Re: UNSAID FEELINGS sa crush, MU, flings, bf/gf, husband/wif
"Kailan ka magmo-move on?"
tanong niya.. nabigla ako, pero that was one of those few conversations wherein she is able to talk to me while directly looking into my eyes..
"I mean, I'm just curious.. despite of those bad things and treatment ko sayo nagtaty-- andyan ka parin, ganoon ka parin"
she's serious,..
ngumiti ako [plastic], masakit pero..
"Ahhmm, hindi ko alam"
yun lang nasabi ko, kasi naman biglaan talaga yung tanong.. saka, kinakain na ako ng pride ko.. the fact na alam niyang nasasaktan ka na--
"I mean, there's this experiment kasi.. Yeah, I'm doing some kind of--"
binato niya sakin yung hawak niyang card, -- ang sama ng tingin niya
"experiment?!"
tanong niya matapos ibato yung card, feeling ko kung puwede lang ibabato niya na rin lahat yung ibang hawak niya..
"A part of it, yeah.. Not all of it.."
nakayuko na ako nung sinasabi ko yun, pero tinignan ko siya ulit..
"Ok"
sumandal siya sa upuan, nakatingin parin sa akin..
HINDI KO NAMAN TALAGA ALAM... I don't know, yun na lang talaga yung nasabi ko sayo..
and, moving on is not an overnight project.. it's been 3 years, 1st year upto this 4rth year of our college education.. we've been colleagues, team mates, classmates, essay contest competitors, research competitors, short film production staffs, theater guild actors, organization officers and editor in chief of college newspapers..
I don't want to force myself, waking up in the morning feeling empty.. I've been there, I've done that.. The usual unfair way of forcing yourself to forget the hurt as well as the person.. Each day you drown yourself into countless tasks, activities and tiring jobs.. Making yourself busy, trying to focus on some things..
Then one day you'll end up realizing you've lost your friends, because of your workaholic mood..
I've been there, I've felt that once and in a fraction of a second the reality of hating the person I've loved before slapped into my face..
I don't want to lose you that way,.. I fear that one day, because of trying to move on from you I end up being mad.... Bitterness, that is all of it..
Those are the words lurking in my mind that moment I just can't seem to say.. My pride ate it all,.. Yes, and I just can't eat my pride for you that time.. Natural defense mechanism, maybe-- my body just can't take all of it..