusyon ay manggagaling pa rin sa napagkasunduan ng dalawang panig. Sa tingin ko, titigil yan. may mga pinanghahawakan ka namang ebidensiya.

Sobra na yan at masyado ng mali. Pero payo din ng ibang ka-Mobi. Matigil man yan, yung posibleng maging resulta ang paghandaan mo.
Obvious naman na hindi ka na mahal ng kinakasama mo (sorry to say, di pa kayo kasal di ba)?
Yung mga bata, alam mo na rin kung kanino mapunta once matuloy yang hiwalayan nyo. nasa batas yan, ka-Mobi.
Mahal na mahal mo yung mga bata, eh siya ba? Si third party, hinihintay kang gumive-up, yun ang pakay nya. Yung kinakasama mo yung gustong masira ang pamilya mo. Kasi kung ayaw na, may paraan.

 

[sleep04]

may mga ganyan talagang mga babae

 

[brixzer]

Ang masasabi ko lang syo Ts wag kang magpaka T-A-N-G-A sa taong walang pagpapahalaga syo (sorry for the words) Actually hindi mo na kailangan ang payo ng ibang tao alam mo ang sagot sa mga katanungan mo. harap harapan kang niloloko ng kinakasama mo pero parang wala kang ginagawa, kaya yung kinakasama mo patuloy pa din sa panloloko syo. Kung sa ibang lalaki ginawa yan sure ko nagkagulo na or nilayasan na yang ganyang babae. Ikaw na din nagsabi hindi kayo kasal at marami syang alibi pag sinasabi mong magpakasal na kayo. Sa tingin mo mahal ka nyan o baka may inaantay syang ibang lalaki na gusto nyang pakasalan. Payo ko lang syo ts mag move on ka na hindi na maganda ang pagsasama nyong dalawa. kung yung mga anak mo iniisip mo pwede mo naman silang sustentuhan at dalawin. maraming naghihiwalay na maayos naman ang nagiging lagay ng mga anak nila basta continues communication lang sa mga bata. swerte mo pa nga hindi kayo kasal kung nagkataon na kasal kayo baka mamulubi ka sa Annulment. o di kaya habang buhay kang nakatali sa babaeng nanloloko syo.

 

[dsx666]

ito lng masasabi ko pre.. based on actual experience.. MOVE ON!!!!! took me 8 death dealing months pero naka move on din ako..
I even resorted to being a fckboy para punan ang feeling pero wala din.. in the end.. KONTENTO ako sa sarili ko.. yun lng..

Pinapalaki mo yung gulo if habol ka ng habol..

Legal matters what for? para makipag sama ka ng ahas? wew.. learn to let go and move on..

 

[13aj13]

TS well madali lang yan official ba ng barangay yan kung makaktulong aku sabihan mo lang aku under namin sa DILG ang Barangay at bawal sa batas ang magkaroon ng affair lalo na kung kayo ay kasal may habol ka jan pd sila makulong pareho pag nagkataon na gugustuhin mo ang ebidnesya tago mo lang lagi basta keep mo yan for purpose sa mga sususnud na baka bumaliktad sila sau at sabihing wla sila affair and isa pa pala mahirap ang pinagdadaanan mo kasi kung ang asawa mo na mismo ang lagi nakikiapag usap sa guy means may something na talaga yan mahirap nyan bak amy nangyari na di mo inaasahan at alam natin kung papano ang lalaki mag denay at minsan sa babae din if you to seek help just pm me kung kailngan mo advise wag ka mahiyang mag tanung sabi ng ng ritemed or just email me sir

[email protected] yan email ko sir anytime pd ka magtanung sakin! Godbless para sa Family mo wag ka basta sumuko isipin mo mga anak niu.... hope makatulong