Serial Story Work in progress - My first story (pls be kind)

The First

Walking into my old room was like being sucked into a time warp. My bed looked just like how it used to – single, with metal head and footboards, the black paint chipped and the rusting metal showed underneath. The old wooden dresser with a full length mirror and gold trimmings looked so ancient, but still so lovely. It was my grandmother’s; this dresser was older than me. I can’t believe I’m back here after four years, what’s even unbelievable is that my aunt never rented this room out after I left.

In the small room with the floorboards creaking beneath my feet I walked over to my old wooden dresser with stained mirrors. I loved this dresser, more than the rustic beauty of it, the drawer’s stuck. No one can open it; no one dared to, too afraid to damage it – except me. I reached underneath the chipping wood and stuck my hand in the panel under the main drawer, until I felt that slight gap and pushed it open.

It took all that I had not to cry at that moment. It’s still here. My old notebook was so familiar; the weight of it is much heavier to me than to any other person, maybe because more than just words, this notebook carried my emotions – years of it within its pages. I took a deep breath, sat on my old bed and started reading.

“June 6, 2000
It’s been a week since classes started and I’m starting to get a hang of it. I’m a senior. In College. Who would’ve thunk? But that’s not why I’m writing here now, after my spontaneous ramblings these past few years, I finally get to say something worth remembering. I met someone.

He’s the cutest guy in our class, he’s Chinese and my gay friend thinks he’s hot too. It’s always a good sign when your gay bestfriend thinks your crush is hot, that means he really is – in a heterosexual way, coz Max isn’t into the bi-sexual/homosexual guys, he likes them straight. Points for me. Yay!

His name’s Chris. Christopher Go.

He sat by me today.

He smiled.

I smiled back.

I think I’m going to like this year.”

“June 15, 2000
We had an out-of-class experience today. We went to the auditorium to listen to a very popular environmentalist, it was “Save the Earth” day in school, I couldn’t remember his name though, or what the hell he was talking about. Okay, it’s not entirely his fault; I may have been distracted a bit.

I was seated beside Max on the leftmost part of the auditorium, he says so we can immediately bail when needed. What he really meant was when he’s itchin’ for a smoke. I was trying to listen to the lecture when I was handed a note. It was written in a bond paper – folded 3 times, it looked ominous if you ask me – like a memo from the principal (ones I got in High School). I thought it was blank until I saw my name when I unfolded the top half, and when I completely opened it…

Lexi,

Hi!

- Chris

I’ve never received a note in class like this before. I didn’t know how to respond. But Max saw it and grabbed a blank sheet and gave me a pen with a knowing smirk on his face. Holy shit, this is Chris we’re talking about, CHRIS.

I scribbled down a response and was quite scared coz he’s got great handwriting, mine looks like shit. We had like 10 people between us, some girls giving me the stink eye but I didn’t care. I was too excited to care. Too excited to really think my response through and just wrote in the same format: “Hello”.
After a few minutes, I got another one. “You look bored”

“Aren’t you?”

“So bad. Wanna get out of here?” he said.

I looked like the biggest dork coz I said: “I don’t want to get in trouble”

“Yup. Maybe some other time then.”

That’s it, I lost my chance. I wanted to pull out another sheet and ask him to meet me outside or something to that effect, I was so nervous I started biting my fingernails – to which Max slapped my hand. Ow.

Then another bond paper was passed – and it wasn’t just a letter this time. Something was wrapped in it.

A cellphone.

The letter said: “Is it okay if we move this conversation to text messaging? I bet we’re not helping the environment talking like this. ”Oh thank you, Jesus.

“Lexi! C’mon, we have to go” My mom called from outside the house.

“Yeah, coming!”

It’s been years, but that letter still put a smile on my face. I came back to the house just for this, my notebook – my little treasure. I promised myself I’ll never leave it here, but time does funny things to people. I needed to move on and so 4 years went by and I didn’t feel the need to get my diary back, but now that I’m moving out – for good, I needed it. I needed a link to my past here.

I stood up and walked to the door, it was a heavy feeling, leaving it again, it was a big part of my life and now I’m leaving this room, this house, probably forever.

(still working on Chapter 2)

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The Second

“Are you good, do you need me to unpack your clothes?”

“No mom, I got it.” I really want to do that myself coz she’s so anal about these things it would take us a week if she helped out.

“Okay, well just call me if you need me. I’ll be helping out Emily in cleaning out the house before the realtors come in tomorrow.”

My mom and Aunt Emily were selling the old family house, they’ve been thinking of doing that since Amma (aka Grandma) died 3 years ago. They said it’s time. I didn’t think like the idea of selling the house but it was their decision.

“Okay, I’ll call you. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

When the door clicked shut, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and turned around. This is it. My place. My very own apartment. It was a 2-bedroom apartment; it was a work-perk, I was very lucky to have found work and it such a good place too. I’m an Executive Assistant to the Marketing Director of a very popular Advertising Firm. My boss is an ass-hat but he’s a funny ass-hat, kind of like the annoying big brother you never want to have but stuck with. I’ve been working for A&S Advertising for about 2 years, and about a year ago I got promoted to EA when my boss was hired. We clicked, he said I had spunk and was not really afraid to voice my opinion which he very much needed.

After unpacking several boxes and almost filling out my new dresser, I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m almost 50% done with unpacking my clothes. Looking around, I saw the old notebook sticking out of my bag. I needed a break anyway so I pulled it out, sat Indian-style on my brand new rug and randomly read a page.

“June 30, 2000

It’s official. I love him…”

I immediately closed the diary and chucked it to the couch. What the hell was I thinking reading that thing? But I have to, to prove to myself that I’m over it. I’m over him. Deep breaths, Lexi, you can do this. He can’t touch you anymore. He can’t hurt you.

“June 30, 2000

It’s official. I love him.

We kissed today. My first real one.

I’ve kissed other guys before… well, one other guy but that was in high school and it just lasted one second. More like a smack on the lips, really.

He didn’t know he was my first kiss; I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t know what to expect. It happened in his car, he gives me a ride home almost every day now, he stays in the car though. I really don’t know how to introduce him to Aunt Em and Amma so that’s fine with me. I didn’t know why it felt different when he brought me home today, he was so quiet. It was like he was nervous, or was upset. I didn’t know what to say so I just took his hand. He looked over at me and smiled, he was driving a stick shift but he never let go, he kept rubbing small circles on the back of my hand. Seeing him drive like that was just about the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was staring at his face and I didn’t realize he was already parking outside Amma’s house.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and leaned his head on the seat.

I squeezed his hand.

He looked over to me and smiled, probably because I was smiling at him too. I was too scared to say anything. He broke eye contact and the silence and looked over to Amma’s house.

“You have a lovely home”

“It’s my grandmother’s. She said Gramps built it with his own hands.”

The silence was deafening. It took a while and I was contemplating leaving the car to give him space so he can think, I felt like he needed some time alone.

But then he looked back at me and touched my cheek. “You’re beautiful. You make things so simple; I feel so at ease when I’m with you.”

It was like a dam of emotions burst inside my chest, I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Go big or go home.

“I love you.” I said.

I could see the surprise in his eyes, but he quickly recovered and leaned in, pulled me into him and kissed me.

I can’t explain how it felt when his lips touched mine, I felt like flying, I closed my eyes and kissed him back. With all the love I had in me, I wanted him to feel it. I wanted this kiss to last forever.

Just when I was about to get some more kisses out of him, he pulled back. He put his forehead on mine. “You should go inside; we wouldn’t want your Grandma to bust our asses.”

“Oh okay.”

He didn’t get to tell me he loved me, but I could feel it. He loved me.

I will love this man for the rest of my life.

I love you, Chris. Now and for always”

What I didn’t write at the time, probably because I was so in love with Chris was that he didn’t call me that night. He just texted me to tell me he made it home. He didn’t say he loved me back, and of course it would take me a while to know why.

It feels odd reading this, I feels like I’m reading about another person. The emotions are still there, I remember the hurt, it’s like travelling back in time and watching what was happening to this girl. And I know what will happen next, but I’m powerless to stop it.
It’s been a long day and right now I need to rest. Tomorrow’s another day and I’ve got a lot of time to torture myself in reading this diary so I closed it and stuck it under my mattress.

I changed into my PJ’s and brushed my teeth. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, you’d never guess the pain that resides there. It’s been five years since I fell in love with Chris, four years since I last saw him and now one hour since I thought about him. But there are some experiences worth remembering, pain worth feeling all over again to remind yourself what you need to steer clear of.

I will never forget Chris Go.

The first boy who broke my heart.

The boy that broke me.

(Still working on Chapter 3)

 

[sakura07]

I changed into my PJ’s and brushed my teeth. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, you’d never guess the pain that resides there. It’s been five years since I fell in love with Chris, four years since I last saw him and now one hour since I thought about him. But there are some experiences worth remembering, pain worth feeling all over again to remind yourself what you need to steer clear of.

I will never forget Chris Go.

The first boy who broke my heart.

The boy that broke me.

(Still working on Chapter 3)

Chapter 3
The Third

“Where’s my coffee?” Jack (my boss) asked when he burst inside his office.

“It’s right at your table, Sir, together with your morning paper. I also put some documents there for you to sign.”

“Show off.” He mutters.

I chuckled while sipping my coffee. This is our routine, he asks for stuff and most of the time I beat him to it. That’s why I’m so good at my job, because I know my boss well and usually able to anticipate what he needs. And that’s also why I get paid the big bucks.

“I have a 10am meeting at that new restaurant across the street. Can you make sure the reservation is set? It should be under my name.”

“Sure. How many should I reserve for? Should I order in advance for you?”

“Four, you can order what you think is good. Get something for you as well. You’re coming with me.”

This is another perk in my job, free food. Keeping in shape is a challenge though.

I get to the restaurant 10 minutes before 10am to make sure that everything is set. “Is there anything else I can get you, Miss Ramos?” The manager asks.
“No, everything looks good. Thanks, Nicole.” That’s one of the first things I learned from my boss, always call people by their first names especially those serving you, they’ll appreciate the personal touch.

At exactly 10am, my boss walks in together with two other guys. The first one wore glasses and was noticeably short, he walked beside Jack and he could’ve broken his neck from looking up. Jack was 5’11”. There was one other guy behind them, he was taller though almost the same height as Jack.

“Gentlemen, this is Lexi Ramos, my right hand – sometimes right arm.” He jokingly says.

“Good Morning.” I reach out my hand to the first one.

“Hi. I’m Bryan Lee, this is my associate, Matt Santos.”

Bryan was the small one, well not really small he’s like 5’6” so in guy standards, he was pretty short. Matt the tall guy had broad shoulders, he looked Chinese more so than Bryan and he had a nice smile. He took my hand and just smiled.

After the pleasantries, we all took a seat and came the worst part of the meeting. The small talk. I didn’t like this part of my job because I find small talk exhausting, especially when I don’t find anything in common with the person I’m talking to, or I just don’t like them period.

From what I’ve picked up from their conversation, Bryan was the CEO of Aristo, an IT consultancy firm that specializes in web design, software programming, gaming and the like. Matt was Bryan’s head programmer and over all IT genius. After about 10 minutes of this, I tuned everyone out. Pulled out my planner and started writing my schedule for the apartment for the next few weeks – I need to buy curtains, bed sheets, kitchen stuff (like I’d use it).

I’m a professional, I take my work seriously but I’m not invited to these meetings for my expert opinion or anything, Jack pretty much covers it. He’s really good at his job, but the man has never heard of a pen and paper, he keeps talking but never writes anything down. He’s got all these ideas, brilliant ones but he can’t remember half the things that spew out of his mouth. He’s always thinking, he’s a genius, but his memory’s shot. So he needs me to remember, I’m his memory card. Once, for his trip abroad, I bought him a recorder and he forgot to press it. I needed to call the one who he met up with to get the details of their meeting. See, ass-hat?

“Right, Lexi?” Jack said.

“Uh, what?” I looked up to Jack and he was smirking at me. He knows I hate these things.

“Jack said your company’s having a party this weekend at the Vue, do you think there’s still available tickets for Matt and I?”

“Oh, I’m going to have to check on that, Mr. Lee. Actually, I’ll make a few calls right now. Excuse me.” I left the table with Jack grinning.

I took a seat in one of the smaller function rooms after clearing it up with the manager, Nicole. I told her I just needed a quiet place to work in – I’m just trying to annoy Jack, he’ll be looking for me in a couple of minutes when the real meeting starts. I left the door slightly ajar to be able to hear Jack when he makes and ass of himself and yells for me.

After calling the planners of the party reserving 2 seats for Mr. Lee and Mr. Santos, I went on and continued my “Operation: Living Alone” schedule.

Let’s see, the apartment complex has a pool and a gym free for use of the residents. I need to check that out this week. Maybe later when I get home, I really need to work out. Jack’s wife sends me food almost every day and I feel like Jack would tell on me if I don’t finish the whole thing.

Next, I’m going to unpack my DVD’s and my books. I love stories. I’d read almost anything and I found this lovely bookshelf that doubles as a TV rack online last week…

*Fake cough

I spun around to find Matt standing outside the door smiling.

“Uh, I was wondering where you went.”

“I was… uh... working.” Of course you are genius.

“I think your boss suffered enough, he needs you back there.”

This puts a smile on my face. “Oh, did he look for me?”

“No, but he keeps looking at this general direction.” His smile can melt icebergs.

“Alright, I’ll be right there. Thanks” I smiled back at him.

He turned around but hesitated, and then left anyway. Weird.

“Okay, I deserved that. But you didn’t have to leave me alone there for so long.” Jack said.

“You know I hate those things, just leave me alone with my food and I’ll jot down everything you need. This is called coexistence.”

“Fine. Were you able to reserve seats for them?”

“Yes, luckily there were still a couple of spots open.” Jack needed them to attend the party because they will be our new IT partners; Jack just signed a contract with them.

“Oh, I just remembered, I need you to get me those proofs I had sent out to Tess yesterday.”

I grinned and proudly said: “They’re already on your desk, Sir.”

“Show off.” He muttered.

Turning the doorknob I knew I had to put additional locks on my apartment door. One lock wouldn’t be enough for someone paranoid like me. And I also need those peephole things so I could spy on the neighbor. Hardy har har.

It was a good day, a very stressful day so I needed to pamper myself a bit. In my brand new spanking tub. This was my first bath tub experience so I stayed there a bit, okay and hour.

After an hour of “me” time I walked to my room and changed into my favorite flannel PJ’s. My mom left some microwaveable food in the fridge the day before so I didn’t have any problems with dinner. While waiting for my food to cool, I found I had a missed call and a text.

“Girl, I need you to drag your lazy ass to my place and your red cowboy boots. Stat.”

Laughing, I replied to Max.

“Uh, I try to leave those red cowboy boots alone. They only get me into trouble. And this lazy ass is spent, I need to hit the sack early tonight. Sorry. Xo.”

“Ugh” Was his only reply.

I was tucked safely in my bed and reading the new J. Armentrout novel but I still couldn’t sleep. My inner masochist was screaming: “Read it, you know you want to.” And “You need the pain to feel.” God I’m pathetic.

I squeezed my hand under the mattress and looked for the tattered cover of my notebook. Opened the page I was dreading to read and started the torture. It was a piece of torn paper glued on to the page of the notebook with just five words.

“He broke up with me.”

Funny how I didn’t need the diary to remind me of what happened then, it was raining that day and I was waiting for him outside the school. We didn’t get to talk the night before so I thought I’d wait for him there so we could walk to class together. We had first period and we always sit beside each other. He never showed.
I was agitated the whole day because he didn’t text back to any of my messages but during last period he finally called. He said his car broke down and he couldn’t get out of the house, he wanted to see me so we were meeting up in the parking area.

It was still raining so I went inside his car wet. He looked different again, like he was sad or something. So I asked what was wrong, that’s when he told me he needed space. He’s having trouble at home – his mom’s sick so wants to focus on her and help her get better. I couldn’t stop myself, I cried and I can still remember his reaction when I did. I always thought he was just as devastated as I was, but now I know what that look was – guilt. He was guilty he hurt me but Lord knows that didn’t stop him from doing it over and over again.

I wrote that note at Anna’s place; after Chris and I talked I called Max up and asked him if I could stay over at his place. I didn’t want to go home; I didn’t want to be alone. Max said his brother came to his dorm for a visit so we definitely couldn’t stay there – with me being a blubbering mess. We spent the night at Anna’s place, one of our close friends. Anna, Max and Nina (another friend of ours) were there talking to me probably making sure I didn’t kill myself.

What every girl needs is a good support system, they helped me out. They let me cry my eyes out; tell them everything I needed to say. It was a “girls” night; we wore the same PJ’s and didn’t sleep until around 4am. Anna even played really sad break-up/heartbreak songs to help me “grieve”. Max made fun of me and all the crying, said he couldn’t take it anymore. He even violated a banana to make me laugh.

It was weird because on the night that my whole world seemed to have fallen apart, it’s also the night I found my friends for life. It was one of the best and worst nights of my life.

It was also the night when I dug a deeper grave for myself. It was around 2am when he texted.

“I can’t sleep. Can I talk to you?”

I’ll blame it on my vulnerability and my unwavering hope that we were meant to be together that I texted him Anna’s home number and told him that I was sleeping over her place.

Anna sleepily answered the phone and almost gave him hell for calling when she saw my face; I needed to talk to him. I mouthed “please”. She reluctantly nodded and gave me the phone.

I left her room and dragged the phone on their hallway. He said he missed me and that he was sorry. He asked if we could still sit beside each other during class, if he could still call me, if he could still bring me home – I said yes to everything. I felt a surge of relief, I thought he realized his mistake and wanted me back. I thought this meant being together again. It didn’t.

“July 25, 2000

It’s like last week never happened, we talk almost every day; he sits beside me in class, he takes me to lunch or dinner with my friends or sometimes with his. He even takes me to his basketball games, I never imagined I’d want to hug a sweaty guy before but with him I’d do it gladly. We haven’t really talked about “us”, but I don’t feel the need to clarify coz he doesn’t give me reasons to doubt his feelings for me.
Things in my world are right again.”

That night, I cried myself to sleep, I cried for that girl. For the old Lexi who was naïve enough to believe him for a second time. Opened her heart up even more so than the first time for a guy who didn’t deserve it the love she gave, who will never be deserving of her.

 

[Ampy]

pamarka muna, di ko matapos kasi may ginagawa ako. pero catchy yung story ha keep writing po! update mo lang. silent reader lang ako

 

[sakura07]

pamarka muna, di ko matapos kasi may ginagawa ako. pero catchy yung story ha keep writing po! update mo lang. silent reader lang ako

Weeee! maraming salamat.

Wala pa nga title ito e talagang work in progress pag hindi rin ako busy. Hehe.



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That night, I cried myself to sleep, I cried for that girl. For the old Lexi who was naïve enough to believe him for a second time. Opened her heart up even more so than the first time for a guy who didn’t deserve it the love she gave, who will never be deserving of her.

The Fourth

It’s Friday and the big closing party of A&S, we’ve had a great 1st sem and we usually celebrate the finished projects with our clients and the Board. It’s also a place where we meet the other employees nationwide. I was part of the planning committee but was tasked to prepare the giveaways for the guests. I was writing down the final count of the gift bags and slouching on the corner table (this dress is a killer but it feels like I’m gonna get sick from so little clothing) when he spoke.

“You look bored.” De-ja-F*cking Vu. I was scared to look up, but I had to. I sat up straight and turned and there he was… “Matt?”

“Hey.” He smiled, and then it slightly faded. “Expecting someone else?”

“Uh no. Just surprised you found me, I was trying to hide out here.” I seriously needed to get a life, I was so not supposed to expect Chris now (or ever).

“I don’t think you should though, you look incredible.” He sort of choked on the last word.

I don’t take compliments well so after saying he looked good too; I just shrugged and went back to writing gibberish on the piece of paper.

“Hey Lexi, I’ll stand guard. Jack’s looking for you.” Tina from Procurement is one of the committee members as well.

“Fine. I counted these 3 times, if one goes missing you have to give up yours.” She was known for “misplacing” a couple of gift bags from previous events.

“Ouch. That was harsh.”

God, he was still standing there?

I walked away from Tina and whispered to Matt. “Well, she needs to know she’s being watched. She has a reputation.”

He chuckled behind me and I was trying to stand on my tip toes to look for Jack. We were in a huge ballroom and my 3-inch heels were not helping. My motto in dressing up is that when you show much of the front, cover the back and vice versa, so I’m wearing a long black dress covering my chest area with lace sheer long sleeves but it’s cut so low behind, that’s it’s showing a lot of my back. I felt a cold hand touch my lower back, I jolted and spun around my hand landing on Matt’s chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” His eyes were warm brown speckled with green and gray. It was mesmerizing. “Your hand was cold.” I blurted out.
His eyes were wide and he blushed slightly.

“Uh, Jack’s over there.” He was holding my waist and gently turned me to the right.

Yup. There’s Jack.

Jack that I need to go to.

Right now.

His hand was still on my waist. I touched Matt’s hand but didn’t look at him. “Thanks.”

And I walked away.

“This was a very productive year for A&S and it’s not even done yet. We still have half the year to make it better…”

I zoned out again, of course I already know what Jack was going to say, I wrote the speech. Well, he edited it and made it his own, but still I’ve memorized that damn thing.

“Hey.” Matt said from behind me.

Holy shit, he’s trying to torture me.

“Hey.”

“Sorry about earlier. I really didn’t mean it if I made you uncomfortable...”

“No worries.” We were standing around in the room, there were a lot of chairs available but being part of the committee means not getting the whole experience. We’re always running around making sure everything’s perfect.

“We’re set to move next week.” When I gave him a questioning look, he continued “We’re occupying the 15th floor, got the go ahead from Jack yesterday.”
Oh shit, we’ll be working together. I’m going to see him every day.

“Oh, that’s good news.” I tried to smile.

Then everyone was clapping, Jack’s speech is done. I excused myself from Matt, putting distance between us. I needed to focus and work.

It’s been a couple of hours since I saw Matt; he was making the rounds and mingling with everyone with Bryan. I kept going back to the gift bag corner to check on Tina, I really don’t trust that woman. Jack grabbed my elbow and dragged me to the dance floor. “You should lighten up, Lex. C’mon join your old man for a dance.”

“You just look ancient Jack, but you’re more like a big brother than my dad. My dad’s 60.” I said smirking at him while I’m trying to hold him up while attempting to dance. He’s had a bit to drink and he feels the need to share more than usual when he’s inebriated.

“I saw that Matt guy looking at you. He looks smitten. I have to admit you clean up nicely, but you have to do something about your hair. I’ve known you for a year and you haven’t changed it. Cut it up or something, it’s boring.”

“Look who’s giving me hairstyle advice – you need to lay off the booze now, boss. I’ll need to call Alice to have your drunken ass picked up again.”

“I’m not drunk and you’re not gonna say one word to my wife. You’re steering me off topic, seriously, that Matt guy’s checking you out, I’m going to have a talk with him. I’ll let you know if he passes the interrogation.”

God he’s crazy when he’s had too much to drink.

He continued “He might look okay to you, but I’ll find it out everything, don’t you worry. I’ll get a P.I. to do a background check on him. Let’s see if he can give you a good comfortable life.” I chuckle.

“We’ll also need to check if he’s capable of pro-creation, he seems a bit gay to me.” He laughed.

“Oh my God. You’ve had enough, you’ve relinquished your right to make decisions tonight so I’m making them for you. Sonny’s right outside to take you home.” I grabbed on to his arm and dragged him to the lobby as discreetly as I could.

“I’m fine.” He slurred.

Oh shit, he’s going down. What did he drink this time?

I took out my phone and called his driver “Hi Sonny, I need you to take him home now.”

“I need to use the men’s room.” Jack slurred again, sounded like "ahneedchuusezemenshrum".

“Okay big guy, can you walk though?”

“Yes Ma’am.” And he walked a bit sluggishly to the lobby restroom. I quickly went to the restaurant to get bottled water for him when he returned he’s got his arm on Matt’s shoulder.

“Oh dear.” I meant Oh Shit.

Jack turned to me and put his arm around my shoulders and whispered (quite loudly) “He’s okay.” Then gave me a drunken wink, with his mouth exaggeratedly open.
I was expecting Matt to smile but he looked a bit upset. “Let me get the door for ya.”

Sonny opened the door and Jack went in quite carelessly. I gave Jack the bottled water which he consumed in less than 5 seconds. “Goodnight, Boss.” After giving Sonny directions to make sure he lets me know when they made it home I walked back into the lobby with a visibly upset Matt.

“Thanks for helping me back there.” I smiled at him.

“Is he always like that when he’s drunk?”

“Like what?”

“Uhm… Friendly?”

This is not the first time this happened, Max almost smacked my boss for doing the same thing last year’s Christmas party, but he’s not taking advantage of me. Max also knows he’s got no preference for me whatsoever because he puts his arms around everyone when he’s had too much to drink – even Max. I’d rather he do it to me during Company events though because he’s got quite a few admirers in the office, I don’t want him to be taken advantage of. That sounds weird but it’s true. He’s an idiot when he’s drunk, but he doesn’t cheat.

His wife is like the big sister I never had – I’m an only child and being taken care of by Jack and his wife is a good thing. They’re practically family.

“It’s not like that. He’s just a really sloppy drunk and it’s my job to make sure he doesn’t make an idiot of himself in front of the Board.”

“You shouldn’t let him touch you like that. He’s married and he’s your boss.”

I’m tired and I’m getting pissed.

“You’re entitled to your opinion like everyone else and I respect that. But you don’t know anything so I’m asking you to please keep your opinions to yourself.” I snap at him.

He sighed and walked away.

I went back to the ballroom and made sure everything was still going smoothly for all the remaining guests. I let the hotel employees escort the guests out of the venue. Signed a few papers with the hotel manager, put my coat on and ready to call it a night (or day – it’s around 1am).

Alice called me around 12mn to thank me for getting Jack home. “Are you sure you don’t need a ride home? I can send Sonny back to get you.”

“No, that’s okay Alice. I’m just going to get a ride with one of the girls.” There were no girls left.

“Okay then, take care and let me know when you get home.”

“I will. Thanks Alice.”

I’m just going to get a cab since the hotel services are pretty safe, it’s so expensive though. I’m rummaging through my purse to check how much cash I had on me when I saw Matt standing outside the main doors.

“Hey.”

“The party’s over, everyone went home.” I walked over to the concierge to request for a cab.

“I’m sorry.”

I was too tired to argue so I just nodded and continued to walk. He lightly touched my arm “Can I give you a ride home? I feel like a dick for what I said earlier, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay I don’t live that far here anyway.”

“Then let me just give you a ride. Please.”

Again, I was too tired to argue and he seemed harmless so I shrugged and he led the way.

Still working on Chapter 5

 

[sakura07]

“Then let me just give you a ride. Please.”

Again, I was too tired to argue and he seemed harmless so I shrugged and he led the way.

Still working on Chapter 5

The Fifth

I clutched my coat closer coz his a/c’s freezing my ass off. He noticed and turned the a/c off.

“You didn’t need to do that. I’m always cold.” It’s true though I have really low tolerance for cold weather, cold drinks or any cold thing.

“You looked uncomfortable.”

I shrugged and closed my eyes.

“It was a great party, looked like everyone had fun.”

“Thanks.” I’ve planned hundredths of these things and it always feels good to be appreciated.

“Well, you deserve it.” I think I just said that out loud.

“You can just turn right here. It’s the 4th building after the roundabout.”

He whistled. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.” I’m so tired I was reduced to one-worded responses.

He got out of the car and opened my door, held his hand out for me. I took it and it was warmer than it was earlier.

“Thanks for the ride, Matt.”

“Look, I’m really sorry for what I said earlier, I didn’t realize I was being offensive. I was just watching out for you.”

“Got it. No worries.”

“Lexi, I know we just met and I’m no good with these things…” He squeezed the back of his neck, like it was sore or something. “I… I’d like to get to know you better. Would that be okay? Can I call you sometime?”

I just realized he was still holding my hand. I looked up and he had the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen, well second best. Or maybe I’m just too tired to focus on anything.

I didn’t want to brush him off, I didn’t have the strength left for it and he seemed nice. “Sure. I’ll see you in the office; can I give you my number then? I’m just really spent right now I’m only half-sure you’re really standing in front of me.”

He laughed. His laugh made me smile.

“Are you sure you’re coherent enough to get to your unit? I don’t want you getting lost in there, this building is massive.”

“I’ll be fine. Bye.”

I just realize how tired I really was when I woke up the next morning, still in my dress, face down on my bed with my make up staining my brand new sheets.

“Fuuuuudge!”

Yes, I don’t cuss out loud; I just cuss inside my head.

My phone had 10 missed calls, 2 from Jack and 8 from my Mom. Shit!

I sent Jack a message that I need a raise for being his nanny when he’s drunk, to which he just replied. “LOL.” Then I called my mom, she won’t be satisfied with a text.

“Hi Mom, sorry I just woke up.”

“I’ve been calling you this morning. What happened? I’ve been so worried.”

“I was just really tired from the party last night; I told you I was planning that right?”

“Oh yes, how was it? Did you get to drink and mingle with your officemates?” Yes, my mother wanted me to have a life. I was the problem.

“No mom, too busy keeping the party going to be part of it.”

“Oh that’s too bad, honey.” But I remembered Matt, giving me a ride home. I talked to him, didn’t I?

“Yeah, gotta go Mom, I need my coffee.”

“Alright, don’t be late tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Oh right, it’s Sunday, we’re having lunch at Amma’s house. It’s about to be sold but we try to keep the traditional Sunday lunches going.

After making breakfast and perking myself up, I’m contemplating whether to start unpacking more boxes or go to the nearest depot to start my shopping when my phone rang.

“YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO I RAN INTO TODAY!” Anna screeched.

“Uh, if you will not share this information with me this phone call would be useless.”

“Uhm… grumpy much?”

“Nope, just very busy. ‘Sup Sweetie?” We call each other sweetie, coz back in College this is what our exes called us.”

“I ran into your ass of an ex.”

“…”

“OMG sweets, are you kidding me? Are you still hung up on that a-hole?”

“…”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have said anything. BUT, I’ll still continue my story since this might help you… I saw him at the mall just now, AND, he’s pushing a baby cart-thingy. AND if you have to ask, it has a baby in it.”

After a few seconds of silence, I finally caught my tongue.

“WOW.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“WOW.” I’m just dumbfounded by this new piece of information. And I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not.

“No baby mama though. He wasn’t with anyone. I just did a little wave, with my mouth slightly opened.” She chuckled.

“How did he look like? Like a Dad? He grew a beer belly didn’t he? Some moustache? Really really old looking?” Please don’t let him be looking happily married. Or let him. Shit, I’m not sure.

“Nope, looked pretty much like he did back then.”

SHIT.

“Oh, he must be happy then.”

“Probably. As are you. As you should be, right?”

I sighed. “Yes, I know, sweets.”

“Okay, I think I made a bad decision calling you, I forgot how hard you hold on to these things. Sooo, I’m gonna pick you up, get dressed. We’re going out.”

“I really have a lot of things to do, I still have boxes to unpack and buy some stuff for my place.” And I have to sulk and whine and cry and do all the crazy shit I do per usual.

“No. You’re going to bawl your eyes out. So, I’m gonna help you become productive in the next few hours, I’m gonna help in your shopping, so get your ass in the lobby in 20 minutes.” Click.

30 minutes later, Anna’s car pulls in. “SWEETS!” She says with a big grin on her face.

I got in her car. “Hi sweetie!” I said and gave her a big bear hug.

“We’re gonna get you some kick ass curtains. And then we’ll drink at your place, I already texted Max and Nina.”

“My house isn’t ready yet, you should’ve given me a warning.” I pouted.

“If I did you would be making excuses so we won’t go to your place. I need me some girl time so don’t be a buzz kill.”

Anna has the strongest personality among us, Max is the funny one and Nina is the quiet, reserved one. I’m the dork.

“Fine. Let’s spend some of my hard earned money.”

“That’s my bitch.”

Some five hours, thousands of pesos and frantic interior decorating later, the flat’s semi-decent and Anna and I can rest for a moment while waiting for Nina and Max.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this. This is my only day of rest, tomorrow I still need to go to Amma’s place for lunch”. I was still trying to catch my breath from all the cleaning and decorating.

“How are Tita Em and Tita Lily?” Anna asks while lying on my new living room carpet.

“They’re good. I’m not sure they’re gonna sell the house though. They love it too much”. I’m still hoping they’ll change their minds in selling the house; it’s a very important piece of our lives.

“Remember we spend almost every day in Amma’s house? In your room? We had a lot of good memories in that place.”

“Yeah.” I sighed.

“So, tell me more about this Matt character. Do you have any pictures? I’m gonna log on facebook to check him out. What’s his last name?” She’s one of my best friends so I tell her everything. But I’m so not getting into that right now. “No. We already talked about this. It could be bad luck if we talk about him before he has the chance to ACTUALLY ask me out.”

“Fine.”

*Dingdong

“Open up bitches!!!” Max yells from the door.

Anna got up to get the door. “Good luck telling Max you met someone.”

Max is the most protective person that I know, he looks out for me. He’s like a gay big brother I never had. He’s very skeptical of the people I date coz he’s seen me unhappy one too many times.

After Anna and I made preparations in the house Max didn’t even comment on my flat. Nina was just looking around and kept saying “This is awesome.”

We’ve gone through the usual routine, Anna tells us about her new boyfriend (she’s had a lot of ‘em), Max tells us about his new conquests and his new modeling stint – he’s a very, very pretty guy. I feel like he’s prettier than us combined. Nina talks about her new fashion find and her boyfriend’s new car – Nina’s very reserved but she’s very privileged, the “Rich kid” in the group. She bought the food we’re munching on too.

“So, I ran into Chris today.” Oh boy! Here we go.

“What?!” Max says.

“Jeez, can you just chill? I saw him at the mall today, he’s a dad.” Anna shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

“We’re not sure the kid is his.” I mumbled while I fiddled with my top.

“Oh, shit no. We’re not doing this again.” Max stands up. “Don’t make those puppy dog eyes at me, Alexa. You guys have been over for 3 years, move on already.” He’s pissed. He rarely calls me by my full name.

“I AM over him; I just want to point out that it’s not for certain that the kid is his. Right, Anna? You didn’t confirm if that’s his baby. You didn’t talk to him.” Anna just shrugs. Well, she’s a big fucking help.

“Oh and what, you’re going to find out the truth? Are you going to call him again?” Max accuses.

“Of course not. I’m just making sure the story’s accurate. I didn’t mean anything by it.” I’m getting upset now. I’m confused and Max’s reaction is annoying me.

“Oh please. This is like 3 years ago, like that time Nina saw him holding hands with a girl that’s NOT Violet and you go and called him to ask if he broke up with Violet.” I’m cringing now, because fuck! I know how this story’s gonna end.

“What happened then huh? You just wanted to know if they’re still together, if he needed a FRIEND to talk to… What? You remember what happened to you? You went right back to being his doormat. You let him use you again… for 4 FUCKING months!” He’s yelling now; and for good reason.

Yes, I was a masochist. Chris used his charms on me more often than I cared to admit. He’s my kryptonite. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of because I loved him. I was everything he needed me to be: A companion, a friend, a date, a stand in for his then on-and-off again girlfriend Violet, I endured for one year. I was a virgin when I met him but I let him take everything.

“I know, Max. Okay? I get it.” I’m crying now.

Max closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a calming breath he sits next to me.

“Shit. You know I love you and I don’t like you getting hurt.” He puts his muscled arms around me. “You’re just too fucking stubborn when it comes to that guy. I swear you turn into a complete idiot when it comes to him. I just want you to remember what he did to you and how much pain you were in. You remember don’t you?”

I’m still crying so I just nodded. I love my friends and if means saving them the task of picking up the pieces of my broken soul after another heart break, I chose not to talk to Chris. Not that I was thinking it. Well, yes, I was kind of thinking about it. I AM an idiot.

“You have to promise us, sweetie. No more.” Anna pleads.

“He’s not worth it, if he’s married and happy with his kids, then let him be. At least now you know for sure it’s over. Find your own happiness for once.” Nina encourages.

“Okay. I won’t call, text, email, message or Morse code him.”

“I’m so going to break something if you break that promise.” Max threatens.



Going to post Chapter 6 tomorrow. Yes, I'm already done with it. Yay!

 

[sakura07]

The Sixth

After that very intense talk; we watched a movie, laughed our asses off, drank and… drank some more. When Max and Nina were sprawled on my living room couch and floor, Anna turned to me and whispered: “Can you read me something?”

She knows about my diary, because she let me read hers once so we exchanged one time. “Fine. Let’s go to my room.”

We walked on our tippy tipsy toes to my room and she dive bombed on my bed. We were giggling like little girls when I showed her the diary.

“Damn, girl I can’t believe you still have it. Mine’s… Oh shit I don’t even remember where I put it.”

“Woah, you should look for it. That diary contains some incriminating evidence of your wild side.” We laughed at the same time.

“Shhh. We can’t be loud, Maximillian’s in the other room.”

“Alright, I’m just gonna randomly choose a page. We’ll both read it at the same time.” She says.

“September 10, 2000

It’s Nina’s birthday!!! We went to her “mansion” at the posh side of the metropolis. She’s really loaded. LOL. I was supposed to go with just Anna and Max but Anna’s not yet licensed so she’s not yet allowed to drive. So Chris picked us up. Max really hates Chris, but he loves me so he just sucks it up and pretends everything’s fine for my sake.

While the party’s in full swing, Chris asked me to go outside with him. The gates of Nina’s house were open so we were able to go outside. His friend Mark was sitting on his car’s open trunk and we went there to talk to him. Chris was drinking beer and talking to Mark when the song “Without You” by Charlie Wilson played inside Nina’s house.

He pulled me up and asked me to dance with him. It was weird because Mark was there, but then it turned out to be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. The message of the song stuck with me and I put my head on his chest, he hugged me and sang to the line “my sun doesn’t shine without you.” He looked into my eyes, and said that he’s so lucky his girl’s pretty. He even asked Mark – “Isn’t my girl pretty?” Mark smiled and said that I am, and winked at me…”

Anna shut the diary, “Why didn’t you date Mark again? I forget.”

I was still floating from the memory of me and Chris and that dance so I just shrugged, “He’s not my type.” Which was a lie, I probably would have gone out with Mark if it weren’t for Chris. Mark was reliable, and I kind of knew he liked me.

“Liar. He’s hot too, but you just fell for Chris first.” She stuck her tongue out to me.

“He’s just a friend, he’s Chris’ best friend.” Which in turn should have made him douchebag # 2 for helping out Chris in his womanizing and scheming ways, but he was a really sweet guy, he would give me a ride home when Chris couldn’t, would go out with me and my friends when Chris was unavailable.

“You do remember that time when Chris gave you and Mark his blessing right? Man, he’s such a douchebag. He didn’t even care if his best friend dated his ex-girlfriend.” This was true too, he did say that Mark liked me and that he’d be okay if we dated. Which I responded to with some really ugly crying coz I said he didn’t love me that he could do that; doing his normal routine, he made me believe that he was just concerned with me that’s why he wanted me to be happy even if it hurts him. Ugh.

“Okay, I can’t take any more of this Chris talk tonight. You still have to get up early tomorrow for your lunch. We should call it a night.”

“Yup, night sweetie.”

And then we spent an hour still talking then eventually fell asleep on the bed.


Sunday Noon

“You’re too thin, baby girl. Have you been eating?” Aunt May asks me.

“Yes Tita, I’m not underweight so stop worrying.” My aunts spoil me so bad. And it’s the same thing every week they inspect me from head to toe, checking what’s changed with me and what not. They fuss over me a lot – I guess it’s because their own kids are abroad and I’m the only “kid” here.

“You should eat more; you’re disappearing before my eyes.” She pouts.

“I’m fine Tita. I’ll get right on eating more, right now. Let’s go get some grub, eh?”

“The potatoes are perfectly cooked, Lil.” Aunt Emily says.

“Yes, I tried not to overcook it this time since you’re such a food expert.” Mom rolls her eyes.

“So, baby girl, have you met someone in your office party? I bet you turned heads in your dress.”

“Yes, the dress is so pretty.” Aunt Emily chimed.

“First of all, I’m 25 years old; I think Baby Girl should be reserved for when I meet my Mr. Right. Second, why am I the topic again? We seriously need to find some other people to invite every week, this is getting ridiculous.” I cross my arms and lean back on my chair.

“Aw, don’t pout Lexi. We worry about you is all.” Mom says while patting my hand. My Dad is a no show again, probably watching pay per view boxing with his pals.

“It’s just that we haven’t met anyone yet. You haven’t brought any guy home, I’m afraid you’ll end up like me.” Aunt Em never married, she always told me not to settle for someone just because I’m lonely, just because I need company. So yes, I guess that advice stuck.

“What’s wrong with being single though? I don’t get it. Aunt Em’s happy; I’m still young and still have a long way to go. I haven’t rushed anything ever so I’m not going to start now.” It feels like I’m being interrogated these past few days, it’s exhausting.

”Alright, alright. Let’s leave Baby Girl… I mean, Lexi alone. She’s right, she’s old enough to make her own decisions, and when she meets her Mr. Right, we’ll welcome him into our crazy lunches. For now we’ll just save him a seat, right Lexi?” Aunt Mary says.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Monday morning I sat feeling more confused than ever in my work station. I laid my forehead on my desk to let the blood flow through my face. I thought about Chris way too much this weekend, I mean if he’s married then thinking about him now would be wrong. I know I haven’t made sound decisions in the past but even I have morals, I would never get into a relationship with a married man. If he’s married, then Nina’s right, he’s off limits. Forever.

“Hungover?”

My head snaps up and I saw white spots. “Woah, head rush!” I laid my forehead against the desk again.

“Sorry, I just wanted to say good morning. But I don’t think you’ll appreciate that today.”

I tried to look at him again, slower this time. He’s grinning. He’s really good looking, there’s no denying that.

“Good Morning, Matt. How are you guys settling in so far?” Jack butts in.

“Good Morning, Sir. We’re doing well, we have everything we need. Thank you for arranging everything for us.” Matt shakes Jack’s hand.

“First, no need to call me ‘Sir’ and second, no need to thank me, Lexi here made sure everything’s set up for you guys.” Jack smirks at me. Of course, I had nothing to do with it, but I’ve made it a point to just go with what Jack says.

“Wow, thanks Lexi.” Matt grins.

“No problem.” I smile back.

“If you need anything, anything at all, let Lexi know. She’ll make sure it’s done.” Jack leaves for his office. Slightly annoyed at Jack’s “new assignment” I excused myself to go talk to him.

“Uhm, excuse me Matt, I need to talk to Jack for a few minutes.” I smile at Matt.

“Alright, see you around, Lexi.” I went to Jack’s office and shut the door.

“If you need anything, anything at all, let Lexi know. She’ll make sure it’s done?!” I mimic Jack.

“Verbatim! Now that’s impressive.” Jack says while sorting the pile of documents on his table.

“Boss, not that I’m complaining but I already have my hands full here, can you just assign them to someone else? I bet Jane would be happy to help them.” I huffed as I sat on his couch.

He looked at me and removed his glasses “I want to know what they want, what they request for, what they need, because I want to know what they do. They are my responsibility, which makes them your responsibility. I’m sorry but you’re the only one I trust with this.” Then he went back to his documents.

Jack rarely dismisses me like that so I knew he was probably not in a good mood to bicker. I went to back to my workstation after closing Jack’s door to give him privacy.

After an hour of making calls, emailing and making sure Jack’s schedule is free for his and his wife’s anniversary, I got an Instant Message from “BCLee”.

BCLee: “Hi Lexi.” 

What other people rare see is that I get annoyed when I’m disturbed during work, but it’s part of my job to be nice to people so I give.

ADRamos: “Hi Brian. Is there anything I can help you with?”

BCLee: “Nope, everything’s set. I just want to thank you for arranging everything for us.”

ADRamos: “No problem. Let me know what else you might need”

BCLee: “Actually, we just want to ask you out to lunch if that’s okay. Just to say thanks.” 

It didn’t escape my eye that he said “we” instead of “I”, so Matt probably had something to do with this impromptu lunch invite.

ADRamos: “That would be great, but I’m all set for lunch. My aunts and mom insisted I get a packed lunch since we had so much food yesterday.”
I clicked send without thinking I would look like a 7-year old getting a packed lunch from my family. Hmp. So much for trying to look cool.

BCLee: “Really? What’s on the menu?”

Nope, not gonna happen, buddy.

ADRamos: “Nothing special. ”
That ought to give him the idea.

BCLee: “Oh, okay. Maybe next time then.”

ADRamos: “Yup. Thanks for the invite anyway.”

After hours of slaving at my workstation, I finally get to have my well-deserved 1-hour lunch break. I walk over to the pantry to set up for lunch – no one’s there, big surprise. See, when you work in a huge building with a bunch of restaurants in and around it, good lunch is just a few walks away. Not today for me though, I’ll be on my lonesome eating lunch like the new/unpopular kid in Grade School.

After having lunch and around 15 minutes more to spare, I went to the restroom to brush my teeth and check my makeup, I’ve learned that being an Executive Assistant, though not a pre-requisite, people tend to expect you to always look your best. I went back to and get some more work done, when I found a packed sandwich on top of my desk with a note on it:

“Hope you had a good lunch, ours sucked. We’re not good in picking a place, hope you can help us next time. PS Here’s a sample. – Matt.”

I laughed and then felt bad for them, by the logo on the box I knew they ate at the least popular joint in this area. People rarely go there unless there are still places not fully booked for lunch. I still had a pack of Penne Bolognese pasta I was saving for later today, so I just took a post-it and scribbled a note in return:

“Sorry about lunch, I wasn’t able to warn you of Rocko’s infamous sandwiches. Here’s my peace offering. – Lexi”

I got Adrian, our janitor to bring the food to Matt’s floor.

I went back to work after 30 minutes got multiple messages on my IM:

BCLee: “Ohmygoooooodddd.”

MYSantos: “BEST. PASTA. EVER.”

BCLee: “What the heck did your momma put in here? Damn.”

MYSantos: “I wanna marry this pasta.”

BCLee: “It’s like heaven in my mouth.”

MYSantos: “I wanna have kids with this pasta.”

MYSantos: “Would it be possible to meet your mom so that I can hug her? ”

I was giggling so hard by the time they calmed down some.

ADRamos to BCLee and MYSantos: “My mom and aunts would probably be ecstatic if you’ll tell them you loved their cooking. And that’s only pasta. ”

MYSantos: “Seriously though, that’s some kick ass cooking. Brian's still scraping the bottom of the container with his fingers btw. ”

ADRamos: “Thanks. ”

MYSantos: “Is there any chance you’ve inherited those skills?”

Err.. I wish.

ADRamos: “Not in the slightest.”

MYSantos: “Don’t feel bad, I think God really is fair. I mean, you can’t have it all. When you’re pretty and smart, it’s alright not to be able to cook. ”

His friendly tone took on a more flirtatious one.

ADRamos: “So what’s your flaw then?”

This is a very dangerous game, Lexi.

MYSantos: “Oh man, too many to count unfortunately.”

ADRamos: “Wow. So are you saying you have too many good traits to balance things out? ”

MYSantos: “Not in the slightest”

ADRamos: “”

MYSantos: “So… about that night… Is it too soon to ask you out again? I don’t want to freak you out. I’m not impatient or anything.”

He’s blabbering again; it’s flattering he gets nervous in asking a girl out.

ADRamos: “I’m quite busy this week.”

MYSantos: “Oh, okay.”

C’mon Lexi, you’re 25. You’re going home later thinking of your damn ex again, you need this. You deserve this.

ADRamos: “But I’m free on Friday, if you want.”

A few seconds later...

MYSantos: “Friday’s perfect. ”



Still working on Chapter 7

 

[trinitysix]

Nice story ituloy lang po natin ito yohohoh maraming salamat po rito....

 

[sakura07]

Nice story ituloy lang po natin ito yohohoh maraming salamat po rito....

Wee! Saya naman may nagbabasa talaga. Salamat.

- - - Updated - - -

The Seventh (Heaven)

Friday was “Dress Down” day, four days a week we wear corporate clothing so Fridays are my favorite, and I can wear jeans with my favorite v-neck tee and just dress it up with a nice jacket/blazer. This Friday though I couldn’t decide on what to wear, I woke up an extra hour earlier just to choose from my closet. Yup, I’m a ball of nerves following my agreement to go out with Matt.

After 30 minutes of ransacking my closet for the perfect “i-am-stylish-but-i-didn’t-spend-an-hour-putting-up-my-outfit” outfit, I gave up and called Nina.

“Loose white backless top, jean jacket for the office, denim ankle length skinny jeans and White Zara pumps. Don’t forget to accessorize.”

“You’re a savior” I breathe.

“You’re nervous.” I can hear the smirk in her tone.

“I lack practice.” I sigh

“You’re gonna be fine. Oooh, don’t forget your mustard Steve Madden Hobo tote. It’ll go perfect with your gold jewelry.”

“Yup. Thanks.”

Of course, Nina’s right. I got quite a few compliments on my outfit, but none of them registered. I just kept looking at my watch. Matt and I pretty much talked every day; he’d message me, text or call. Never during work hours though, he’s very busy. But on Friday, he didn’t so much as give me a “Good Morning”.

I was photo copying Jack’s documents when the clock stroke 5pm. I gulped. I went back to my workstation in wobbly knees, fixed my documents and went to Jack’s office.

“I’m heading out, Jack. Is there anything else you need?”

Jack looks up and does a double take; he hasn’t seen me yet today.

“Wow. You’re all dressed up, got a hot date?” He raises his eyebrows at me.

“If you must know, yes. I am going out today.” No use lying to him.

“Where’s Matt bringing you?” I knew he knew it.

“I don’t know yet, so I didn’t really know what to wear.” I confess.

“Well, you look great.”

I took that as a dismissal so I was about to leave when he said “You got my number, call me if gets touchy.” I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed.
I was so not going to wait for Matt to text or call me so I just left, I was in front of the elevator, heart pounding. What if he stands me up? Dammit if I let that happen, I’m just going straight home, or ask my friends out – no, they’ll know I got stood up – not the first time though.
I was still lost in my thoughts when the elevator dinged. The doors opened, and there he was, my date. Slightly slack jawed looking up from his phone.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

We stood there for a moment, and then he stopped the elevator doors from closing still looking at me. I just mumbled my thanks and got in.

“Um, you look great.”

“Thanks” I was rummaging through my bag trying to locate my phone, trying everything not to stare at him. He looked extra good today, wearing washed out, distressed jeans, a gray v-neck tshirt (not tight enough to show his biceps, or look gay) and white and brown Onitsuka Tiger sneakers.

When I finally located my phone I saw I had four missed calls, all from him.

“I’m not possessive or a stalker, just to clarify. I tried to call you around 5pm and you didn’t pick up so I tried again. I didn’t realize it was 5 already, it was a pretty busy day.”

I laughed a bit.

“It’s no problem.”

We were looking at each other from our reflections on the steel walls of the elevator. We didn’t break eye contact until we reached the 10th floor and the doors opened. We moved back as the throng of people got in, Matt moved closer to me. We were standing side by side, our backs to the wall; my right hand gripping the straps on my bag like it was my life line, Matt’s hands deep into jeans pockets. People were chatting relentlessly inside the small space; the numbers on the display was seemingly on slow motion prolonging my nervousness in being this close to Matt. I thought the attraction we had for each other was electric, then he moved slightly turning his head bringing his lips close to my ear, and whispered:

“I think…






I just farted.”

I burst into an unladylike laugh, earning a few judgmental stares from the passengers. I tried to clamp my mouth shut but the laughs kept on coming, I was embarrassed that I couldn’t stop so I turned my head to Matt’s direction and he put his arm around me to shield my red face from the prying eyes. I leaned my forehead on his chest and he held me close resting his chin on the top of my head, laughing with me.

BEST. ELEVATOR. RIDE. EVER.

We got off the elevator, more comfortable than a few minutes ago.

“So where are we going?” I looked up at him.

“I was actually just thinking a movie and dinner after?” He was sheepish.

“That sounds great.” I smiled up at him. He’s picked the perfect date for a low-maintenance girl like me. I’m a cheap date; I’m all about the company.

We got in his Silver Honda Civic, I couldn’t remember if this was the same car he brought during the Vue party, but it was a great looking car. Not new and not a new model either, but well taken care of. It looked pimped up, but not overly so.

“Nice car.”

“Thanks, Sylvester appreciates it.” He smiled.

“Sylvester?”

“The car.”

“I thought all cars’ got women’s names?”

“Not this one, since it was given to me by my Ma. So he’s a dude.” He shrugs.

“Well, Sylvester, guy or girl, you look great.” I patted his dashboard.

He smiled at me, “So, movie first?”

“Yup.”

He beamed when I picked a Sci-Fi/Spy movie; he probably thought I was a girly-girl and ask him to watch a sappy Rom-Com with me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some sappy crap, but I’d never watch it with someone who would probably ruin the moment for me. Coz I cry, a lot during romance movies, better watch those with my Girl Friends.

It was his turn at the counter to buy our tickets; I was behind him a few steps back not blocking the line for anyone who wanted to get theirs. He was talking to the cashier when the girl giggled; he looked behind him right at me and was pointing his thumb. The girl looked at me and shook her head, he was explaining something but the girl shook her head again and blushed.

Seriously? Flirting with the cashier with his date right here? I should’ve known this guy was too good to be true. Damn it.

He got the tickets and walked over to me, putting his wallet back in his back pocket and frowning.

“What was that about?” I couldn’t get the irritation out of my voice.

We were walking over the snack bar when he said: “I was just asking the girl if she could just sell me one ticket.”


What the…


“I explained to her that you get scared of movies like that and that you would probably need to sit on my lap to be able to get through it.” He snorted on the last word.

…

He saw my surprise and then he turned red.

“I didn’t mean… Shit, I was being stupid. I didn’t mean to offend you; I’m not suggesting you sit on my lap. I bought 2 tickets, see?”

Then I burst out laughing. Was it offensive? Maybe. But it was so elaborate that I couldn’t help but laugh at his stupidity.

He breathed a sigh of relief and held my hand. “Sorry, I just thought… I love your laugh; I just wanted to hear it again.” He smiled at me.

“You’re an idiot.” I smirked.

“You’re beautiful”

I stopped laughing and couldn’t help the blush that crept to my cheeks.

We bought snacks, popcorn for him and plain M&M’s for me. Though he would often steal some of my M&M’s, I didn’t want the popcorn though; I didn’t want risking my white top with bits of powdered cheese. When I was done with my M&M’, he was done with his popcorn he was about to suck the cheese off his fingers when I stopped him.

“Aw. That’s the best part.” He pouted.

I sprayed his hands with alcohol and got the cheese bits with tissue. I just wanted to make sure he didn’t look like a 6-year old with orange fingers. I was concentrating on cleaning his hands when his right hand moved with mine making those small circles on my hand again.
I looked up and he wasn’t paying attention to the movie anymore, he was looking down on our hands. My heart rate skyrocketed again and my hands trembled from his touch.

“All done.” I chimed. I put the alcohol back in my bag and leaned back to my chair. I started a bit when I felt his arms already there at the back of my seat. I settled down and he whispered: “Is this okay?”

“Okay.” I whispered and got comfortable in his warm arms.

This movie theatre had love seats, you only need to move the armrest and voila! You’re like lounging on your living room sofa. Which we made use of after his arm went dead from me resting my head on it.

“My head’s heavy.” I pout.

“No it’s not, the angle’s just not right. Wait a sec.” He moved his arm and removed the arm rest, his arm went around my waist his hand landing on my hip. Oh Shit.

“Is this okay?”

My throat all of a sudden became very dry so I just nodded. He was very smooth; he didn’t seem disrespectful and would probably remove his hands and sit 1 seat apart from me if I asked. But I didn’t. I wanted him close. I just realized how I missed being this close to someone and being held like this. It feels good, just what I think I need to get over Chris and get on with my life.

We had dinner at a corner bistro, sat at one of the more private booths, laughed and ate. Really ate. Thank God for Nina for suggesting this loose top or else I would look like I swallowed whole a life-sized muffin. He held my hand as we walked to his car, held my hand as he drove. Chris still screaming “I did that!” in my head, me trying to just enjoy the moment and dismiss him completely.

Matt parked in front of my Condo building not going to stay in the car this time he said. Walked me up to my apartment which is at the 7th floor, since I didn’t want anything higher than I could run from in case of an earthquake (paranoid, yes). Walked me up to my door, still hand in hand, stopped in front of it, and he turned to look at me.

“I had fun tonight.” Cliché as it was, I had nothing better so I went with it.

“Me too.” He said while tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

He leans in, and this is it. The part I was waiting for and dreading the whole night. He smelled like musk and soap but good, like he just showered, I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips, his thick pink bottom lip and when his breath warm on my face, our lips inches apart and then…

My door bursts open.



“Surprise, Baby Girl!”

Aunt Em, Aunt Mary and Mom stood at the door looking from me to Matt grinning from ear to ear.

I almost fainted.


Chapter 8 to be posted tomorrow!

 

[sakura07]

The Eighth

What I thought would be a disaster, turned out to be a blessing. They loved Matt. Of course, they still bombarded him with questions, after all they were about to see us make out, their Baby Girl, making out with a boy – they had to find out if he was worthy. He answered question after question after question, he never got tired. He never seemed impatient. He liked that I was being protected by three amazing women. This warmed my heart.

I did not realize how fun it would be to see a guy I was dating, laughing and talking with the some of the most important people in my life. (Of course my friends would be another hurdle)

This is what I didn’t have with Chris, I never asked him. He never offered. He didn’t ask me to meet his parents either. I didn’t care at the time. Though in hindsight I knew it was a sign he never really loved me.

Matt seemed to genuinely like talking to my mom and aunts, he would glance at me once in a while but kept his eyes locked on my aunts and mom when he spoke. He was sincere and kind.

And in those few hours I learned about him more than I did. He’s the youngest and only son; he’s got an elder sister who now lives in the States with his parents. He lives alone, but their family home is in the care of his aunts and his grandma and grandpa who he visits every weekend. He graduated with a degree of Computer Engineering and has been working for about 5 years; he’s a year older than me. He’s a star wars and overall Manga geek.

My mom had this huge smile on her face, and I can imagine her planning our wedding in her head. Moms (insert eye roll here).

I had an overwhelming sense of contentment; I then decided Matt was going to be a big part of my life from then on.

It’s been three weeks since Matt and I first went out, the “almost kiss” at my door hasn’t had a repeat performance yet. I guess we both internally agreed to take things slow; we try to separate our work from our relationship. He’d still have lunch with the IT guys dragging me along once or twice, me still working as hard as I do getting little distractions from Matt when he texts or leaves notes at my desk. But during office hours, we keep it professional.

After work though he waits for me at the building lobby and brings me home, we have dates on weekends, dinner on weekdays and he drives me home every day. Once we started holding hands though we never stopped, we always, always held hands. Like I needed the physical touch from him whenever he was around. The farthest we've gone was a kiss on the cheek, he never asked for anything more I didn't feel like he needed to. We were happy just being this, spending time together was enough - for now.

It was great, the start of a relationship where there was nothing but giddy happiness and excitement. Every touch was electric and every word sweetly spoken. It was Friday again and we decided to go out with my friends, the part I’m most scared of – they would see what I fail to - that he was an ass.

You know when your friends are good for you when they point out the nasty things they see in your date or partner or boyfriend, they shatter the illusion your brain has concocted making your partner “perfect” in your eyes. You get that “New Relationship Tunnel Vision”. This is what I’m scared to acknowledge, that Matt is not perfect for me. That he’s a Chris #2.

“So, you’re nervous because you think your friends won’t like me?” Matt asks as we walk to the restaurant Nina invited us to. Apparently, it’s his boyfriend’s new investment.

“No, of course not. They’ll love you.” I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. Though my hands all clammy from my nerves. He just shoots me a toothy grin.

“Alexa Love!!!” Nina’s mom comes over and gives me a one armed hug with her champagne flute in one hand. Gives both of my cheeks air kisses and gestures with a big wave of her hand. “So, what do you think? Nina’s picked a good apple hasn’t she?” She proudly said.

“Oh yes, Mrs. Roberts, she definitely did.” I smile at her.

“I could only hope you and your friend Anna can find someone as good as Robbie.” She tsks and shakes her head – What I realized was a sign of sympathy to us “normal” folk.

I grip Matt’s hand and brought him closer to me, he masked a chuckle with a fake cough. “Mrs. Roberts, this is my date, Matt.”

She gave Matt a once over, then Matt with all seriousness asked for Mrs. Roberts’ hand and kissed her knuckles. I forced my snort down.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Roberts.” Matt gave his full, mega-watt smile.

She almost swooned, “Well hello, Matthew. Please come in and have fun, this is a night of celebration.” She’s such a cheese ball. I tried hard not to roll my eyes.

“Thank you.” Matt said to her as we made our way into the busy restaurant.

“Let me just say this again, since it warrants a repeat: you look amazing tonight.” I was walking in front of him, giving him a full view of my back. The dress was a flirty one, shimmering sequins, colors like peacock feathers, full long sleeves, showing a lot of leg and a lot of back.

I looked back at him over my shoulder and gave a flirty wink “Thanks.”

He grinned, shook his head, leaned in and kissed my temple.

We bee lined for my friends’ booth when I saw them, I gave a nervous wave and saw Max’s eyes squint to take a good look at Matt who’s walking beside me. Anna saw us then and gave thumbs up, where I bet Matt had seen because he chuckled beside me.

“Hi Guys!” I let go of Matt’s hand and both gave them bear hugs. “Sorry we’re late, got stuck in the office.” I went back to Matt’s side and held his hand.

“Matt, these are my best friends – Anna and Max.”

Matt gave their hands a firm shake and said “Hi.”

We all settled in the booth which was located near the big stage in the middle, where a pianist and a string quartet were playing. A spiral chandelier was hanging in the middle of the room the bar at the back of the room where crystal glasses hung overhead. It was breathtaking.

Nina came dragging Robbie along, who was blushing from alcohol – I think, and gave us all a full smile. “Glad you guys could make it.”

“This place is wonderful, good job Robbie.” I said.

“Babe’s got a good eye; she saw this old place and said it had potential, so I went with it.” He smiles lovingly at Nina.

“He’s the brains of the business though, he’s a genius.” Nina gushed. I think Robbie’s it for her.

“Anyway, I see there’s a band playing. Care to grace us with a sample performance oh great performer?” Anna smirks at me as I choked on my water.

“Uh, no. Hell no. This is not a KTV joint, not happening, Anna.” I said in between coughs.

“You play?” Matt asks, impressed.

“She plays, sings, dances, and anything you can think of. Not only is she the smartest of us, she’s also the most talented.” Anna said.

“I object to that. I am the TALENT in the group.” Max butts in.

“NO. You’re the prettiest – it’s okay, I concede. But there’s no doubt Lexi here’s the gifted one. I am the heart and balls of this group.” Anna laughs.

“I accept that, but still NO. This is a full house Anna; I don’t think they’d want to listen to a nobody like me.”

“Wait, what about me?” Nina interjects

“You’re the sophisticated money bag.” Anna responds.

“Fine. As long as there’s ‘sophisticated’ in that description, I’m okay with it.” Nina smiles as she squeezes in the booth closing the space between Matt and me.

“You didn’t tell me you could sing.” Matt whispers in my ear.

I put my lips close to his ear and said: “I was waiting for an opportunity like this to blow you away.” Then I wiggled my eyebrows at him for effect. He laughed.

“Seriously though, it’s a good idea Lex, would you please give us just one song?” Robbie asked.

Shit, it would be rude to turn Robbie down; it’s his restaurant opening after all. I needed a drink.

“Maybe later, Robbie, I’ll think about it.” I gave him a smile.

I was actually hoping Robbie will forget about it, so we just enjoyed the food and the free flowing drinks, I could tell Anna liked Matt right of the bat, so no problems there. Max was a different story though, it’s like he listed a set of questions in his head and rushed to get them out in the efforts to rattle Matt. I kicked his shin under the table to no avail. And Matt didn’t back down either, and boy did that impress me.

After a while the tension in the air definitely became lighter, Max finally giving up on the interrogation, putting up his hands in defeat and said: “FINE!!! I give up! This guy is impossible.”

Matt put his arm around me and grinned triumphantly.

I was feeling a little more comfortable after downing a couple of shots then going back to my responsible ways and nursed my bottled water. I decided if I had to do it, I didn’t want to slur on stage. See when Anna said she was the heart and balls of our group, she left out “persistent”. Yes, I gave in and was about to sing in front of a room full of people and after a while of scouting the tables I found out I don’t know anyone in here (except for my friends) so that made the decision easier.

“Okay, stop stalling young lady. It’s time!” Anna shouts.

“Geez, stop yelling at me.” I was a bit inebriated, just enough to lose my stage fright. I stood up, Robbie waiting for me outside the booth, hand extended.

Anna handed me another shot, so I took it. Ugh. That tasted awful.

Do you remember doing really stupid things when you’re under the influence of alcohol? You lose a little of your self control and say/do whatever that pops into your head. Well, I did just that.

I was about to leave the booth, but then had a brilliant (NOT) idea, I turned leaned into Matt and said, “This is for you, babe.” Then kissed him. FULL. ON. THE. LIPS.

A one second kiss, but still enough to make me feel like an idiot. One second that when my foggy brain caught up with me, it was too late. I pulled away realizing what I’ve done and just when I was about to apologize I was pulled from behind by Robbie saying: “Making out can wait, right now I need you on stage.”

I was so flustered I just nodded and didn’t look back at Matt to check his reaction. Oh gawd! I’m such an idiot! I wish I could take it back. I wanted our first kiss not to be just special but RIGHT. And this was anything BUT, I was inebriated and called him “babe” for the first time. When I have grandchildren I’m going to tell my grandkids that “Your grampa and I first kissed when I was drunk and I’m pretty sure I had dragon breath…” What an inspiration I am.

But there’s nothing I could do about that now, so I just put on my big girl panties and shook it off. We were already at the side of the stage and I already knew what I wanted to sing, it was a classy place and it needed a classy song. Something I could sing in my sleep, a song I would dedicate to my future husband. A song I never have sung in public before.

I spoke to the pianist and told him my song – Amel Larrieux’s “Make Me Whole”.

When the last note of the last song was done, I had my introduction. Then my nerves kicked in.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s a great honor to introduce to you my dear friend and the best friend of my girl Nina, Ms. Alexa Ramos.”

Robbie held my hand and assisted me as I got up the stage, I stood on the middle of it, held the mic, gave the pianist a little nod to let him know I was ready and listened to the pianist as he played the introduction and on cue, I started.

Like every song I’ve sung, I sang my heart out, giving my emotions to the lyrics, caressing the words as they left my mouth. Focusing on my feelings and how the lyrics affect me. This particular song is one of my favorites; it gave me hope that someday I’ll find that one who will be the one to put my broken soul back together. The yin to my yang. Make me feel whole. Complete.

I made it through the song without so much as opening my eyes; I didn’t even realize I was at the end when the pianist slowed down and gave me my cue to start the final part A Cappella.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Matt. The awe in his eyes, his shallow breathing, his triumphant smile and the love he didn’t need to articulate. And in this little space I knew I couldn’t finish the song with my eyes locked on his, so I closed my eyes again.

“Your eyes are the windows to heaven

Your smile could heal a million souls

Your love completes my existence

You’re the other half that makes me whole

You’re the only other half that makes me whole.”

When I finally opened my eyes, the place erupted into applause. There were even screams and whistles, no doubt coming from Max and Anna.

I smiled, my eyes brimming with tears from the emotions in the song. I took a small bow and gave the pianist a kiss on his cheek.

Walked over to our booth where Matt stood his whole demeanor changing, like he couldn’t wait to take me in his arms. Which he did, the second I was close enough. He hugged me with fervor and kissed my temple. “You’re amazing.”

I returned his hug a little tighter and smiled back at him. “Thanks.”

He hugged me again and said in a rush, like he couldn’t get it out fast enough: “Is it… okay for me to already love you? I mean, we just met but I can’t help it but I think I do.”

He pulled away from me to look me in the eye. “Is that okay?”

Those three words I thought I’d never say again I wanted to scream at him. I did. Love him. But a light touch to my arm made me turn around abruptly; my eyes meeting the eyes of someone I thought I’d never see again. My name spoken with a smile on his lips: “Lexi”

I felt like the earth I stood solidly on crumbled, I felt weak. My heart rate picking up as I stared at his face, I shook off the feeling and spoke to him for the first time in three years.



“Chris?”


Chapter 9 to be posted tomorrow.

I also attached a link to the Amel Larrieux song below, for those who don't know it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_Ykh9Xu00

- - - Updated - - -

Something's going on.. Can't post Chapter 8. Bakit ganun?

 

[sakura07]

The Ninth

I was still too stunned to speak, so as usual, Max comes to my rescue. “Well hello there, Chris. I don’t think I have you in the “list” (he made air quotes, seriously),” clapping his hands together for effect he asked: “may I know who invited you?” Probably so he can wring their neck.

“Paul did, he actually invited Mark and Mark’s plus one couldn’t make it so here I am.” He smiled his dimpled smile at Max. Paul’s Robbie’s neighbor, I didn’t know he knew Chris. Oh, that Paul’s a dead man.

I stood there looking at him when I felt Matt’s tug at my hand. He had a confused look on his face. I had to do something, this is my Matt. This is the guy you’re with, Lexi, you’re in love with him for crying out loud! Don’t screw this up.

I finally found my voice, schooled my features and spoke to Chris. “Uhm, Chris this is Matt, Matt, Chris.” I gestured with my slightly trembling hand.

Matt was polite, though I know he knew Chris wasn’t just a friend. He shook Chris’ hand and smiled. When he let go of Chris’ hand his hand went around my lower back and fell on my hip. He squeezed a bit, which made me lean on him more.

I hated myself for feeling like I didn’t want Matt to touch me, but hated myself even more for thinking that. It felt good though when Chris’ eyes followed Matt’s possessive hand on me. My brain and heart’s fucked up – I blame Chris.

And it was like years didn’t do much to Chris’ good looks, no bags under his eyes, his skin’s still smooth and fair. His eyes still expressive and shows his Chinese heritage and tall and lean. Yup, I was staring.

“Excuse me boys, I need to steal a few moment of Lexi’s time. Gotta go to the loo!” Anna sings.

I’ve never been more grateful for Anna than in that moment, I was ashamed I couldn’t look at Matt. I hated this. Hated Chris still affected me the way he did. I had a fantasy of meeting him again, not feeling a thing and being cool and collected. This was a nightmare. I stared at him, like a lovesick puppy. Like I was years ago. Fucking idiot.

“Woah there, sweetie. Calm the fuck down. You’re scaring me.” Anna said when we were finally inside the empty restroom.

Wait… “Did I say that out loud?” My eyes were bulging out of their sockets. It hurt my brain.

“Yes, okay the whole fantasy on meeting Chris again, that’s okay. That’s normal, we’ve all had those.” She cooed.

“So I cussed, like for real?” I huffed.

“Yeah you did. It was awesome.” She smiled.

I put my palms on my forehead to relive the pain taking root in there. “Hey, sweetie, you’ll be okay. Matt’s a great guy, and remember, Chris is MARRIED.”

That made me look up, the realization creeping in.

“MARRIED.” She enunciated.

“Say it with me, sweetie. MARRIED.” She said while holding both my cheeks.

It made me look like a fish: “MORROID”

“Again...”

“MORROID”

“I don’t understand you.” She says.

I slapped her hand away and yelled “MARRIED!” Yes! I finally get it. This was a sign, that I needed to fucking move on. No matter he looks very much NOT married, in reality HE WAS.

“That’s my girl.” She pats my ass as we went out of the restroom. I shouldn’t worry, I’m with Matt and Chris is married. Married. Off limits, Lexi. No longer your problem but his wife’s.

We went back to the table where I was hoping to make that moment of “Crazy Lexi” up to Matt. But he wasn’t there. I asked Max but he said Matt just up and left, without saying anything to him. I checked my phone but he didn’t text or call. I needed to find him.

I went to the bar, and looked around the restaurant. My eyes landed on Chris talking to Robbie and a very upset-looking Nina. No Matt.

I picked up my jacket and went outside; I’ll try to call him there where it’s quieter. When I stepped outside, I saw him out in the parking lot, back turned, leaning on his car door. He had his arms crossed on his chest, chin up like he was looking at the sky. I took careful, tentative steps towards him, my heels slapping on the pavement.
When I got in front of his car, I didn’t know what to say. I felt like a jerk for what I did. I just sighed, moved around the car and leaned on his car beside him. He had his eyes closed.

He didn’t look to me when he spoke.

“What happened back there, Lexi?”

I didn’t know what to say so I just kept quiet. Let him talk a bit.

“Who was that?”

He then leaned his shoulder on the car and faced me. “I mean, I thought we had something. What happened? It’s like a switch was turned and you changed. I...”
I shook my head. “HAVE.” I murmured.

He opened his eyes. “What?” His hair was whipping on his face; I had the urge to weave my hands through it, but touching maybe a bit too much for him, for either of us at this point.

“You said, you thought we HAD something. I want to rephrase that: We HAVE something.”

He dragged his hand through his hair. “I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? Who was that?”

This was it, the dreaded ex talk. We haven’t had one yet so I guess this is a good time as any.

“Mind if we talked inside your car? It’s freezing out here.”

He got his keys, unlocked the car and guided me to the backseat. He followed me inside and cracked open the windows a bit. “So?” he asked.

I sat facing the front, not looking him in the eyes, sighed and confessed who Chris was. Everything I ever told my friends, I told Matt. I wanted him to know everything, all the things I did for Chris, everything Chris did to me and that he was my first real love. I didn’t want to justify my earlier actions so after my story I just sat there and waited for him to say something.

“Lexi, look at me.” He touched my chin so that I’ll face him. My face marred with tears I didn’t even knew I shed. He wiped at them with his thumbs. He sighed.
“I will wait for you. Until you feel like you can love again.”

I sat straight up, touched his face with both hands and told him while looking deep in his eyes. “I love you, Matt. These tears are just from memories; I don’t feel for him anymore. It’s just you.” I willed him to look at me and believe my words. So maybe I can believe them myself.

He kissed my forehead and said: “I don’t want to share you, any part of you with anyone else. And you might object but at this point, I don’t think you’re there yet. You still have some feelings for him.”

I shook my head and fresh tears came streaming down my cheeks.

“No, no, I’m not saying we can’t be together. But I just want you to know I will wait. I’d wait four more years if I have to. I love you, Lexi. I don’t need you to love me back, not yet anyway. This is enough for me for now.” He gave me a loving smile.

I sniffed and he hugged me, took away all the doubts I had in me. I didn’t deserve him but I needed him like I needed air. He was wrong and right, I loved him but I still had some feelings for Chris.

I didn’t want to go back to the party so we just left, I texted Max, Anna and Nina my thanks and told them Matt and I will just call it a night. Anna texted back that Nina threw a fit and almost socked Paul for inviting Chris. I snorted – that would be the day, Nina punching someone.

When we got to the parking lot of my condo, I didn’t want to go in and had a wild idea. “I want to see your place.”

Matt gulped. Looked at the short hem of my dress showing most of my legs. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He shook his head.

“Why not?” I teased.

“First of all, I had a drink or two when we were at the restaurant. Second, and third and fourth, THAT DRESS.”

I did an elaborate pout, “What’s wrong with my dress?” I tried to look cute but what I probably look like is a raccoon in a shiny dress.

“That dress is pretty. You look gorgeous in that dress. Your legs look like they could go for miles in that dress. But it’s…”

“It’s what?”

“Uhm… Easy access?” He blushed.

I giggled. “Oh.” And tried to pull the hem closer to my knees.

“Don’t do that.” He said. Holding my hands steady.

“But I thought you said…”

“I can control myself in a public place; I would not disrespect you in my car. But you in that dress, in my place…” he shook his head. “It’s a dangerous combination, Lexi. I’m only human after all.”

His honesty that I can make him lose control like that was just about the sexiest thing he’s said to me. And I wanted it more, more than I ever thought I could. I was bad. But I won’t do it, not this early in our relationship, not after what happened earlier.

“Okay, I still don’t want to go home though. Thoughts?”

“I have an idea.” He smiled and revved the engine.

It was around 11:50PM when we got to our destination, it was a theme park in Sta. Rosa, a good 45-minute drive from my place. We got there just in time, he opened his sky roof and I took my heels off and climbed up. He put his hand on my leg and stopped me; he possibly had a pretty good view of my panties coz I heard him cough. I totally forgot I was wearing a short skirt. He climbed up first and helped me up and we sat on the roof of his car.

He took his jacket off and used it to cover my exposed legs. I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell him I loved him then again, but stopped. He said he would wait, and I would keep my promise. I would stop thinking about Chris. When the time comes I felt absolutely nothing for Chris, I will give myself fully to Matt. To show him I’m worth the wait. That I’m worth loving and that I’m completely his.

“There are lots of starts out tonight.” He looked up.

“Yeah.” I stared at his face.

“You’re not looking.” He teased.

“Oops.” I teased back.

He grabbed my cheeks and turned it so I can see the stars. They were beautiful.

He entwined his fingers with mine. I love his warmth.

“So what do we do now?”

“Now, we wait.” He let go of my hand and put his arms around me. Kissed my temple, then the song began. The theme song of the park played and with it fireworks erupted in the sky, so close I felt like I could touch it. I stared at its magnificence when I felt Matt shift beside me, he looked at me, put his hands on both my cheeks, smiled and said:

“For future reference, I declare this our real first kiss.”

And kissed me RIGHT.


Chapter 10 tomorrow.

 

[sakura07]

Re: Work in progress - My first story (pls be kind) - Updated: Chapter 10

The Tenth

Early on I always thought that although not all are the same but in general, relationships require hard work. In my relationship with Chris I always felt like I had to struggle daily to keep him with me, to keep him happy. That I needed to be on my toes all the time to make sure he’s satisfied. I thought I had to sacrifice my own happiness for his, that his needs came first.

Now though I realize that there are relationships that lift you up, and not constantly drag you down. After Chris I thought every relationship had to be the kind you work hard for, the kind you cry over, but that notion was shattered when Matt came along. He made me believe that things could be good, without consequence.

Being with Matt came naturally I didn’t have to think too much about it. It wasn’t awkward or forced, it just WAS.

The weeks went by without any problems; we were like how we were before, just a bit more open. We’d have a normal day in the office he’s minding his own business and I do the same, after office hours we’re inseparable. He finally came up to my apartment after two weeks of dating and we made out like a bunch of kids. He’d stay over and we’d watch movies, cuddle and make out some more. It was great.

Chris was far from my mind then, my time and heart were occupied by Matt. For the most part, the past between Chris and I became just like what happened with the diary, abandoned and forgotten.

It was a usual Saturday, I woke up early and did a morning run at the gym – I felt like I had to get rid of some of my love handles since someone is ACTUALLY handling them (wink). Getting back to the condo before lunch and looking for something to eat, I just realized I don’t live with my parents anymore, because there was nothing there for me to eat.

I couldn’t ask Matt out to lunch coz I’m pretty sure he’s with his Gramps at this time. I just went ahead and got lunch by myself. Having lunch alone is sad, like “sorry for myself” sad so I decided to just get takeout food and eat in the condo where lunch alone would be more bearable.

The mall was a few blocks away from where I live so I just walked the way home. I know there are a lot of creepers in the City, perverts can strike in the light of day so when I saw in my peripherals that there was someone trailing beside me in his car I didn’t acknowledge it and walked a bit faster. Then I heard my name.

“Lexi?” I stopped and looked. Insert jaw drop # 2 here.

“Chris?” De-ja-fucking-vu all over again.

He was wearing sunglasses and just sort of yelled over his window “Hey, where are you going?”

I was contemplating making a run for it, but saner thoughts prevailed, “On my way home, just grabbed some lunch.”

I walked again to get rid of him, but the bastard won’t let me, “Oh, let me give you a ride home.” He smiled.

“It’s fine; it’s not that far anyway. Thanks.” I attempted to walk away again but was rooted in place when he just closed his windows, moved a few feet away from me and parked his car.

“I’ll walk with you then.” He was wearing khaki shorts and a plain white shirt and sneakers.

“That’s stupid.” I blurted out.

He removed his sunglasses, “Why?”

“You can’t leave your car here, it’ll get towed.”

“That’s fine. But… If you want to help me NOT get my car towed, you can just let me give you a ride instead of us walking.” He gave me hit mega-watt smile. Bastard, cute, but still a bastard.

I sighed, “Fine.” It’s funny though, the butterflies I felt I think was mostly because he was married, there was no weird “attraction” on my part anyway. Not that I think he likes me anymore, but.. you know.

“Nice car.” I said once I was inside.

“Thanks.” He grinned at me.

“So, how have you been? We weren’t able to talk much last time I saw you.” He said.

I just kept my eyes forward just to not get distracted by his handsome face; I swear he’s better looking now than he was before. Good thing I’m committed and he’s married.

“I’m good.” I simply said. It’s very impolite not to ask so I did. “You? How you been?”

He just shrugged and said, “Same old.”

Yeah, I bet.

I told him to turn to my apartment complex, “Wow, nice place Lexi. You’re living alone now or with your boyfriend?”

“Nope, just me.” I was about to open my car door when he held my arm, “So I was right? He IS your boyfriend?”

I looked over to him and smiled, “Matt? Yes.”

He smile disappeared and he deflated, “Oh.” I was so stunned that I did the most horrible thing anyone can ever do in this situation. I laughed my ass off.
I almost dropped the paper bags on the car floor by laughing too hard. Then I just looked at him still trying to catch my breath, he was serious. “Are you serious? What the heck are you looking so sad for?” I asked him getting a bit worked up now.

“Well, it’s just… I’ve always been with you, Lex. We were together for a long time, I just… It was difficult seeing you with someone else.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I feel… jealous.” Holy shit on a stick.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled.

“What are you yelling at me for?” He yelled back.

“Oh my God, you’re impossible!” I tried to keep it in and kept my cool but it was just too much, he was hitting on me? He was freaking married. He would think so low of me that I’d do that? Fuck this.

“You and I have been over for years now Chris. You don’t have the right to be jealous of Matt or anyone! You lost that right when you ripped my heart. You used me! And I’m stupid enough to let you do that for almost two years! I endured everything for you; I let you cheat on YOUR GIRLFRIEND with me for so long. I lied to my parents for you. I know you never VERBALLY asked for anything I ever gave, but you knew. You knew how much I loved you and how crazy I was to actually do those things for you. You used that, you used my love for your benefit. You could’ve just done the most decent thing and let me go, but you didn’t. You were selfish. You are still selfish now.”

He was stunned into silence but I didn’t back down.

“I’ve learned to forgive you and I also learned to forgive myself coz Lord knows I owed myself a lot of apologies too. You need to stop doing this to me, you needed to stop before but now there’s more reasons for you to stop, and you have a family now. It’s different… You need to change, if not for yourself, change for your wife, your kids…”

He put his hands up to stop me from talking. “Woah, woah , woahhh… WIFE? I’m not married and I don’t have kids, Lexi.”

Now it was my turn to be stunned.

“Who told you I was married? Do you really think I would tell you my feelings if I was married? Do you think I’m capable of that?”

See, once the floodgates opened I couldn’t stop them. “Well I just thought ‘cheating boyfriend’ wasn’t a long leap from ‘cheating husband’” Then I clamped a hand on my mouth for my callousness.

He sighed, “I guess I deserved that.” Then he looked at me, “And I deserved all the things you said earlier.” He leaned his arm on the steering wheel and angled his whole body to me. “Why didn’t you tell me all of those things before? You never said anything to me, I mean, that doesn’t make what I did right but I think a speech like that would’ve woken up my conscience then.”

“No. It wouldn’t have.” I answered honestly.

He just straightened up in his seat and leaned his head on the headrest.

After a few moments of silence, “I was stupid.” He said. “You were so good to me, you made life easier, simpler, you know?”

“You’ve said that to me before.” I said.

“Did I?” He looked at me then, “I guess there were a lot of things I said, but can’t remember. I bet there are a lot of things I did too that you can tell me in full detail. I know I wasn’t paying attention to anything. To you, to Violet… I was selfish. You’re right.”

“But there are things I remember, things I never forgot.” He leaned back again and closed his eyes.

“You were wearing a green cardigan over a white shirt and jeans; you were crossing the street, the wind whipping your hair over your face. You looked so nervous you missed a step and almost fell in front of the School gates…” He opened his eyes and looked over at me. “If you fell, that would have been the first time we met.” He gave me a sad smile.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused at what he was saying.

“The freshmen orientation at School? I saw you that first day, I was in my car waiting for Mark and I saw you.”

I was speechless at his confession, trying hard to remember what I was wearing that day but I remembered that I did almost fall because that was the exact reason Max used to call me “Clumsy”. I met him that day too.

“I thought for sure I’d see you again after that but you just disappeared. I didn’t see you again until our Senior year and I sat next to you. And it was like 3 years hasn’t passed, I thought to myself I wouldn’t let you walk away from me again...”

“STOP. Just stop.” I shook my head and looked at him. “You have no right to do this to me. You can’t. Just stay away from me.” My throat threatened to close up while uttering those words.

My hands shook as I opened his car door, he was still talking but I didn’t hear any of it because of the pounding in my ears. I left his car and almost ran to the lobby, got in the elevator, sunk to my knees and finally let myself cry.

 

[sakura07]

Re: Work in progress - My first story (pls be kind) - Updated: Chapter 10

The Eleventh

I wasn’t able to eat that day, I cried and slept through the pounding in my head. You’d think I’m insane for feeling the way I was feeling but that was just it. Feelings. I couldn’t stop myself from feeling. Feeling angry, confused, frustrated and sad. So many questions were running through my head the only quiet time for me was sleep. So I did, throughout Saturday and Sunday. I texted my mom that I couldn’t make the Sunday lunch coz I had to go to work, if I’d said I was sick she would have been in my apartment in a snap.

I didn’t text my friends, I didn’t text my boyfriend. Yes, I ignored his calls and texts simply because I didn’t want to lie to him. I couldn’t explain how I was feeling without telling him I talked to Chris. So he rang and rang until my phone went dead. Best Girlfriend award goes to…

Sunday afternoon (it felt like afternoon), just when I was about to go in to another depression-coma, my doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it, but the doorbell was replaced by incessant door banging and it seemed like my door was going to come off its hinges.

I groggily got up and opened the door wearing Matt’s Tech University hoodie and shorts. When I opened the door Matt’s face looked over at me with a mixture of anger and relief.

“Where the hell is your phone?” He was breathing hard and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. He walked in my apartment whirled and paced in front of me.

“What the hell happened to you? I was freaking out, you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and when I tried to call earlier today your phone was off. And I know for a fact you NEVER let your phone battery die.” He faced me then and took my hand in his. “I was worried sick…” He took my face in his hands so I could look at him, “I was losing my mind, why would you do that? Why would you cut me off? What happened, Lexi?”

If there ever was a time when I hated myself, like really HATE myself, it was in that moment. Matt took me in his arms and held me while I cried. I was crying because of some other guy while my boyfriend was comforting me. I was a bad, bad person. I didn’t deserve Matt, but I needed him and I was selfish enough to use him to make me feel better.

Matt guided me to sit beside him on the couch, I couldn’t face him so he just sat there with his arms around me, and I had my cheek pressed against his chest. I felt him sigh, “Have you eaten anything yet?”

I shook my head. He sighed again, “I’m gonna get us some food, okay? You go take a bath.” I scrunched up my nose and sniffed my hair, “I love you, baby but you stink.” He chuckled. I wanted to cry again so I just got up before he could see my tears and went to the bathroom.

I cried another bucket of tears while showering and my eyes were as puffy as marshmallows by the time I was done. I cursed at how I looked, but felt worse when I remembered Matt was out there waiting for me. I still had no idea what I was going to do but I knew what he deserved – the truth. I still can’t believe I was going to break his heart with my confession but it was the right thing, it may be the worst decision I was going to make but I knew it had to be done.

I walked outside and saw him preparing lunch and I just about broke down right then but I tried to compose myself. I walked over to him and tried to help but he stopped me, just asked me to sit and eat. We ate our lunch in silence but I felt him looking at me, I didn’t taste the food and had a hard time swallowing, it was like I had something lodged in my throat restricting my air supply.

When I couldn’t take anymore, I just took my plate and put it in the sink. Matt didn’t try to stop me. He just did the same and we washed the dishes in silence. When we were done Matt turned his back on me started to walk away but stopped, “Are you breaking up with me?” he finally asked.

I walked over to him and hugged him from behind, “No, God no. I love you so much.”

He turned and faced me hugging me back. “Then what’s going on, Lexi? I don’t understand. You have to tell me, this silence is killing me.” He was shaking.

“I’m… I’m just afraid when I tell you, you’ll want to leave me, and you’d want to break up with me.” I felt him tense and he pushed me back so he could look at my face while gripping my shoulders.

“Please be honest with me, Lexi. I need you to tell me the truth – did you cheat on me?”

I couldn’t stop myself then I cried while shaking my head, I didn’t cheat on him physically but the way I reacted to Chris made me realize I was cheating on Matt emotionally. I wasn’t completely his, not yet, but a big part of me hates that fact. It was like I couldn’t help it. Part of me still loves Chris.

“Then what’s going on? You know I’ll listen to you. I always have.” He pleads.

I took his hand and gathered up enough courage to tell him what happened. I couldn’t look into his eyes so as we sat in the couch I hugged him and rested my cheek against his chest.

“I saw Chris yesterday morning.” I started. “I got some food from the mall, he saw me walking and he gave me a ride home.” I felt him tense. “We talked, he asked about you, it was small talk, but then he sort of said some things that I didn’t think he’d say.”

“Like what?” He asked.

“That he wasn’t married, that he didn’t have any kids. I was surprised but honestly, it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t feel happiness or hope with the news, I just felt confused. Then he started talking about the first time he saw me, and I knew what he was trying to do. I knew he was trying to win me back, to make me hope again that there’s a future for us. He always does that.”

“What did you do?”

“I told him to stop, that he didn’t have any right to tell me that story now. So I left. And here I am.” He tightened his hold on me.

“And?” He asked.

“And nothing. I just got into the elevator and I broke down and cried. And I haven’t stopped crying since.” I think just to prove a point my tear ducts started working again.
“To tell you the truth I was expecting much worse news than this.” He said.

“But, I’m confused Matt. That’s what’s killing me, the fact that part of me came alive again - that part that was still holding on to memories of Chris and me. And I’m pretty sure that part’s still in love with him somehow.” It was obvious he was trying hard not to react to my words, but I had to do it.

“I cried because it felt unfair, that he would confess that he was looking for me the whole time since the first day he saw me. It was unfair because that freshman year he met Violet and it was so unfair because that could have been me. That should have been me.” I confessed.

He loosened his grip on me and stood, I missed his warmth right away. I felt him trying to resolve it in his head, if he was still willing to be with a nutcase like me. He was trying to decide if I was worth it, and I honestly did not think I was. I love him, but I would not be selfish enough to trick him into being in a relationship with me. It would be unfair to me, and I will not do to him what Chris did to me. No matter how hard it is.

“You’re putting me in a very tough spot, Lexi.” He kneeled in front of me and took my hands. “Are you saying you still love him?” I said I wouldn’t lie so I just nodded, his hands tightened on mine, “Do you love me?” He asked, I nodded again and said “So much.”

“More than him?” His eyes were brimming with tears, but I wasn’t going to lie. I didn’t know, I wasn’t sure so I didn’t answer and just kept my head down.

He stood up again and paced the room, and then he stopped and sat on the couch but as far from me as he could.

“I need…” He sighed, “I need some time to think about this, Lexi.”

I just nodded.

“I need to think about this, about us.” He ran his hand through his hair, “I love you but this is just… I’m not sure this is something I can accept.” I just nodded again.
He looked at me like he was expecting me to say something, but I just swore I wouldn’t be selfish. I wouldn’t keep him with me even if I’m confused as hell. I’ll let him go if he wants to, I’m not going to stop him even if it breaks my heart.

He just sat there for only a couple of minutes but to me it felt like hours, it was as if he was slowly getting the realization that I was not worth all this, that he deserved someone not half-assed into a relationship with him. Someone who would be there for him no matter what, someone who would only be his. I would be shattered if he decides to leave but I can’t ask him to stay, not after what I felt for Chris, for what I’m feeling for Chris now.

Matt finally stood put his hands in his pockets and walked to the door. “You know what hurts more than knowing that you’re still in love with him?”

I just sat there in silence, too scared to look at him.

“You just sitting there, not stopping me from leaving.” Then he opened the door and left.

 

[sakura07]

The Twelfth

Every hour following a breakup usually feels like a hundred years, it’s like every agonizing second is meant to torture and taunt you. And that was magnified twice for me because this weekend I broke up with not one, but with two guys. Probably the two guys who will ever be able to make me feel like shit for very different reasons, the one I stood up to but hurt every freaking time I thought of it, the other I broke the heart of. I felt like the shittiest person alive.

I wasn’t going to let this affect my job though; it’s the only thing I’m good at. I’m shitty at relationships but I’m good at what I do. And I wasn’t going to let Jack know about this little episode, and in hindsight I think I’m still hoping seeing Matt again in the office would help us reconcile or at least be friends - that’s if he doesn’t hate my guts.

The whole week went by and I did what I had to do, got up, went to work, I was keeping up appearances, even talking to my mom on the phone just so no one would suspect that I’m going through the worst week ever. Matt and I haven’t run into each other, probably because I left the office 30 minutes after 5pm and got there 1 hour before official time in. I didn’t even go to breaks, just remained in my cubicle and ate my lunch in silence.

It looked like everyone knew something was happening between me and Matt coz everyone kept giving me worried or pity glances. I hate it. More than being absolutely miserable about being alone, I missed Matt terribly. You know that line “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone”? Yup, totally true. But like I said, I was really, really dumb and I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, and Matt, he didn’t deserve to be hurt.

And so it was the weekend again, I skipped Sunday lunch and my mom was getting worried, but I told her I just really was not up to it. I didn’t want to lie to my mother anymore so I told her a bit of what was going on. She told me to call her everyday so we can talk, but she’ll give me the space I need to process this alone. Along with the Sunday lunch I also skipped a family gathering last Saturday, Jack’s youngest baby girl just had her 2nd birthday, I didn’t attend. Partly because I was a drag, and I couldn’t stand to see happy faces and act like I was happy too. It took too much out of me.

I made the stupid mistake of lying to Jack that I wasn’t feeling well, naturally, Sunday night came and he was right outside my door.

“I brought Alice’s soup.” He greeted me from the door, “which I don’t think you need.” He tilted and looked me over. I was wearing Matt’s sweatshirt – again.

“I’m sorry.” I just blurted out. Thankfully, I didn’t cry this time – my tear ducts finally gave up.

“Yeah…” He just said, while sitting on the couch. The couch where Matt and I sat just the week before. Was that really just last week? Damn it felt like a lifetime ago. “Before we talk, you might want to take a shower, you stink Lexi.”

The collateral damage to my breakup is my hygiene. I sniffed my hair and yes, I do smell, like a lot. “Okay.” I just murmured and walked away.

When I was semi-decent to face my boss, I walked to the couch and sat on the chair opposite to Jack. I sat Indian style putting a throw pillow on my lap.

Jack was having coffee, which I don’t know where he got from. Probably brought it with him coz I sure as hell haven’t bought any. I exhaled loudly ready to tell Jack what happened and explain my absence but he spoke first.

“I came here not just because you told me you were sick. I came over to check how you are; I know something probably happened between you and Matt.” I couldn’t think how he would know coz I haven’t told anyone, not even my best friends. But then he looked at me with pity and I knew, but I was afraid to ask.

“What… what did he say?” I was rubbing my hands together from the nervousness.

“He didn’t say anything, about you or whatever’s going on between you two.”

“Then, how did you know?” Oh this is not good.

“Brian spoke with me this morning; he’s assigning Matt to another project.” If I wasn’t securely seated, I would’ve fallen off my chair.

I sprung up and tried to get my phone, but Jack stopped me, “Just settle down for a bit…”

I sat back down.

He started again “I don’t know what happened between you two, I don’t want to you to think I’m sticking my nose in your business but you’re like a sister to me.” I almost broke down again.

“Matt, he hasn’t been in the best shape that much was obvious. He was plugged day in and well over office hours, Brian told me he hasn’t been taking breaks that much. He just said he really wants to finish the project.”

He was blurry now; I couldn’t see him through the tears spilling down my cheeks.

“He finished his project one week before the deadline, and then he told Brian he wants to be assigned somewhere else. Brian never asked about Matt’s reasons, he just knew he deserved the change if that was what he wanted. He was able to program everything for that project in a week, Lexi. That’s big Brian says. He’s a genius.”

That’s something we have in common, I thought. He functions better when he’s got a goal, and right now his goal is to get away from me as fast as he possibly can and that hurt.

“I didn’t tell you this to make you feel like shit. I told you this because if you need to do something about it, do it now.” He looked straight at me.

I just kept crying.

“Stop crying.” He shook his head.

I tried to stop and just looked at him.

“You’re a grown woman, Lexi. If you want something, you go get it. What good does this do to you? How does crying help? I bet a thousand bucks you’ve been bawling since last week. You’re wasting precious time sitting here feeling sorry for yourself.”

He looks straight at me again, “Do something.”

With that he gets up and walks to the door, he turns around when he opened the door, “You can still fix this.”

After he left I wallowed in sorrow some more, hey, I can’t help it. Then after I mustered up some courage, I made some phone calls got the number I needed and called up the person I didn’t think I’d call again. He answered after the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.” I said simply.

“Lexi?” Chris said.

“Yes. Can we talk?” I asked

“Sure. Where do you want to meet?”

“Let’s meet at Amma’s house in an hour?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there… It’s so good to hear from you.” He sighed.

“I’ll see you.”


Still working on Chapter 13.

 

[sakura07]

The Thirteenth
I was walking up to the house when I heard my name being called, I turned and I saw him jogging up to the path leading to Amma’s house. He was smiling. I clutched the diary to my chest; and just gave a small wave when he caught up with me.

I walked to the side where the patio was, this was where I imagined we’d have our first kiss. It was a garden my Amma took care of until she died. The big tree still had the tire swing my dad made for me. I sat on the patio steps and Chris followed suit.

“What do you have there?” He asked.

I had the sudden feeling of nervousness, I didn’t think this far ahead to tell you the truth. I just knew I needed to talk to Chris, if just this one last time or maybe to start another relationship with him, I’m still not sure.

I looked at the diary, “It’s a diary I kept from College.” Then I looked at him, “the diary I said everything to. Everything I didn’t tell you.”

The shock registered on his face. “Really?”

“From the first time I saw you, all the dates, our conversations, our first time, it’s all here.” I tapped the tattered covers of the diary.

He looked like he wanted to run far away from me and the damn book. I almost laughed.

“You… kept that all this time?”

“I left it here in Amma’s house; I left this here years ago and only gotten it back recently.”

“Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to read it?” He gulped. Literally gulped.

“No. But I wanted you to know that I have it. That I remember, and that if I fail to remember on my own, this book will tell me what I didn’t want myself to forget.”

He turned to me then, “Why would you want to relive that? I mean, things change sweetie. I’ve changed.” He took my hand.

“Memories are all we’ll ever have; I don’t want to forget the bad just because I got hurt. It reminds me there’s a reason why we’re not together anymore, I can feel that whenever I see you - the reason why my heart says ‘no’ but my brain is too full to keep everything. This diary helps me remember, the good with the bad. There’s a lot of good in here too if you want to believe it.” I smiled at him.

He gave a sigh of relief, “So, what did you want to talk about, Sweetheart?”

I put the diary on my lap and tapped my fingers on the covers. “What do you remember about me?” I looked over at him.

“I remember that first day, but of course I already told you that.” He looked down and seemed nervous to answer. “To tell you the truth, I remember our last conversation, the one we had three years ago. When you finally broke up with me.” Then he looked at me. I was surprised he chose that memory that he chose to give me a really bad memory instead of a good one. If he wants to be with me, this memory was not the one he should want me to remember.

“I remember you weren’t crying then, but all the times you tried to break up with me you were. You tried so many times, and I didn’t let you go. I wanted so bad to be with you, I didn’t care how it made you look. I knew I made you happy somehow because you didn’t go through with it every time you tried. But that day I realized that it was for real, you really had it with me. You were really done.” I just looked at the diary on my lap, I can feel the truth in his words, probably wasn’t far from what I wrote in the diary.

“You told me you couldn’t do it anymore, that you need to move on. I didn’t stop you. Know why?”

I just shook my head.

“You looked at me and you didn’t look sad, you just looked… tired.” He sighed, “You always looked happy, I thought to myself – ‘I did that’, I made you happy. But that day you just looked exhausted. Like being with me and spending time with me is draining you, I felt like I sucked the happiness out of you.”

I didn’t speak coz I felt like speaking while he was opening up to me would ruin the moment. Part of me didn’t want to hear him anymore, but I knew I needed to hear this. If I wanted a clean slate, I needed to suck it up and just listen to everything.

“You looked like a different person to me, and I felt like I needed to make the choice, if only for once, I needed to think about you and not just myself. You were right, I was very selfish. I wanted you and I wanted Violet. I couldn’t let either of you go.” Then he gave a sad laugh, “Then I lost you both.”

“What do you mean?” I didn’t know what happened after I left because I totally cut him off, even leaving Amma’s house and going back to my parents’ place.
“After you left, about a week went by and Violet and I started having fights, really big ones.” He rubbed his hands together. “She said I changed.”

“We broke up the week after.” He confessed.

“Then I started asking about you. I went here to your Amma’s house a couple of times in the hopes of seeing you and hopefully talking to you. But you never came. I tried calling your phone but you changed it. I even called Max that one time, biggest mistake – ever.” He chuckled.

I didn’t know this story. I didn’t know that while I was wallowing in my own grief over our relationship, he was looking for me. Add that to my “what-might-have-been” list.
“Max was furious when I asked about you, gave me the full speech, wanted to knock my head over. He was right though, I didn’t deserve you. I needed to accept the fact that it wasn’t me that you needed at the time. And that if you and I really were meant to be together, we will be, someday.” Then he looked at me.

“Now, here we are. I’m finally realizing that timing is everything.”

He was right, timing was everything. Here we are, at the exact same spot I wished we could have been years before. The place where he could’ve met Amma before she died. The words he spoke seemed sincere, but he forgot one other thing.

“What about Matt?” I asked.

“What about him?” He countered

“Don’t you think the timing is still off when Matt is in the picture?” I haven’t told him Matt and I have broken up, he never even thought of him while we talked about us and the possibility of starting over.

He held both of my hands, “There’s only just you and I, sweets – always have been. I know you would never have talked to me like this if he was still in the picture. I know it would be hard, but if you still feel for me like I feel for you then being together is what we are meant to be.”

Suddenly all the warmth from his hands turned ice cold, my fluttering heart stopped it’s frantic dance and slowed. Everything seemed crisp and clear.

“Are you asking me to break up with him?” I asked.

He looked confused, “I thought you wanted to be together? I’m sure you don’t want to cheat on him, right? He seems like a nice guy.”

With those words I found clarity. Maybe it was because I got older and with that came a sense of maturity, maybe because I was still in love with Matt that I didn’t like the thought of replacing him that quickly, or maybe, just maybe Chris was the most selfish person I’ve ever met.

That was a really close call, but I was thankful that clarity came the moment it did. Chris was and always will be a crucial part of my life. He was my first – in a lot of things, but most importantly, he was my first heartbreak. Like life shattering heartbreak. For if not for his actions and the things that he did, I would never have appreciated myself and other people who really love me.

After he said that I just sat there and smiled. Like a really big smile. We talked some more, our relationship no longer the topic but about other things, I wanted to make conversation – to at least be a friend to him. Finally he said: “Why are we really here, Sweets?”

I sighed, “This was something I needed to do, Chris. I needed closure.”

He was taken aback, “I thought we were talking about us? About being together? I swear I’ve changed, Sweetie.”

I looked at him and held his hand, “I know. But so have I.”

I stood and sighed. When he stood up as well, he just looked at me.

I knew it was the right time to do this, “I want you to have this.” I gave him the diary.

He took it and just stood there, not sure what to say or to do with it.

“They say you can never forget your first love, that much I’m pretty sure is true. I will never forget you. I may forget the memories, all the details may be lost with old age, but the feelings will always be there. And I’ll always remember loving you the way I did. I’ll always remember what I felt then and especially what I’m feeling now. I have what I need now Chris. I can finally let you go.”

He still looked confused.

“Do with it what you want. It’s yours. That’s always only been about you anyway.” I smiled at him.

“I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.” He honestly said.

“You don’t need to say anything.” I sighed then I hugged him, “I won’t ever forget you. I will always love you, and I only wish you happiness. Thank you.”

He hugged me back tightly, he drew back and kissed my forehead and walked away.


CHRIS

When I saw her tonight, my thumped against my ribs, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy; so excited to finally hold her in my arms again. I ran the pathway leading to her and she gave me a short wave. She looked as lovely as the first time I saw her. She still took my breath away.

When she told me about the diary, I felt scared. She had written everything about us. She has a written proof of my callous ways, the way I treated her, all the ways I pushed her away, and all the ways I threw away the best thing I’ve ever had.

But seeing her hold on to the diary as tightly as she did, when she explained to me about memories and how holding onto them was a good thing, I realized how good she really is. How pure she loved and ultimately how undeserving I was of someone like her. She was everything that’s good in my life, and in hers I became nothing but poison.

I leaned my head back on the headrest of my car, trying to force my words back down, trying hard not to go back out there and convince her to take me back. I just sat there and looked back on the old notebook on my lap. I sighed and opened the last tear-stained page and started reading.

August 5, 2003

Dear Chris,

I am writing you this letter so aptly on the last page of this notebook, like it’s fated. Well, ill-fated since we’re finally going our separate ways. You broke my heart again tonight; you made me believe we could be together. You were so attentive these past few weeks; I was so happy and I thought that this was it. I wasn’t a doormat anymore, that I was the only girl in your life. But this was the worst thing you’ve done to me yet. You made me believe you and Violet were already over, but you lied to me. I’m still your stand-in girlfriend, just someone you hang out with whenever she’s not around. That hurt like a mother.

I hate you.

I’ve never, ever lied to you. I took everything, every little bit of bullshit you gave me. But this was just heartless. You are so heartless to toy with my emotions like that.
She doesn’t even know I exist does she? You lie to her too, and I’m a fucking idiot coz I help you do it. I help you cheat on her all the time.

This is goodbye Chris. This is the last day I will ever think about you. The last day I will ever mention your name. When we meet again I will be with someone who deserves me, the one who can give me the time, effort and love you never gave.

Although I don’t feel this yet right now because I’m still hurting, I know will never ever forget you. I will also probably never regret having met you because I will learn from this. I will survive this and learn what not to look for in someone to love, you taught me that and maybe not right now but I will be grateful – someday.

You broke my heart for the nth time and we fought like we never had before. But you never even remembered.

It’s my birthday today, and my gift for myself is my freedom.

 

[sakura07]

The Fourteenth

Two weeks came and went but I was still struggling to survive without Matt. Distance does wonders to people, and the only thing I regret most about what happened is losing him. Hurting Matt was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done – and I’ve done a lot of stupid shit so that was saying something.

I still pulled through though, I still went to work, did what I had to do. Had Sunday lunches with my family, had night outs with my friends which sometimes end up with me being a sob-faced mess. I haven’t spoken to Chris yet, but it’s like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, talking to him that one last time was a good thing. I’m finally over him; it’s just a shame that I lost Matt in the process.

It’s a Friday and there’s a General Assembly for all employees in the Company’s AV room, I was arranging the area making sure the projectors were working when people started pouring in. Fate’s a bitch, a heartless, crazy, fucked-up bitch, because after two weeks of not seeing him he was just suddenly there. Matt was walking inside the room and his breath catches when he sees me.

I don’t know what to do so I just stood there, until Jack drags me by the arm and asks me to sit near the front so I can write down the stuff to be discussed. How in the fuck can I concentrate now?

Brian and Matt walk up to the front and Jack gives a speech on the project they have just completed. There’s some clapping, but I barely hear them. I just sat there looking at Matt who was obviously looking at everyone but me. I gave up and just tried hard to concentrate on what I was writing down. I should’ve brought my recorder, I’m gonna miss a whole lot of shit in the state that I’m in.

It was the most agonizing 2-hours of my life. Matt was manning the computer, showing what Brian was discussing about the program. It was also a hell of a program. This was Matt’s work, what Matt had been working on when we broke up. After the final words everyone started clapping and they said that there will be a separate tutorial for everyone that needed to learn the new program.

Then Brian broke the news that broke my pretenses.

“Matt really worked hard on this program; he’s one of our best programmers. So it’s with a heavy heart that I announce his resignation from the Company.”

What?

Brian looked at me with a sad smile. Shit, I just spoke out loud again.

“Matt had just been hired to be one of the consultants of an IT firm in Europe. He will be going to London by the end of the month.”

I had to breathe deep in and out to stop the tears from spilling, and I knew I had to leave that room before I made an ass of myself.

“Okay, congratulations Matt! Best of luck!” Jack said. “Alright, two hours already went by so if everyone can just go back to your workstations, that would be great. We’ll just announce the training schedules to everyone.” Jack tried to get them all out of there before I lost my shit.

I waited for people to walk out and picked up my stuff and tried to leave. Jack stood in front of me, “Calm down, Lexi. Okay? Breathe.” I just nodded while the tears flowed down my cheeks. “I swear I didn’t know, okay? I didn’t know he was announcing it today. I just didn’t want you to get hurt again.”

I just nodded and wiped the tears with my hand, tried to smile, “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

I looked over at Matt, “Congratulations.” I gave a small wave and walked out the door.

Matt looked like he wanted to go to me, but he stopped himself.

I deserve that.

Jack asked me to file the documents in his room, and I was thankful again to him for saving me from the prying eyes of my officemates. They were giving me pity glances and I just wanted to gouge their eyes out.

I didn’t realize it was around 6pm but Jack tapped me on the shoulder and told me to go home already. I nodded and walked out. I went to the restroom to check how I looked like, and I looked like I was run over by a raging zamboni.

I was looking in my bag to check my phone when the elevator doors opened. And like I said, fate’s a bitch. Matt stood there holding his phone.

And I did the dumbest thing (yes this is the dumbest of the dumbest), “I’ll take the next one.” I said voice shaking coz I really wanted to cry again.

The doors were about to close when he stopped it with his hand, “Just get in.”

I did.

After a while he sighed, “Have you checked your phone?”

I remembered and rummaged through my bag and found it. It had 8 missed calls, all from Matt.

I just looked at him, “Why did you call?”

“I just wanted to apologize, I told Brian to announce that today. I had to see how you reacted to it.”

I was still staring at him with my mouth slightly open, “You wanted me to cry?”

“No. I didn’t think you would. I thought you might have gotten back together with Chris by now. I just wanted you to know I’m moving on. It was stupid.” He confessed.
I just nodded; I understood why he would feel like that.

We were quiet the whole ride down, he didn’t talk to me again. And in the silence I thought this was my last chance and I’m letting it slip away. He still wanted to talk to me, he did that to get back at me, he wanted me to hurt which means he still felt something for me, even if it was anger, he still feels something, then he apologized even if I deserved it – which meant to some degree he still cared. Or he was just that nice. In any case, I’m still quiet; I haven’t said another word and this maybe the last time I talk to him. Talk, dammit. Do something.

The elevator dinged and we’re already at the lobby.

I began to panic as he was leaving the elevator. I took his hand and pulled him back in; he almost fell from the force. He regained his balance and looked at me, “What the…”

I pushed the 24th floor and closed the doors.

 

[sakura07]

The Fifteenth

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I just… I need to talk to you. Is that okay?” I looked down at my shoes.

After a few seconds, “Well, you didn’t really give me a choice.”

“Oh.” And I walked over to press another floor so he could go down, but he stopped my hand.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t talk to you, I just said you didn’t give me a chance to say yes.” There was humor in his voice. I took a chance and looked up to him; he gave me a tentative smile.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand back and grabbed on the railing behind me. Keeping my distance. He did the same.

“Where are we going exactly?” He said while crossing his arms on his chest.

“Just some place to talk.”

I have a lot of work perks being the boss’ assistant, one of those is access to restricted areas. ‘Restricted’ sounds ominous, but it isn’t, it’s awesome.

We made it to the top floor and I had to fish out the keys from my bag, I made sure Matt was following me when we made it to the door to the roof deck. I opened it and had to take careful steps to be able to climb the steep stairs; he said nothing and just followed me up. When I pushed the door open we stepped inside the roof deck – the only place Jack goes when he’s stressed. The thing with a boss like him it’s he’s got really quirky hobbies and weird ways in relieving stress. Some people golf, bowl, race, not Jack. He's into BONSAI - yup, he trims and twists that shit. Really good at it too. And the roof deck became his bonsai garden, the owner of the building is a good friend of his so he built himself a greenhouse on top of it.

“Wow” Matt breathed.

“Yeah, Jack’s crazy that way.”

“This is amazing.” Matt kept saying while checking out Jack’s plants.

“Most of these he bought, some are gifts from friends, and I’ve given him two.” I touched the leaves while passing through. I needed to sit down.

I sat on the patio chair and looked at Matt while he checked out the plants.

He looked over at me then, walked over and sat on the chair opposite mine. “So, what do we need to talk about?”

I looked away and closed my eyes. “I… I don’t know where to start.”

He didn’t respond so I looked at him, “Well, don’t look at me. I’m not the one who asked to come here. You wanted to talk to me, so talk.” He crossed his arms over his chest and sat back, looking smug.

Oh my God, he was going to make me work for it. I breathed a gulp of air and started, “I know you’re leaving. I’m not going to ask you to stay. I know I’ve done really stupid shit to you. I deserve what you did back there. It was a slap in the face, but I know I deserved it.”

I continued, looking down at my hands, “I didn’t get back together with Chris, although we did talk after you and I broke up. I didn’t feel for him anymore, not the way I feel about you. I realized my mistake, but I know I realized it too late. I didn’t think you’d still want to be with me so I didn’t call, or text. I felt like I let you down and you were…” I pushed the tears back down, “you were so good to me. You’re the sweetest person I’ve met. I love you. I loved you then but I was stupid to think what I still felt for Chris was anything other than just residual feelings. You were there and I pushed you away because of a memory. And I’m fucking stupid for letting you go…”

Then I heard a chuckle. I looked up and he was smiling, big time.

“Is this funny to you? I open up and then you laugh at me…”

He took my hands and looked at me, “You cussed.” He smirked.

I wrinkled my nose, “I did, didn’t I?”

“Yup.” He smiled.

“You distracted me; I still need to say a few things.”

“No you don’t. I get the gist…” He counted it off on his fingers,
“1. You’re stupid for thinking that Chris dude was better than me”,
“2. You’re sorry.”
“3. You love me”
“4. Your life sucks without me”
“5. I’m the best thing that ever happened to you” …

I shook my head and did the same, “6. You’re a dick.”

He continued, “7. I’m the dick who you’re crazy over. When I was gone you had no sleep, no appetite, no hygiene…” He wrinkled his nose.

I slapped his arm, “Jerk”

He laughed, and then he took my hands again; flipping it over and over. “But seriously, Lexi. I can’t take shit like that, you can’t just cry over some guy while I’m there. You need to choose. Right now.”

I shook my head and put my hands on his face, “There’s no choice to be made. It’s just you.” I put my lips on his to shut him up. He was shocked but then he kissed me back, fiercely. Putting his hands on my waist. I felt his lips move against mine and it nothing like our first kiss. I put all my emotions in that kiss; I wanted him to know it’s just him. No one else for me. It felt like we were kissing for hours, but it was only minutes. We got so into it I didn’t realize I was straddling him, when I felt him, you know, down there.

I pulled back but giving small kisses on his lips. I put my forehead against his, “We need to stop, and we’re giving the plants one helluva show”

He laughed and kissed me again. “I really don’t care about the plants right now. But we’ll stop if you want to.”

Might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I nodded. I just thought Jack wouldn’t want his garden violated. I still had to be the responsible one, in times like this. Damn.
I scooted a bit from his legs and his hands went to the side of my hips, slowly massaging them. Shit, he’s killing me. I held his hands, “You have to stop doing that.” I sighed.

He smirked. “Why? Is this turning you on?” Then he started rubbing his hands harder.

I pressed my cheek to his and whispered “Fuck yeah”

He gave a hearty laugh and I almost died. He was gorgeous. God, I love him.

I stood up and he gave me a big, tight hug. “I love you.” He said.

“I love you too. So much” I kissed him again.

“C’mon, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and started to pull me away.

“Wait.” I pulled him back, “Does this mean, we’re together again?” I had to clarify, I’m not making the same mistakes as before.

“Yes. Only if you want to.” He held both my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine.

“Of course I do.” I smiled.

“Then yes.” He smiled back.

“So what about that announcement earlier? Was that a joke? You’re not really leaving?”

His shoulders sag, and he shook his head, “I’m sorry, I should’ve clarified that. Lexi, it’s true. I’m leaving.”





August 3, 2006

It’s been two years, two painstaking years. I didn’t think I’d make it. But thinking about us got me thought it. Thinking about you is hard, I miss you every day. I miss your laugh, your kisses, your voice, your touch. You told me once that distance changes people, but my love didn’t change. I love you like I did my first love. I haven’t told you that story yet, haven’t I? Well you’re in for a great one.

When I was seven, my aunt brought me to a children’s party at one of her college friend’s house. She said the celebrant was a girl, I was a dude so I thought it was lame, but I still went – hey, free cake, right? Anyway, I went inside this beautiful two-story house which had the feeling of home and comfort. I went to the patio with my aunt dragging me along, and then I saw her. The prettiest princess I’ve ever seen. She was wearing a pink dress and had a tiara on. That was the first time I fell in love.

I asked my mom if we could go and visit, but she said she didn’t know the girl's mom so I should just ask my aunt. My aunt moved to the States so we never got a chance to go back. Then I eventually stopped asking. But I never forgot. I never forgot her name, “Princess Alexa”, yup, the girl was you.

Don’t freak out, I didn’t stalk you or anything. I didn’t know it could be possible, that you could be her. But when you brought me to your Amma’s house for lunch that first time, I was so shocked I couldn't form straight sentences. You even asked me if I was okay because I turned pale, I was in the verge of tears but I stopped myself. Your dad was already giving me the death glare; I didn’t want him to think I was gay. I went into the house and was brought back to that time when I first met you.

See I fell in love at 7 yrs old. Then again at 26. With the same girl. With you. Always with you. So now you know who loved you first. Who loved you the longest.

And in two days I’ll see you again after two years. It’s been a long hard road for the both of us, London was especially tough without you here but I’m glad we stuck it out. And of course, Happy birthday, baby. This journal is my gift to you - among other things (wink), I'll give this to you so you’ll know I thought about you the entire time I was away, as promised. You have a whole notebook full of memories, my memories but still all about you.

And when you read this, you’ll know just how much you mean to me. How much I love you.

So here we are at the last few lines on this notebook. And here comes the moment I've been dreading since I started this. Here goes nothing...




Alexa Ramos, My princess, will you marry me?



- END -

 

[dickheyo14]

Pa BM muna ts

 

[gomugomuno]

Silent reader din po. PaBM din TS..

 

[sakura07]

Pa BM muna ts

Maraming salamat.

- - - Updated - - -

Silent reader din po. PaBM din TS..

Thanks Gomugomuno.

 

[gomugomuno]

Finish reading...Ganda Ma'am. keep on writing and sharing...

Fave part ko ( dahil parang ganito rin ang sinabi ko ke wifey noon):

"See I fell in love at 7 yrs old. Then again at 26. With the same girl. With you. Always with you. So now you know who loved you first. Who loved you the longest."